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DarkSoulsTantrum posted:I just tried this joke out on my girlfriend and received an eye roll for a response. Future AITA poster.
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Jan 29, 2020 02:06
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Beachcomber posted:This is a good joke, but I think English Professor would work better than 'clueless husband'. Adding in 'clueless' was the only thing I changed from the original joke, but I see your point. Then again, that might give the punchline away.
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Jan 29, 2020 02:43
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DarkSoulsTantrum posted:I just tried this joke out on my girlfriend and received an eye roll for a response. Jokes are like griefing, any reaction means you're doing it right.
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Jan 29, 2020 02:52
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I went to the apiary to get a dozen bees, but they gave me 13 instead. The last one was a free bee. 
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Jan 29, 2020 06:59
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How do you get bee milk? Scare it out of 'em! BOO BEE!
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Jan 29, 2020 07:40
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Bees on Wheat posted:I went to the apiary to get a dozen bees, but they gave me 13 instead. The last one was a free bee. A bee keeper's dozen.
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Jan 29, 2020 08:59
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Bees on Wheat posted:I went to the apiary to get a dozen bees, but they gave me 13 instead. The last one was a free bee.
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Jan 29, 2020 09:06
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*put your hands on the sides of your face and squeeze* then say: BUFF DWIBAH BUFF DWIBAH OHEN EH DOOH!
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Jan 29, 2020 09:14
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... Bus Dreever? You yankees and your accents.
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Jan 29, 2020 10:38
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In honor of this: Two small ones courtesy of the crude Canadian tool ogre AvE: 1. What comes after 69? mouth wash 2. Why don't people like 6.9? You prefer not to have your 69 interrupted by a period
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Jan 31, 2020 02:31
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BrianBoitano posted:In honor of this: Just LOL if you let that interrupt you.
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Jan 31, 2020 03:28
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Popped back into the thread only to see my joke referenced again. A friend of mine who's gone now told it to me, he'd be thrilled that people like it. 
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Jan 31, 2020 17:31
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Al Cu Ad Solte posted:Popped back into the thread only to see my joke referenced again. A friend of mine who's gone now told it to me, he'd be thrilled that people like it. cheers to your friend! and can i just add for his and our sake, i hope that his preferred psychopomp (if any) did not offer wish fulfillments or similar magical boons. i mean it would probably really suck to keep accidentally slapping charon in the face until he loses the oar and you both fall into the river styx st peter duckin while a giant ghostly hand windmills through the clowds and tears away the surface dirt and peasants like some kind of molyneux game
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Jan 31, 2020 22:57
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Ramaroot posted:How do you get bee milk? I always knew it as: What kind of bees produce milk? Boo-bees
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Jan 31, 2020 23:06
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Jaguars! posted:Highly situational joke: I'll use this if I ever go hiking on Dec. 31st 2019.
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Feb 4, 2020 19:57
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There wasn't even anyone in the godamn hut that night
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Feb 5, 2020 06:56
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It's funny and all to say 'pee is stored in the balls' but it's important to remember there's a vas deferens between the bladder and testicles.
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Feb 5, 2020 20:59
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BrianBoitano posted:In honor of this: 8 something
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Feb 6, 2020 02:57
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(((((777/7)/7)-7)*7)+7)
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Feb 6, 2020 02:59
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Orcs and Ostriches posted:(((((777/7)/7)-7)*7)+7) NICE!
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Feb 6, 2020 04:12
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Orcs and Ostriches posted:(((((777/7)/7)-7)*7)+7)
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Feb 11, 2020 21:39
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Guy 1: So I'm trying to be sober for the entire month of February. Guy 2: That's great! Has it been difficult? Guy 1: Not really. I've been micro-dosing every morning and that makes it easier. Guy 2: microdosing LSD? I don't thi- Guy 1: Nah, I've been watching an episode of "Dirty Jobs" before work.
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Feb 11, 2020 21:56
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MiddleInitial posted:Guy 1: So I'm trying to be sober for the entire month of February. What is supposed to be the funny part?
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Feb 16, 2020 05:00
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Micro sounds like Mike Rowe
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Feb 16, 2020 05:22
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don't puns require a second connection to the situation beyond just "sounds like the normal thing"? Does dirty jobs help people stay sober normally? Here's one I enjoy: A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint. The barkeep says "You're in here pretty often. Do you think you might be an alcoholic?" The horse replies, "I don't think I am," and vanishes from existence. See, the joke is about Descartes' famous philosophy of "I think; therefore, I am," but to explain that part before the rest of the joke would be putting Descartes before the horse
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Feb 16, 2020 06:11
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Non Serviam posted:What is supposed to be the funny part? Oh, that's our shortstop!
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Feb 16, 2020 06:41
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I saw a dwarf walking down the street wearing a white power t-shirt the other day. I said to myself “well that’s a little racist.”
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Feb 21, 2020 01:44
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AFewBricksShy posted:I saw a dwarf walking down the street wearing a white power t-shirt the other day. I said to myself “well that’s a little racist.” He was heading on down to Aryan Auto (which is a racist lot) to buy a VW.
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Feb 21, 2020 08:57
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Ok, I invented this joke in the shower, and I fleshed it out afterwards. The Fairy Godmother, knowing magically that soon it was going to be her big day, wanted to do a dry run of the whole thing. She checks her magic database and finds a poor girl named Ashes Sally who wanted to go to a different, less important ball and dance with a middling, less royal, aristocrat. Perfect, she thinks. She bibbity bobbity poofs over and lays out the whole deal. Magic dress, plastic slippers, turns a butternut squash into a carriage, feral hamsters into horses, and a passing badger into a coachman. Everything set, she waves Ashes Sally off into her magical evening, and having just expended a large amount of magic, collapses into a chair. She puts her feet up, gives a sigh of relief that all the spells worked how they were supposed and...wait. poo poo. I forgot to tell Ashes Sally about the whole Midnight thing. I've got to go find her. Magically pooped, she has no choice but to proceed over to the castle on foot and arrives panting and out of breath. Frantically, she begins her search. Is she still waiting to be announced? Nope, she must already have made her grand entrance. Is she on the dance floor? Nope, must be taking a break. Plastic slippers aren't the most comfortable. Maybe she's in the bathroom? Nope, the stalls are mostly empty and the sounds coming from the remaining stall don't bear investigating. Maybe she's over by the buffet? Nope, but the fairy godmother grabs some pretzels and surveys the room as she snacks. And that's when she spots her, standing in the punch line. Beachcomber has a new favorite as of 16:51 on Feb 22, 2020 |
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Feb 22, 2020 16:47
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Should be "waiting on the punchline", imo.
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Feb 22, 2020 18:58
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I remember a joke along those lines, only the fairy godmother was a prude and set up Cindy with a pumpkin-turned-chastity-belt. She checks up on the girl the day after, who's still in a post-coital high from the events of the previous night. "How the hell did that happen?" "Oh, you know, met a guy, had a few drinks..." "A guy? What about the Prince?" "He didn't show up. So I just hung out with his butler. Peter Peter something or another."
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Feb 23, 2020 00:22
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Where do you go to watch vegetables fight? The cauliseum.
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Feb 23, 2020 17:54
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Man goes to the doctor, says "Doctor, I've been sleeping terribly. I've had a recurring dream for the last week with ants playing soccer." Doctor says "No problem. I'll write you a prescription for a mild sedative that will help you fall asleep and sleep deeply without dreams. You can start today" Man says "Are you kidding? The playoffs start tonight"
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Mar 6, 2020 20:31
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canyoneer posted:Man goes to the doctor, says "Doctor, I've been sleeping terribly. I've had a recurring dream for the last week with ants playing soccer." very norm energy
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Mar 7, 2020 00:33
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Headline: Early CDC tests couldn't distinguish between coronavirus and water Behind the headline:  Here is your order of test kits for Corona! Thanks; they are very much needed for detecting the virus. …virus?
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Mar 20, 2020 10:19
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WarpedNaba posted:"He didn't show up. So I just hung out with his butler. Peter Peter something or another." I don't get it.
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Mar 22, 2020 08:48
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Old nursery rhyme: Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater.
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Mar 22, 2020 09:19
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Platystemon posted:Headline: Early CDC tests couldn't distinguish between coronavirus and water lol
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Mar 22, 2020 22:37
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There's a plane with 5 passengers on board: Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, the pope, and a ten year old school boy. The plane is about to crash and there are only 4 parachutes. Trump says: "I need one. I'm the smartest man in the USA and am needed to sort out the problems of the world!", takes one and jumps. Boris says: "I'm needed to sort out Britain!" He takes one and jumps. The pope says: "I need one as the world needs the Catholic Church." He takes one and jumps. Angela says to the ten year old: "You can have the last parachute. I've lived my life, yours is only just starting." The ten year old replies: "Don't worry, there are 2 parachutes left, the smartest man in the USA took my school bag." Carbon dioxide has a new favorite as of 17:46 on Mar 24, 2020 |
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Mar 24, 2020 17:42
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Carbon dioxide posted:There's a plane with 5 passengers on board: Donald Trump, Boris Johnson, Angela Merkel, the pope, and a ten year old school boy. I thought Epstien was out of business?
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Mar 24, 2020 17:54
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