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bison wings posted:*Cox whistle* Listen up, Meghan. I'm gonna need you to run a full infection screen on Ms Jones here and stop worrying about how you lost the tiny comb that goes with your little pony dolls. And I know, I know, it's going to be just IMPOSSIBLE to get those stubborn tangles out of their neon-colored-cupcake-scented hair without it. And if the ponies aren't properly brushed, well gosh darn, how are they ever going to attend Teddy Ruxpin's wedding ceremony? im jealous |
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Apr 16, 2007 05:18
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 18:25 |
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hey, barbie, nice job on the williams case. it had to be a real test of your medical knowledge to diagnose his eating a tuna salad sandwich that was just a bit past it's prime and, god help me, i fear that it really was. however, don't start burning your bras and stop shaving your legs just yet because your coma patient, mr. langdon, still hasn't just magically popped back into our realm as you were apparently hoping. therefore, i'd recommend you join us back here in the present and run him down to radiology so you can check for cerebral hemorrhaging. don't worry, i'll pencil you in for an hour of daydreaming about the time you were called ugly in the locker room and, gosh darn it, you knew it wasn't true, but it just stuck with you all these years and sometimes when you're alone and it's quiet at night you can still hear their taunts and japes. i would never deny you the opportunity to doubt yourself seeing as it's just so much fun to watch. |
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Apr 16, 2007 05:19
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serious Dr Cox: You gotta remember, betting against death is like betting against the house. And the house always wins, newbie. In this hell hole filled with the dead and the dying, there isn't much you or I can do with the deck so mercilessly stacked against us. Every person who walks in here is a bet I wish I didn't have to take. But we just have to keep rolling the dice, hoping that we get lucky, and that something we do actually goes right for a change. Because if, by some minute chance, you can save just one person... well that's a pretty worthwhile accomplishment, don't you think? |
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Apr 16, 2007 05:21
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| Suuuuuuuuhwell Gertrude, you've finally figured out that nooooooobody cares when a doctor does something right, just when they do something wrong. Weclome to medicine Sally because this is it. This right here, this is what you're in a HUNDRED thoooowsund dollars of debt for, zero zippo nihl appreciation newbie. But maybe, just maybe, if you can hold on to whatever sliver of your soul that is left after the years of disillusionment that I have hopefully beat into your thick skull that is covered in luxurious hair product, maybe *gets a serious face and lowers voice* you will realize that the accolades don't matter, just saving someone's life is the only reward you get and the only reward you should need. | |
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Apr 16, 2007 05:22
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bison wings posted:serious Dr Cox: 
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Apr 16, 2007 05:23
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bison wings posted:serious Dr Cox: isnt this an actual dr cox? or is it just a case of "it doesnt DO anything, that's the beauty of it" |
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Apr 16, 2007 05:24
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aaaaaa 5 |
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Apr 16, 2007 05:25
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Whopkins posted:aaaaaa 5 |
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Apr 16, 2007 05:32
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Toastmaker posted:isnt this an actual dr cox? or is it just a case of "it doesnt DO anything, that's the beauty of it" I just used the coxian formula: pick a theme and beat it to death because you like the sound of your voice. Plus he has a very specific view of how the hospital is. There is a good chance there is a cox speech similar to this one, seeing as he how he says pretty much these exact things whenever he gets serious. |
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Apr 16, 2007 05:36
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let me get this straight, shirley, you were late for your shift because of an accident on the highway? i think we're going to pull up the Coxipedia, the free encyclopedia only i can edit, and get to the bottom of this. *sits in front of computer and types on keyboard obnoxiously* ohhhh hooooooo! looks like you were actually at the bar, pumping quarters in the jukebox so you could play dexy's midnight runners throughout your entire stay, and before you could say "too-rye-ay", you were drunk on three chocolate choo choos and passed out in the arms of a nice gentleman named kelly |
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Apr 16, 2007 05:41
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| You Know What Barbie, I have had it up to here *holds up his clipboard* with your talk of marrage, i re-he-he-he-EAAALLLY don't like when people show me the engagement rings, then they get all excited for the wedding date, then when that time comes they get all "OH MY GOD... I WANT TO QUIT" and they leave them at the alter, or they continue on and have a terrific twenty three years of marrage before they relize they have to be stuck with each other for the rest of their god forsaken lives, now barbie, you HAVE to be smarter than that? If Not, you're going to get married then get pregnant on the honeymoon, then get a baby who you will wonder why he calls you "Barbie" rather than "Mom", then they are off to college, and then ask you every day of every week of every month for the next four years for money so they could buy weed from DEAR GOD BARBIE, my son Jack... AND WE DON'T DON'T DON'T DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN EVER BARBIE YOU GOT IT? *bumps shoulders* | |
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Apr 16, 2007 05:41
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Kuback posted:i think we're going to pull up the Coxipedia, the free encyclopedia only i can edit haha |
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Apr 16, 2007 05:44
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Midelne posted:The saddest thing about this thread is the number of people who are reading it without knowing what a Dr Cox rant is. |
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Apr 16, 2007 05:45
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now i know what you're thinking newbie, i'm going to come over here and call you francine or deborah or roxanne, stretch out a vo-how-how-howel sound and chide you for some small mess-up ad infinitum, but today it's not going to work like that, because today is the first annual perry cox not-giving-a-drat day so if you need a stern talking to ask laverne her opinions on premarital sex and report your findings to me in the cafeteria while i'm dining on the most deliciously tasteless meatloaf sandwich imaginable and thinking about how they really ought to require golf players to wear kilts and i might be able to muster up the energy to call you a unisex name such as alex or sam or frances and list two or three things i care less about than your relationship troubles such as global climate change, the fcc and ugg boots which might i add are quite aptly named
Toastmaker fucked around with this message at 05:53 on Apr 16, 2007 |
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Apr 16, 2007 05:50
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If Toastmaster is Dr. Cox, I call "J.D." So i could get a hug... *reaches arms out* --- *inner voice* You know friendship comes in diffrent ways... ...like when your best friend from high school saves your patient... ...or when your co-worker finds the right doseage of medication... ...or when your mentor reaches and gives you a hug... *Dr. Cox Walks Off* ...sometimes friendship also remains hidden ---- |
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Apr 16, 2007 05:50
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Toastmaker posted:now i know what you're thinking newbie, i'm going to come over here and call you francine or deborah or roxanne, stretch out a vo-how-how-howel sound and chide you for some small mess-up ad infinitum, but today it's not going to work like that, because today is the first annual perry cox not-giving-a-drat day so if you need a stern talking to ask laverne her opinions on premarital sex and report your findings to me in the cafeteria while i'm dining on the most deliciously tasteless meatloaf sandwich imaginable and thinking about how they really ought to require golf players to wear kilts laverne is dead you write for scrubs you should know this |
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Apr 16, 2007 05:51
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Zima posted:laverne is dead what the hell really?! im only on season 3 |
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Apr 16, 2007 05:53
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Bunny, can we just go? Nobody saw a loving thing! Guy's in three years and thinks he's Jesus loving Christ or something. |
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Apr 16, 2007 06:00
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Toastmaker posted:what the hell really?! and season 5 is out 5/22/2007. you gotta get a move on buddy, we're allready on season 7. |
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Apr 16, 2007 06:00
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Jordan Hass posted:and season 5 is out 5/22/2007. drat im behind tell me, does kelso ever lose a thumb in an accident only to have him ask cox to treat him and have cox go "what has TWO thumbs and doesnt give a crap? perry cox, pleasure's mine" cause that should definitely happen |
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Apr 16, 2007 06:02
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Well then Sporty Spice, why don't you pack up your tennis skirt and lovely matching spankie to wear underneath and scurry on off to that Jenny Craig spinning class you're so anxious to attend and tonight when you're sitting in front of your computer in your voltron boxers, checking your empty easydates.com inbox for the fortieth time and rubbing icy hot on your tragically overdrawn groin, I hope you catch a glimpse of yourself in the little vanity mirror on your dresser and remember this moment WHY? Because I, the prognosticator Cox, am here all the way from the future to tell YOU that that extra dimple you're trying so hard to develop between your rear end cheeks and the small of your back has absolutely ZERO impact on anything that could remotely be considered worthwhile in the development of mankind. Now, if you'll excuse me Miss Universe, I have to get back in the wayback machine because my own time needs me to save itself from UNGH you're still going to make that mistake aren't you? Well by god if I get there and have to come right back and do this whole speech all over you can bet I'll begin it with a slap not because it will teach you anything but because you'll have wasted my time TWICE |
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Apr 16, 2007 06:03
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Toastmaker posted:now i know what you're thinking newbie, i'm going to come over here and call you francine or deborah or roxanne, stretch out a vo-how-how-howel sound and chide you for some small mess-up ad infinitum, but today it's not going to work like that, because today is the first annual perry cox not-giving-a-drat day so if you need a stern talking to ask laverne her opinions on premarital sex and report your findings to me in the cafeteria while i'm dining on the most deliciously tasteless meatloaf sandwich imaginable and thinking about how they really ought to require golf players to wear kilts and i might be able to muster up the energy to call you a unisex name such as alex or sam or frances and list two or three things i care less about than your relationship troubles such as global climate change, the fcc and ugg boots which might i add are quite aptly named mine was just random bullshit, but you hit all the nuances |
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Apr 16, 2007 06:06
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Toastmaker posted:drat im behind not yet, but they have said that phrase like 4 more times. also Elliot and JD will never be together and It Turns Out The Ending To The Last Episode of Scrubs Will Be, That it was all in a sno-globe at Bill Lawrence's House --- Now back to the ranting... Oka *Whistles* EVERYONE IN A SINGLE FILE LINE! One of you people decided it would be funny to try and add a cutsey-wutsy bunny sticker with a rainbow and butterfly on my clipboard, let it be noted that i nor shal i ever wish to be... a cutsey wutsey rabbit, i am not a rabit, i am more of a vulture, a vulture who would peck out the cutsey wutsey bunny's eyes and feed it to little baby vultures for nurishment because thats the kind of humane person i am... I am ruling it down to just two people Barbie and Barbie... if i find out which one of you added this brand mark covered in glitter and glows in the dark, i will make sure you will permanently remember this moment... *end of the episode* *JD Gets Up* *looks in the mirror* *takes off shirt* *stares at chest and looks at the bunny tattoo* AHHHHHHHHHHH! |
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Apr 16, 2007 06:09
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Jordan Hass posted:not yet, but they have said that phrase like 4 more times. haha oh hey my first gold thread 
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Apr 16, 2007 06:15
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Toastmaker posted:haha |
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Apr 16, 2007 06:18
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Defenestration posted:yea I don't think you were getting anywhere with the "50s sitcom or Subsaharan Jungle Insect" threads hey come on those were fun |
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Apr 16, 2007 06:18
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i read that neil flynn originally auditioned for the role of dr cox. imagine john mcginley and neil flynn switching roles 
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Apr 16, 2007 06:32
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| dr cocks lmao | |
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Apr 16, 2007 06:37
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noone got my platoon joke 
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Apr 16, 2007 06:46
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Bike without wheels posted:noone got my platoon joke i did, i just don't comment on "refrences", because it ruins the joke. |
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Apr 16, 2007 06:47
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this thread is all sorts of fantastic. 5erz goddamnit I tried to make a Cox rant but I failed. I'll cogitate on one for tomorrow |
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Apr 16, 2007 07:02
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Listen Betty, as much as it pains you to know that Archie took Veronica instead of you to the big winter sock hop instead of you I can a-ha-bsolutely promise you one thing and one thing alone; that your insignificant, inconsequential and overall obnoxiously self-induced relationship problems have, are and always will be second to your obligation as a doctor at this hospital. You have patients that need you right here and now and unless you want to give Veronica the satisfaction of getting to you, and let's face it *chuckle* I mean who doesn't? Then you'd better get your act into gear and stop acting like the Homecoming Queen you're campaigning so HARD for this semester and start acting like a real grown up doctor like the rest of us. |
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Apr 16, 2007 07:04
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Apr 16, 2007 13:24
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| My sister who loves scrubs and is a nurse would love this thread. | |
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Apr 16, 2007 13:27
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Billybobgeorgebob posted:My sister |
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Apr 16, 2007 13:27
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Okay Felicia, I know your pigtails are still all up in a tizzy from last night's stirring Justin Timberlake concert, but just to unravel those frilly, laced granda-ma sized nawwwty-nawwwwwties of yours, your patient hasn't brought 'sexy' back to this hospital but rather a fairly severely 'hunched' back. So straighten up your dress there Esmerelda, 'cause Quasimodo sure doesn't like being with girls uglier than he is. |
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Apr 16, 2007 13:33
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Toastmaker posted:because god bobbo you're more fun to knock over than a weeble, and the best part is, you wobble AND fall down this is awesome x1000 |
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Apr 16, 2007 13:43
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holy loving poo poo |
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Apr 16, 2007 13:57
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| listen petunia, you were a better doctor 3 years ago than you are now and ARGHHHHHHHHHH u hosed jordan why do i even still teach you life lessons at the end of episdodes ARGHHHHHHHH *shaves head and drinks a glass of jack daniels on the rocks while watching football* | |
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Apr 16, 2007 13:59
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| # ? Apr 25, 2024 18:25 |
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there'd better be a sequel to this thread... WITH AUDIO READINGS |
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Apr 16, 2007 14:00
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