PART I

As the first door knocks ring through my apartment I reflect proudly on the wisdom inherant in wearing one of my hardest pairs of jeans; I was sure to have an erection from very start of this secret encounter, my hopes pinned on the inevitability in it being relieved at last upon the soft skin of the angelic precipitor of the gentle knuckle-upon-wood...
"Come in, baby" I whisper, with a barely veiled degree of stifled passion. As per my request she is wearing the same silver sequined dress in which she first appeared in a photo on the forums back in 2004, and as she had countless times since then in my fantasies. I had tucked my growing member up into my belt only minutes before, as my bretheren in Weight & Watch had advised, God Bless their foresight.
"Where is all your furniture?" She asks, timidly, with a very slight, but perceptable, sense of alarm.
"Oh... I'm moving out in 3 days", I respond quickly. It seems this reassurance was sufficient enough to convince her that I was not, in fact, the brooding sociopath I had undoubtably become in my 4 year quest for her. It is all too easy to lie to girls (hereafter referred to as holes), a fact that every male knows and uses repeatedly in their desperate attempts to coerce the holes into accepting their simian lust.
All that remains in the the small Baltimore apartment are a ratty Loveseat, a silver stereo and, most importantly, an outdated laptop, resting alone like my soul in the middle of the stained floor of my life. The internet had become my home, My Favorites the only furniture, and the holes standing before me my only drive for getting up in the morning.

First, though, let us examine how this all came to be. After the first pictures had surfaced, I set out on a one-pointed mission to make her mine; the desperate devotion frightening even me in its single mindedness. It all began with that initial picture, that divine snapshot of her, mouth opened ridiculously, upon a bed of cream colored fabric. Or was it a stack of pillows? It mattered not. The result was the same: a few short minutes of cleanup and a trip to the washroom to cry while peering hopelessly into the mirror. It had taken a month at least to ferret out her full name from Magic Hat Detective himself, months more to weasel a second set of pics. A breakthrough occured finally when, in a late night AIM conversation circa early 2006, I realized he was drunk and the possibility of convincing him to divulge further information was at hand. In a sideways fashion, characteristic of my then blossoming prowling and manipulative online persona, I convinced the intoxicated fool to give clues as to her own screenname. I bet it's something silly, I said. Why don't we play a game of me trying to guess it, I said. How many letters, I asked. And so on... After a painstaking hour (or was it longer?) I had it at last. I quickly changed the subject, pretending it not to be important, and asked about Australia, or Day Crew, or something equally insignificant. It's difficult to explain how intense the next 3 days were, staring at my buddy list in the darkness, waiting for that heavenly icon of a door to open and the path to my consecration unfold... At last... ItalyPrincess073 has signed on.

To be continued...

lol

flrbbb

Didn't read it but I'm sure its Haoma grade hilarity.

someone train this enjoyable human being

"Wooo!" - Cole Train (Gears of War) 2006

gonna read that later maybe, i hope its funny haoma

lolll

read it, intrigued

who is Magic Hat Detective's Cousin

someone post her pic

lol yeah bro what are things? gently caress it, fyad

this makes sense

ok i read it all it was good


that was the best part

who has her pic? the one mentioned would be best. thx in advance

im going to destroy u

did you see this? i don't think i've ever seen the guy post

http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...9#post329164369

hahha

haha

lol

spoiler alert

haoma kills himself in the end of the story *fap*

PART 2

"So, how do you know my cousin?" she asked in between sips of the chilled Mountain Dew Baja Blast I had reserved for this night.

"We...post on the same Internet forum." Immediately after I spoke the words, I inwardly winced. She was no stranger to computers, using AIM and frequenting popular websites such as collegehumor.com. However, she might find the concept of being a regular contributor to a message board a little too nerdy to handle.

She smiled softly and responded, "That's cool. I met a few people through forums too." My heart skipped a beat. I wasn't sure whether to attribute that to what she said or to my regular diet of caffeine and deep-fried hot dogs. But what if she was a goon? I began imagining the two of us discussing our mutual love of cat macros and dish about the loving Christians. Maybe...maybe she liked to chillax in the 'YOB.

Realizing a few seconds had passed since either of us spoke, I broached the subject. "Do you have stairs?" Sweat beaded on my forehead.

"What?"

"Uh, never mind." drat it! Another blunder like that and she might leave me forever.

lol

lol

if anybody ever actually fucks haoma's cousin they should be named perma-ik

i mean mhds cousin

Abortion is Murder fucked around with this message at Jun 13, 2007 around 16:10

hi youre a moron

uhhh

something like Looser's thread about the trip to YLWD except more pornographic

jesus christ

haoma post pix of your cousin

oh whoops i met mhd i havent woken up fully yet

http://www.hotcousin.com

hamo do front page

srsly haoma i think u have the "it" factor