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EmuOfFury
Oct 7, 2004

I could stare at you forever.
Directed by: Bruce Kimmel
Starring: Leslie Nielsen, Cindy Williams, Bruce Kimmel, Gerrit Graham, Patrick MacNee

I was playing the trivia game "Bolderdash" with my family when I happened upon the question "What movie contains the song 'I Want to Eat Your Face' sung by an alien that stalks the crew of a space ship?" The answer it seems was an odd little comedy made in 1981 starring Leslie Nielson called "The Creature Wasn't Nice." It also was released under two other names, "Naked Space" and "Spaceship," for reasons which I am not certain.

The utter goofiness of the song and film title made me obsess over what the song sounded like, and I was determined to one day see this movie. I was lucky enough to happen upon a used copy on DVD at an old video store, and was finally able to quench my curiosity about the song.

Let me begin by saying that this is among the five worst movies I have ever seen in my life. The sets look like they were built by middle schoolers for a TV Productions project, the acting somehow manages to be over the top and bland at the same time, and the special effects are laughable even for 1981.

The film is essentially a spoof of "Alien." A small gooey blob ends up on Leslie Nielsen's space ship, then the scientist, "Dr. Stark" falls in love with it, and eventually the blob grows huge in size and starts killing everyone on board.

The worst part of this film is that it's slow. Painfully slow. Each joke is horribly executed and then dwelled on as if the filmmaker was expecting the audience to be howling in fits of laughter. Even Leslie Nielsen doesn't seem to have his comic timing in tune.

I must say however that the song that caused me to seek out this movie in the first place, "I Want to Eat Your Face," wasn't disappointing. Dr. Stark hooks up a "translating device" to the alien's head to see what it's thinking, and we discover that the alien's speech consists of a constant show-tune like song that include the lyrics "I want to eat... your face! I want to eat... your smiiiiilllle!" Eventually the alien begins dancing a magnificantly stupid dance, and continues doing so for about two minutes.

I really can't recommend this film to anyone, not even hardcore Leslie Nielsen fans. The "I Want to Eat Your Face" song brings my rating up from a .5 to a 1, but wasn't enough to save this terrible movie.

RATING: 1

PROS: The song
CONS: The acting, set design, directing, special effects, and pretty much everything else.

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082213/

EmuOfFury fucked around with this message at 08:23 on Nov 20, 2004

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