Lets Play Tie Fighter

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Lets Play Tie Fighter

Nebalebadingdong: Jun 30, 2005; i made a video game.
why not give it a try!?

Tie Fighter was awesome, and I think everyone should have a chance to play it. So here it is!

I have the disc with me right here.

Unfortunately, I don't have a joystick, so I'm going to reconstruct the game from memory.

And, sadly, the game is supposed to run in DOS, and MSPaint doesn't emulate the sound correctly.

The game starts off with a riveting speech from the Emperor!

He's pretty optomistic about the State of the Empire!

So we go to a cutscene of some dogfighting action, like we'll be doing:

Okay, so in the real cutscene, the fuselage didn't fly out of the A-Wing and destroy the Tie Interceptor, but it happens alot in the game, so I thought I'd include it.

BLAM! TOTALLY GAMES:

Now, here's a TIE Fighter Pilot [ARTISTS RENDITION]:

We're nervous about our first assignment, okay?

Oh, God, the yelling begins:

Quick, what is our name???

# ? Feb 5, 2007 18:42

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Apr 20, 2024 17:18

Tripred: Nov 25, 2004; Deals in quack, not opinion.

George Lucas

# ? Feb 5, 2007 18:44

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

Name us FUCKER

# ? Feb 5, 2007 18:45

Kazy: Oct 23, 2006; 0x38: FLOPPY_INTERNAL_ERROR

Jar Jar

# ? Feb 5, 2007 18:48

Mr The Icon: Apr 22, 2004; Deals in fact, not opinion.

Why would they let us fly their expensive tie fighters if they didn't already know us? What if we gave them a fake name and stole that poo poo?

# ? Feb 5, 2007 18:49

Dr Cox MD: Sep 11, 2001; Listen Up, Newbies.

DS-61-3, the best Tie Pilot in Black Squadron.

# ? Feb 5, 2007 18:49

KarmaEnforcer: Aug 7, 2000; Cylon Sympathizer

Voting "Jed"

# ? Feb 5, 2007 18:58

eastcoastbadguy: Jul 12, 2006

call him Buttz

# ? Feb 5, 2007 19:02

^DrAgOn^: May 8, 2003; MoThErFuCkIn MiRaClEs

finally a good lets play thread!

# ? Feb 5, 2007 19:06

Mr. Pumroy: May 20, 2001

NOTANACE

# ? Feb 5, 2007 19:09

Tripred: Nov 25, 2004; Deals in quack, not opinion.

This thread is going not places.

# ? Feb 5, 2007 19:10

Svampson: Jul 29, 2006; Same.

Name him Dr Cock

# ? Feb 5, 2007 19:13

Nebalebadingdong: Jun 30, 2005; i made a video game.
why not give it a try!?

Tripred posted:

George Lucas

Awesome!

Okay, we're ready for our first mission. Since we're a rookie, they wouldn't start us off with a hard one right?

Here's the briefing room. What should we do?

We can:
1) View the tactical map
2) Talk to our CO on the balcony
3) Speak to that shadowy figure guy that's giving me the creeps

# ? Feb 5, 2007 19:31

Kazy: Oct 23, 2006; 0x38: FLOPPY_INTERNAL_ERROR

Neb777 posted:

Awesome!

Okay, we're ready for our first mission. Since we're a rookie, they wouldn't start us off with a hard one right?

Here's the briefing room. What should we do?

We can:
1) View the tactical map
2) Talk to our CO on the balcony
3) Speak to that shadowy figure guy that's giving me the creeps

talk to the giant penis on the chalkboard

# ? Feb 5, 2007 19:32

Professional Lamer: May 11, 2004; by mons al-madeen

Molest the CO

# ? Feb 5, 2007 19:32

KarmaEnforcer: Aug 7, 2000; Cylon Sympathizer

Molest the CO with the giant penis on the chalkboard.

# ? Feb 5, 2007 19:34

Gasmask: Apr 27, 2003; And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee

Mu 1 is the Emporer's stool pigeon!

# ? Feb 5, 2007 19:37

Nebalebadingdong: Jun 30, 2005; i made a video game.
why not give it a try!?

KarmaEnforcer posted:

Molest the CO with the giant penis on the chalkboard.

You mean the NEBULON B FRIGATE "THE REVENGENCESS"?? < :mad:

# ? Feb 5, 2007 19:37

KarmaEnforcer: Aug 7, 2000; Cylon Sympathizer

Neb777 posted:

You mean the NEBULON B FRIGATE "THE REVENGENCESS"?? <>

Yes!

# ? Feb 5, 2007 19:39

Nebalebadingdong: Jun 30, 2005; i made a video game.
why not give it a try!?

KarmaEnforcer posted:

Yes!

Okay

Great job! We are off to a fantastic start!

# ? Feb 5, 2007 19:43

Crazy Sunshine: Aug 2, 2004

it only takes you two hits to die so it doesnt matter

# ? Feb 5, 2007 19:46

mp5: Jan 1, 2005; Stroke of luck!

this game is great

# ? Feb 5, 2007 19:51

Nebalebadingdong: Jun 30, 2005; i made a video game.
why not give it a try!?

Here's the tactical map and mission objectives:

"You will be flying TIE Bomber Beta 1. You will have 2 wingmen."

"Your objectives is to inspect all 100 cargo containers, and then destroy them."

"Watch out for the mines around the cargo containers."

"TIE Fighter group Alpha will assist by getting destroyed by the A-Wings."

"Your secondary objective is to inspect each of the mines for contraband and rebel leaders before destroying them."

"Your craft will be armed with space bombs for this mission. Be sure to inspect your bombs for contraband and rebel leaders before they hit their targets."

"If you run out of bombs, Tug Deco will be deployed for you to reload. There is no way those A-Wings will attack you while this happens."

# ? Feb 5, 2007 19:56

KarmaEnforcer: Aug 7, 2000; Cylon Sympathizer

Sounds like fun! LAUNCH THE MISSION!

# ? Feb 5, 2007 20:44

Axe-man: Apr 16, 2005; The product of hundreds of hours of scientific investigation and research.

The perfect meatball.; Clapping Larry

talk to the shadowy guy and ask if he knows a good imperial hooker!

# ? Feb 5, 2007 20:49

KarmaEnforcer: Aug 7, 2000; Cylon Sympathizer

Axe-man posted:

talk to the shadowy guy and ask if he knows a good imperial hooker!

Ooh, good idea. I hear the Rebel hookers put razor blades in their poon to slice up imperial officers.

# ? Feb 5, 2007 20:50

Yaos: Feb 22, 2003; She is a cat of significant gravy.

That's not the first mission in the game. GO TO HELL.

# ? Feb 5, 2007 20:53

Brogeoisie: Jan 12, 2005; "Look, I'm a private citizen," he said. "One thing that I don't have to do is sit here and open my kimono as it relates to how much money I make or didn't."

Yaos posted:

That's not the first mission in the game. GO TO HELL.

KILL THE MOTHERFUCKING ZWING LIKE THEY ODN'T KNOW WHAT'S HITTING EM

# ? Feb 5, 2007 21:08

Nebalebadingdong: Jun 30, 2005; i made a video game.
why not give it a try!?

Yaos posted:

That's not the first mission in the game. GO TO HELL.

You shoulda bought the expansion pack :mad:

# ? Feb 5, 2007 21:13

Nebalebadingdong: Jun 30, 2005; i made a video game.
why not give it a try!?

Okay, lets go ask that shadowy figure if he knows where any hookers are:

"How may I serve the emperor?"
Officer Questions:
1. Any Special Advice?
2. weher da hookers at? [Selected]

Response:
"I've got all the cargo containers you need to inspect right here ;-*

"

...yeah, inspecting even more cargo containers doesn't sound very interesting, so I'm just gonna start the mission.

Here's our spacecraft:

What's this badboy sporting?
1) Two laser cannons
2) Four space bombs
3) No shields
4) No Hyperdrive
5) Tractor beam (I suggest we put all power from this to our engines so we can at least keep pace with maybe Y-Wings, okay??)

Fantastic! Whelp, we're deployed:

Looks like Alpha squadron's on their way to get destroyed. :patriot:

What should we do? More importantly, what should our wingmen do?

# ? Feb 5, 2007 21:20

Gasmask: Apr 27, 2003; And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee

bomb the poo poo out of the frigate

# ? Feb 5, 2007 21:24

Axe-man: Apr 16, 2005; The product of hundreds of hours of scientific investigation and research.

The perfect meatball.; Clapping Larry

Gasmask posted:

bomb the poo poo out of the frigate

wingmen bomb the frigate you go and randomly bomb the containers without scanning them

# ? Feb 5, 2007 21:29

Mr. Pumroy: May 20, 2001

Order them to fly into the mines don't worry the superior manueverability of the Bomber will keep them from being shot.

Plus you should sit back far enough so you can see the explosions.

# ? Feb 5, 2007 21:31

Nebalebadingdong: Jun 30, 2005; i made a video game.
why not give it a try!?

Gasmask posted:

bomb the poo poo out of the frigate

Well, that sounds easier than dodging mines. Lets target it so we can tell our wingmen to attack it:

We were close enough to inspect it. Its full of Contraband and Rebels! :wtc:

"Good work..Beta 1...Secret Mission Objectives completed"

Gasmask posted:

Mu 1 is the Emporer's stool pigeon!

Oh god, we're in trouble now. Commence bombing action!

Noooooooo Beta 2! We're out of space bombs. What now???

# ? Feb 5, 2007 21:59

KarmaEnforcer: Aug 7, 2000; Cylon Sympathizer

It depends. If Alpha has carried out their mission, then it's time to re-arm. Otherwise, we obviously need to engage the A-wings and show them who the miggity-mack-daddy is.

# ? Feb 5, 2007 22:02