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<font size=25 color=orange>STING THE POVERTY AWAY WITH THE GIFT OF BEES!</font> This Christmas, Something Awful wants to give 'til it hurts. We want to give 'til it's covered with painful welts, in fact. We want to keep giving until its throat swells shut due to anaphylactic shock. You may have heard of Heifer International, the site that lets you send goats and cows and stuff to poor people in third-world countries. I was looking at their site the other day, and Zack Parsons and I agreed that it would be a worthy cause for charitable goons to contribute to, because mailing strangers animals is funny AND helpful. We were pondering various virtuous but semi-evil charity drives we could set up, like sending hundreds of goats to the same person to prop him up as some kind of third-world goat warlord, but it turns out it's not possible to send a goat to a specific person. Eventually, we came up with a great alternative: A BEE DRIVE. Why Give Bees? The beauty of donating bees is that it works whether you're good or evil. There are two ways to look at it:
B) You are paying $30 to prank the gently caress out of some poor people by foisting a swarm of angry bees on them. Bee-giving is good for the world, but you can feel like an rear end in a top hat while doing it. In fact, you can feel like a supervillain. Each $30 bee contribution buys 12,500 bees (I actually called and checked), which means that the combined weight of our charity could potentially flood the developing world with millions of bees. On this holiest of nights, we shall darken the skies of the world's poorest nations with deadly swarms of nature's perfect killing machine. How Give Bees? To participate in the charity bee drive, just follow these easy steps:
2. Click "Add to Cart" and proceed to checkout. 3. After you enter your info, you'll see an "Additional Information" area. In the second dropdown menu, select "Other Organization," then enter "Something Awful" in the text field below it. 4. Post in this thread or email me (davidthorpe@somethingawful.com) to let us know you've donated. I will tally our bee numbers to better track our insane global villainy. It's only $30, which is nothing compared to all the stupid poo poo you bought this Christmas! This is stupid poo poo AND it's for a good cause, so please pledge your kind support! This will be crossposted to the front page, so I may receive additional bee drive participation from Something Awful readers. I'll keep you abreast of any email pledges I receive. HASTILY TALLIED RUNNING COUNT VERSION THREE, AS OF 4PM ON JANUARY 26THth: <center><blink><font size=40 color=red>3,787,500 BEES!!!!</font></blink></center> This drive has officially wound down, but we had a wonderful month of bee fury! Thanks to all who donated. Your evil will make a difference in the world!
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Dec 25, 2007 11:46
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 01:58 |
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I HEREBY DONATE $30 WORTH OF BEES TO THE CHARITY BEE DRIVE
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Dec 25, 2007 11:50
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If this were a simple mail-order Bee sale that donated like 50% of the profits to charity, it might actually make more money. "Pay $40, mail some rear end in a top hat of your choosing 12,000 bees. $20 of it goes to Uganda." As is, it's still pretty cool.
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Dec 25, 2007 12:01
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Just donated. Turn all them po' people into honeycomb wax.
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Dec 25, 2007 12:02
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Jesus, this is the best thing I have read in a long time.
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Dec 25, 2007 12:13
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Words cannot say how much I hope this makes the news somewhere.
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Dec 25, 2007 12:38
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I'm wondering exactly how many bees they keep in stock, or how many orders it will take to break their suppliers.
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Dec 25, 2007 12:52
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This is the best and the most twisted charity drive ever. Go forth, and prosper with the blessings of my bees. 
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Dec 25, 2007 12:57
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Well, I haven't made a contribution to charity yet this holiday, so why not. 1x order of bees placed.
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Dec 25, 2007 13:05
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In this time of need, I would be a cold heartless bastard to not give. Then again, I would be a cold heartless bastard to unleash swarms and swarms of death stingers to these poor bastards. Donating right now! Edit: $30 in exchange for Bees has been done. To think, for only 0.08 cents a day, you to can unload instill the fear of bees onto a child who already had enough to worry about. Jack Skeleton fucked around with this message at 14:44 on Dec 25, 2007 |
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Dec 25, 2007 13:13
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A mere 800 people doing this would result in 10 million bees. Holy poo poo.
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Dec 25, 2007 13:22
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With a mere $30, I feel like I'm helping the world's poor buzz their way out of poverty. And into beemageddon. Charity AND evil? A winning combination! It's practically my civic duty to donate. So I did.
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Dec 25, 2007 13:26
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I have donated bees. Just off the top of my head, how about offering people that donate a free avatar cert or something? Might bump up the number of contributors a bit.
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Dec 25, 2007 13:41
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Donated like a motherfucker. I sure hope they monogram all our bees pre-delivery so that the recipients can get some idea of who they're dealing with as they hole up in the granary to escape the incessant buzzing. Godspeed you magnificent angry bastards.
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Dec 25, 2007 13:59
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One order of bees is en route to... somewhere.
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Dec 25, 2007 14:00
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I'll be donating my $30 once I manage to excavate my wallet from the insanity of Christmas in the Stoat household. In the meantime, I've dugg this thread to attract even more givers.
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Dec 25, 2007 14:16
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One set of angry bees added to the cause. Its a bit of a shame we couldnt choose where to send our bees. Would be funny to flood a country with bees, but I suppose thats not why they are offering this. Touchdown Boy fucked around with this message at 14:32 on Dec 25, 2007 |
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Dec 25, 2007 14:29
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Take that, impoverished 3rd World. Just spent $100 on bees. It's a shame we can't send a particular livestock to a particular country, and just completely change the biosphere of a nation for a prank. Otherwise I would have hijacked your idea and started Operation Goat.se
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Dec 25, 2007 14:36
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One order of bees. Merry Christmas, Poorschmuckistan!
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Dec 25, 2007 14:47
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This is the best donation drive ever! Donating bee's for love and poor people. 
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Dec 25, 2007 15:07
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This charity drive, plus massive hive decimation, will break the plant pollination cycle in North America and send us into massive economic, cultural and social recession. Africa will take over the EU and instate a New World Order. What have you goons done?
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Dec 25, 2007 15:09
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Requesting 'Ride of the Valkyries' to be embedded in this thread.
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Dec 25, 2007 15:24
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Coco13 posted:Requesting 'Ride of the Valkyries' to be embedded in this thread. I'm more partial to flight of the bumblebee.
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Dec 25, 2007 15:25
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$30 ACME Ready Made Bee Army (tm) sent!
Pod fucked around with this message at 19:57 on Dec 25, 2007 |
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Dec 25, 2007 15:36
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Donated in the name of colony collapse disorder. Let's hope these bees aren't being sent to their lonely cold deaths! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Colony_Collapse_Disorder
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Dec 25, 2007 15:59
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One hive of bees for the bee god donated! For some reason, no one else in my family thought this was a good idea...
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Dec 25, 2007 16:29
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Touchdown Boy posted:One set of angry bees added to the cause.
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Dec 25, 2007 16:35
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Forest Fuckery posted:Wait was there an option to donate angry bees specifically? They are bees. They are naturally angry. That is, unless you spread smoke around them 
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Dec 25, 2007 16:39
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FROM MY EVIL LAIR IN NORTH CAROLINA, I SUMMON A SWARM OF BEES UPON THEE, RANDOM THIRD WORLD COUNTRY. Donated 12,500 bees. And I 5'd this thread, if only for the description of "On this holiest of nights,we shall darken the skies of the world's poorest nations with deadly swarms of nature's perfect killing machine." Merry loving Christmas. That made my morning. e: Why am I getting the mental image of starving Ugandian children huddling together under dirt bunkers, trying to hide from the hail of angry stinging insects swarming their homelands? And them crying out to God, but realizing there is no God, or that if there is one he has forsaken them, as they fall victim to said swarm? I'm a terrible person. But gently caress 'em. We'll pollinate their crops or something, so after they're all dead, we can come in behind the bees and take all of their produce!  e2: GET EQUIPPED WITH INSECT SWARM 3 IS A MAN NOT ENTITLED TO THE STINGER OF HIS BEES!? Flame-san2D fucked around with this message at 17:01 on Dec 25, 2007 |
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Dec 25, 2007 16:41
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I have given the gift of bees; my self-righteousness reaches unprecedented new levels.
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Dec 25, 2007 16:41
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I never thought bees could be used for both good and evil at the same time. I mean, it counts for good if they double the crop yield despite devouring the local population, right? Consider this 1 more order of bees sent to do our bidding.
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Dec 25, 2007 16:55
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More bees in the bucket! $30 I wonder if thats market price, or are we getting jibbed?
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Dec 25, 2007 17:01
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My holiday gift of good/evil has been sent. Go! Go my tiny winged stinger-ey minions! Inflict my holiday cheer on the poor and afflicted! EDIT: For bookkeeping purposes I shall be more accurate. I paid for 1 swarm of hellish, flying, stinging creatures to torment the heathens. Wheeeeeeeee! Odradek fucked around with this message at 01:38 on Dec 26, 2007 |
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Dec 25, 2007 17:02
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Bees? For Christmas? I'm totally there. One more order of SWEET JESUS BEES deployed to take part in world domination.
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Dec 25, 2007 17:04
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I have to wait until my stupid check clears before I can donate bees, but I will see if I can get my friends to donate first. Bees. Now I want some.
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Dec 25, 2007 17:07
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$30 of OHGODBEES donated! What horrors await the recipients of this FOUL BROOD? (hopefully not foulbrood)
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Dec 25, 2007 17:10
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Pack of bees sent. That's awesome.
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Dec 25, 2007 17:13
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Bees sent, for the good of humanity.
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Dec 25, 2007 17:13
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I hadn't gotten my entomologist friend a Christmas gift, so I just donated $30 worth of bees in his honor. I hope if enough bees get donated we can somehow get a title of BEE COMMANDER. Gluux posted:Words cannot say how much I hope this makes the news somewhere. Wired's publishing an article about SA/SLS in January. I sent it to the author. He was looking for examples of the twisted, entertaining hijinks. I don't know if it's too late but maybe it'll make it in.
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Dec 25, 2007 17:21
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| # ? Apr 24, 2024 01:58 |
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FLY MY $30 WORTH OF PRETTIES
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Dec 25, 2007 17:26
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