|
My first proper go at the SA forums so I thought I'd give you guys a copy of the emails I sent to BMW one day while bored at work, I am a geek and do this sortof thing a lot sadly. Its a bit long as you shall see, and my spelling and grammar consistantly suck: From: Me Sent: 25 October 2005 16:05 To: xxx@bmw.co.uk Subject: My New Car Dear BMW, I come to you in not just my hour of need, but also the hour of need of my local town, Fareham. Fareham is a mid size town that recently has been taken over with crime. police were unable (or possibly unwilling?) to stop the crimes that happened here and so the city started to fall into a dark slump. From out of the ashes of Farehams wasted youth came a hero, one man who would stand for justice, who would not stop until the wrongs of the world had been set right, and who wanted to get some pretty hot women. That mans name was "Awesomeness Man", that man is me. "Your a friggin Super Hero Dan, why would you need our help?" you may be asking, well the problem is this. I don't have a car at the moment, and I don't know if you've ever tried saving a town using nothing but public transport, but let me tell you, its slow (some times not even arriving), boring, vulnerable and not really "striking fear into the heart of evil". To this end I ask you, BMW, to "hook a brother up" here and sort me out a nice car. Now this may seem a small task to you (its just one car right), however I must put a burden on you to add some things to the car (unfortunately I can't currently provide them myself due to cash flow issues), these will be imperative to both my safety and setting the right image (one of fear into the heart of my enemies), thus please let me know if you can do me the following: A big boot to keep my super gear in. a LARGE net that can be shot at villains deployable surface to surface/air missiles deployable caltrops/ nails Can holders. reclinable (leather?) seats. electric, bulletproof, missile proof, windows. A grappling hook Alloy wheels Machine gun mountings on the side 12 months insurance 12 months road tax Puncture proof tyres. Ok now I don't care about the model type but the car could really do with being jet black with a metallic paint job and possibly some sort of logo on the side for me. Well let me know what you can work out on this and once I get a mysterious yet rich benefactor I can sort you guys out nicely. thanks for now Dan / Awesomeness Man Email From BMW Dear Awesomeness Man, Thank you for your email dated October 25, 2005 with regards to your fight against the spread of evil. We can confirm that BMW now offer a range of crime busting vehicles which can be purchased on finance agreements that even a Super Hero with modest resources and benefactors would be able to afford. We would suggest that it would be worthwhile to discuss this in greater detail with a Sales Vigilante at your local Approved BMW Dealership. From our records we believe this to be Snows of Portsmouth who are available via telephone number: In respect of the requirements you refer to for your BMW we are pleased to be able to confirm that our cars are now predominentley supplied with runflat tyres fitted to them, which whilst not being puncture proof, are able to be driven on in the event of a puncture until safety can be reached. We also offer a range of high security options and vehicles to help ensure that your missions can be successfully completed, further information on this is available through our dedicated website (https://www.bmw-ids.com). You may be interested to learn that one of our Touring models has enough boot space for an entire gang of captured villians to be transported about in and alloy wheels, cup holders and leather seats are commonly available across the BMW range. We hope that this information has been of some assistance to you and that you are successful in your continuing fight against crime. Kind regards Steven Woolhouse Customer Service Executive BMW UK Telephone: 0870 5050160 Fax: 0870 5050205 Email Back To BMW -----Original Message----- From: Me Sent: 28 October 2005 10:22 To: xxx@xxx.com Subject: FAO Steven Woolhouse Re: My New Car Steven, by Zeus's beard that is a most generous offer and I thank you for it. Though I may be a hero to the people of Fareham it is on this, one of my darkest days that I realise YOU, BMW, are infact heroes to me. I will indeed look at contacting Snows of Portsmouth however I ask you make them aware of my needs first, as this is a confidential matter and I would like them to convey this in their demeanour. I have given this some thought, and whilst purched atop a tall building last night over looking the town looking absolutely heroic I decided that not only can you help me by supplying me with a vehicle of heroic preportions, you can also help me in another way. Have you ever conidered Another career choice by night Steven ? No not one of THOSE night jobs.. I mean have you ever considered being a side kick. Side kicks to heroes have their own insurance program, union and also special dentist programs. Aside from the obvious merits of saving peoples lives you get the option of living with your chosen hero (sadly at the moment I only really have the garden shed free... but it will be renamed "THE SHED OF FREEDOM!!" while you stay there and we can put my Flinstones sleeping bag out for you). With this you get up to 3 months sick pay as well incase of injuries etc. Steven I must also warn you as I have become aware of one of my nemesis's/nemesi(?) contacting you about a car. Do not deal with this man as he is not a nice person and not worthy of driving one of your master piece vehicles. I am also advised he has a bad credit history and said bad things about BMW once. I anxiously await your response to this offer, though understand it may take a few days to leave behind your job, family and previous life to dedicate yourself to fighting the evils of villainy where ever it may raise its evil, slightly oddly shaped head. Regards Awesomeness Man, P.s. please let me know what side kick name you'd like so I can look at getting stickers and badges done. Final Email From BMW ----- Original Message ----- From: xxx@xxx.com To: ME Sent: Friday, October 28, 2005 12:10 PM Subject: FW: My New Car Dear Awesomeness Man, Thank you for your latest email dated October 28, 2005 with regards to the awesome-mobile. Whilst I would like to thank you for your kind offer I unfortunately must decline as, on top of finding lycra suits sweaty and itchy, I do not have the kind of physique that suits lycra and would therefore would not be striking fear into the heart of anyone other than possibly a weight watchers co-ordinator. I can however reassure you that we will not be supplying any vehicles to anyone masterminding an international crime syndicate. Kind regards Steven Woolhouse Customer Service Executive BMW UK Ltd
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 22:48
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 21, 2024 00:50 |
|
|
What are the odds to getting a response like that. If you ever get the awesome-mobile, I would like a ride
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 22:52
|
|
|
It sickened me a little how he actually put a sales pitch in there. Somehow it ruins it.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 22:53
|
|
|
Bahahaha, good show.. I've done this occasionally out of sheer boredom. Sounds like you almost got yourself a sidekick.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 22:54
|
|
|
Sounds like you made some guy's day a little more fun.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 22:54
|
|
|
Wow, those automated replies sure are getting fancy.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 22:56
|
|
|
The poo poo you guys come up with amuses me to no end. 
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 22:58
|
|
|
I like BMW a little bit more.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 22:58
|
|
|
You should spam all motor companies and see which will comply and give you a free car.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 22:58
|
|
|
Ahahaha, cool. It's awesome that he was such a good sport about it.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:00
|
|
|
You know, one good thing I've ALWAYS had to say about the British in general is that you guys have such a great sense of humor. The odds are almost nil that you could get an American office drone to play along with stuff like this...aenematron posted:It sickened me a little how he actually put a sales pitch in there. Somehow it ruins it. Oh come on... fun is fun, but the man still has to do his job! CaptBushido fucked around with this message at 23:03 on Nov 1, 2005 |
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:00
|
|
|
aenematron posted:It sickened me a little how he actually put a sales pitch in there. Somehow it ruins it. I think that was one of the best parts. It made it seem even more like he was taking AwesomenessMan completely seriously.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:03
|
|
|
Man, it's awesome to run into a customer service guy with some creativity and a sense of humor. The line about his physique was 
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:05
|
|
|
Oh come on, lycra looks good on anyone! 
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:06
|
|
|
Oh man, that made my day at work better. Post more when you do them.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:07
|
|
|
I laughed heartily at this and will be copy/pasting it into an email and forwarding it to some family members. After which it will undoubtedly become a chain e-mail that will find it's way back to you titled "Spam: RE: FWD: FWD: FWD: FWD: BWM IS COOL CHECK IT OUT" Thank you, Awesomeness Man.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:08
|
|
|
Smeep posted:Sounds like you made some guy's day a little more fun. That is definately, absolutely true. I wish I'd get one of these every now and then, it'd certainly lighten up the standard e-mail grind. Also, I like the fact that the BMW guy played along and didn't dismiss the humor with corporate blahblah.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:09
|
|
|
Well now... that was awesome. Hahaha he said "Whilst". What a British guy.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:09
|
|
|
quote:Thank you for your latest email dated October 28, 2005 with regards to the awesome-mobile. This made me laugh way too much.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:10
|
|
|
I agree with the guy who suggested you should run this gimmick by every automobile manufacturer large and small. While I think this will be tough to beat, I would be interested in seeing somone else try.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:12
|
|
|
Nice. BMW just got a little bit cooler in my book. Glad to see someone over there has a sense of humor.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:12
|
|
|
RadioDan posted:I can however reassure you that we will not be supplying any vehicles to anyone masterminding an international crime syndicate. drat IT ALL TO HELL!
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:13
|
|
|
this was very amusing - its rare to find someone who will actually respond like that
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:13
|
|
|
Bizarro Toby posted:I like BMW a little bit more. Haha precisely my feelings
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:15
|
|
|
You need to send similar emails to Ford, Audi, VW, etc. It would be awesome to see how companies responded. It might determine who I buy my next car from.
----------------
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:17
|
|
|
That was pretty drat awesome, awesomeness man
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:17
|
|
|
That bit of correspondance was quite entertaining, thank you for sharing it.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:18
|
|
|
wow and I thought everyone would hate this sort of thing. Sadly very few people reply, and those who do are generally pretty crappy about it.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:18
|
|
|
aenematron posted:It sickened me a little how he actually put a sales pitch in there. Somehow it ruins it. the gently caress was he supposed to do? He sells BMW's.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:21
|
|
|
Doctor Mooglies posted:drat IT ALL TO HELL! I oppose efforts to duplicate this with other manufacturers... But a further e-mail to this very same person, inquiring about a villain car - not asking for a freebie, just inquiring about 'unusual' options - would be awesome. Insert some line about being independently wealthy due to various business ventures, and just shopping around. edit: the villains name: awfulness guy
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:22
|
|
|
Hooray for RadioDan! Hooray for BMW UK Ltd! Hooray for Steven Woolhouse, Customer Service Executive of BMW UK Ltd! 
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:22
|
|
|
RadioDan posted:wow and I thought everyone would hate this sort of thing. Sadly very few people reply, and those who do are generally pretty crappy about it. No, I loved it. It's brought a genuine grin to my face to find out that behind a supposedly faceless corporation is some humour. Bravo on your first thread
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:23
|
|
|
RadioDan posted:wow and I thought everyone would hate this sort of thing. Sadly very few people reply, and those who do are generally pretty crappy about it. On the contrary, we eat this poo poo up! If you do this all the time then you must have more, right? Right??
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:23
|
|
|
CC the next mail to companies as well to try to get sponsorship. THIS CRIMINAL WAS BROUGHT TO JUSTICE BY TACO BELL. THINK OUTSIDE THYE BUN(tm).
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:23
|
|
|
Someone should do this to Harvard and try to get in a la Trading Spaces with Eddie Murphy. Give a bogus story about how you grew up in the wrong circumstances and need a change in lifestyle.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:25
|
|
|
That was great.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:26
|
|
|
Hentai Tentacle Demon posted:CC the next mail to companies as well to try to get sponsorship. Dude have you ever considered life as a side kick... we could call you "CAPTAIN FANTASTIC" Oh and there are more of them but I so rarely get a reply, some nights I cry myself to sleep 
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:27
|
|
|
There's a fella who writes companies of all sorts the funniest letters ever with stuff that one wouldn't expect, and sometimes those companies even write him back. Forgot his site address, saw him on CNN a while back. He's also put out a book.
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:28
|
|
|
Pindrop posted:Someone should do this to Harvard and try to get in a la Trading Spaces with Eddie Murphy. Give a bogus story about how you grew up in the wrong circumstances and need a change in lifestyle.  "Trading Places"
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:32
|
|
|
|
| # ? May 21, 2024 00:50 |
|
|
You know, if you're clever enough and try enough car manufacturers, you might actually get a car (with huge logos on it). I mean, just MAYBE. Hell, people have been given cars for less innovative and entertaining acts!
|
|
#
?
Nov 1, 2005 23:39
|
|