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I have what feels like a bit of a silly question, but how did you plan the date? Between parents, friends, venue availability, etc. I'm not quite sure where to start. I want the announcement to be a surprise (i.e. hey guys we're getting married on 14th Aug next year - get planning, not, hey we're getting married tomorrow), since my boyfriend and I have been together for years and have been getting stick about when we're getting married for most of those! We are planning an hotel as we have people coming from several different countries. I think we will pay for our parents and bridesmaid/best man, but everyone else will pay for themselves - we've attended several weddings like this recently too and I think its quite acceptable for our group of friends and relatives.
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Feb 11, 2008 12:53
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Ringlet_Bob posted:I have what feels like a bit of a silly question, but how did you plan the date? Between parents, friends, venue availability, etc. I'm not quite sure where to start. I want the announcement to be a surprise (i.e. hey guys we're getting married on 14th Aug next year - get planning, not, hey we're getting married tomorrow), since my boyfriend and I have been together for years and have been getting stick about when we're getting married for most of those! You'll never make everyone happy, so start with what works for you. I will tell you that venues book for summer weddings first (I used to work at a museum). Also, never, ever plan a holiday weekend wedding. Several of our friends have done this and it does nothing but ruin plans, plus hotel rates and everything else goes up.
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Feb 11, 2008 15:49
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I'm getting married in August. Most of the major stuff is planned with the exception of the rehearsal dinner. My (soon to be) mother in law is really cool on everything except the rehearsal dinner. She wants us to invite all the out of town guests (which is 95% of our guest list). When we told her no, she keeps interjecting that we should invite her brother so and so, or sister so and so. She doesn't seem to get how it would be unfair to everyone else. We are trying to keep the wedding about us, enjoy it, and not making it a big production out of it. So, the reason for my  . I know you don't HAVE to invite out of town guests to a rehearsal dinner. But is this some sort of standard thing?
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Feb 11, 2008 15:59
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Ringlet_Bob posted:I have what feels like a bit of a silly question, but how did you plan the date? Between parents, friends, venue availability, etc. I'm not quite sure where to start. I want the announcement to be a surprise (i.e. hey guys we're getting married on 14th Aug next year - get planning, not, hey we're getting married tomorrow), since my boyfriend and I have been together for years and have been getting stick about when we're getting married for most of those! Our date was entirely based on the hotel's availability. I had a date range in mind however. AWSEFT posted:So, the reason for my . I know you don't HAVE to invite out of town guests to a rehearsal dinner. But is this some sort of standard thing? From what I've read, it's customary to invite all of the out of town guest to the rehearsal dinner. I believe it's due to the fact that the guests don't know the area that well, and to serve as a thank you for coming a large distance.
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Feb 11, 2008 16:12
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Gravitee posted:From what I've read, it's customary to invite all of the out of town guest to the rehearsal dinner. I believe it's due to the fact that the guests don't know the area that well, and to serve as a thank you for coming a large distance. It's 95% of the guest list though. I'm from another state and just about all of her family has to travel to get there. I understand thanking them for coming but if I see this correctly. We would basically be throwing another reception.
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Feb 11, 2008 16:22
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AWSEFT posted:It's 95% of the guest list though. I'm from another state and just about all of her family has to travel to get there. I understand thanking them for coming but if I see this correctly. We would basically be throwing another reception. Are you paying for it? The rehearsal dinner is traditionally paid by the mother of the groom, so if she wants some big huge party, why not? If you are paying and can't afford to invite everyone, gently suggest that she help with the budget. You aren't expected to pay for two receptions; that's why you (or your parents) pay for one and his parents pay for the other. At least your MIL gives a crap about the rehearsal dinner; mine drug her feet or waffled on everything, the entire time. My folks ended up doing all of the invites/planning/setup/catering and sending them the bill. Kind of rude, but if it was left to the in-laws, there would have been no dinner at all, and we've gotten no complaints (that we know of). Edit: That is to say, the in-laws did indeed volunteer to organize/pay for the rehearsal, they just didn't follow through. On anything. Queen of Roses fucked around with this message at 17:08 on Feb 11, 2008 |
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Feb 11, 2008 16:59
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Queen of Roses posted:Are you paying for it? The rehearsal dinner is traditionally paid by the mother of the groom, so if she wants some big huge party, why not? If you are paying and can't afford to invite everyone, gently suggest that she help with the budget. You aren't expected to pay for two receptions; that's why you (or your parents) pay for one and his parents pay for the other. I'm the groom and my parents are paying. My MIL has offered to help pay but its really not the point. My wife (to be) and I don't want to entertain two days in a row. Plus we wanted to keep the rehearsal small so the parents could first of all meet, and spend the time with each other and us, not with the WHOLE family. We see the next day as their opportunity to mingle with family. What can I say to explain that to her? Side note: My wife (to be) is awesome. She asks for my input on everything (don't worry I offer to help a lot) and on the few things I don't know or care about she takes care of them. A few things shes asked me to handle (honeymoon, hotels, travel) but shes doing a lot.
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Feb 11, 2008 17:59
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Me and mine are in the process of planning (and paying ourselves) right now. It's been a long engagement, starting with the ring which cost only $300, as I got the diamond from her mom's ring, which was her grandmother's ring. So we already know it will be handed down to our daughter but it's not big by far but there's a lot of history. She just got her dress ($600), and we just put down a deposit at a nice restaurant that has a separate, private building for events at about 40 dollars per head. We're looking at around 50 people, but the majority of the stress currently is coming from finding a decent photographer and DJ for not too much money. The cost of photographers astounds me. I'm not paying for film, nor am I paying for film processing except for shots I choose, why am I paying 200 dollars an hour for them to take digital pictures? The kicker is most places we've seen charge between 150-300 dollars for us to get the pictures they take on a DVD so we can print them ourselves. It does not cost that much to burn a drat DVD.
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Feb 11, 2008 18:50
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Gravitee posted:Does anyone have any good first dance song selections? We really can't come up with anything solid. We enjoy rock and indie music, so no Phil Collins please. Our wedding is still in the very beginnings of being planned, it likely won't happen for at least another year. However song wise we’re thinking of either “And No More Shall We Part” by Nick Cave or “Stella Maris” by Einstürzende Neubauten. They are both beautiful songs but not the common first dance type song. I would love a good Max Raabe fox-trot but I doubt I could get my guy to agree. Von Stroheim fucked around with this message at 20:17 on Feb 11, 2008 |
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Feb 11, 2008 20:14
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AWSEFT posted:I'm the groom and my parents are paying. My MIL has offered to help pay but its really not the point. My wife (to be) and I don't want to entertain two days in a row. Plus we wanted to keep the rehearsal small so the parents could first of all meet, and spend the time with each other and us, not with the WHOLE family. We see the next day as their opportunity to mingle with family. Congrats on the awesome wife! And my apologies for assuming that said awesome wife was you.  Well, I hate to say this, but it kind of doesn't matter what you two want in this case. If you're going by the books on etiquette, it would be tacky to exclude people for no good reason other than "I don't feel like entertaining them." They're coming to see YOU and your bride. You're asking that they come from out of town, likely to a place they've never been to, and the only people they know in town don't want to be with them. Sorry guy, cost is really the only good excuse I can think of for not honoring your out-of-towners, and like I said earlier, there are ways around that, too, i.e. asking for financial help. Besides, how would you get around the whole "you invited my sister but not my cousin/brother/uncle/aunt?" issue that your MIL brought up? How do you choose who is "allowed" to come and who's not? It seems like a tough call to me, and unfortunately the only real way to get around it is invite everyone, suck it up, and just see who RSVPs. It's the price you pay for having a large family. Trust me, we ran into a very similar problem with our rehearsal dinner. I didn't see the part about letting the close family mingle until now, sorry. Why don't you all go out to dinner a few weeks beforehand in a less formal setting? Or, let your bride do the ice-breaking with all of the ladies at the bridesmaid's luncheon (if you're doing one.) You guys are getting married and your parents haven't met yet? 
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Feb 11, 2008 20:32
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Queen of Roses posted:You guys are getting married and your parents haven't met yet? It's not uncommon. I've been married twice now and my parents hadn't met the inlaws until the actual wedding on either occasion. When you live in separate states and are really busy, it just kind of happens. Luckily, they love the current inlaws (can't say the same for the first set, it was hate on first site). geekygrrl fucked around with this message at 22:09 on Feb 11, 2008 |
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Feb 11, 2008 20:33
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Generic Superhero posted:The cost of photographers astounds me. I'm not paying for film, nor am I paying for film processing except for shots I choose, why am I paying 200 dollars an hour for them to take digital pictures? The kicker is most places we've seen charge between 150-300 dollars for us to get the pictures they take on a DVD so we can print them ourselves. It does not cost that much to burn a drat DVD. You're paying for the expertise of the photographer. They've spent countless hours perfecting their skill, which costs a ridiculous amount of money to go through photography school. Skilled workers demand, and are worth, a high per hour labor price. You're also paying for all that equipment- extra cameras, flashes, lenses, and light diffusers can cost hundreds to thousands of dollars. The cost of the DVD is that high because you're in effect buying the rights to the pictures. Normally when you have professional photographs made, the photographer retains the copyright and you can only get more prints from them. With digital copies on the DVD, you don't have to pay for a print to send to Great-Aunt Millie, you can just email her a file. And if you want a print to put on your desk at work, you just just print one out on your photo printer at home. The photographer is losing a major revenue source when they give you a digital copy of all your photos, they have to make it up in the price of the DVD.
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Feb 11, 2008 21:49
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Queen of Roses posted:You guys are getting married and your parents haven't met yet? After that, all my family kind of got in the way of them talking much. It was good that we had the more intimate dinner.
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Feb 11, 2008 21:50
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I've just been asked to be a co-best man (along with another longtime friend). I think its going to be a fairly casual as opposed to traditional ceremony, but just so I can have the bases covered what are my responsibilities going to be?
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Feb 11, 2008 21:59
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BrassMonkey posted:I've just been asked to be a co-best man (along with another longtime friend). I think its going to be a fairly casual as opposed to traditional ceremony, but just so I can have the bases covered what are my responsibilities going to be? At the very least you'll be expected to make a speech at the dinner. Also you may be called upon to assist the groom in protecting the bride from being kidnapped by bandits, as that is the traditional purpose of groomsmen.
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Feb 11, 2008 22:14
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Don't forget, planning the oh-so-important organizing of the bachelor party.
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Feb 11, 2008 22:55
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Bastard Tetris posted:At the very least you'll be expected to make a speech at the dinner. Also you may be called upon to assist the groom in protecting the bride from being kidnapped by bandits, as that is the traditional purpose of groomsmen. Well the other co-groomsman just bought an AK so I think we have the bandit angle covered
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Feb 11, 2008 23:53
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On the other side of things: If I'm a graduate student in photojournalism (UT-Austin) with a few weddings under my belt, what's the best way to get into contact with people hiring photographers? I'm looking for the $1000 range market.
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Feb 12, 2008 00:15
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Queen of Roses posted:You guys are getting married and your parents haven't met yet? I live in MN with my job (until May). Wifey lives in NC (where her parents are). My parents live in south Florida. Nope they haven't met though we have been working on it. I can't seem to weasel a weekend off. Queen of Roses posted:Why don't you all go out to dinner a few weeks beforehand in a less formal setting? Same reason. I won't even be in town much weeks before the wedding. I will be living in NC at the time of the wedding but my job will have me in Atlanta (and beyond) when I'm working (5 days a week). <- Pilot's life for me. AWSEFT fucked around with this message at 03:59 on Feb 12, 2008 |
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Feb 12, 2008 03:57
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I'm planning a pretty short term wedding--we're looking at April 25th. I don't have a dress, venue, minister/judge, etc. I do have a photographer, though. It's only a small wedding for about 25 people, and it's very informal. I wouldn't be having a hard time, but we're getting married in California and live in Oregon. Are there any good, cheap (500 or 600 dollars) wedding chapels or venues in San Fernando Valley or Santa Clarita Valley? I see a few on the internet, but they don't have pictures or anything. We're just going out to dinner for the reception, so I just need the use of a chapel or venue for a few hours. How long is the typical short wedding, anyway? I'm not usually into planning stuff like this, and I have an infant daughter so my time is really limited. Are there any tips for short-term planners like me? How should I go about trying to rent a suit for my husband? We will only be in California maybe 4 or 5 days before the wedding, and he'll need measured and his suit tailored. Do I call the suit place and have them send us the measurement cards, or what?
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Feb 12, 2008 05:52
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The cost of our wedding is surreal. It is going to wipe out a year's worth of savings for us - and we are both living with our parents right now so we save pretty much all of our paycheques except for student loans. Ring: $1500 Hall + food + booze : $15000 Invites: $300 Photographer: $2000 Cake: $525 Officiant: $325 Licenses: ~$200 Dress: $800 That still leaves DJ, flowers, limo, tux, bridesmaids' presents, groomsens' presents, and favors, as well as another BIG ticket item the honeymoon. We are probably going to spend around 8k on that. For everything else that's left we plan on cutting corners as much as we can - hopefully a relative can create the centerpieces if we order some bulk flowers, and we can get a limo for 2-3 hours instead of for the whole night, and we will get another relative to make cake for bonbonieres, and get a family friend who DJs to help us out.
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Feb 12, 2008 06:53
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butt sax posted:The cost of our wedding is surreal. It is going to wipe out a year's worth of savings for us - and we are both living with our parents right now so we save pretty much all of our paycheques except for student loans. One easy corner to cut is the invites. Electronic invites are free, and people actually RSVP. Another is the food: a buffet saves a lot of money, as does more beer and less wine.
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Feb 12, 2008 10:25
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Bizarro Toby posted:You'll never make everyone happy, so start with what works for you. I will tell you that venues book for summer weddings first (I used to work at a museum). Also, never, ever plan a holiday weekend wedding. Several of our friends have done this and it does nothing but ruin plans, plus hotel rates and everything else goes up. Yeah, that's what I figured. I just wondered if we were missing a trick. We've got dates in mind and I guess we'll let the parents in on the plan, do some provisional booking of venue, etc. and then let everyone know. Had the registrar on the phone this morning to check out the admin stuff - my first actual action towards our marriage 
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Feb 12, 2008 13:15
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AWSEFT posted:I live in MN with my job (until May). Wifey lives in NC (where her parents are). My parents live in south Florida. My previous advice still stands, though. We had the rehearsal dinner=too many guests problem, too--except that it was all my family that was out of town. His family consists of his folks, his aunt+uncle+cousin, and grandma. That's all (that showed up!  ). My folks felt bad about his parents basically entertaining our family on their dime, so they split the cost of the rehearsal. Just about everyone came, and everyone had a good time. We're North Carolinians too, so to offset the fancy tea reception, we had a local barbecue joint cater. It was fabulous; the Northerners on my side of the family were so tickled that they were eating "real Southern barbecue!" and his family (country folk!) felt right at home. We had it at the "family life center" at the church (a big all purpose room) and the caterers did the setup, serving and cleanup. A good deal.
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Feb 12, 2008 16:49
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Queen of Roses posted:Ahh, I see. Thanks to opie and Bizzaro Toby, I guess it's not too uncommon, then! My befuddlement stands corrected. I'd love to do a southern restaurant. That would be really nice for the non-southerners. I still don't want to feed 150 people for my rehearsal dinner.
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Feb 12, 2008 17:09
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I was married in september, here are a few ideas for saving money: If you live in the chicago area, check out Wedding Belles for cheap yet awesome dresses. My wife and sister both bought there; they do discontinued fashions, model dresses etc, so you can often find very nice things cheap. No ordering, however, just whatever they have in stock that day. Strange sizes too; my wife is 6'4" and had many options. If you're a college grad and still a member of your schools union or alumni association, you can often get good deals on booking things there. We did our ceremony in a garden at our alma mater and the reception in a room in the student union, and it was very nice, very cheap. This only works if your school has places you'd like to get married in, however. My wife is a landscape designer/horticulturist, and she saved a fortune on flowers by going to a farmers market THAT MORNING and have the bridesmaids and a few useful cousins assemble corsages and bouquets. I thought this would be a disaster but it actually worked awesomely, but only b/c she and some of her friends knew what they were doing, and had scouted out the famer's market previously. Not recommended if disaster on that front would bother you, but the total cost for us turned out to be around $75(!!!).
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Feb 12, 2008 18:07
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j4on posted:One easy corner to cut is the invites. Electronic invites are free, and people actually RSVP. Another is the food: a buffet saves a lot of money, as does more beer and less wine. Another way to save on invites but still have them is do them yourselves. Target makes really nice (but inexpensive) pre made invites that you just print on with your printer at home. They even come with ribbons/glitter/other fancy stuff. My bridesmaid did that for her wedding, and it looked really nice. Buffet style food at a wedding saves money on not paying for servers, but you have to pay for extra food because people take more/go for seconds.
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Feb 12, 2008 19:30
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chachu posted:I'm planning a pretty short term wedding--we're looking at April 25th. I don't have a dress, venue, minister/judge, etc. I do have a photographer, though. It's only a small wedding for about 25 people, and it's very informal. I wouldn't be having a hard time, but we're getting married in California and live in Oregon. Hey I live in SCV and did a little looking around for wedding chapels here for you and came up with this. I only mention it because its close by and it says there's no charge to use the church. http://www.scvweddingmall.com/vendor_display.php?category=Chapels Were you set on a church wedding or had you considered an outdoors ceremony? There are some pretty spots around the valley too. Also, I'm not sure of the pricing for just the garden or if they need a certain amount of time to book it, but my brother and sister got married in the garden of The Odyssey here: http://www.theodysseyrestaurant.com/banquets.html And i can tell you from experience its a beautiful setting perfect for a small group. Here's another place with a really pretty outdoor setting: http://www.kellysweddinggarden.com/weddings.html Or you can take a look on this site yourself, its got some pretty good suggestions for different places. http://www.officiantguy.com/santa-clarita-wedding-locations.html
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Feb 12, 2008 20:28
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Thanks, I looked at all of those, and they're all fantastic, but I think I'm gonna go with a little outdoor courtyard in Ventura for $125. LOL, I don't think we can afford the Odyssey on our budget. We're gonna do our pre-wedding-get-the-parents-acquainted-with-each-other dinner at Versailles in the valley on Ventura Blvd., then probably do a small reception for 20 people at Bonsai Garden in SCV. This would be so much easier if I knew for sure whether or not I was paying for it, hahaha. My dad hasn't said a word about it, so WHO KNOWS.
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Feb 12, 2008 21:30
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do what now posted:Another way to save on invites but still have them is do them yourselves. Target makes really nice (but inexpensive) pre made invites that you just print on with your printer at home. They even come with ribbons/glitter/other fancy stuff. My bridesmaid did that for her wedding, and it looked really nice. I'm in the process of making invitations for my wedding, and I am saving a ton of money by doing that. I spent about $75 on paper and other necessary items, and that's it for about 200 invitations plus reception cards and RSVP cards. It's tedious to put them together, but fortunately my mom is retired and very crafty and is more than happy to work on it when I can't. Also, my brother is a graphic designer, so he helped out with the design. They're very simple, but that's what I would have wanted anyway, no matter how much I paid. I'm having a buffet, and it's maybe $5 a person cheaper than a plated dinner. Considering we're inviting about 400 people, that adds up pretty quick.
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Feb 12, 2008 23:20
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BRAKE FOR MOOSE fucked around with this message at 07:43 on Jun 12, 2012 |
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Feb 13, 2008 00:38
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For my wedding invitations, my mom found someone on Ebay that would design/print them for you for a very reasonable price. It worked for me! Then again, I had zero time or interest in doing it myself...grad school! Also, I found doing my wedding on a holiday weekend was the best way to ensure both of our families were available. Plus it was at the end of my Spring Break and the beginning of my sister's, so no college obligations were compromised. I got married the day before Easter last year and only had one decline...it seems like my husband's aunt's Elks club dinner was more important  I was back in school on Monday...
ophiolite fucked around with this message at 01:13 on Feb 13, 2008 |
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Feb 13, 2008 01:11
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aneurysm posted:Anyone know any awesome places in the Detroit area for an outdoor wedding? Best I'm aware of is the local botanical gardens. I'm amazed at how entirely useless Google is for anything wedding related... nothing but advertising. Kensington Metro Park, Henry Ford Estate, and Detroit Zoo are ones I can think of off the top of my head. The knot lists 132 different sites for weddings, with a majority of them having outside facilities. http://www.theknot.com/vs_DETROIT_CAR.shtml
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Feb 13, 2008 03:06
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Is there any tactful way to tell people that, instead of presents, we would rather have a donation to our fund for a down payment on a house? For our poor friends in their 20's, we created a registry at Target, but is it considered... rude, I guess, to ask for a donation from our better-off friends and family who will just end up buying us a really expensive crock pot and some towels that we don't need? I know people have qualms about giving money as a gift. Is that, like, taboo? I mean, we'll know how much money they spent anyway if they buy something off of our registry. What would be the best way to word it? It seems weird to be like "Our wedding is [date], and we're registered at Target, so BUY US SOMETHIN' OR GIVE US MONEY."
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Feb 13, 2008 06:50
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Boy, I think it honestly would be a little tough to phrase that well. I think that, unless you ask that someone donate to charity, beyond a registry it gets murky if you tell people what they're supposed to give you. Maybe someone can think of a good way to do that without making it seem greedy (which isn't really the way you're trying to come across- asking for money for a down payment seems no more/less "greedy" than a wedding registry!).
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Feb 13, 2008 06:57
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Ozma posted:Boy, I think it honestly would be a little tough to phrase that well. I think that, unless you ask that someone donate to charity, beyond a registry it gets murky if you tell people what they're supposed to give you. Maybe someone can think of a good way to do that without making it seem greedy (which isn't really the way you're trying to come across- asking for money for a down payment seems no more/less "greedy" than a wedding registry!). Yeah, that's exactly how I feel. I had the same problem with my baby shower, because the girls who were invited were just coworkers who I wasn't that close with. I only told the few people who asked where I was registered since I didn't want to sound greedy, and as a result I got a LOT of things I couldn't use, and had to make a ton of return trips. We have a house full of stuff already and are planning to move from Oregon to California next year, once we buy a house. I don't really want to make the trip with any more crap than we already have. And I also think that people think there is a difference between, "Here is a nice set of martini glasses," and, "Here is 25 bucks," even though it's the same amount of cash. I don't think there is one, but I understand that the gift might seem less... significant, I guess. chachu fucked around with this message at 07:07 on Feb 13, 2008 |
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Feb 13, 2008 07:04
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For another shot as far as ring prices and what you get for your money, I got this for my fiance. I bought the setting and stone on ebay, I think around $450 for the setting and around $80 for the stone, then another $80 on getting them put together and having it sized. She likes it, and I didn't have to finance it. Nyvinyd fucked around with this message at 07:29 on Feb 13, 2008 |
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Feb 13, 2008 07:26
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chachu posted:Is there any tactful way to tell people that, instead of presents, we would rather have a donation to our fund for a down payment on a house? For our poor friends in their 20's, we created a registry at Target, but is it considered... rude, I guess, to ask for a donation from our better-off friends and family who will just end up buying us a really expensive crock pot and some towels that we don't need? I know people have qualms about giving money as a gift. Is that, like, taboo? I mean, we'll know how much money they spent anyway if they buy something off of our registry. What would be the best way to word it? It seems weird to be like "Our wedding is [date], and we're registered at Target, so BUY US SOMETHIN' OR GIVE US MONEY." I've always heard the best solution is to put your gift registry somewhere you can return the presents for cash later. Someone said Bed Bath and Beyond, but that was years ago.
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Feb 13, 2008 07:27
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chachu posted:Is there any tactful way to tell people that, instead of presents, we would rather have a donation to our fund for a down payment on a house? For our poor friends in their 20's, we created a registry at Target, but is it considered... rude, I guess, to ask for a donation from our better-off friends and family who will just end up buying us a really expensive crock pot and some towels that we don't need? I know people have qualms about giving money as a gift. Is that, like, taboo? I mean, we'll know how much money they spent anyway if they buy something off of our registry. What would be the best way to word it? It seems weird to be like "Our wedding is [date], and we're registered at Target, so BUY US SOMETHIN' OR GIVE US MONEY." There is no really tactful way to do it, and it is against etiquette rules for the two of you to actually tell anyone that you just want cash. But, you can have your parents spread the word to relatives that you would rather have money to buy a new home. Just do not put it in writing anywhere on the invitation or wedding website.
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Feb 13, 2008 13:44
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chachu posted:It seems weird to be like "Our wedding is [date], and we're registered at Target, so BUY US SOMETHIN' OR GIVE US MONEY." It might have helped that we got married across the country, and would've had to ship everything back home.
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Feb 13, 2008 15:21
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