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notro man
Aug 23, 2006


It's been a while since there was a Craigslist thread, and I ran across an ad recently that I know AI would enjoy. Seems like something a goon would do.

http://seattle.craigslist.org/est/car/508634986.html

Quoted below in case the ad gets taken down.

quote:

volvo 850 type R Yo! 850R ....Wat? PRICE LOWRD! - $3800



You know what they say, ďIf it ainít a type R, it ainít a tight car!Ē -Benjamin Franklin (impressive!!!)

1996 Volvo 850R-white with cream interior made from the beasts of EuropeÖprime panda scheme candidate.

Price:$$$$ALL YOUR BASE or 3800 dollars American Wtfbbqlinebreak

This baby is at 218 thousand miles now, and increasingly more miles are being driven in sport mode. (was 30k, but now its more, obviously)

Hokay, so, donít call asking about miles, because its in the ad, comments like ďoh, well the miles are kinda highĒ will not be tolerated. This Volvo will smoke the doors off of e30 m3ís in econ mode and will blow a passenger door off of e46ís from a 60 roll, cause this thing is a highway monster. Youíll surely be the king of streets, (no king status if your streets are run by Tokyo drifters, this is fwd)

If you want a fast car that is safe for your offspring choose this vehicle. You wife will love all the creature comforts but have no idea that the turbo 5cyl (wtf sweedes!??) is actually a large montana ranch that keeps over 240 horses.

Have you ever been to sea-fair and seen the Blue angels fly by? That is what this bad boy sounds like once you hit full boost and wastegates like whoa open up! I love this car, and have been commuting in it for a long time, but I am sick and tired of getting hit on by milfs in their sexual prime because they think Iím some suave interwebs mogul as I am rearranging my golf clubs to fit more groceries in the massive trunk (yes, you could fit a bike in it). It can also fit at least 2 red haired persons <150 lbs

This car has 218k miles, Wat? 218k miles 218k miles 218k miles 218k miles 218k miles 218k miles 218k miles.

Do not call asking about miles, it is stated in this ad like 9 times (less than last time), If you donít know that Volvos go to like half a million miles without maintenance than your personal savior must be modern medicine and your ignorance would have been the death of you in the middle ages. DO not call if this is you.

Although the miles seem high there is very little wrong, the work has been done by a DSM driver of whoís dsm still runs, which speaks volumes more than some silly ASE certification. The marvelous Swedes designed this car, supposedly Volvos are born from space shuttles, which make them a little bit better than their retarded cousin the Saab (which was only born from jets ) I would not recommend buying this vehicle for ghostriding purposes.

Right now it has some sort of kuhmo tires, probably all seasons, which are siped for uber traction. I took out the front tweeters and put in better door speakers cause Volvo sucks at making speakers. I highly recommend coming to look at the car before you decide to lowball the crap out of me. So, Iím not gonna say OBO, cause maybe Iím not OBO, but maybe Iím thinking OBO, but who knows. This car is rad, but speaking of rads, the radiator has a freaking leak and I donít want to spend 200 bucks to get a new one. It will for sure drive to seattle without the coolant res low light coming on. Did it last weekend.

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Leninboarrir
May 11, 2006

stupid monster

$5 says this guy's a goon.

Also, I'm disappointed that he didn't rip off a Type R badge and put it on his car.

Jork Juggler
May 22, 2007


Not Craigslist, but of the same ilk. Found this review on MSN Autos:

http://tinyurl.com/3yazgt

quote:

"Hot Pappy From Alabammie"
2008 Mitsubishi Lancer DE
10/27/2007
By: An MSN Autos Consumer
Owned: Less than 1 year
Review ID: #518247

5.3 Overall Rating
5 Styling
5 Performance
6 Interior
3 Quality
6 Recommendation

Pros:
The windows roll up and down faster than lightning. I can play the radio when I'm driving down the road a flying.
Cons:
Does not have an 8 track tape player. Girls laugh when I wink at them and make the motor go "varoom, varoom" at the red lights. Wife refuses to let me drink soda waters in this car because she is afraid I'll spill it on the seats. Our childrens cannot eat franch fries in the car because wifey says they'll get greasy hands on the windows.
Overall Review:
To be the envy of the trailer park, get you a bright red "Bishi" and they'll all be as mad as a bull when you sling gravel out of the roads as you travel around the trailer park blowing your horn and hollering "look at me, look at me!".

Nocheez
Sep 5, 2000
Because your old avatar was way too big and sucked pretty hard
:I


"Although the miles seem high there is very little wrong, the work has been done by a DSM driver of whoís dsm still runs, which speaks volumes more than some silly ASE certification."

That had me in stitches!

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass


The ad in the OP absolutely has to be a goon.

The DSM part is where I lost it, that was some poo poo

Sockington
Jul 26, 2003


Phat_Albert posted:

The ad in the OP absolutely has to be a goon.

The WTFBBQ comment was another good indicator.

iwentdoodie
Apr 29, 2005

Witten sucks ass. SHOCKEY FOREVER BABY

Sockington posted:

The WTFBBQ comment was another good indicator.

You realize that phrase has gone internet wide, correct? And not recently, either.

Micromancer
Apr 17, 2002

He went out to the store
and when he got back
Roll-marks said .22 Short, jack.
If anything I could say that
this gun was rare
Its covered it sweat,
toilet water, and hair


For me, I was rolling at "It can also fit at least 2 red haired persons <150 lbs"

Although I wouldn't want to carry that much in a car with that many miles on it

grope proof vest
Jan 11, 2006



Sockington posted:

The WTFBBQ comment was another good indicator.

As was the use of rolleyes.

Alzabo
Oct 23, 2002

You watched it, you can't unwatch it.


Is that automatic? I thought all the 850R's were manual?

Glorks!
May 4, 2005
Too lazy to browse my hard drive for good avatars since 2007.

If the redhead chicks come with it, I offer $4250.

CornHolio
May 20, 2001



Gluux posted:

If the redhead chicks come with it, I offer $4250.

the ad didn't necessarily say they were female redheads...

Godholio
Aug 28, 2002

tighten up tone down tuen thuen

whackjob posted:

supposedly Volvos are born from space shuttles, which make them a little bit better than their retarded cousin the Saab (which was only born from jets ) I would not recommend buying this vehicle for ghostriding purposes

This is one of the most off-the-wall statements I've ever come across.

Scipio Africanus
Dec 4, 2005

Enslave the Elephants!

Seattle craigslist is amazing. When I saw the Vovlo ad I contemplated posting here to see which one of you did it.


A few weeks ago there was an ad for a Datsun 280z. It was only two sentences long, and written in all caps.
The thing that stood out to me, was a line in which the owner says that it has had an engine swap, but doesn't know what engine was put into the car.
It could be the ever-popular Chevy V8, but it could be a decrepit straight 6

zundfolge
Apr 11, 2007


Alzabo posted:

Is that automatic? I thought all the 850R's were manual?

As far as I know, most (if not all) 850R's were automatic.

In about a year of watching Ebay, I've never seen a manual for sale.

That ad is hilarious.

fishmech_1.1_RC
Jul 22, 2003



82Daion posted:

As far as I know, most (if not all) 850R's were automatic.

In about a year of watching Ebay, I've never seen a manual for sale.

That ad is hilarious.

The US never got manual 850Rs but I think (ex-?)forums user "BitJockey" imported one from Canada but then he went and did something silly on the forums

Hypnolobster
Apr 12, 2007

What this sausage party needs is a big dollop of ketchup! Too bad I didn't make any.


quote:

You wife will love all the creature comforts but have no idea that the turbo 5cyl (wtf sweedes!??) is actually a large montana ranch that keeps over 240 horses.

This guy is amazing. I came into this thinking it'd be another SPEED AND CLASS, but no!

BraveUlysses
Aug 7, 2002



Haha. Has anyone tried emailing him?

Hypnolobster
Apr 12, 2007

What this sausage party needs is a big dollop of ketchup! Too bad I didn't make any.


If someone does, be sure to ask him a goon-based question so that we can be sure.

BraveUlysses
Aug 7, 2002



Hypnolobster posted:

If someone does, be sure to ask him a goon-based question so that we can be sure.

stairs?

Nija
Mar 1, 2003
F A C K

I sort of doubt he's a goon. He's using old slang, popular on every automotive enthusiast forum.

Petekill
May 14, 2005

Where's Hammond?
Well I'll call him!


Ask him if the car is in your snack bracket. That will tell us for sure.

Anonymous Name
Apr 25, 2006

by Fragmaster


Can someone explain the DSM thing to me? I have no idea what he means by that.

Jim Silly-Balls
Jun 6, 2001

Fondle my shiny metal ass


Anonymous Name posted:

Can someone explain the DSM thing to me? I have no idea what he means by that.

DSMs are first and second-gen Mitsubishi Eclipse, Eagle Talon and Plymouth Laser.

They are reliable in stock form. They can get unreliable when modified, and everyone modifies them. They mostly get unreliable because the vast majority of owners spend 20 minutes on dsmclub.com and consider themselves a world-class tuner.

They are getting older now, and are affordable to younger and stupider groups.

All these add up to make them generally botch-prone.

sirr0bin
Aug 15, 2004
damn you! let the rabbits wear glasses!

Anonymous Name posted:

Can someone explain the DSM thing to me? I have no idea what he means by that.

DSM's are the Mitsubishi Eclipse, Plymouth Laser and Eagle Talon. They aren't very reliable.

edit; beaten, that's what I get for leaving the thread open

Simkin
May 18, 2007

"He says he's going to be number one!"

Okay, I'm not sure whether this would fall into the 'so cool that I must share it' or the 'so naff that I must share it' category, but share it I must.

http://victoria.craigslist.ca/mcy/522090361.html

Look at the ad and tell me that you don't get some sort of crazy lunatic fantasy of rolling around with this thing in the back of a truck with a canopy and having it launch out as some sort of escape pod.

BraveUlysses
Aug 7, 2002



More Seattle CL gold:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/471479867.html

quote:

I met you at the bar last night, and we hit it off. Ya we were both a little buzzed, but you seemed as into me as I was into you. Things got to things, we made out a bit, and you ended up going home with me on the back of my motorcycle, which was awesome because that doesn't usually happen to me. I luckily had the extra helmet with me and let you wear my bike jacket while suffering the cold on the way home. I was feeling pretty happy and lucky to say the least.

This is where things got crazy.

I don't know if you slipped, or thought I was taking you home to kill you, or if your're just plain crazy and had a change of heart, but all of a sudden you let go of me MID-TURN and went flying into the bushes at about 10-15mph near the park by my house. I was so freaked out!!! when I looked back to see you fumbling in the bushes I could only PRAY TO GOD that you didn't hit the asphalt or something worse.

I really thought you must have been hurt at least a bit, but as I turned around to come check on you, you took off into the unlit park running full speed with my helmet and jacket still on! I parked my bike and looked for you for over 2 hours calling your name until I was so cold I had to go home or risk freezing to death.

WTF

Im sorry for what happened and I really hope your're ok, really I do, but seriously WTF. Running into a forested park in the middle of the night like that....I really can't begin to guess what you were thinking, and you weren't that drunk, but i suppose my "crazy-bitch o' meter" wasn't working at the bar that night, and from the speed you took off I can only surmise that your're not that hurt. I would like my expensive bike gear back though, I hope it kept you warm during your psychotic episode, but it IS mine and I kinda need it to get around in the winter. If you could return it to the bar for me, check in with your shrink, and promise to never come near me again that would be great, cause you scared the #*$% outta me and are costing me alot of money.

Sincerely,
Very cold/poor motorcycle rider who will never let women near his bike again.

HappyHelmet
Apr 9, 2003

Hail to the king baby!

BraveUlysses posted:

More Seattle CL gold:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/sea/471479867.html

Man as much as I want to believe that this was a joke, it is pretty well written, and I don't really get that vibe from it. It is pretty hilarious either way though.

FlyingPen
Dec 31, 2004

Punch me in the face! This is the most glorious day of my life!

I emailed to ask him how many miles it has and I suggest everyone do the same.

Luxmore
Jun 5, 2001


Simkin posted:

Okay, I'm not sure whether this would fall into the 'so cool that I must share it' or the 'so naff that I must share it' category, but share it I must.

http://victoria.craigslist.ca/mcy/522090361.html
This is where I live and I want very badly to buy it.

OneStopShop
Dec 20, 2004

How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Economy Car

gently caress, the ad expired and I forgot to print screen it for future posterity.

Did anyone save that Volvo ad?

Luxmore posted:

This is where I live and I want very badly to buy it.

You'll have a hell of time finding parts for that car, and it will be your coffin in a parking lot speed collison. That being said I want it as well even though I'm 6'4.

OneStopShop fucked around with this message at Dec 30, 2007 around 09:25

Duuk
Sep 4, 2006

Victorious, he returned to us, claiming that he had slain the drought where even Orlanth could not. The god-talkers were not sure what to make of this.

HachiGo posted:

gently caress, the ad expired and I forgot to print screen it for future posterity.

Did anyone save that Volvo ad?


You'll have a hell of time finding parts for that car, and it will be your coffin in a parking lot speed collison. That being said I want it as well even though I'm 6'4.

If you had the dough, you could always swap in a hayabusa engine. And.. a go-cart drivetrain?

Ripoff
Apr 21, 2003


running osx, vlc works for me, won't fix

FlyingPen posted:

I emailed to ask him how many miles it has and I suggest everyone do the same.

I love you.

I was searching the local craigslist this morning for something hilarious, and all I ended up was finding a Datsun 510 with ITB's and all sorts of other awesome poo poo done to it and now I want to buy it really, really bad.

Panty Saluter
Jan 17, 2004

A Casual Gay


Phat_Albert posted:

The DSM part is where I lost it, that was some poo poo

It's also true. There are plenty of ASE certified mechanics I wouldn't let touch my car

Lilbeefer
Oct 4, 2004
a tad beefy

Not craigslist but still WHATTHECHRIST


http://cgi.ebay.com.au/ws/eBayISAPI...682#description

Aeka 2.0
Nov 16, 2000

Have you seen my apex seals? I seem to have lost them.



^^ man, that was good for a few laughs.

Simkin
May 18, 2007

"He says he's going to be number one!"

I've seen the troll pic before, but the rest of that ad is definitely Aussie gold. I do like how he inclued his 'missus' with the auction, after much internal debate - I can't gently caress my ute, but then again, it can probably cook better than her...

Mat_Drinks
Nov 18, 2002

mmm that Royal Purple gets my engine runnin'

I think what makes me most sad is that this joke ad isn't very far off from the real ads that have been polluting Seattle CL lately.

When you see someone doing the JDM pose on the hood of the car they're trying to sell, is that supposed to make you want it more?

Lightbulb Out
Apr 28, 2006

slack jawed yokel


http://iowacity.craigslist.org/car/523796116.html

It's got a ditroy diesel, everybody.

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VOR LOC
Dec 8, 2007
captured

TractionControl posted:

http://iowacity.craigslist.org/car/523796116.html

It's got a ditroy diesel, everybody.

If that didn't have pictures, I would have never known that he was trying to sell a semi. I guess that's what happens when you are either trying to write your listing while a.driving b.speedballing or c.both

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