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Directed by: Nigel Cole Starring: Helen Mirren Truth in advertizing. As a sceptical consumer, I think it's a reasonable expectation from our poo poo-we-don't-need driven marketing media. And, don't get me wrong, I'm not crazy about the idea of old ladies showing off their naked, crusted bodies on film or in print. But if your movie happens to be Calendar Girls, and the commercials give you the impression that you're going to see tight, wet grannies showing off their super-secret vericose veins, you'd better goddamn well deliver. Calendar Girls is a cocktease playing on one of man's most perverse fantasies--desire for a (much) older woman. Of course, it doesn't deliver. It's just another goddamn chick flick, full of contrived female empowerment, sitcom-quality jokes and males pigeonholed into roles as either spineless cowards or cheating cowards. An old lady's husband croaks, and she and her Women's Institute friends are sad. This Women's Institute is a social club where middle-aged women slink into their waning years by pretending to enjoy typical old lady activites. To raise money for the local hospital's cancer ward, the ladies decide to pose nude for a calendar to distribute locally. Against all odds and with the ire of the Women's Institute's board of henpeckers, the ladies pose for the calendar and it's an impossibly huge sensation. The ladies start out self-conscious, and a lot of the humour is based on that fact. They work out, they diet, they cup their saggy breasts in shame that they aren't perkier. They finally work up the courage to pose and then the movie hits you with it. It's a sham. The ladies pose behind comedically placed buns and nightshades and towels. There's not a bush or a saucer-sized areola to be seen. What the gently caress? Calendar Girls is the same sloppy, oversimplistic movie girls always drag hapless guys to. Don't be fooled by the promise of wrinkled titties, you will be sorely disappointed. RATING: 2 PROS: Anthrax in a cameo! CONS: Horrible lame jokes, sappy ridiculous drama, no nudity ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0337909/
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Jun 23, 2004 05:09
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