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Planimal

don't autoban again jerk.

when i was 13 i was friends with this girl next door, like really good friends. anyways one day she was like "hey let me show you my piano recital from when i was 6". so she goes down to her brothers room and grabs the tape, which was in the VCR and neither of us even thought it was weird. so we go upstairs to watch the thing and her mom and dad are in the living. they ask us what it is and we all agree to sit down and watch the drat thing. her mom even got popcorn man.

so i pop in the tape and press play.

right on the loving screen in her brother and his MIDGET friend, "Quazz" (short for that ugly dude from Hunchback or Notre Dame) TAKING it to this bottle blonde bitch, and when I saw "taking it" i mean literally taking turns loving this girl.

also her brother had the biggest cock i've ever seen.

midgets are not so well equipped.

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Kungfubar


i gently caress foxes

Toad on a Hat

Dinnertime.

voted 5

Cain


how was that popcorn?

radiEnt

did he cum?

Kidane

DANGER TO MANIFOLD
hhahahahaha rthen what happened

was it good popcorn i like alot of butter even though im not fat

any girl who would sleep with a midget doesnt care abut the size of his cock she is doing it for the novelty

Pax Technica

A very technical peace.
how old was her brother?

NO SPRITZING

IT IS ILLEGAL TO SPRITZ ON CITY BEACHES & PARKS
i lik yuo plaminal

Bobi Nasos

01 - fuck your'e couch - rick james (funny).mp3
hooray for suggestions

Planimal

don't autoban again jerk.

Kidane posted:

hhahahahaha rthen what happened

was it good popcorn i like alot of butter even though im not fat

any girl who would sleep with a midget doesnt care abut the size of his cock she is doing it for the novelty

well her mom ejected the tape and flipped out on me and this girl for going through her brother's poo poo. i think she was just so shaken up she didn;t know what the gently caress

Planimal

don't autoban again jerk.

Gebinsk posted:

how old was her brother?

gosh we were like 13 so he was 17 i think

Planimal

don't autoban again jerk.

radiant posted:

did he cum?

didn't watch it that long son

jetfighterpoo
eject! eject! it a banned SAM!!

Planimal posted:

gosh we were like 13 so he was 17 i think

planimal. you are amazing.


you know what, i love you. there i said it. i love you.

I
LOVE
YOU

Planimal

don't autoban again jerk.

there's also a similar story that involved my cousin Christopher:

my irish family gets together with my scottish family every Thanksgiving (I'm like 3rd gen). We hang around for a couple days, shoot pool, watch videos, normal things. So my cousin's sister and I are hanging out and come across this unmarked tape. in reality, i think we were hoping it was something nasty.

we got our wish.

the first 3 minutes are basically the camera being set up and then suddenly it swings around to face the bed. there is my cousin Christopher, rear end naked, looking at the camera. we're scrambling to turn the thing off, but before we do he says into the camera:

"I miss you Eric."

thankfully, we threw that tape into his room (we were like 16 maybe) and balled the gently caress out. i have never spoken about it with my cousin's sister since.

DJYar

Cunning like fuck

Planimal posted:

from when i was 6"

her brother had the biggest cock i've ever seen.

midgets are not so well equipped.

Planimal

don't autoban again jerk.

Planimal posted:



and i have to make this clear.

he was already on the bed AS the camera was being set up which means SOMEBODY was there with him shooting the video.

radiEnt

could eric be a girls name????

Pax Technica

A very technical peace.

Planimal posted:

and i have to make this clear.

he was already on the bed AS the camera was being set up which means SOMEBODY was there with him shooting the video.

you must go back and get this video. it is a SA mission impossible

Melvin Pistlewater

BYOB: I miss you Eric.

spirited

Time might lead me to nowhere; Fate might break me apart; I'll always be thankful that once, along life's journey I found the unchanging Imperishable in you.

radiant posted:

could eric be a girls name????

I hope not, for humor value.

Planimal

don't autoban again jerk.

radiant posted:

could eric be a girls name????

it was very clearly "ERIC" and not Erica or some other variant.

Bobi Nasos

01 - fuck your'e couch - rick james (funny).mp3

Gebinsk posted:

you must go back and get this video. it is a SA mission impossible

NO DON'T

fattyboombatty

ain't nuthin wrong wit bein fat when u da bomb

radiant posted:

could eric be a girls name????

mebbe they didnt hear the a at the end?


okay nevermind

DisgruntledJoe

you have some funny stories planimal

Melvin Pistlewater

Planimal posted:

it was very clearly "ERIC" and not Erica or some other variant.

Planimal

don't autoban again jerk.

DisgruntledJoe posted:

you have some funny stories planimal

i have a lot of weird sexual stories for some reason

Actual Gay Guy

WEEDLOVER NARUTO
planimal is prime time

DisgruntledJoe

Planimal posted:

i have a lot of weird sexual stories for some reason

me 2 but i stopped posting them several months ago

Rick
And now the whole nation - pulpit and all - will take up the war-cry, and shout itself hoarse, and mob any honest man who ventures to open his mouth; and presently such mouths will cease to open.
Thank god my family is too poor for video cameras.

HulkaMatt

MATSUYAAAAAAY

more

spirited

Time might lead me to nowhere; Fate might break me apart; I'll always be thankful that once, along life's journey I found the unchanging Imperishable in you.

Planimal posted:

it was very clearly "ERIC" and not Erica or some other variant.

do you still communicate with the owner of this tape?

Please discover the backstory of gay lust and affection. For valentines day.

Pax Technica

A very technical peace.

Planimal posted:

i have a lot of weird sexual stories for some reason

more more more

Rick
And now the whole nation - pulpit and all - will take up the war-cry, and shout itself hoarse, and mob any honest man who ventures to open his mouth; and presently such mouths will cease to open.
My mom's side is pretty normal other than the penacostal part and the apparently belief that we are apart of a long line of people who are either witches or xtrm xtians.

My dad's though, I think if they had video cameras there would be plenty of tapes like that floating around. Either that or tapes of my cousin planning colombine style attacks for his school.

The Werle

Fireworks for Christmas is absolutely American

Tell the one about you and me in bermuda with the coconuts and the llama.

radiEnt

post more stories, planimal. make them up if you must

Planimal

don't autoban again jerk.

Okay, time to revealhow stupid I can be:

I was a virgin and extremely prude until I turned 17 when I decided to meet a nice girl, convince her to have sex with me, and then i could hang with the guys in my class who claimed they were all having crazy sex all the time with slutz ALL THE TIME.

The first girl who was willing to have sex with me was this fat gently caress of a bitch named "April" (as most nasty fat bitches are called). Keep in mind I was a straight up VIRGIN, never had a blowjob, handjob or anything. April was friends with this tiny, tiny girl i ended up dating later (she was about 4 feet tall) and they both arranged in a very corporate and cold way that together they would help me lose my virginity.

Finding the right location was hard but finally this girl has a party with her parents gone and decides it the right time. So we go up into her room and this bitch loving RAPES THE poo poo OUT OF ME. i was freaking out, not enjoying it at all. Now, to give you an idea of what i mean by "surprise sex", the first thing she does?

Jams three fingers up my dry, clenched butthole and latches onto my dick with her mouth.

So i'm standing there in a cold room with this girl's fingers in my rear end and my cock in her mouth. I am facing away from the door (butt towards the door) when i hear a loud creaking noise.

The loving door has swung open, to show the entire loving party, my whole backside with this fat girl's fat fingers stuck inside my rear end. I lose it and jump to the side, leaving this girl on her knees looking at the crowd of people.

DisgruntledJoe

hahah ha ha

Planimal

don't autoban again jerk.

Planimal posted:

"ow my butt"

i run into the closet and throw some jeans on, walk out like nothing is wrong, grab my jacket and leave. I would see April in the hallways every now and then, but never looked her in the face. Thankfully, this girl had a reputation for latching onto virgin boys so nobody really held it against me, but i was also still a virgin and afraid of girls.

HulkaMatt

MATSUYAAAAAAY

so

who did you gently caress

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Bobi Nasos

01 - fuck your'e couch - rick james (funny).mp3
planimal's life is like a bad teen comedy

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