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Morgenstern
Sep 11, 2001
Ich bin allein zur Nacht gegangen
Die späten Vögel nicht mehr sangen
Sah Sonnenkinder im Gewimmel und so
rief ich in den gestirnten Himmel.
Directed by: Polonia Brothers
Starring: Mark and John Polonia

After seeing Lowtax's review of the movie back in 2000, I resolved that I would one day see it. I finally bought it off half.com for $2.50 in January 2002, and I watched it with my mom. She said she nearly fell asleep.

The movie starts off with one of the Polonia brothers rambling on and on in front of a wall about the first movie, which I haven't seen. This goes on for several minutes, and then it goes to the present day. According to Lowtax's review, the Earth was destroyed in the first way, but I'm going to disregard that.

The main characters consist of one of the Polonia brothers, his wife (and probably cousin), and the two kids. Also there's a priest, a old lady, and a guy working in a warehouse, who are all cut to with absolutely no introduction or character development (I feel silly mentioning the phrase "character development" in a drat Polonia flick review)

I will be honest. There's really not that much funny about the film. It tries hard to be funny-cheap, but just comes off looking dismal and depressing. I feel weird saying this, but this actually gave it a somewhat creepy feel to it. Enough to give me a couple of bad dreams later on. I certainly was more scared by this movie than by stuff like Jeepers Creepers.

Then there's the whole "crisis of faith" thing put in, which reminded me of Signs. Of course, the Polonias felt that God was too big a concept to put in their film, so they settled with Santa Claus. Who proves his existence in the film. I wish I had made that up.

Overall, it's not funny, a little scary, and is somewhat like Signs, except with about .001% of the budget.

RATING: 1.5

PROS: It's actually a bit scary!
CONS: Everything else

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0366436/

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Lowtax
Nov 16, 1999

by Skyl3lazer

quote:

ArcticBanana came out of the closet to say:
PROS: It's actually a bit scary!
uhhhh

a movie about sock puppets fighting Santa Claus, who is armed with a laser gun and teleporting presents? That's scary?

Morgenstern
Sep 11, 2001
Ich bin allein zur Nacht gegangen
Die späten Vögel nicht mehr sangen
Sah Sonnenkinder im Gewimmel und so
rief ich in den gestirnten Himmel.
Okay, "scary" isn't really the right word. "Depressing" would be better. It IS terrifying when you think about what better purposes the money spent on this could have gone to.

And Feeders 2 is still scarier than Jeepers Creepers, though I think The Sound of Music would also be scarier than Jeepers Creepers.

Lowtax
Nov 16, 1999

by Skyl3lazer

quote:

ArcticBanana came out of the closet to say:
Okay, "scary" isn't really the right word. "Depressing" would be better. It IS terrifying when you think about what better purposes the money spent on this could have gone to.

And Feeders 2 is still scarier than Jeepers Creepers, though I think The Sound of Music would also be scarier than Jeepers Creepers.
This reply took eight months in the making!

ogm
May 20, 2001

I enjoyed watching this movie. Some highlights included a scene of the guy in the warehouse getting killed that was also in the Polonia production "Night Crawlers" (another winner, by the way). Yes that's right, the exact same scene is included in both movies. They're nothing if not crafty, those Polonias. Other fun stuff includes the part where they ignore that the world was blown up in the first movie (as mentioned), and the boss of the nerdy guy that is totally evil for no particular reason. Oh, and the end makes no loving sense whatsoever, but that's to be expected.

I'd recommend this movie to everyone with a tolerance for crappy movies. If you have a couple of seasons of MST3k under your belt this should be a cake walk. However, a "normal" person might find it hard to get through this poo poo.

For entertainment value I'm going to rate this a 5

Morgenstern
Sep 11, 2001
Ich bin allein zur Nacht gegangen
Die späten Vögel nicht mehr sangen
Sah Sonnenkinder im Gewimmel und so
rief ich in den gestirnten Himmel.

quote:

Lowtax came out of the closet to say:
This reply took eight months in the making!

I didn't go back to this thread until eight months later.

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Knight
Dec 23, 2000

SPACE-A-HOLIC
Taco Defender
This hurt like hell. It was also only about an hour long, yet contains three hours worth of pain. I can't believe they recycled the footage of the camera being dragged along the ground with inverted colors while someone screeches and makes throat noises, which took up at least half of the original movie and about a third of this. That noise haunts my dreams. Santa Claus with a raygun couldn't save me from that noise.

Personal - 0
Technical - 0
Rating - 0

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