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Directed by: Jaume Serra Starring: Elisha Cuthbert, Chad Michael Murray, Paris Hilton When I heard that a remake of the 1953 Vincent Price creepout classic was being made, I got pretty excited. When I saw the trailer and learned that it would become a teen slasher movie, my hopes were dashed. However, I went into the movie with high hopes as A) The idea of waxing someone alive creeps me the gently caress out, and B) I love 80s teen slasher movies (Prom Night, Friday the 13th, etc.) and sit and wait patiently for a modern slasher to be as fun as one from years ago. From the moment we meet the characters we can tell that, as expected, they fit into standard slasher archetypes. Girl who will live, nice guy, jerk guy, annoying guy (whose gimmick is to carry around a video camera, although this gimmick was probably written in when Paris Hilton was cast so that they could make sex tape jokes seeing as the camera is soon abandoned for general annoyance), black guy, slut and so on. The group is heading to see the biggest college football game of the year, but opt to camp for the night in the middle of nowhere instead of driving to civilization. During this first forty-five minutes (yes half the movie is talking making for very uneven pacing when the bodies start piling up) we're treated to snipets of dialogue that are supposed to pass as character development, but don't quite do the job. We also get some something that's supposed to pass as suspense as a mysterious tow truck shines his high beams on the group for a while. Also we get between two and three sex tape jokes and a sort of cool gross out scene that involves a mass grave of animal carcasses. This gross out scene sets the standard for the rest of the movie. I recall a quote from Stephen King where he said, (this is from memory and probably not exact) "If you can't go for a good scare do the next best thing and go for the gross out." The movie does not deliver a single good scare aside from the occasional musical stinger/hand on the shoulder gimmick that is pulled so often today. Every kill is gruesome, but so much so that you find yourself rolling your eyes at them (suspension of disbelieve I KNOW but there's only so much you can take) such as a scene when the killer reveals he's also an Olympic Javelin thrower and uses a sharp pole as a weapon. Speaking of the killers, there's supposed to be plot twists on which of the two killer brothers is good and which is evil, but you end up not caring since both of them are so brutal in their murder methods which range from decapitation to super-gluing mouths shut to the obvious waxings. I suppose that's one plus though, that when the killers get theres you really want them to get it good. Like with most horror movies, you find yourself talking to the screen wondering why she's going up the stairs instead of outside and the like, and this movie is no exception. Although the one character I did end up liking (going unnamed in this review as to not elude to who lives/dies, though it should be obvious) arms himself for his confrontation with the killer, however they have more than one opportunity to finish the job and never do, leaving the viewer scratching their heads as to why it takes so long to dispatch him. As for Paris Hilton, no she's not that bad. She does her job well though you can tell she could never be a serious actress. This is the kind of limited roll she's suited just fine for. House of Wax gets two stars for being the first horror movie in a while to actually have gore in it and for having at least one character who wasn't a complete idiot. On the flip-side, the pacing was terrible, the "twists" were not twisty, and the kills (you'll know the one in particular I'm talking about) were contrived. RATING: 2.0 PROS: The movie didn't cop out and go PG-13 to pull in money, the jelly flows thick. CONS: Paper thin characters, dozens of rollseyes moments, uneven pacing. ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0397065/ weekly font fucked around with this message at 07:43 on May 8, 2005 |
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May 8, 2005 07:40
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 01:07 |
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Short and sweet - Pros - Gory, Elisha Cuthbert is hot, Melting wax finale is awesome. Facebashing scene is on the level of Irreversible's fire extinguisher scene, maybe better. Con - Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton, Paris Hilton can't act, Paris Hilton has the face of the ugliest horse in town, Paris Hilton is a loving whore who should be blown the gently caress off of this planet. 2/5
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May 9, 2005 01:47
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I do have to say the special effects in this movie were fantastic. The entire finale was extremely impressive, especially since it looks like this was a fairly low budget film. On the other hand, everything else sucked. There were some creative uses of gore, but they were few and far between. The ghost town setting was also pretty creepy and atmospheric. But it's not enough to save it. 2/5
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Oct 27, 2005 05:16
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