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Flannel Blob
Feb 3, 2004
horah!

I am visiting my family in Florida for the holidays. I was chillin at my sister's house when we looked out back and noticed a swarm of honeybees congregating on their swingset. There are a lot of kids around, including my sister's 3 kids. They were inside at the time, fortunately.


Fuckin Bees!


A few minutes later they had calmed down. We were guessing they were disturbed from their hive and decided to come here, or something.


This is where the bees were coming from. A hole in the house behind my sister's place. We told the landlady about it and she didn't seem to care or want to be bothered that she was renting a house to people that had loving BEEES living inside it.

The neighbor called a bee removal company and they said they wouldn't come out unless we paid a hefty fee, but he did recommend waiting until dark and go buy some stuff from Home Depot and squirt them with it and that should kill them off.

Well that plan was OK except for 2 things. 1 was that my sister's husband is crazy. The 2nd thing is we didn't want to wait that long nor spend any money.

So we did the next best thing. Started loving with the bees.


My bro in law chucks a tennis ball at the clump of bees, that was the size of a basketball. He knocked off a fist sized clump of bees, which eventually just flew back up into the main clump.

That was pretty boring, so we decide to try something a little bigger....



Yeah, a 40lb trailer hitch for a Dodge Caravan.


INCOMING!


CLANG! We have bees in freefall! Did I mention he is severely allergic to bees?


RUN FORREST!


Pile O Bees


The bees dust themselves off, and resume taking over the swingset. Every single one pretty much flew back up into a ball of bee death.


At this point it was clear these little assholes weren't getting the message. Their arrival in my sister's property was an act of agression, and we weren't going to stand for it. So it was time for some redneck engineering:


Bee incinerator contraption:
- 30 feet of rope
- 1 large fire pit
- 1 science project board
- miscellaneous rags and a bedsheet
- gas


Fill 'er up! Slide the incinerator under the bees and....


IGNITION!


OH THE BEEMANITY


CARNAGE!


Amazingly some bees still survived the first wave. What should we do next?



The next ingredient is 1.5 quarts of PAINT THINNER


OH YES!!!!


12/23 NEVER FORGET


THERE WERE STILL MORE BEES ON THE SWINGSET. CALL IN REINFORCEMENTS. 2 QUARTS OF 87 OCTANE GASOLINE REPORTING FOR DUTY SIR!


OH DEAR LORD ITS SO BEAUTIFUL. I AM SO PROUD TO BE AN AMERICAN RIGHT NOW.


Tonight we are having Roast Bee


The Aftermath.


Number of allied casualties (er, stings): 0
Number of bees killed: est. 10,000
Number of bee survivors: about 25 or so



When I close my eyes, I see fire...and bees.

------------------------------
edit - Update 1:

jacert posted:

What camera did you use?

Its a Canon Digital Rebel XT and I was using a 28-135IS lens. In daylight it is easy to use a fast shutter speed to freeze the action like that.

We did call around about how to remove bees and the only advice we got was deal with it yourself unless we wanted to pay a huge premium for having them come out on a holiday weekend. Nobody said anything about getting a beekeeper. In hindsight that would be been a good idea, albeit pretty boring.

This was a chance for him and I to relive some of our childhood shenanigans. We grew up on the same street, and fire was a regular part of our lives back then.

The hole is in the rental property behind the swingset. We don't know if they did something to cause the hive to evacuate or if it was part of the hive breaking off to start anew.

There were no bees in sight at dusk. Mission Accomplished! Thanks and glad so many can appreciate what we did today. It was fun despite inhaling all the strange fumes.

Update 2:



A little more detail. Thanks for the comments guys.

Update 3:



I am just learning how to use this camera and post-process in CS2. Jesus. I had no idea I could get this kind of detail.

I feel kinda bad for the little fuckers now. Oh well, they made their fatal mistake when they went into my bro-in-law's back yard. There was no way they could coexist in a neighborhood full of kids. Like I said the beekeeper would have been an option, but not on a holiday weekend.

Flannel Blob fucked around with this message at Dec 24, 2006 around 06:01

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Large Hardon Collider
Nov 28, 2005


PARADOL EX FAN CLUB


Flannel Blob posted:

The next ingredient is 1.5 quarts of PAINT THINNER
Dear lord that is beautiful. If I had known about this I would've burnt down my house by now.

Big Big Moon
Sep 2, 2006

In other regions and restaurants it is mispronounced as General Tsao's, General Zhou's, General Tzo's, General So's, General Joe's,


Oh my God, you are what every growing child and struggling man should strive to become. Heroism, ingenuity, and selfless bravery against the bees menace at its finest

wreckosaurus
Oct 17, 2005

by Eris Is Goddess


did you get their honey or was it destroyed?

Mr. Pumroy
May 20, 2001

how i wonder what you are


Jesus Christ.

I mean... Just... gently caress man....

Jesus Christ.

Spideycloned
Aug 5, 2004

Starfleet Dental

In Dear Leader, we trust.


Did you damage the swing set at all? I'm also curious as to the lawn that was underneath the fire pit.

Dza
Feb 16, 2003



The overkill is so great. I really liked the gasoline fireball pic. Good job, man.

Left Eddie
Nov 25, 2006

by Fistgrrl


Aw man, I LOL'd. 5ing this thread. You really hosed those bees up, didn't you? What are you gonna do about the fuckers that live in the hole in your house though?

Got2BtheCupcake
Nov 3, 2006
Think about it @#$%face, it's a cupcake!

You know, water works pretty well against the onslaught of bees too. Pretty sweet pics though.

Loveline
Dec 30, 2005



I'll see you in the Darwin awards soon, bub.

Kronikle
Jan 31, 2005

ScatCake

Well that's one way to solve your bee problem...

The Vincester
Jul 6, 2004


Flannel Blob posted:


Bee genocide.


Your neighbors must have thought you were out of your loving mind.

edit: what the gently caress is genecide?

The Vincester fucked around with this message at Dec 24, 2006 around 05:02

Buzkashi
Feb 4, 2003


Are you out of your loving mind?

I mean, I love it, but really!

Edit: Wow, beaten on the exact phrasing, too.

Buzkashi fucked around with this message at Dec 24, 2006 around 02:14

Big Big Moon
Sep 2, 2006

In other regions and restaurants it is mispronounced as General Tsao's, General Zhou's, General Tzo's, General So's, General Joe's,


Got2BtheCupcake posted:

You know, water works pretty well against the onslaught of bees too. Pretty sweet pics though.

Some say the world will end in fire,
Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of torching the ever-living heebie jeebies out of bees
I hold with those who favor fire.

Big Big Moon fucked around with this message at Dec 24, 2006 around 02:15

Cacodad
Feb 17, 2006



You are loving insane and I love you please marry me.

ArchDemon
Jan 2, 2004

People with emotional and trust issues
really piss me off.



I love these man versus nature thread. Way to use fire to your advantage!

Got2BtheCupcake
Nov 3, 2006
Think about it @#$%face, it's a cupcake!

The Vincester posted:

Your neighbors must have thought you were out of your loving mind.

I once had a neighbor with severe mental problems. He would do the same drat thing with ant hills, and gopher holes. There was pretty much always the stench of burnt death in his backyard.

variegated
Mar 17, 2006
pretty princess

...and here I am cowering like a bastard with my can of Raid when it comes to killing bees. You are a god among men.

edit: you killed the swings! look at that melted plastic.

Ehud
Sep 19, 2003

i hate football


Flannel Blob posted:


CLANG! We have bees in freefall! Did I mention he is severely allergic to bees?

This is one of the funniest pictures I've seen in a long time. This post was hilarious.

edit: actually, the pic after that one is pretty funny too. Voted 5.

PlacidPanic
Dec 8, 2006
BEEP BOOP MURDER IS JUSTIFIED BECAUSE ALL PEOPLE ARE GOOD INSIDE AND I'M A FUCKING IDIOT

loving amazing dude. Internet applause.

KillerChicken
May 22, 2005

a nest of tragedy

As much as I like bees, I really love fire.

jamcadbury
Nov 12, 2004
South Side Mexican

Those pictures are loving amazing. Holy poo poo.

LongHairedHippy
Dec 18, 2006


"OH THE BEEMANITY"

classic.

SublethalOlive
Jun 23, 2006


Holy poo poo, that was awsome. Nice pictures by the way.

Father Wendigo
Sep 28, 2005
This is, sadly, more important to me than bettering myself.

The Vincester posted:

Your neighbors must have thought you were out of your loving mind.

Flannel Blob posted:

I am visiting my family in Florida for the holidays...

Or they thought it was Tuesday...

Also, it's Genocide.

Chicago Death Rate
Jul 23, 2001


Those are probably the best pictures I've ever seen in my 6 years on this here forum. Especially the fireball.

Mr. Pumroy
May 20, 2001

how i wonder what you are


Spideycloned posted:

Did you damage the swing set at all? I'm also curious as to the lawn that was underneath the fire pit.

The entire yard is made of plastic. The only damage is the sticky mylar film now coating the lungs of everyone on the block.

justanact
Mar 8, 2006

Brother gone north, please come home to stay. Brother gone north, make this a holiday.

Looks like you charred the swingset just a wee bit there.

Also, you are one talented photographer!

antihero
Oct 11, 2004



Oh man that mushroom cloud is priceless!

I know now that I will be able to sleep well tonight knowing people like you are out there to protect us all.

Lobster Harmonica
Jul 15, 2005



I wasn't expecting it to turn so unbelievably epic, Jesus Christ.

That's the way to do it!!

antila
Feb 5, 2005
MY HEAD A SPLODE

I love it!
Normally, the bee-threads are always "oh god, how did this get here i'm not good with bees". It's nice to see someone take action against the drat bees!

Hagborn
Mar 30, 2004
Ich esse Scheiße


Flannel Blob posted:

2 QUARTS OF 87 OCTANE GASOLINE REPORTING FOR DUTY SIR!


This is the part where I burst into laughter.

wise old hitachi
Apr 11, 2006

by I Ozma Myself


Ahahahahahahaha jesus christ.

You sure did burn them bees

Labinnah
Jan 12, 2004



gently caress, you shoulda wrapped that wad-o-bees in a banana leaf for use as an improv grenade. Waitago killing your best would-be allies.


Edit: Atleast you took em out in style

Labinnah fucked around with this message at Dec 24, 2006 around 02:21

Soviet
Jul 17, 2003

stick it in me

holy poo poo great pictures, I loving hate bees

TOMSOVERBAGHDAD
Dec 26, 2004

HA HA HITLERS EATING WATERMELON ISNT THAT FUNNY



This is perhaps the best example of human ingenuity I've seen in the last five years.

Hail to you, oh king of extermination!

Buzkashi
Feb 4, 2003


What kind of camera was used for this? The motion in these pictures is absolutely spotless. And I'd like to say how much I love that in many of these pictures, the unifying theme is "brother in law running like hell in the background".

FizFashizzle
Mar 30, 2005


I believe that everyone needs to breed with your family exclusively.

We must make sure your awesomeness doesn't die.

Slo-Tek
Jun 8, 2001



Excellent, evocative imagery.

I felt like I was there, thinking "dumb bastard is gonna blow his hands off, I must watch"

Also, not a bee person, but isn't a bee swarm worth money to a bee-keeper? Like you call them and say "come get these bees" and they will do their bee thing and they will pay for them?

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A CRUNK BIRD
Sep 29, 2004


everyone knows that you are fucked up.
and everyone knows that i am fucked up.
but does everyone know that you are more fucked up than me


Those pictures are hysterical, thanks

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