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Nebalebadingdong
Jun 30, 2005

I'd like to be...under the sea...


Tie Fighter was awesome, and I think everyone should have a chance to play it. So here it is!

I have the disc with me right here.

Unfortunately, I don't have a joystick, so I'm going to reconstruct the game from memory.

And, sadly, the game is supposed to run in DOS, and MSPaint doesn't emulate the sound correctly.

The game starts off with a riveting speech from the Emperor!



He's pretty optomistic about the State of the Empire!

So we go to a cutscene of some dogfighting action, like we'll be doing:

Okay, so in the real cutscene, the fuselage didn't fly out of the A-Wing and destroy the Tie Interceptor, but it happens alot in the game, so I thought I'd include it.

BLAM! TOTALLY GAMES:


Now, here's a TIE Fighter Pilot [ARTISTS RENDITION]:


We're nervous about our first assignment, okay?

Oh, God, the yelling begins:


Quick, what is our name???

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Tripred
Nov 25, 2004

Deals in quack, not opinion.

George Lucas

Yaos
Feb 22, 2003

She is a cat of significant gravy.

Name us FUCKER

Kazy
Oct 23, 2006

DON'T TRY THIS, KIDS AT HOME


Jar Jar

Mr The Icon
Apr 22, 2004

Deals in fact, not opinion.

Why would they let us fly their expensive tie fighters if they didn't already know us? What if we gave them a fake name and stole that poo poo?

Dr Cox MD
Sep 11, 2001

Listen Up, Newbies.

DS-61-3, the best Tie Pilot in Black Squadron.

KarmaEnforcer
Aug 7, 2000

Cylon Sympathizer

Voting "Jed"

eastcoastbadguy
Jul 12, 2006


call him Buttz

^DrAgOn^
May 8, 2003

MoThErFuCkIn MiRaClEs

finally a good lets play thread!

Mr. Pumroy
May 20, 2001

how've you been?...
that's good


NOTANACE

Tripred
Nov 25, 2004

Deals in quack, not opinion.

This thread is going not places.

Svampson
Jul 29, 2006

Same.


Name him Dr Cock

Nebalebadingdong
Jun 30, 2005

I'd like to be...under the sea...


Tripred posted:

George Lucas

Awesome!

Okay, we're ready for our first mission. Since we're a rookie, they wouldn't start us off with a hard one right?

Here's the briefing room. What should we do?


We can:
1) View the tactical map
2) Talk to our CO on the balcony
3) Speak to that shadowy figure guy that's giving me the creeps

Kazy
Oct 23, 2006

DON'T TRY THIS, KIDS AT HOME


Neb777 posted:

Awesome!

Okay, we're ready for our first mission. Since we're a rookie, they wouldn't start us off with a hard one right?

Here's the briefing room. What should we do?


We can:
1) View the tactical map
2) Talk to our CO on the balcony
3) Speak to that shadowy figure guy that's giving me the creeps

talk to the giant penis on the chalkboard

Professional Lamer
May 11, 2004



Molest the CO

KarmaEnforcer
Aug 7, 2000

Cylon Sympathizer

Molest the CO with the giant penis on the chalkboard.

Gasmask
Apr 27, 2003

And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee

Mu 1 is the Emporer's stool pigeon!

Nebalebadingdong
Jun 30, 2005

I'd like to be...under the sea...


KarmaEnforcer posted:

Molest the CO with the giant penis on the chalkboard.

You mean the NEBULON B FRIGATE "THE REVENGENCESS"?? <>

KarmaEnforcer
Aug 7, 2000

Cylon Sympathizer

Neb777 posted:

You mean the NEBULON B FRIGATE "THE REVENGENCESS"?? <>

Yes!

Nebalebadingdong
Jun 30, 2005

I'd like to be...under the sea...


KarmaEnforcer posted:

Yes!

Okay


Great job! We are off to a fantastic start!

Crazy Sunshine
Aug 2, 2004



it only takes you two hits to die so it doesnt matter

mp5
Jan 1, 2005

Stroke of luck!


this game is great

Nebalebadingdong
Jun 30, 2005

I'd like to be...under the sea...


Here's the tactical map and mission objectives:


"You will be flying TIE Bomber Beta 1. You will have 2 wingmen."

"Your objectives is to inspect all 100 cargo containers, and then destroy them."

"Watch out for the mines around the cargo containers."

"TIE Fighter group Alpha will assist by getting destroyed by the A-Wings."

"Your secondary objective is to inspect each of the mines for contraband and rebel leaders before destroying them."

"Your craft will be armed with space bombs for this mission. Be sure to inspect your bombs for contraband and rebel leaders before they hit their targets."

"If you run out of bombs, Tug Deco will be deployed for you to reload. There is no way those A-Wings will attack you while this happens."

KarmaEnforcer
Aug 7, 2000

Cylon Sympathizer

Sounds like fun! LAUNCH THE MISSION!

Axe-man
Apr 16, 2005

The Terror the South has travelled North for more Slaughter!


talk to the shadowy guy and ask if he knows a good imperial hooker!

KarmaEnforcer
Aug 7, 2000

Cylon Sympathizer

Axe-man posted:

talk to the shadowy guy and ask if he knows a good imperial hooker!

Ooh, good idea. I hear the Rebel hookers put razor blades in their poon to slice up imperial officers.

Yaos
Feb 22, 2003

She is a cat of significant gravy.

That's not the first mission in the game. GO TO HELL.

Brogeoisie
Jan 12, 2005

Sometimes the best way to reach your destination is to not tell anyone where you're going. #teamscooterbuddies


Yaos posted:

That's not the first mission in the game. GO TO HELL.

KILL THE MOTHERFUCKING ZWING LIKE THEY ODN'T KNOW WHAT'S HITTING EM

Nebalebadingdong
Jun 30, 2005

I'd like to be...under the sea...


Yaos posted:

That's not the first mission in the game. GO TO HELL.

You shoulda bought the expansion pack

Nebalebadingdong
Jun 30, 2005

I'd like to be...under the sea...


Okay, lets go ask that shadowy figure if he knows where any hookers are:


"How may I serve the emperor?"
Officer Questions:
1. Any Special Advice?
2. weher da hookers at? [Selected]

Response:
"I've got all the cargo containers you need to inspect right here "



...yeah, inspecting even more cargo containers doesn't sound very interesting, so I'm just gonna start the mission.

Here's our spacecraft:


What's this badboy sporting?
1) Two laser cannons
2) Four space bombs
3) No shields
4) No Hyperdrive
5) Tractor beam (I suggest we put all power from this to our engines so we can at least keep pace with maybe Y-Wings, okay??)

Fantastic! Whelp, we're deployed:



Looks like Alpha squadron's on their way to get destroyed.

What should we do? More importantly, what should our wingmen do?

Gasmask
Apr 27, 2003

And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee

bomb the poo poo out of the frigate

Axe-man
Apr 16, 2005

The Terror the South has travelled North for more Slaughter!


Gasmask posted:

bomb the poo poo out of the frigate

wingmen bomb the frigate you go and randomly bomb the containers without scanning them

Mr. Pumroy
May 20, 2001

how've you been?...
that's good


Order them to fly into the mines don't worry the superior manueverability of the Bomber will keep them from being shot.

Plus you should sit back far enough so you can see the explosions.

Nebalebadingdong
Jun 30, 2005

I'd like to be...under the sea...


Gasmask posted:

bomb the poo poo out of the frigate

Well, that sounds easier than dodging mines. Lets target it so we can tell our wingmen to attack it:



We were close enough to inspect it. Its full of Contraband and Rebels!

"Good work..Beta 1...Secret Mission Objectives completed"

Gasmask posted:

Mu 1 is the Emporer's stool pigeon!

Oh god, we're in trouble now. Commence bombing action!



Noooooooo Beta 2! We're out of space bombs. What now???

KarmaEnforcer
Aug 7, 2000

Cylon Sympathizer

It depends. If Alpha has carried out their mission, then it's time to re-arm. Otherwise, we obviously need to engage the A-wings and show them who the miggity-mack-daddy is.

Ka0
Sep 16, 2002

hello


if not aim for the frigates turrets and missile bays and try to take those out at least youll die like the emperor would expect

eastcoastbadguy
Jul 12, 2006


ITS A TRAP!

Mr The Icon
Apr 22, 2004

Deals in fact, not opinion.

eastcoastbadguy posted:

ITS A TRAP!

unsubscribed.

spaceships
Aug 4, 2005

The fire is mine: let it consume thee,
And make a secret door
At the altar of Padhome,
In the House of Boet-hi-Ah
Where we become safe
And looked after.
Vivec said this to the eighth.


Jump out of your bomber and wave your penis at them!

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Yaos
Feb 22, 2003

She is a cat of significant gravy.

Let's tell Lucas Arts we need a new Star Wars space game. Something like Privateer will do.

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