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Toastmaker

crazy as a fish with titties
now listen here rosanna and you listen close, the job of a doctor is one that cannot be interfered with by such trifling scenarios as beating irv the security guard in a rousing game of paper football, even if you're first and goal, nor is it something that can be interrupted by you doing donuts in the parking lot on a pocketbike while blasting space oddity. now i need you to go in there and tell mr krelnik that he needs a new kidney and i want you to do it right or else there is no telling what tin can i might shove you in, do you hear that major tom?

Toastmaker fucked around with this message at Apr 16, 2007 around 02:16

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Fidel Castronaut

1792 Politifact "Culottes on Fire" Lie of the Year

look closely daria, this is the face of someone that is never never never never never never never going to care about what strapping young captain of the football team didn't call you last night and caused a multitude of mascara stains on your pink pillowcase. you hear me? never never never never never *walks away repeating "never"*

Toastmaker

crazy as a fish with titties

Fidel Castronaut posted:

look closely daria, this is the face of someone that is never never never never never never never going to care about what strapping young captain of the football team didn't call you last night and caused a multitude of mascara stains on your pink pillowcase. you hear me? never never never never never *walks away repeating "never"*

this was much better than mine

NIGARS

yeah nigars

Toastmaker posted:

i want you to do it right or else there is no telling what tin can i might shove you in, do you hear that major tom?

this is a nice closer though

Toastmaker

crazy as a fish with titties
now ida its only a matter of time before you come crying to me that you're late this month and you don't know whose it is but youve narrowed it down to eduardo the poolman and your own brother but let me tell you now in advance that there are only several things i care less about than the contents of your uterus and those things are all reality television shows. now hook mrs darling up to her saline drip before she shrivels up quicker than your testicles after two goarounds in your crocodile mile.

JD voiceover: for your information it's a slip'n'slide.

Toastmaker

crazy as a fish with titties

NIGARS posted:

this is a nice closer though

thanks!

Silence Kit

by Fragmaster

ahahahahhaha this thread is awesome


5!

Silence Kit

by Fragmaster

toastmaestro

kid

you ain't half bad

Bwee


now look here, shaniqua, i don't care that your cutesy wootsy most favoritest ever stuffed animal got chewed up by a dog in a hi-i-i-lariously ironic fashion, or that your bestest friend forever broke up with you over a youtube video, or even that you remind me of a nerdy hairless Hugh Jackman, but i do care that you think it's a "more fun" to go out and play ping pong with your bald boyfriend when Mrs. Donaldson is lying there dying of acute vasculitis, so for god's sake, newbie, run in there and tell Mrs. Donaldson that you're her doctor before i use the power vested in me by god and dr. kelso to grant your four years of medical school and four years of residency to the janitor so you can finally have a job you'd be suited for

Bwee fucked around with this message at Apr 16, 2007 around 02:59

Toastmaker

crazy as a fish with titties
i didnt think it was possible roberta but you have plummetted to absolute zero on the perry cox "ounces of respect" scale. not only did you not pass go and not only did you not collect two hundred dollars but you managed to cause an iron, wheelbarrow and thimble pileup on ventnor avenue after swerving to avoid a scottish terrier and crashing your convertible into a firehydrant. now if you have anything to say to me you can give me a call on my RESPECT PAGER and leave me a message as to why i should ever entrust you with another patient again, and sandy, your extensive collection of snapple caps is not gonna do it for you this time, however intrigued i might be in learning that the statue of liberty's mouth is three feet wide.

Free Market Gravy


now let's get one thing straight, veronica. it doesn't matter to me why you were late this morning. i don't care if it was because you were in front of the mirror for 45 minutes trying to find just the right application of rouge and blush to make your cheekbones appear bright and perky nor if it was because you just had to call your girlfriends and have a good cry about the previous night's episode of i love new york. the fact of the matter is you cost this hospital 15 minutes of work and while the brief respite from you was, indeed, pleasurable for me, it didn't do much at all for your patients. now get in there and schedule mr. tomlinson for his gastric lavage or i will personally insert an alarm clock into an orifice to be named later. now go. scoot. ski-daddle. mosey on. away. shoo.

Some Gravy

now look here ginger, truth be told i think you could be a great doctor, if you would just apply yourself more instead of being a crying little sissy pants every time you make a mistake. now get back in there, and tell that nice old lady you gave her the wrong medication and shes going to die unless you can get her that transplant, got it newbie? [[this is one of the more serious and kind but still sassy because jd messed up big rants]]

Awesome Bill


i loving love this thread

needs more stretching out of words though

Jordan Hass

by Lowtax

Susan, why is it whenever i tell you that i don't want to see you asking me for help you always do it? i don't go over to your house whenever i ask you for a new bra, so why would you ask me if i have any baby bottles? Now get down to the third floor and help that poor old lady get his colonostopy okay? *Whistles* AND IF ANYONE NEEDS A BRA *points to JD* he's your guy.

almightyjimbob

I love pretzel day.

Awesome Bill posted:

i loving love this thread

needs more stretching out of words though

i re-he-heally love this thread

Jordan Hass

by Lowtax

HELP ME!
HELP YOU!
HELP ME!
HELP YOU!
HELP ME!
HELP YOU!
HELP ME!
HELP YOU!
[repeat ad nausium]

Occupy Japan

I've spent so much time clopping to fillies that my joints have locked up!

Toastmaker posted:

i didnt think it was possible roberta but you have plummetted to absolute zero on the perry cox "ounces of respect" scale. not only did you not pass go and not only did you not collect two hundred dollars but you managed to cause an iron, wheelbarrow and thimble pileup on ventnor avenue after swerving to avoid a scottish terrier and crashing your convertible into a firehydrant. now if you have anything to say to me you can give me a call on my RESPECT PAGER and leave me a message as to why i should ever entrust you with another patient again, and sandy, your extensive collection of snapple caps is not gonna do it for you this time, however intrigued i might be in learning that the statue of liberty's mouth is three feet wide.

ahahaha

Free Market Gravy


Toastmaker posted:

i didnt think it was possible roberta but you have plummetted to absolute zero on the perry cox "ounces of respect" scale. not only did you not pass go and not only did you not collect two hundred dollars but you managed to cause an iron, wheelbarrow and thimble pileup on ventnor avenue after swerving to avoid a scottish terrier and crashing your convertible into a firehydrant. now if you have anything to say to me you can give me a call on my RESPECT PAGER and leave me a message as to why i should ever entrust you with another patient again, and sandy, your extensive collection of snapple caps is not gonna do it for you this time, however intrigued i might be in learning that the statue of liberty's mouth is three feet wide.

this is amazing

Bwee


toastmaker i love you

Toastmaker

crazy as a fish with titties

Bwee posted:

toastmaker i love you

this isnt a very coxlike thing to do but

Some Gravy

turns out toastmaker writes for scrubs

Toastmaker

crazy as a fish with titties

Zima posted:

turns out toastmaker writes for scrubs

aw shucks

The Infinite Postma
like a lottery winner on acid
bumping because ma-ha-hyyyy GOD newbies, this is the best thread i've read this week

Toastmaker

crazy as a fish with titties

Bwee posted:

now look here, shaniqua, i don't care that your cutesy wootsy most favoritest ever stuffed animal got chewed up by a dog in a hi-i-i-lariously ironic fashion, or that your bestest friend forever broke up with you over a youtube video, or even that you remind me of a nerdy hairless Hugh Jackman, but i do care that you think it's a "more fun" to go out and play ping pong with your bald boyfriend when Mrs. Donaldson is lying there dying of acute vasculitis, so for god's sake, newbie, run in there and tell Mrs. Donaldson that you're her doctor before i use the power vested in me by god and dr. kelso to grant your four years of medical school and four years of residency to the janitor so you can finally have a job you'd be suited for

cox would never refer to kelso as "dr. kelso"

Toastmaker

crazy as a fish with titties
now bobbo i know we've had some rough times, from me holding back your flock of seagulls hair as you vomited into my toilet while crying over your third mailorder bride leaving you, to our not-so-stellar showing on american gladiator, but i want you to know that even with all that in our past i have absolutely no hope for our future, so if you'd like to ask me for a favor again i'll be in the on-call room fashioning a giant q-tip to knock you over with while you're on your way out to the parking lot tonight because god bobbo you're more fun to knock over than a weeble, and the best part is, you wobble AND fall down

Toastmaker fucked around with this message at Apr 16, 2007 around 03:37

Little Barnacle

by Fistgrrl

voted 5; wished i could be funny enough to make my own cox rant

Quack


Little Barnacle posted:

voted 5; wished i could be funny enough to make my own cox rant

Toastmaker

crazy as a fish with titties
its really not as hard as youd think

Little Barnacle

by Fistgrrl

Toastmaker posted:

its really not as hard as youd think

i tried all ready. yes it is

Ron Darling

Little Barnacle posted:

voted 5; wished i could be funny enough to make my own cox rant

Toastmaker

crazy as a fish with titties

Little Barnacle posted:

i tried all ready. yes it is

post it; it's really not the words that do it its the dr cox voice in your head

Ron Darling

BAD THREAD - YOU DO NOT HIT SECOND PAGE BEFORE GOLD

Ryundo

From Japanese to Spanish with a single letter!

Toastmaker posted:

cox would never refer to kelso as "dr. kelso"

did somebody order the pain in the rear end?

I don't remember ordering the pain in the rear end

bison wings

Santa's greatest accomplishment was convincing the world he didn't exist
*Cox whistle* Listen up, Meghan. I'm gonna need you to run a full infection screen on Ms Jones here and stop worrying about how you lost the tiny comb that goes with your little pony dolls. And I know, I know, it's going to be just IMPOSSIBLE to get those stubborn tangles out of their neon-colored-cupcake-scented hair without it. And if the ponies aren't properly brushed, well gosh darn, how are they ever going to attend Teddy Ruxpin's wedding ceremony?

Free Market Gravy


bison wings posted:

*Cox whistle* Listen up, Meghan. I'm gonna need you to run a full infection screen on Ms Jones here and stop worrying about how you lost the tiny comb that goes with your little pony dolls. And I know, I know, it's going to be just IMPOSSIBLE to get those stubborn tangles out of their neon-colored-cupcake-scented hair without it. And if the ponies aren't properly brushed, well gosh darn, how are they ever going to attend Teddy Ruxpin's wedding ceremony?

lol

Occupy Japan

I've spent so much time clopping to fillies that my joints have locked up!

bison wings posted:

*Cox whistle* Listen up, Meghan. I'm gonna need you to run a full infection screen on Ms Jones here and stop worrying about how you lost the tiny comb that goes with your little pony dolls. And I know, I know, it's going to be just IMPOSSIBLE to get those stubborn tangles out of their neon-colored-cupcake-scented hair without it. And if the ponies aren't properly brushed, well gosh darn, how are they ever going to attend Teddy Ruxpin's wedding ceremony?

hhhaha goldmine this fufcking thread

Midelne

I shouldn't trust the phones. They're full of gas.
The saddest thing about this thread is the number of people who are reading it without knowing what a Dr Cox rant is.

Skittle Prickle

The best-tasting pickle I ever heard!
Now look here emilio...


uh


uh


OH GOD I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE *kills self*

Fred Breakfast


OK Sally I'd prefer it if you wouldn't compare me to Chandler Bing

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Some Gravy

im serious you guys toastmaker writes for scrubs and hes going to steal all of these

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