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Lloyddy
Sep 27, 2000

Directed by: Michael Gornick
Starring: George Kennedy, Daniel Beer, Lois Chiles, Tom Wright

Written by Stephen King and George A. Romero, and the sequel to the entertaining Creepshow, this movie should be good. But it isn't. It's loving terrible to be precise. Three weak horror stories are linked by a awful wraparound cartoon that looks like outtakes from a He-Man cartoon. While the original was both funny and scary, the sequel is neither.

The movie starts off with "The Creep" throwing some comic books on to the street. He looks completely different from the first film, and is also now a wisecracker to boot. Some human being kid named Billy just loves his Creepshow comics so he's eagerly awaiting the comics to be dumped into the gutter in front of him. The film then turns animated and after the credits the Creep tells some terrible jokes and we're on to the first story:

Ol' Chief Woodenhead: The first ten minutes are local store owners George Kennedy and his stupid wife yakking on about poo poo in a way only old people can. Also George seems to have some kind of homoerotic relationship with a carved Red Indian outside his store. I don't want to see this in a horror movie. Luckily they both get bumped off by a crazy native indian who just LOVES HIS LONG HAIR during a botched robbery. The wooden indian promptly comes to life and starts killing off long hair dude and his accomplices (a large guy named "Fatstuff" and a rich guy probably called "Richie Rich" or "Moneybags" or something). Unbeliveably, two of the deaths happen OFF-SCREEN. What the hell kind of lame movie is this?! Needless to say, this story sucks.

After more cartoon idiocy we move on to:

The Raft: This is based on a short story from Stephen Kings "Skeleton Crew". The story was pretty good in a trashy way so I had high hopes for this. Well "high" by Creepshow 2 standards. Needless to say this segment also sucked. Four kids go down to the lake and hop aboard a old raft. Unfortunately a big blob of blobiness in the water starts picking them off one by one. The blob looked like a floating glut of binliners. The kids were bland. And the deaths really sucked. Watching somebody get covered in a tar like substance just isn't scary. Also, if you watch the trailer for this movie which is on the DVD, it completely gives away the ending to this segment. The ending, for anybody who cares, is that the binliners eat the one true ring and fall into Mount Doom where Peter Venkmen promptly shoots it.

Back to poo poo animation and then the final TERRIFYING STORY*:

The Hitchhiker: This was pretty dire. Hitchhiker gets runover by Lois Chiles and she gets tormented by dead Hitchhiker all the way home. There's a couple of jump scenes and although they are incredibly obvious, they're still a million times scarier than anything that has happened in this film beforehand. The "shocking" ending completely failed to shock. Also this story is really, really desperate to start a catchphrase so people remember this movie for decades to come. "THANKS FOR THE RIDE LADY LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL."

:siren:BEWARE: STEPHEN KING MAKES A CAMEO IN THIS SEGMENT:siren:

Eventually the wraparound cartoon comes to a miserable end and so does this loving awful movie. Don't ever watch this.


*Actual story may not be terrifying.

RATING: 1

PROS: It's fun to laugh at
CONS: It's not funny, scary or even gory.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: http://uk.imdb.com/title/tt0092796/

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ClumsyThief
Sep 11, 2001

Okay, so, where to begin. I didn't like the first Creepshow in the least bit, but this one does sink to new lows.

Lloyddy does a good job summing up the first story, about the wooden Indian. It's not in the least bit suspensful, scary, or even interesting. The Indian doesn't look at all realistic, which basically kills what little potential was left after you factor in the horrible acting by the three "robbers."

The Raft story is like a very condensed version of The Blob, set on a lake instead of a city. For the most part it isn't scary or suspensful, but it does beat the Hell out of the Indian. I thought all of its flaws were more than made up by the generous boob shots and the part at the end, where the blob kills that really irritating Randy guy.

While I don't recall exactly what the ending of the Hitchiker story was, I'm sure it wasn't anything to write home about. It starts off interestingly enough, though, mostly because of the creepy looking hitchiker appearing out of nowhere in the dark. Over and over. Tends to lose its effect after the second or third time.

I'm giving it a 2, just because the Raft story at least had a little potential.

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