Going nowhere fast.. falling so hard we never look back

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Going nowhere fast.. falling so hard we never look back

vrunt: Jul 4, 2003; the great trollini

In before someone takes pictures of her house or mails a print-out of this thread to her parents.
It's pretty sad that some people can't just enjoy the story. We don't need pictures of her, we don't need a map to her house, we don't need a copy of her yearbook.
Sheesh.

vrunt
_vrunt

# ? Oct 11, 2004 02:35

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 19, 2024 17:08

Blackbelt Bobman: Jul 17, 2004; I don't need friends! I've been
manipulatin' you since the start!
All so I can something,
something X-Blade!

I could see this turning into a bestseller. It's so enticing, and hilarious. Too bad we can't do more with this, or else she'd find out and it'd be over.

Again, I agree with everyone, don't try to find her or anything, this is great the way it is.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 02:51

Pedicabo_Vos: Jun 17, 2004; In Soviet Russia, the cock suck I!

quote:

Blackbelt Bobman came out of the closet to say:
I could see this turning into a bestseller.

I see this turning into a Lifetime or Hallmark movie in which Laura overcomes her roadblocks in life and goes on to become a horse rider or something. Alternatively, perhaps a touched by an Angel episode. Nothing like doctoring things for the general public.

The NTroll Ward - My lovely blog community

# ? Oct 11, 2004 02:54

Disease Girl: Jul 11, 2004; Escherichia coli makes me happy

quote:

Vasquez came out of the closet to say:
First off on my list.

I know this is never mentioned.. but I can almost guarantee you all that she is white. I know the area within 150 miles of where I live to a "T". That's just how it is, and I'm sure it hasn't changed much since the early 90's. Take a walk/drive/bike ride through Bellingham during any part of the day, and there is one thing you may see three of: Black people. White folks abound here, and simply from knowing all too many of the kids like this growing up (always the ones who would tell me things like: "You don't even smoke? You're such a preppy.. we smoked 11 CIGARETTES LAST NIGHT!") I can picture Laura perfectly. Another disillusioned 14-15 year old white girl (I could NEVER imagine her being 18.. and I happen to know that this isn't the case for certain, as well as the fact that her boyfriend is in and out of juvie and he's most certainly older than she is), trying to live that tough thug life like all the people in the rap songs she looks up to. It's one of the saddest and most maddening debates I've ever heard. Sitting in my 7th GRADE english class, listening to a girl talk (Who I know I picture Laura as every time I type this drivel) about how she wants to have her first child and drop out before she is 15.. Who the gently caress sets their life up like that? HOW THE gently caress IS THAT EVER COOL?

And Danny.. gently caress it, almost all of you from Washington know the type of kids we're dealing with. Pasty, young white boys with oversized black jeans and HUGE t-shirts (at this time almost certainly No-Fear or Stussy, or anything along the lines of those stupid dogs dressed up in prison clothes and wearing handcuffs like they just broke out of jail.. BAD DAWG or some awful trash), the kind that never EVER leave the mall and just gently caress up things at school, and talk about when they're going to drop out (if they haven't already) etc. Remember the days when it was cool to get suspended? Well I don't, but I remember when it was cool for kids like these. Personally and rationally, I can't ever understand the psychology in telling yourself that setting one's life up with no regard to future success is the coolest thing possible at the moment. Anyways, this rant may continue, as reading this thing ever so constantly has been filling me with an undaunted rage for these types of kids..

I grew up in the Skagit Valley and as soon as I saw the Oak Harbor reference I could picture Laura, and my picture is very similar to yours. I used to ride the town bus (SKAT) to and from school. During those years I met a lot of the most extreme of the local white trash, and indeed hung out with them for a period. I never thought of Bellingham as having the same abundance, though, because that was where we went for higher culture. This impression had remained with me until this thread. Oh well... the blinders of childhood must be lost at some point. Excellent post!

# ? Oct 11, 2004 02:56

Bugdrvr: Mar 7, 2003

I will be so pissed if someone ruins this. What we have right here is one of the best threads ever to grace this here forum. It needs no junior detectives to go and gently caress it up.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 02:58

Stingray 2.0: Mar 13, 2003; "They had no good cigars there, my lord; and I left the place in disgust." --Alfred Lord Tennyson, returning from Venice

quote:

Pagan came out of the closet to say:

Someone came into my studio to get their kids pictures done. The daughter was named "Corynthian." The mom was pregnant, I asked if she was going to name her next kid "Ionic." She looked at me funny, and said "no."

Of course she looked at you funny. The next kid was obviously going to be named "Doric."

# ? Oct 11, 2004 03:01

Chimneyfish: Oct 14, 2003

The highlight of the movie would be when Laura talks to her dad on the phone while having sex. You keeping thinking that a moan could slip out at any momment, but it never does. Truly gripping.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 03:02

Heliophobe: Jul 13, 2001; Jan-ken-bo

quote:

sangdencre came out of the closet to say:
drat. theres spoilers on the inside cover pic. dont read it unless you really want to see what happens :<

just a FYI for u guys so you dont make the same stupid mistake as me.

Well I sort of liked knowing how it will end and seeing how it gets there. It's like an episode of Columbo.

With bathroom sex.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 03:19

Faid: Sep 18, 2003; by elpintogrande

quote:

Imajus came out of the closet to say:
I found this pic and it matches the image of her I had in my head.
[IMAGE]

"He shaved my thing bawld. I feel so retarted."

-Laura

I'm leaning towards her being black, myself.

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

# ? Oct 11, 2004 03:23

MeMotch: Jul 29, 2003; Never time travel sober

quote:

Chase came out of the closet to say:
But I guess that is the way that he makes me. But anyways, after we (Danny and me) went to Clark�s and got a movie. We started messing around again. I sucked on his thing several times.

I am really scared, because I don't think that Danny wants to be with me anymore. I am worried. He has been acting very strange toward lately. I have no idea what is going on. I want to talk to him very bad. He never comes over anymore. I really do think that he has someone else.

Anyways Dell was being a total rear end in a top hat today. Someone broke into his car and he tried to blame it on my friends. I hate him so much. But he is my grandma�s boyfriend. So, we all have to learn to live with him. Wendy broke up with tyler today.

HOLY CHRIST! Those are loving funny. It would be great to have a full audio book version made like that.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 03:28

Wanvig: Sep 8, 2003

quote:

Stingray 2.0 came out of the closet to say:
Of course she looked at you funny. The next kid was obviously going to be named "Doric."

A little more than a week ago, I would have missed this joke completely.

I didn't really notice this thread until it went gold. I'm now looking forward to the next installment.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 03:29

Post Office: Aug 16, 2004; take with food

I hate to spoil this for all of you, but:

Extremely personal things like diaries, photographs, and other mementos with no value (aside from sentimental) never get donated to Goodwill unless there is absolutely no one around to want them anymore. No family members, friends, spouses, nobody. This girl is almost certainly dead, and anyone who might want her things is probably dead too, or far far away (Alaska, for instance).

No, there is no personal information or updated diary information within the spoiler tags, though the opinion stated there may ruin some of the intrigue of the tale of Laura.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 03:30

Vodka66: Jan 31, 2002

I'm trying to remember significant events from that time to put this is context.

We're currently in late January '94. Early in the Clinton presidency. After Somalia, before OJ.

Kurt Cobain will kill himself in April. Seeing as how this takes place in Washington, I wonder if she'll mention it, even though it doesn't seem her taste in music.

I don't seem to remember much about those days.

Vodka66 fucked around with this message at 03:51 on Oct 11, 2004

# ? Oct 11, 2004 03:46

kraken: Mar 11, 2004; KICKING SQUEALING GUCCI LITTLE PIGGY

quote:

Vodka66 came out of the closet to say:
I'm trying to remember significant events from that time to put this is context.

We're currently in late January '93. Early in the Clinton presidency. After Somalia, before OJ.

Kurt Cobain will kill himself in April. Seeing as how this takes place in Washington, I wonder if she'll mention it, even though it doesn't seem her taste in music.

I don't seem to remember much about those days.

Late January '94. The diary started at the end of '93. Since I would have been a soph. in high school, I'm specifically trying to avoid remembering much about those days.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 03:49

Captain Pancakes: Jul 30, 2004

quote:

Vasquez came out of the closet to say:
First off on my list.

I know this is never mentioned.. but I can almost guarantee you all that she is white. I know the area within 150 miles of where I live to a "T". That's just how it is, and I'm sure it hasn't changed much since the early 90's. Take a walk/drive/bike ride through Bellingham during any part of the day, and there is one thing you may see three of: Black people. White folks abound here, and simply from knowing all too many of the kids like this growing up (always the ones who would tell me things like: "You don't even smoke? You're such a preppy.. we smoked 11 CIGARETTES LAST NIGHT!") I can picture Laura perfectly. Another disillusioned 14-15 year old white girl (I could NEVER imagine her being 18.. and I happen to know that this isn't the case for certain, as well as the fact that her boyfriend is in and out of juvie and he's most certainly older than she is), trying to live that tough thug life like all the people in the rap songs she looks up to. It's one of the saddest and most maddening debates I've ever heard. Sitting in my 7th GRADE english class, listening to a girl talk (Who I know I picture Laura as every time I type this drivel) about how she wants to have her first child and drop out before she is 15.. Who the gently caress sets their life up like that? HOW THE gently caress IS THAT EVER COOL?

And Danny.. gently caress it, almost all of you from Washington know the type of kids we're dealing with. Pasty, young white boys with oversized black jeans and HUGE t-shirts (at this time almost certainly No-Fear or Stussy, or anything along the lines of those stupid dogs dressed up in prison clothes and wearing handcuffs like they just broke out of jail.. BAD DAWG or some awful trash), the kind that never EVER leave the mall and just gently caress up things at school, and talk about when they're going to drop out (if they haven't already) etc. Remember the days when it was cool to get suspended? Well I don't, but I remember when it was cool for kids like these. Personally and rationally, I can't ever understand the psychology in telling yourself that setting one's life up with no regard to future success is the coolest thing possible at the moment. Anyways, this rant may continue, as reading this thing ever so constantly has been filling me with an undaunted rage for these types of kids..

Yeah, that's exactly how I pictured it. I saw all kinds of poo poo like that in junior high. I remember the "school slut" and her actually being really fat. I remember when kids started smoking weed and listening to Eminem and wearing huge rear end Jnco jeans. It's depressing to think about it, because I had a few friends that were like this, and come high school all dropped out. They used to make fun of me for being a preppy computer-dork who didn't smoke, and now look at them.

High school wasn't so bad. There was a girl there who had a kid in senior year, and halfway through nobody saw her at school anymore and assumed she dropped-out. However, I caught up with her later and it turns out that she actually graduated early, so that easily tells you the stereotypes of teen pregnancies leading to academic failure, even though she clearly wasn't a failure.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 03:50

peo: Sep 7, 2003; It's easier to club baby seals.

quote:

Dodorkahedron came out of the closet to say:
I hate to spoil this for all of you, but:

Extremely personal things like diaries, photographs, and other mementos with no value (aside from sentimental) never get donated to Goodwill unless there is absolutely no one around to want them anymore. No family members, friends, spouses, nobody. This girl is almost certainly dead, and anyone who might want her things is probably dead too, or far far away (Alaska, for instance).

No, there is no personal information or updated diary information within the spoiler tags, though the opinion stated there may ruin some of the intrigue of the tale of Laura.

Or it was donated by accident. A cousin of mine gave a diary away to Goodwill in a box with a bunch of other books and poo poo by mistake (she got it back though). And Laura sounds stupid enough to do something like this. She might not be dead. You never know.

Also, no new info in my spoiler, just replying to the quote.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 03:54

evilhanz: Mar 5, 2002

quote:

peo came out of the closet to say:

Or it was donated by accident. A cousin of mine gave a diary away to Goodwill in a box with a bunch of other books and poo poo by mistake (she got it back though). And Laura sounds stupid enough to do something like this. She might not be dead. You never know.

Or it was donated by the landlord who evicted them. When they never came back for their stuff, he sold what he could and dumped the rest on Goodwill. There are lots of possibilities. The mystery is part of what makes the thread fun.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:00

peo: Sep 7, 2003; It's easier to club baby seals.

quote:

evilhanz came out of the closet to say:

Or it was donated by the landlord who evicted them. When they never came back for their stuff, he sold what he could and dumped the rest on Goodwill. There are lots of possibilities. The mystery is part of what makes the thread fun.

Exactly. They don't have to be dead.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:05

nakor: Mar 12, 2001; Just some nerd

quote:

peo came out of the closet to say:
Exactly. They don't have to be dead.

I don't like the direction this thread is taking I wont be able to enjoy reading the entries if I think something bad happened to her later :(

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:15

Captain Pancakes: Jul 30, 2004

quote:

Laura came out of the housing development to say:
We rented Menace II Society. It was pretty good.

Hmm, they rented "Menace II Society", a movie about black "gangstaz." I guess that leans a little more towards her being black. Also, I noticed that it's the only movie she comments on, where as the other ones she just wrote that she saw them.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:20

Fistgrrl: Dec 30, 2000; Queen of Cuddlenaps

quote:

Captain Pancakes came out of the closet to say:

Hmm, they rented "Menace II Society", a movie about black "gangstaz." I guess that leans a little more towards black. Also, I noticed that it's the only movie she comments on, where as the other ones she just wrote that she saw them.

Oh I think she mention seeing....

BEVERLY HILLBILLIES

TAKE THAT!

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:22

Dr. Chris: May 11, 2004; The doctor is in.

quote:

Nakor came out of the closet to say:

I don't like the direction this thread is taking I wont be able to enjoy reading the entries if I think something bad happened to her later :(

March 3, 1995

Danny broke up with me for the final time. I couldn't take living without him, so I killed myself. But first I masturbated on the bathroom floor, remembering all the good times we had. But drat, being dead sucks. Now I know how that Nirvana guy, John Lennon or whatever, feels.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:23

Captain Pancakes: Jul 30, 2004

quote:

Fistgrrl came out of the closet to say:

Oh I think she mention seeing....

BEVERLY HILLBILLIES

TAKE THAT!

She said she didn't like it. That means she hates cracka rear end crackas!

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:23

Fistgrrl: Dec 30, 2000; Queen of Cuddlenaps

quote:

Captain Pancakes came out of the closet to say:

She said she didn't like it. That means she hates cracka rear end crackas!

Maybe she felt it was hurtful.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:24

Captain Pancakes: Jul 30, 2004

quote:

Fistgrrl came out of the closet to say:

Maybe she felt it was hurtful.

Hmm. Well, maybe she's neither black nor a redneck. In a way, I see a sign of white trash that acts black. See, "bootie sex" and stuff like that, sounds like wigger sort of talk. I didn't see one "Oh no he/she didn't"s in this diary at all.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:25

ate shit on live tv: Feb 15, 2004; by Azathoth

My vote:

White Trash turns slut after her n^th break up with Danny. Finally gets kicked out of her house/moves out. The diary is left behind and her mom donates it with all her other stuff to goodwill.

I usually don't like this drama poo poo, but for some reason I'm intrigued. Thanks Vaquez.

The abrupt end will suck though.

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

ate shit on live tv fucked around with this message at 04:40 on Oct 11, 2004

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:33

Vasquez: Jul 23, 2004; We bootie fucked too.

NEW POST ALERT! The original post has run out of space. I have to post here now, but I will be detailing exactly where the current posts are in the initial post. So, as of new updates, continue to check there. I WILL LIST THE CURRENT LAST PAGE, AND THAT WILL BE WHERE THE NEW MATERIAL IS. Enjoy!

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
NEW STUFF NOW! NEW STUFF NOW! NEW STUFF NOW! NEW STUFF NOW!

Part 12: If I had the chance to seize your hand just before that moment.. I'd grab every finger even if I knew it'd hurt. Just to keep you from sailing over. That crushing sound is like music..

Pages 64 and 65:

Entry #44
January 22, 1994

I went to breakfast with my mom, Tom, Lynn and Michael this morning. Then we came home and I wrapped my moms present. Me and my mom took speed today and I started tweeking out We went and bought me a pair of sweats. They are Dallas Cowboy sweats. They are pretty cool. Jeremy brought his nintendo over with 5 games so I played that for a little bit. Then my mom and I took a nap. Then we woke up and got ready and we went to her party. Then we came home and went to bed. I love you Danny and I miss you very much. Hopefully I will get to see him tomorrow.
Love Laura

Entry #45
January 24, 1994

Danny came over today. I missed him so much. He is mad at me right now, B cuz I am being a bitch to him. I am so bombed right now. He came in my mouth, on my bootie, and in my thang. He said that he was gonna hit me but I know that he was just kidding but it still brought back lots of memories. It kind of made me upset I don't know why but it did. I know that he is not like that but I still told him to do it to see if he would. I'm sorry baby. I love you.
Love Laura

Pages 66 and 67:

Pages 68 and 69:

Entry #46
January 26, 1994

Danny has stayed the last 2 nights with me. It made me really happy. I love spending time with him because he is my baby. I could never get sick of him. He means so much to me. But anyways He came to court with me today. It went good, my next court date is March 22. Then after court we went to counseling. My counselor wants Danny to come to counseling with me one time so she can talk to him. She is really cool. Then after counseling we came home and Danny and I had the best sex. He just went crazy on me. But I cant complain because I loved it. He has been cumming inside me a lot lately. Ever since he did the first time over at Brian's house. But I like it. Then we took a shower together. Then his mom came and picked him up. I told him to call me when he got off of work, But he never did. His parents probably won't let him talk to me anymore. Because his parents don't like me. But if that is the only way that he can stay in their house he is going to not call me. But I guess that I can hanle it. It will be hard but I have to live with it. I am really afraid that he is going to break up with me. I hope he wont but we just won't have a very close relationship like I want us to have. I want us to be open with each other and spend lots of time together. And I want us both to be happy. My mom, Darin, and I went shopping for my school stuff then went out to eat at McDonalds. I saw the Gunderson's there. I just glaired at them. Then we went to one of my moms classes and we came home. I start school tomorrow. I love you baby.
Love Me

Entry #47
January 27, 1994

I started school again today. They day went by so slow. But I was kind of happy because I got ot see all of my friends. So I was happy. Everybody was coming up to me and giving me a hug. It was really boring today. Because it was really slow I went to Sunset Square and jacked hella cigarettes and 8 blunt lighters. Then we walked home and I talked to Danny on the phone till 10:30 b-cuz my mom came home. I miss him so much. Danny and Jaimie are going to stay the night tomorrow. And Daisey�s coming over. I love you baby.
Love Laura

This girl's life is like a look through the wrong end of the exhaust pipe. Speed and sweat pants.. Mom, I'm just glad you were there for all of it.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
DRAMA ALERT DRAMA ALERT DRAMA ALERT DRAMA ALERT DRAMA ALERT DRAMA ALERT DRAMA ALERT

Helpful information pertaining to new updates:
It seems that Laura has taken her final revenge. She has accidentally (OR purposely) not written two of the page numbers in the diary (pages 68 and 69). She then continues as if these pages didn�t exist. This bit is included to stop people from saying �HEY YOU MADE A MISTAKE� when they notice that the page numbers I listed (as I am continuing with the correct page numbers) do not match the numbers listed on the diary. You�ll be able to tell which is which, so don�t worry. Just be aware. Here is an example of what you will see from now on: The picture will say: Page 68 and 69. I will say page 70 and 71. This may be confusing for some, but that�s just how it is. It�s the best way I have to keep all my own files in order. Hence, whenever you find yourself in trouble, refer to this simple formula. And with that, let us trudge on�

There comes an hour in which we fall upon our own crumpled footsteps, our shins a bloody mess and our hair putrid with the smell of wasted opportunites.. We've walked untold distances without grass under our feet. It is in this hour that we draw cold steel and lay it upon the retina; the balance between blindness and battle.

Pages 70 and 71:

Entry #48
February 7, 1994

I got out of juvie today. I am sick as gently caress. Danny came to my court. I was surprised. I was crying the whole time that I was up there. I felt so bad. I missed Dannys birthday party. I love him so much. I am so aftraid that he is going to find some other girl, and leave me. I just have a gut feeling. I havent done anything to make him break up with me. I just love him to much. He means so much to me. I love you baby. Please don�t ever leave me baby.
Love Laura

Cut to the biggest time lapse we�ve seen yet..

Entry #49
April 6, 1994

Danny has been staying with me. He got kicked out of his house about a month ago. I am 5 weeks pregnant. I am still not sure what I am going to do. I really want to keep it. But if I do keep it my mom said that I can�t live here. So I asked my mom to bring home a news-paper so I can look for a house or apartment. I really do want this baby very much.
Love Laura

Pages 72 and 73:

Entry #50
April 6, 1994 (night and day)

Today I was crabby. I felt really bad because I was being a real bitch to Danny. Dawn and her sister and kids came and picked me up. We to the Ferry to Port Townsend. It was an o.k. ride 3 different guys tried to flirt with me. 2 were navy guys and 1 was a Mexican. I was thinking of my baby danny the whole time. I miss him so much. I don�t get to cuddle with him tonight and I didn�t bring lambie to sleep with! I should have.
Love Laura
I
Love
U Danny

Entry #51
April 9, 1994

I went to the hospital last night before and they thought I was having a miscarriage. They told me to come back if my symptoms got worse. So I went back in last night and I had to have surgery. I am in pain. But Jaime is here to take care of me. I miss spending time with her. We used to be really close but we are not as close now. But hopefully we will be soon. I love you danny. Remember that kay.
Love Laura

Page 74:

Entry #52
May 10, 1994

Today was a very depressing day for me. Danny and I broke up. I can�t believe it. I already miss him so much. He means so much to me. I feel like killing myself. I can�t live without him. He is my whole world and my whole life. I have been crying for 2 hours straight. I don�t know what to do. I want him back so bad. I�m going to write him a letter asking him to give me one more chance.
Love Laura

If the blade is to slip, where will it fall? The story goes ever on.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
NEW POST NEW POST NEW POST NEW POST NEW POST NEW POST NEW POST NEW POST NEW POST

When everything I�ve done for the past year fades into fantasy, I realize just how much I miss painting that picture for you. I walk everywhere.. And even when it�s cold and raining I hold myself tighter and remember that something in this town is beautiful to someone.

Will you hold my hand? I never could balance on dreams.

Pages 75:

Pages 76 and 77:

Entry #53
May 12, 1994

Last night I went and kicked it with Danny and John. I smoked John out. He was being retarted. Danny stayed the night. We talked. And today we talked some more. Then I went and made him some food and he came into the kitchen and asked me out again. And of course I said yes. Because I love him so much. I went crazy without him I couldn�t handle myself. I missed him so much. It still doesn�t feel like we are together. But we are and I am very happy. I missed him so much. We kicked it for part of the day today. Now Tania won�t let him come down here anymore. Well anyways - Tom got Jaime and I high as gently caress. Then I just came home and thought about Danny so I made a tape for him and wrote him a letter to go with the tape. God�.. I miss him so much. I wish that he was here right now holding me in his strong sexy arms. I am so glad that we are back together. I love him so much. Please don�t ever leave me again baby!
Love Laura
(On Side) I LOVE YOU DANIEL

Entry #54
May 14, 1994

Today I helped Aunt Lissa out at her house. I got some money for it. I bought mom and Ali McDonalds food for dinner. Then I went out with Danny, John, and Taun. We smoked some bud then I bought drink for everyone. Then I bought Danny McDonalds food. Then we went back to the same place and I sucked Dannys dick (my dick) Then on our drive home Danny played with my pussy (his pussy.) He made me so loving horny. Then we kissed and they left. I�m so glad that we are back together.
I Love you
Baby boy Love Laura

Pages 78 and 79:

Entry #55
May 19, 1994

Last night Danny and Gabe stayed the night. I was so comfortable because I was with my baby boy. I miss having him here with me all of the time. My mom and I had a talk today, she said if I slip up one more time (even if I am late by one minute I am out of the house. But Erin and I are going to get an apartment. My mom is such a bitch. I hate her. I don�t understand what is wrong with her. God, she is such a bitch.
Love Laura

Entry #56
May 20, 1994

Today I got up around 12:00. Erin and I went to McDonalds then to her apartment to get some of her poo poo. Then we came back and I emptied her car out. We rolled some change. Then Cory-Morrie, Gabe and Caleb came over for a minute. Then they left to get some food and they never came back yet. Danny and John came over for a minute then they left. We might go to the carnival tonight.
Love Laura

Pages 80 and 81:

Entry #57
May 23, 1994

We got ready and went to pick up Gabe. Then we went to see my P.O and I was really high. She could tell. Then we went to Taco Bell and picked up Corey. Then we went and got Danny and we went to the mall to watch The Crow. It was ok. Then we came back to my house and kicked it for a little bit and got high in my room. Then we took everybody home. My birthday is soon.. In 2 days. I want to spend the day with Danny.
Love Laura

Entry #58
June 15, 1994

I havent done much today. Danny came over this morning then he went to go and pick up Corey. Then when they got back Danny and I took a shower. Then we were going to take Corey home and he was driving. He ran a red light and some guy bashed into us. Erins car is all hosed up. The whole passenger side is bashed in. And Danny wont even talk to me. I don�t know what is up his rear end but I hope he gets it out soon b-cuz he is making me sad by not talking to me.
Love Laura

Ok everyone.. we've come to a critical juncture, and I feel it is my duty to inform you all of certain details in light of much contemplation on the matter.

Here's the deal. Despite what no doubt God himself wants, the diary is about to end. It seems that Laura didn't realize that she would become a star player in so many days of our recent lives. Nevertheless, we've had a great run of it, and I hope the hilarity of such things as the spectacular sound files (thanks to all who have made them) and image macros (again, excellent work) will not cease in light of such information. Now. For the good news.

There is indeed a bulk of diary left. It is larger than the previous posts, and it is juicy. I have planned it this way, as you have no doubt guessed, and I will be posting it soon (probably tonight). I just wanted everyone to be preparred for this, as upon consideration I realized that an unplanned and abrupt ending could warrant a bad taste in the mouths of many. With that.. I hope you enjoy what's to come, what's been, and what hasn't been made yet. To all of you, thank you. I never could have thought you would have made this so much fun. My appreciation for your patience is endless. Until soon,

Your favorite illegal alien,

Vasquez

.....................................................................
THIS IS IT THIS IS IT THIS IS IT THIS IS IT

On our last legs I cannot urge you enough. READ THE DISCLAIMER!!! Love it. Live it. Onwards.

When the doors closed behind me one year ago I knew there was no turning back. All handshakes and bright smiles, this was going to be quite an experience. My face grew tight and dry as I clasped familiar skin, and echoed of the defeats and heroics faced in the conceivable epic of a teenage pilot episode. I threw my head back and laughed. An unfamiliar adventure where nothing was the way I wanted it to be, yet everything was irresistable. I sampled blood from an open wound, swallowed sharp rocks labeled sweet nothings, and found my solace.

This was going to be quite an experience.

Pages 82 and 83:

Pages 84 and 85:

Entry #59
July 4, 1994

Today I got out of juvie at 1:30 then I came home and took a shower and I called Danny. And he said that he had to talk to me in person. So I hung up with him then mom, Erin, and I went out to the res and bought tons of fireworks. Then we went to Sarah and Jarrods house and visited them for a little bit. Then we all went to uncle Doug�s for a barbeque then we went to the shop to watch the fireworks and mom went to the store and bought Erin and I 40�s and herself some wine coolers and some beer. We were straight kicken it. But I wish that my baby boy was there. Then we watched the fireworks and then we came home. Jeremy, Amy and Allen came over and we played poker. Jeremy and I won most of the money. Then we went to bed. Then Daniel called at 3 A.M and started calling me a ho and poo poo and he broke up with me. Why does he always have to do this to me? He thinks I know what he is talking about and I don�t. I still love him though. I will always love him. No matter what happens. I know that he doesn�t care about me because he told me. But that doesn�t stop me from loving him. Like I said, I will always love him. He means so much to me I will always care about him. Forever. He will always have the special place in my heart. Always! And he should know that. I hope he knows that. I will always be here for him. If he needs to talk or just for someone to be there for him. I will always be there. Even if he doesn�t believe it. But I hope that he does know that. I love you Daniel and I always will. I�ll never forget you. Please don�t ever forget me.
Love Laura

Entry #60
July 17, 1994

Not much has been going on lately. I am staying at Tania�s house. My mom was being a bitch. Danny is staying here too. I have just been sitting around here cleaning the house.

Pages 86 and 87:

Entry #61
July 21, 1994

I didn�t do much today. I woke up at 8:00 A.M. with Daniel. We took a shower and then we took him to work. When Tania and I got back home I cleaned the house did some laundry then made a tape. I have been thinking a lot today. About how hosed up my family is and how much I love Danny. I could never express to him how much I love him. It is much more than words. I don�t love him for the sex that we have together, or how he treats me, or what he tells me. I love him for who he is not what he is. I wish that he could just understand how much I love and care for him. He could never realize how much I love him. I love him more and more everyday. I just hope that he never fucks me over. I would never gently caress him over. I have been hosed over to many times and I know how much it hurts. I could never do that to him. I just hope he does know that I do love him and I always will.
Love Laura

Pages 88 and 89:

Entry #62
August 31, 1994

Today I went to the Point Defiance Zoo with Joana, Monica, and Danny in Tacoma. I had fun. After we went to the Zoo we went to the Swap meet then we went to Tacoma Discount World and Joana bought me a Guess T-shirt. We went out to eat at Flakey Jakes. I had so much fun today. School starts tomorrow. I am kind of happy but I�m not.
Love Laura

Entry #63
September 7, 1994

Today was a long boring day. School is going O.K. I guess. I don�t really like it but I have to go. I kicked Tiffany�s rear end yesterday because she called the cops on me and said that I had a gun down my pants and I wanted to shoot her. Of course Daniel and I are still together. I love him so much. He is my one and only baby boy. He means so much to me. I want to marry him. I want to have his children. I want to be with him forever. I would never do anything to hurt him.
Good night baby
Love Laura

Pages 90 and 91:

Entry #64
October 23, 1994

Today I didn�t do much. I helped Danny hook up my moms stereo system. It sounds a little bit better. I found out that I am pregnant again. I don�t know what to do. I want a baby but Danny doesn�t really want one. That is what I think. But I really do want to have it this time. Even if Danny gets mad at me or whatever. I do want it. But yes we are still together. And I think we always will be. I could never live without him.
Love Laura N� Daniel

Entry#65.��.
November 2, 1994 7:29 A.M

Danny just left a little bit ago to go to work. He stayed the night last night. He slapped me b-cuz He kicked me in the head so I punched him in the leg. Then he got up grabbed my hair and slapped me. It didn�t hurt but it hurt my feelings. He hurts my feelings all of the time. He calls me a ho, a bitch, a trick, and all that. It hurts me bad. Because he told me that he was going to forget about the past but he always brings it up. But today we are starting all over. With a new clean slate. I have an appointment at D.S.H.S. today at 9:45 A.M. I really want to keep this baby but I don�t want Danny to get mad at me.
Love Laura

To all who have shared in Laura's adventures:

This is all the book holds. What is left is for our imaginations only, and NEVER to find out for ourselves. I'm sorry I can't give you more, and the mystery may very well haunt you. However, it will have to do. Thank you all for bearing with me. I would sincerely like to express my gratitude for your patience.

And now, if I can answer any questions, be my guest. You have as much information as I now.

Vasquez fucked around with this message at 08:54 on Oct 13, 2004

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:33

Dr. Klahn: Nov 24, 2003; hi

quote:

Captain Pancakes came out of the closet to say:

Hmm. Well, maybe she's neither black nor a redneck. In a way, I see a sign of white trash that acts black. See, "bootie sex" and stuff like that, sounds like wigger sort of talk. I didn't see one "Oh no he/she didn't"s in this diary at all.

How does wanting to name her kid La'Shawn factor into that then?

edit:

quote:

Me and my mom took speed today and I started tweeking out We went and bought me a pair of sweats

ok, voted white as snow and trashy as jersey

barf

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:34

raditts: Feb 21, 2001; The Kwanzaa Bot is here to protect me.

quote:

Fistgrrl came out of the closet to say:

Oh I think she mention seeing....

BEVERLY HILLBILLIES

TAKE THAT!

Hi Fistgrrl :keke:
I never see you post these days.

I'm voting Wegro myself.

quote:

Captain Pancakes came out of the closet to say:

Hmm. Well, maybe she's neither black nor a redneck. In a way, I see a sign of white trash that acts black. See, "bootie sex" and stuff like that, sounds like wigger sort of talk. I didn't see one "Oh no he/she didn't"s in this diary at all.

There's plenty of stuff like "bomb rear end weed" and "hella _____" too.
edit: oh, I thought you were looking for proof that she wasn't black. Definitely white trash here.

raditts fucked around with this message at 04:40 on Oct 11, 2004

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:35

the_dankness: Dec 2, 2003; Oh, but Moe, the dank. The dank!

quote:

Me and my mom took speed today and I started tweeking out We went and bought me a pair of sweats.

:banjo:

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:38

Wendell: May 11, 2003

I love how he's been cumming inside of her, as if they are ready for a baby. Then HIS PARENTS pick him up from her house.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:41

hallik: Aug 15, 2003

are people trying to find this girl? I have just been reading the updates and every so often I see people mentioning please don't ruin this by contacting her.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:45

BrassMonkey: May 10, 2003; Mr. Paradise

quote:

Wendell came out of the closet to say:
I love how he's been cumming inside of her, as if they are ready for a baby. Then HIS PARENTS pick him up from her house.

Yeah thats terrible. This whole story is makinging me sad, because I see the cycle stupid behavior transfering from parent to child, yet also happy because I was born into a family with sensible parents.

quote:

hallik came out of the closet to say:
are people trying to find this girl? I have just been reading the updates and every so often I see people mentioning please don't ruin this by contacting her.

From what has been posted, I dont see how anybody could find her.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:48

evelynevvie: Sep 14, 2004; I'll fry you like a fritter! Crispy on the outside... chewy on the inside!!!

While I am amused by her stupidity and riveted to the story, I feel bad for the girl too. She reminds me of so very many many girls I went to high school with. I'm not originally from WV, but my family moved to a rural area of WV right before my 7th grade year. Our graduating class was rather downsized due to all the pregnancies, dropouts etc. My tenth grade year was the most fertile, with something like 10 or 11 girls preggars. One girl in my class had 2 kids (at least they were by the same guy, which is still sad) before we graduated. It makes me rather sad to see, but it happens every day.

OK, back to the fun stuff:

I can't help but wonder, what with all that crazy bathroom sex and "bootie loving" if she's "cummed" yet. I can't help but laugh at her terminology.

quote:

This girl's life is like a look through the wrong end of the exhaust pipe. Speed and sweat pants.. Mom, I'm just glad you were there for all of it.

Wow. Couldn't have said it better myself.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:50

dukenuk3m: Aug 9, 2003; eCeleb

quote:

Vasquez came out of the closet to say:
[B]
Entry #44
January 22, 1994

I went to breakfast with my mom, Tom, Lynn and Michael this morning. Then we came home and I wrapped my moms present. Me and my mom took speed today and I started tweeking out We went and bought me a pair of sweats. They are Dallas Cowboy sweats. They are pretty cool. Jeremy brought his nintendo over with 5 games so I played that for a little bit. Then my mom and I took a nap.

speed and then a nap?

does not compute.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:53

Fistgrrl: Dec 30, 2000; Queen of Cuddlenaps

quote:

raditts came out of the closet to say:

Hi Fistgrrl :keke:
I never see you post these days.

Hello raditts. I post every day. :q:

Laura has now said she was physically abused at some time which isn't surprising at all.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:53

Cyrai: Sep 12, 2004

I can hardly believe this is real. The degression is so...movie-like. I feel like I'm reading Requiem for a Dream. Every step gets worse and worse in exponential degrees. It really does read like a fictional account in terms of how bad it's getting and how quickly.

And thank you eternally, Vasquez.

Edit: I think she's white trash.

Also, NOBODY should try to find her. Period.

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Cyrai fucked around with this message at 04:59 on Oct 11, 2004

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:53

Imajus: Jun 10, 2004; Thirteen!

So she DOES go to school, interesting.
" He came in my mouth, on my bootie, and in my thang." :laffo:
I can't wait to see what happens when she finds out she is knocked up. Will she get an abortion? Drop out of school? How will Danny's parents react? Will her mom do more speed?

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:57

Ultramega OK: May 14, 2003; I'm a Catholic, I can feel guilty about anything.

I don't know whether to laugh at or cry for this girl. Her life seems so dead-end.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 04:58

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 19, 2024 17:08

ninja-assassin: Aug 5, 2003; It's a great day for hockey.

quote:

He came in my mouth, on my bootie, and in my thang. He said that he was gonna hit me but I know that he was just kidding

This part struck me as hilarious for some reason. This poor poor girl

While I don't want anyone to find her to ruin it all, i'd like to find out where she is today and just how many kids she has had by different daddies.

# ? Oct 11, 2004 05:03

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Going nowhere fast.. falling so hard we never look back

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