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Monkey Lincoln
Dec 1, 2001
gumshoe



When I moved into my current house 7 years ago, there were a few things that were a bit off. Wires running around that didn't leady anywhere, vents in the ground that didn't lead anywhere, light switches to nothing, stuff like that. One thing that was left here was a big rear end safe.

It was in the corner of the garage, with a wooden shell on it to make it look like some sort of cupboard. It's about 4' by 4', what looks to be Iron, and about 500 pounds from what I can tell by ramming into it in an effort to move it.

A few years ago, a friend of my mother got hold of it and, being the idiot that he was, ripped the dial off with powertools and drilled a series of holes leading nowhere. Now it's my turn.

My idea is to A) Drill a hole in the back, find a way to look in and see what's inside, or B) Make a hole in the face about halfway through and blow it the gently caress up with explosives. My theory is that it's either full of pressed, stamped swedish gold bullion bars, worth roughly $280,000, or it's full of spiders, so depending on what's in it I have to be careful with it or kill whatever's in it with one blast.


Here are some pictures, now tell me what's in it and how do I get it out.




EvilKosh: I wish Monkey John Wilkes Booth would shoot you.

Monkey Lincoln fucked around with this message at Aug 3, 2004 around 20:33

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Cynnik
Nov 19, 2002

this seems all too familiar

Sorry dude, you gotta call a pro for that. Safes are hard to break into for a reason :(

Weed Wolf
Jul 30, 2004


My vote is for the explosives. The gold buillion will survive the blast, and all the mutant spiders will be killed.

Post pics please. Explosions are always beautiful.

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

psychicattack
Mar 22, 2003

Ask me why I don't punctuate the last sentence of my post

:( Did you learn nothing from Geraldo?

Kase
Jun 24, 2003


quote:

Cynnik came out of the closet to say:
Sorry dude, you gotta call a pro for that. Safes are hard to break into for a reason :(

That safe is really old. You can probably drill through it. The metal seems to have degraded over the years. If not drilling, he can just smash the locking mechanism out and open that way. That safe is far from unbreakble.

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This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Not an Anthem
Apr 27, 2003

I'm a fucking pain machine and if you even touch my fucking car I WILL FUCKING DESTROY YOU.


That safe looks broken, all it needs is more drilling.

Elbastardo
Dec 9, 2001


Try a die grinder, and cut a small square out. Something like this:

http://www.makita.com/Tools_Item_View.asp?id=250

EDIT: or, run it along the left seam of the door to cut the locking bars.

General351
Mar 16, 2003


whatever is in there won't cover the cost of a safe cracker


just drill holes in it till you get bored and then leave it for the next home buyer

Gaspy Conana
Aug 1, 2004

this clown loves you

put your ear upto it

Pudgygiant
Apr 8, 2004

Worth it

Now you got me all curious...

You could just be ghetto and drop it off a tall building.

lol if you
Jun 29, 2004

and they had real big eyes.
large, dark eyes.

Know anybody with access to an oxy-acetelyne welder setup? I'd say your best bet would be to attack the hinges on the right side, there.

Judging from the damage your mom's idiot friend did, I don't think you're going to have much luck with drills or saws. Maybe you could grind the hinges off with the sorts of gear they use to cut up the concrete at road construction projects.

Basically, yeah call a pro. Unless you've got one of those crazy friends with equipment like that laying around in his garage.

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Tanglefoot
Feb 27, 2002



quote:

Supersleuth 2.0 came out of the closet to say:
My vote is for the explosives.

My vote too, it must be easy if they do it in the films all the time.

rear end is a donkey.

Paul Boz_
Dec 21, 2003

Sin City


quote:

General351 came out of the closet to say:
whatever is in there won't cover the cost of a safe cracker


just drill holes in it till you get bored and then leave it for the next home buyer

thats a bullshit attitude, ";just leave the sweedish gold for the next guy!"

crack it open with all the might you can muster

Monkey Lincoln
Dec 1, 2001
gumshoe



quote:

Gaspy Conana came out of the closet to say:
put your ear upto it
And what? Listen for the ocean?

quote:

Pudgygiant came out of the closet to say:
Now you got me all curious...

You could just be ghetto and drop it off a tall building.

This would be my choice if a) I could get it to the top of a tall building, as it's loving heavy, and B), I know of a place that wouldn't mind me using their building and puting a 5 foor dent in their sidewalk.

I'm guessing it's pretty old, but not that old. It looks worse because it's has it's face mashed with a hammer and chipped with drill bits till all the paint flew off. No amount of hammer bashing will do anything, no even on the handle.


EvilKosh: I wish Monkey John Wilkes Booth would shoot you.

Vagina Wash
Jul 8, 2003

MMM LAWDY GETTUP

quote:

psychicattack came out of the closet to say:
:( Did you learn nothing from Geraldo?

lol I remember that. it's probably full of paperclips and mashed envelopes.

edit: or a terrible, wrathful genie :cry:

----------------

CaptainWinky posted:

i love anime
so put another dime in the gook box baby



u want dildo~ ?

Batrox
Jun 17, 2004


Drill/grind a notch in the seam where the frame meets the door and pry, pry, pry the hell out of it. Keep widening the notch as need be, this will force the door outwards. A large safe was broken into at my work place once and it was all done with gradual prying of the door. Hinges are the weakest point, you want to attack those.

I love blacks
Mar 24, 2003

Oh dear. Is that bannable?

I imagine an acetylene torch would get through that quickly enough.

I wanna see Monkey Lincoln get rich from this mystery safe.

EDIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BUSTING THE VIDEO UP TO PAGE 1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO READ ALL THE SILLY SPECUALTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

http://theyre.us/Files/Safe.wmv

I love blacks fucked around with this message at Aug 13, 2004 around 03:45

Jack Crosby
Feb 2, 2004

It's Fucking Nutritious

Call a pro to open it up, only to find a dead hooker decaying inside. Explain your way out of that smarty pants.

If there are spiders inside, call John Candy. He did that movie I saw when I was a kid which thanks to I now piss myself at the sight of a daddy-longlegs.

But seriously, I second the grinder to the hinges. The door will still be on there, but you should be able to wedge a crowbar or a fat kid in the side to pry it off. Good luck, and I'll be looking for updates.

P.S.-> don't be a douche a drop the frigg'n door on your foot.


Edit: Boy is my face red. Mostly becasue of my heavy drinking, but I'm also embarrassed. I get my fat guys mixed up.

Jack Crosby fucked around with this message at Aug 3, 2004 around 05:09

Vagina Wash
Jul 8, 2003

MMM LAWDY GETTUP

quote:

Jack Crosby came out of the closet to say:

If there are spiders inside, call John Candy. He did that movie I saw when I was a kid which thanks to I now piss myself at the sight of a daddy-longlegs.


That was John Goodman you silly rear end

----------------

CaptainWinky posted:

i love anime
so put another dime in the gook box baby



u want dildo~ ?

LostCause
Jun 27, 2003

by Peatpot


Watch DieHard and follow the instructions of the nerdy black terrorist/ safe cracker.

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MovieCamera
Sep 11, 2001

Insert witty generic title text here

If you have a reciprocating saw, you can attack the hinges with metal blades. I'd get the wooden shell off first of all.

YourCreation
Jan 4, 2004

A little creative surgery helps turn a few sick pets into a new and improved friend!




oh shi

I'm going to India to spay and neuter stray dogs and vaccinate them against rabies. Help me out!
http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/help-me-help-canine-rabies-and-population-control-in-india/x/2993449

Slaperz
Jul 18, 2004
"It is not African - American vernacular english, your just too fucking stupid to learn proper English."

A good way to open a safe like that is to turn it upside down if you can, so its belly is facing upwards. Get a heavy sledgehammer, and swing that fucker like your a cop beating a guy. This will work pretty often. Find the local 300 lb neighborhood ogre and have em swing that sledge, even if you have to bribe em.

That metal may be cast rather than forged on the bottom, and have more of a tendency to fracture than bend and such.

Getting a center punch, and driving the little center of the dial out where it turns all the mechanical poo poo in the lock can be effective, if there is anything left.

Drilling the lock near where it latches may work, there should be a bar that is held by the lock somehow. Drilling in the right place will destroy it if you can figure out the right spot, and obtain the extremly hard Carbide tip / diamond drills needed to penetrate such tough metal.

You can also open the safe with thermite, but there is a real danger of destroying what may be inside it. However, if your careful, I think thermite will open it with no damage to the goodies inside.

Torches will work great too for this kind of safe.

BTW, if that safe is any good at all, I doubt that grinding off the hinges will work. The door is quite thick, and the safe latch will not let the back of the door swing "out", much even if the hinges are missing. Removing the hinges will get the door to rattle and move a little, but thats about all it will do.

Slaperz fucked around with this message at Aug 3, 2004 around 05:00

perfussid
Apr 11, 2003
"I love that look on a child's face when the Santa myth comes crashing down."

Find out what specific model it is. Find schematics, look at the locking mechanism, drill a hole over the part the keeps it locked, pour in HCL.

consulate_earl
Jan 10, 2001

Motherfucker?
Yes, I am.


Subscribed for news reports of mutant spiders.

sure i may look lazy, but at the cellular level i'm really quite frenetic.

big ducks go "quack quack."

Clarv Prichton
Jul 28, 2003
good morning.

I vote for the "Butch & Sundance" explosives option.

"That oughta do it."

Inspector_666
Oct 7, 2003

I'm close to six feet, I like to think.



Wouldn't that central hole lead right into the locking mechanism?

Pack that with explosives, then just wail on it.

Maybe get some Freon?

Aleron235
Mar 21, 2003

Exquisite Sweet Delicacy

I am eager to see the contents once you do figure out a method of opening it.

Subscribed :cool:

Cuddlebottom
Feb 17, 2004

Butt dance.

How Stuff Works has an article on safe-cracking. A lot of it is how to deduce combinations, but here is the page that talks about drilling it open.

How Safe Cracking Works, page 9

There are multiples pages of that, including pages on torching and explosives.
(Subscribed)

Cuddlebottom fucked around with this message at Aug 3, 2004 around 05:19

MikeyKins
May 9, 2004

Dan, there's a reason why we get emails calling you Le Bafart, Le Baturd, Le Bajerk...


Destroying the hinges idea would likely work.

Step one: destroy hinges
Step two: from former hindge side, apply crow bar
Step three: attempt to bend door open the other way
Step four: profit

Either that, or kidnap the old locksmith's daughter and force him out of retirement.

Note: subscribed for tales of effort

JnnyThndrs
May 29, 2001

HERE ARE THE FUCKING TOWELS

An oxy-acetylene torch ought to do it, that safe looks ancient.

----------------
This thread brought to you by a tremendous dickhead!

Monkey Lincoln
Dec 1, 2001
gumshoe



Destroying the hinges might work, providing I take the shell off and either cut scross them horizontally, or cut them right off, but if there are bars that lock the top and bottom, not just the sides, I think I'm out of luck.

I'll bring a friend over tomorrow and see if I can move it into the driveway for proper bashing, cutting and picture taking.


EvilKosh: I wish Monkey John Wilkes Booth would shoot you.

Hot Dog Hotline
Jul 24, 2004

Hello? Hello?

Drop it off something really really tall

EricFate
Aug 31, 2001

Crumpets. Glorious Crumpets.

Find that friend of your mother, and kick him repeatedly in the rear end until he drops enough money to hire a locksmith -- who can then arrive, look at the damage, and laugh at you. Then have him show you a catalog to demonstrate how much it would cost to purchase and install a safe like that. Then invite the friend over again and knee him in the groin.

The only way you are opening that now, is if you flip it over and have an actual metalsmith look at how the thing was pieced together. If he can loosen a few welds, you can use the sledgehammer method mentioned earlier. Otherwise you'll have to find someone with the tools to grind through the bolts that lock the left side of the door in place. I somehow doubt drilling will do much beyond make moving those bolts even MORE impossible now that the inside surface is all hosed up.

SenatorIvy
Mar 1, 2003

Do what I say and nobody gets hurt.

Is there no one who can give a hint as to what is in the safe? If it's from quite a long time ago (war era) I would assume it was a small amount of reserve dough for when the commies took over.

Loving Life Partner
Apr 17, 2003

You want to file a WHAT!?

You should fix it up a bit and sell it as is on eBay. You gotta admit the chances are next to nil that anything valuable is inside. Just claim you have no clue and nobody else does, it has been sealed for decades. The "mystery box" appeal should get you a pretty spiffy profit.

NitrusOxyde
Feb 9, 2004

I slept with NitrusOxyde and all I got was this lousy fucking T-Shirt

Everez evuildai ammm sachee erevul...

The Master commands you open the box.

Sheep
Jul 24, 2003


Get your wacko brother to pull the door off of it.

redscare
Aug 14, 2003


try freon or something equally cold as all gently caress

my friend was telling me how him and his buddies used to break the Ulocks on bicycles to steal them using freon back in the day

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TehKrond
Oct 13, 2002

France is for Gays and Damn Dirty Jews, Both of which own Hollywood

quote:

Monkey Lincoln came out of the closet to say:
This would be my choice if a) I could get it to the top of a tall building, as it's loving heavy, and B), I know of a place that wouldn't mind me using their building and puting a 5 foor dent in their sidewalk.
Water tower?!

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