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Niddhogg

Doom accepts nothing less than the VIP room.
"There are five pies in this room, one of them has a key to escape. But if you eat too much pie too fast, you'll get a tummy ache. Take your time and leave enough for everyone else."

"You like to cut your wrists even though you're life isn't that bad. So you will be locked in this room with this therapist until you can work your life problems out and go on with your life."

"You will be forced to listen to christian rock for 3 days. But if you don't like that kind of music you can just change the station. Also you can leave early if you're busy"

ADBOT LOVES YOU

Final Fart Buttball

You are locked in a small, dark, windowless room. There is a flashlight hanging from the ceiling directly in front of you. The key is already in the door. You have 24 hours.

Fuck Rudolph

this would be a better movie than any of the existing ones

Final Fart Buttball

To find the key that will unlock your cage, you must sift through this tub of marshmallow spread. I have provided a knife and a loaf of bread to your right, if you feel like eating some. Let the games begin.

Niddhogg

Doom accepts nothing less than the VIP room.
"Oh I just cloroformed you so I could clean your room. It was quite messy. I left some cake in the fridge, bye."

Final Fart Buttball

You will be forced to jog a half-mile. If you get too tired, you can walk. If you have any further discomfort, here are some emergency medical numbers.

00Fresh


You have 48 hours and this laptop with internet access to solve this riddle "How much wood could a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?"

Toastmaker

crazy as a fish with titties
You will notice that there is another man shackled to the radiator in your room. If you want to live, you must hug him and list three positive attributes you notice about him.

Lowtax

Dontrelevision
I notice you like to post in BYOB, sometimes neglecting your friends and loved ones to post all day. To satisfy your insatiable appetite for posting, you now find yourself seated in an ergonomic chair I ordered, reading these words on a computer I bought for you, on an ISP I'm paying monthly fees for. There is no way out of this room, your own private hell, except by getting up and leaving whenever you feel like it.

How does it feel... to be posting with an Intel Core Duo?

Toastmaker

crazy as a fish with titties

Lowtax posted:

I notice you like to post in BYOB, sometimes neglecting your friends and loved ones to post all day. To satisfy your insatiable appetite for posting, you are now seated in an ergonomic chair I ordered, reading these words on a computer I bought for you, on an ISP I'm paying monthly fees for. There is no way out of this room, your own private hell, except by getting up and leaving whenever you feel like it.

How does it feel... to be posting with an Intel Core Duo?

you monster

Gray Garrison

Good old Jersey Boy Racist
"You are in a small house on the outskirts of the town, there is a field where you can grow food for yourself along with enough canned food and running water if you get too lazy. You have the rest of your life to find an escape."

kremit

*cow solo*
This room is locked. The key to the lock is at the bottom of this pile of kittens. If you fail to reach the key in time, the kittens will be let loose.


You have one hour.

Final Fart Buttball

In the corner, you will notice a woman on the floor with her legs tied together. This is a woman that failed to compliment your looks or personality every day of your life. This woman...is your wife. Smack her if you want, and then leave. I'll send her home later

Lowtax

Dontrelevision
You have spent your entire life playing video games and watching anime DVDs. I have taken all your precious video games and anime DVDs and locked them in this cardboard safe, accessible only by a key I placed inside your lungs. But the key is a metaphor really. There's no lock on the safe. Also I was very lazy and didn't even put your games and movies in the safe, they're still there on the bookshelf so, you know, whatever.

U got the flava

This is my happening, and it freaks me out!
LIVE OR DIE

Toastmaker

crazy as a fish with titties

Lowtax posted:

Also I was very lazy

omg sloth




oh wait wrong movie

Forum accident

All hail Thor...the THUNDER GOD!

you find yourself in a dark cellar with no light. you have five turns to turn on a light before you are eaten by a grue.

Lowtax

Dontrelevision
Throughout your life, you wanted nothing more than to watch a grainy, saturated video tape of a talking puppet.

Today is your day.

Fuck Rudolph

You are eating a sandwich.

Toastmaker

crazy as a fish with titties
Tiny bubbles
In the wine
Make me happy
Make me feel fine
Tiny bubbles
In the wine
Make me happy
Make me feel fine
Tiny bubbles
In the wine
Make me happy
Make me feel fine
Tiny bubbles
In the wine
Make me happy
Make me feel fine
Tiny bubbles
In the wine
Make me happy
Make me feel fine
Tiny bubbles
In the wine
Make me happy
Make me feel fine
Tiny bubbles
In the wine
Make me happy
Make me feel fine
Tiny bubbles
In the wine
Make me happy
Make me feel fine
Tiny bubbles
In the wine
Make me happy
Make me feel fine

U got the flava

This is my happening, and it freaks me out!
that sandwich you are eating is full of nutella. you have one hour. live or die.

Mr. Jangles

Jesus Tap-dancing Christ!

Lowtax posted:

whatever.

I have taken the liberty of moving your couch around your room, so when you're drunk and stumbling, you'd go to sit down on it, only to realize half-way down that it is no longer there. But, i'd just move it across the room, so when you're on the ground laughing, you can look over and see it.

*sad thing is, that actually happened to me.*

Niddhogg

Doom accepts nothing less than the VIP room.
You have owned san andreas for 3 years and still have not completed it. I have tied you to a chair where you will not be free until you complete it within 3 days. I also gave you this sheet with all the cheat codes on it, because really, who doesn't cheat in this game?

U got the flava

This is my happening, and it freaks me out!
You have been locked in a cage with a box of comic books, a razor, and a generous amount of foam.. You have one hour to shave your neckbeard. Let the games begin.

Lowtax

Dontrelevision
Your mother calls you on the phone, but you do not pick up. Why is this? Why do you ignore the woman who gave birth to you? Caught up in your own petty world of insincere regrets and wasted lies, you shame the person repsonsible for bringing you into this world.

Your land line phone has now been programmed to block all calls from your mother for at least the next 24 hours. Be careful what you wish for, the silence may be deafening.

Yes, meatballs!

two smokes trevor, let's go
hello kyle

3 months ago i abducted and hynotised you. since then under my will you've been eating healthy and exercising obsessively, and so have lost 18% body fat and gained 15 pounds of muscle. you're now back home and healthier and hapier than you have every been before

U got the flava

This is my happening, and it freaks me out!
For the longest time you have been unable to make meatloaf the right way. Across from you is a table with all the necessary ingredients, and a recipe. You have one hour to make a proper meatloaf and free yourself from this illusion you call a life. You may use the oven to your left. Make sure you clean up after you leave.

Let the games begin.

Microwave

cocksucking idiot

ive never watched saw is it a good movie

Yes, meatballs!

two smokes trevor, let's go

Microwave posted:

ive never watched saw is it a good movie
pish is the only word for it

Intrepid00

I'm tired of the PMs asking if I actually poisoned kittens, instead look at these boobies.
"For years you have made fun of starving people on the internets forums. Well, I'm going to make you appreciate your food. I have attached a rather large air horn to your head and aimed it at your ear. To your left you will find a key inside what is to a lot of people a deadly peanut butter sandwich. Of course, you happened to be not one of them with a peanut allergy. You have 24 hours before the horn goes off deafing you in a ear for a short time."

Intrepid00 fucked around with this message at Nov 7, 2006 around 16:27

Forum accident

All hail Thor...the THUNDER GOD!

"you may notice that you're in a voting box. you have fifteen hours to vote or not to if that's what you want, but i mean, you're already there anyway so you might as well, right? LET THE GAMES BEGIN"

nnamaste

by elpintogrande

Microwave posted:

ive never watched saw is it a good movie

watch seven instead

Sumo


"If you do not complete this 100-piece puzzle in 24 hours we will make you drink coffee with NO SWEETENER.

Also, I am locking your grandma in the room to help.

Good luck, mwhaahahahahah"

Final Fart Buttball

For years, you mocked the very existence of hardcore nerds as if them being born were a sin. Today, you will pay and be punished dearly. I have summoned for you a man by the name of 'Chris', an overweight and acne-ridden retail worker by day and a WOW enthusiast by night. He is going to walk in the room, and call you a 'nerd'. Let the punishment begin

Novocaine

Unzip your pants so that I may perform fellatio

(the chick would be doing this though not the old guy)

nnamaste

by elpintogrande

Novocaine posted:

Unzip your pants so that I may perform fellatio

(the chick would be doing this though not the old guy)






edit: wait

Final Fart Buttball

a horse of course posted:

For years, you mocked the very existence of hardcore nerds as if them being born were a sin. Today, you will pay and be punished dearly. I have summoned for you a man by the name of 'Chris', an overweight and acne-ridden retail worker by day and a WOW enthusiast by night. He is going to walk in the room, and call you a 'nerd'. Let the punishment begin

Also, there is a 2-gallon bucket hanging near your head. If your teardrops from his insult fill this bucket, it will pull down the trigger of a shotgun and you will receive a shotgun blast directly nearby you so you're ultra scared and stuff.

Intrepid00

I'm tired of the PMs asking if I actually poisoned kittens, instead look at these boobies.

Novocaine posted:

(the chick would be doing this though not the old guy)

Doesn't she have an STD or something from sharing needles?

Woof! Woof!

Supporters of whatever they're calling the club this week.

Woof Woof, Do you want to play a game?

Befor you were placed in this room I asked you to write on a sheet of paper what your dream was, on it you wrote "to ride around the world in a submarine yacht with a trillion dollars and cool guns and poo poo and to have scarlett johansson come along" you also drew what the yacht would look like and a short list of your favorite guns, and for some reason the ingredients to your favorite burrito.

Well in this game, we shall see what it is like to have your dreams come true.

In the cabinet to your left is a key, that key will unlock one of two doors, in one of the doors is your submarine yacht, scarlett johansson, a trillion dollars, cool guns, and i decided to also get that burrito, in the other door, is a hallway that leads to the room with the yacht and stuff. I forgot which door is which so just try both or something.

See you later.

ADBOT LOVES YOU

Niddhogg

Doom accepts nothing less than the VIP room.
There are two doors. One is the exit, the other is a hallway that eventually leads to the exit OH THERE WILL BE BLOOD! you might trip on the way and skin your knee

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