The Book Barn: a slaughterhouse of leaves of ice and fire and loathing

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The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Helldump Success Stories > The Book Barn: a slaughterhouse of leaves of ice and fire and loathing

Boniface: Jul 18, 2005; Halfway home and my pager still blowin up

Goons like to pride themselves on being smarter than other people on the internet, so this forum should be pretty busy, right?

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > The Book Barn (18 users browsing)

OK, OK, well it's quality not quantity. Better to have 5 posts per day that are excellent than 200 that are noi-

Mu Zeta posted:

I really enjoyed seeing Caesar, Pompey magnus, brutus etc meet their doom and see Octavian's rise. Is there a good book or books on these subjects that I can buy that go more in depth? I wouldn't mind some Roman historical fiction either.

Mother_Superior posted:

I'm going to be a enjoyable human being nerd and suggest George R.R. Martins A Song of Ice and Fire, not that it's connected to Rome in any way at all, but it's that same gritty intrigue and ruthlessness that made the series great.

At least he didn't recommend other TV shows, which is what probably 1/10 posts does anyway.

Case in point:

Marilyn Mansons posted:

Don Oot posted:
I've heard that The Dream Life of Sukhanov is good, but I haven't read it myself.
It is. The book is very cinematic.

It's a great book, y'all. Like what yer watchin the teevee or a picture show!

I actually get a huge boner if I'm reading a book and there's a one-line paragraph that reads, "The car flipped a shitload of times and then exploded with fire and blowing up."

About half the threads feature something that retarded, but for a quick look at something dumb, usually any page of this thread will work.

Finally, just a reminder that Maxnmona asked the admins to create a book forum, and when they did, he was made mod of it, and despite wanting the forum and having the power to help shape what kind of place it would be, he eventually lost all respect for it and quit in disgust.

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:01

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# ? May 19, 2013 09:54

civicdaylight: Sep 13, 2007; Elena, you're so lucky you didn't marry me.

The Book Barn is an affront to everyone who enjoys books.

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:03

chordate: Feb 27, 2008; by Ozma

The Something Awful Forums > The Finer Arts > A Song of Ice and Fire > Warhammer: 40k > Any good Star Wars books?

chordate fucked around with this message at Apr 5, 2008 around 20:06

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:04

reflir: Oct 29, 2004; So don't. Stay here with me.

Novels with a focus on hand-to-hand fighting

And what's even worse is that most of the replies probably completely ignore that and recommend books because "well there's hands in them lol"

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:06

HE ON THE TOILET: Jan 19, 2004; FUCK THE HATERS
TOILET SUPREMACY

You guys are all loving philistines. Here, I'll do you a favor. *tosses tattered copy of Atlas Shrugged onto your desk* Get back to me when you've learned a thing or two.

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:10

andrew smash: Jun 26, 2006; smooth soul

There are some intelligent posters there like Axissillian who really try to hold everything together and keep the stupid poo poo contained but with two separate stephen king threads, the martin megathread, and a warhammer 40k novel thread staying strong on the front page plus whichever idiot thought this week that "tell me about space laser pirates" or "forsooth yon goones give me your fantasie!" was a decent topic for an entirely new thread why even loving bother

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:10

Boniface: Jul 18, 2005; Halfway home and my pager still blowin up

here, i've got a great idea. i'll give myself a name that's basically code for SMART ARTY CHICK, then i'll say this:

Bohemienne posted:

I've been trying to hunt down some contemporary (post-USSR, preferably) Russian novels. In English or Russian will do. I spent a summer in Russia a few years ago and asked a lot of my classmates there, but they were all reading Murakami or Palahniuk.

Who are the top modern Russian authors? What sort of themes do they usually tackle? My guess would be crime/corruption tales, but I'm wondering if there's something analogous to our chick-lit/chic lit for the New Russians. Most importantly, where can I buy these books?

yeah, i've been meaning to get into new columbian fiction. i imagine that it's usually about snorting mountains of blow, executing a villager and then raping a hot chick who goes around topless and wearing a thong, then getting AIDS. oh, by the way, do they have anything analogous to the worst loving mainstream fiction in america?

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:11

gerogarygaygaygay: May 30, 2004; by DocEvil

Boniface posted:

he eventually lost all respect for it and quit in disgust.

well in fairness it's not his fault that goons are illiterate morons who think that george rr martin and tom clancy are masters of their craft

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:12

Freddie Gibbis: Jul 30, 2007; ~~ schween lyfe ~~

i think i ventured into the book barn far too long after nmd had me permanently jaded w/r/t goons and their taste in entertainment because i think ive clicked on it twice, skimmed through the topic list, and just been immediately disenchanted by the sheer amount of stock 'goon lit' threads and the lack of basically anything else

yes i am a nerd and i would like to talk about books with other nerds but im not sure there is that much that you can say about a glorified conan book or yet another glorified young adult novelist for misanthropes like palahni

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:12

Freddie Gibbis: Jul 30, 2007; ~~ schween lyfe ~~

Boniface posted:

here, i've got a great idea. i'll give myself a name that's basically code for SMART ARTY CHICK, then i'll say this:

yeah, i've been meaning to get into new columbian fiction. i imagine that it's usually about snorting mountains of blow, executing a villager and then raping a hot chick who goes around topless and wearing a thong, then getting AIDS. oh, by the way, do they have anything analogous to the worst loving mainstream fiction in america?

The Devil Wears Burlap

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:13

Contrabassoon: Jan 29, 2002; REALLY SHITTY POSTER

Every time someone loads the thread named "The quality of Terry Pratchett's work is always evolving and improving", a prescriptive grammarian dies a little inside.

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:13

Boniface: Jul 18, 2005; Halfway home and my pager still blowin up

THUGNIFICENT posted:

You guys are all loving philistines. Here, I'll do you a favor. *tosses tattered copy of Atlas Shrugged onto your desk* Get back to me when you've learned a thing or two.

Necro Beer posted:

Just finished Atlas Shrugged for the first time. I enjoyed the book immensely at first but I was more than ready for it to end by the thousandth page as Rand's writing style and message had both gotten very repetitive.

Just finished The Communist Manifesto. Although I disagree with its anti-"gently caress y'all, this my poo poo right here" attitude, I think my biggest disappointment was how pedantic it was. Marx really repeats his message alot.

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:14

fritz: Jul 26, 2003

Boniface posted:

About half the threads feature something that retarded, but for a quick look at something dumb, usually any page of this thread will work.

Bashful posted:

The Road. I read it in about 3 days and stayed sitting on the toliet for an extra hour one night reading it.

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:14

Van Dis: Jun 19, 2004

recommend me some slash fiction guys

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:16

f key: Dec 13, 2004

Play Wit My Wii Hurrr posted:

I just finished The Dharma Bums by Jack Kerouac, and I just about found my new favorite author. It really relates to me, and reminds me of my adventures in the woods as a kid.

ah yes to be 11 in the woods of the beat generation again

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:17

HE ON THE TOILET: Jan 19, 2004; FUCK THE HATERS
TOILET SUPREMACY

Boniface posted:

Just finished The Communist Manifesto. Although I disagree with its anti-"gently caress y'all, this my poo poo right here" attitude, I think my biggest disappointment was how pedantic it was. Marx really repeats his message alot.

lol

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:17

VIRGINIA WOOLFSHIRT: May 25, 2004; On Being Ill

brendle saves the "most depressing book thread" on the first page, no need to read further

Jean-Paul Shart posted:

I recently read There is a Monster at the End of This Book by Grover. I picked it up on a lark, figuring it would by a typical horror/thriller throwaway. It followed a pretty obvious course through the old cliches of the genre most of the way through, but the ending threw me for a shock that had me catatonic in existential malaise for weeks afterwards. NOTE: DO NOT READ FURTHER IF YOU DO NOT WANT IT TO BE SPOILED!!! When I found out that the monster in the book was indeed Grover I thought, "My god... it could be any of us." Yes that's right, the narrator of the book, the kindly and gentle guide through this thrill-ride, was indeed the monster of which he spoke. This raised many, many questions. It seems from reflection that Grover himself was unaware that he was the monster. However, in the modern and postmodern likelihood of unreliable narration, it seems that it could just of easily been a clever deception by the monster, to lure the reader into his confidence before springing his trap. But the question remains. Does a monster know he is a monster? Or does his twisted logic somehow rationalize his monstrosity and allow it run rampant? Also, if this physically harmless appearance could harbor the monster of the book, doesn't that mean that anyone could be a monster? That "evil has no face" as they say? Ultimately, it brought me to reflect that one may be a monster and not even be full conscious of the fact. That one may be revealed to be monstrous, but only at the end of a mysterious and terrible life of lies.

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:18

HE ON THE TOILET: Jan 19, 2004; FUCK THE HATERS
TOILET SUPREMACY

Best Book Ever?? Heh. Why don't you go to http://www.google.com, then type Frank Herbert in the search field, and then get back to me.

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:19

HE ON THE TOILET: Jan 19, 2004; FUCK THE HATERS
TOILET SUPREMACY

Nightcap posted:

brendle saves the "most depressing book thread" on the first page, no need to read further

brendle owns

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:19

Boniface: Jul 18, 2005; Halfway home and my pager still blowin up

evillaws posted:

recommend me some slash fiction guys

I'm going to go out on a limb and recommend A Song of Ice and Fire by George R.R. Martin. There are repeated themes of consensual elf sodomy, and I've found that if I listen to Guns N' Roses while reading it, I can actually read faster.

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:19

Freddie Gibbis: Jul 30, 2007; ~~ schween lyfe ~~

I just finished a book I think goons would love, ESPECIALLY goonettes! It is called "Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret" and the author, Judy Blume, explores many deep and controversial topics all while maintaining a light-hearted tone and a playful way with words. The "Margaret" of the title is a spunky sixteen year old who deals with difficult issues like her first period, having to wear a training bra, and all the other things that trouble girls at such a young and tender age.

While I would highly recommend this book to girls of all ages (as well as ephebophiles), I should include a hefty warning that this book deals with religion in a very neurotypical and dogmatic fashion. A portion of the novel's plot deals with Margaret's search for religion, and while this may have been cutting edge when it was penned in the '70s, today's thinking young adult is confident that religion is "the opiate of them asses", nothing but a prescription for ignorance and destruction and mental atrophy that holds our nation of pathetic sheeple in its rigid, vice-like grip. gently caress the man! But read Judy Blume!

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:20

Van Dis: Jun 19, 2004

*denounces well-crafted but popular book*

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:20

Autism Monday: Mar 18, 2005; anime comes to life and kisses me on the lips

hmm russian books. what would they be about. probably about crime and poverty. rofl well time to post a thread

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:20

VIRGINIA WOOLFSHIRT: May 25, 2004; On Being Ill

that's if you're smart enough to understand the intricates and teachings of the bene gesserit. i like to think i've incorporated herbert's teachings into my daily life... but most people really can't get that far with it. hope your not one of them...

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:22

Boniface: Jul 18, 2005; Halfway home and my pager still blowin up

Autism Sundae posted:

hmm russian books. what would they be about. probably about crime and poverty. rofl well time to post a thread

Have you tried The Samovar? Although it's not a modern novel (it was written in the 19th Century), it's about a group of Russian Counts and Russian serfs who drink tea, worship icons, speak French, cut wheat, commit adultery and then live in filth.

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:22

reflir: Oct 29, 2004; So don't. Stay here with me.

Someone with archives dig out the "books that CHANGED UR FUCKEN LIFE" thread because it is a goldmine

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:23

f key: Dec 13, 2004

Kemper Boyd posted:

"The Stand" by King is one of those books which I read about twice a year from cover to cover, and I've done this every year since I was 15. I don't really know why I do that, but something makes me pick up that book again and again.

It's not really a good book, even. It has a few decently written characters, a few interesting characters, an awesome setting but a paper-thin plot. I enjoy reading about how America looks like in the weeks after Captain Trips, I like how the two communities are rebuilding but the central conflict between Good and Evil remains pointless. Flagg is interesting, especially when we see things from his point of view, but Mother Abagail is boring boring boring.

I often wondered if this is a recurring feature in books about the end of the world. Niven's "Lucifer's Hammer" had the same problem, and so did Frank Herberts "The White Plague". Everything in them is interesting, except for the actual plot. Not even the length of the book bothers me, but every time I read the Stand, I end up thinking that King should have just scrapped his plot and rolled with the possibilities that the setting offers.

The "Complete and Uncut" version of the book is superior in that regard, since it shows us more of the setting, although it has parts like the one with The Kid (which King didn't want to cut from the original) that serve no real purpose.

How do you feel about it?

I feel that I must read the same book by Stephen King every single year but I also feel that said book is too weighed down with plot details when I read it, every year. I eat my own feces btw

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:23

Freddie Gibbis: Jul 30, 2007; ~~ schween lyfe ~~

Hey guys, I was wondering if any of you have ever actually read and/or employed any of the spells in The Necrinomicon? I've been reading a lot about it in books by Lovecraft like ones about C'thulu and I was thinking that maybe I could find a copy and cast a spell that stops my acne or maybe just kills the gently caress out of Toby from sixth period.

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:23

Autism Monday: Mar 18, 2005; anime comes to life and kisses me on the lips

Boniface posted:

Have you tried The Samovar? Although it's not a modern novel (it was written in the 19th Century), it's about a group of Russian Counts and Russian serfs who drink tea, worship icons, speak French, cut wheat, commit adultery and then live in filth.

ah yes. allow me to also recommend [lovely science fiction novel]

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:25

VIRGINIA WOOLFSHIRT: May 25, 2004; On Being Ill

RapHandz posted:

Hey guys, I was wondering if any of you have ever actually read and/or employed any of the spells in The Necrinomicon? I've been reading a lot about it in books by Lovecraft like ones about C'thulu and I was thinking that maybe I could find a copy and cast a spell that stops my acne or maybe just kills the gently caress out of Toby from sixth period.

if you're interested in spells you should try The Satanic Bible. Anton LaVey is a god. i mean. an ANTI-god. i mean. i'm god.

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:25

Autism Monday: Mar 18, 2005; anime comes to life and kisses me on the lips

RapHandz posted:

Hey guys, I was wondering if any of you have ever actually read and/or employed any of the spells in The Necrinomicon? I've been reading a lot about it in books by Lovecraft like ones about C'thulu and I was thinking that maybe I could find a copy and cast a spell that stops my acne or maybe just kills the gently caress out of Toby from sixth period.

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:25

Van Dis: Jun 19, 2004

i never actually clicked but i distinctly remember a thread about book covers and i wouldn't be surprised if half were fantasy novels with scantily-clad women on them, c/d anyone?

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:26

Boniface: Jul 18, 2005; Halfway home and my pager still blowin up

evillaws posted:

i never actually clicked but i distinctly remember a thread about book covers and i wouldn't be surprised if half were fantasy novels with scantily-clad women on them, c/d anyone?

http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...hreadid=2296468

harry potter, terry pratchett, dune, robert jordan, fantasy fantasy fantasy fantasy

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:28

f key: Dec 13, 2004

Self Important posted:

Hey guys. I've been looking for some good treasure hunter style books (whether theyre just one offs or whole series) and so far I've drawn a blank. The only real treasure hunter style stories I've found have been the Dirk Pitt books and, well, I'm not a real fan. Considering the absolute WEALTH of movies that fit into this genre, I'm surprised I haven't been able to find any good books about it.

So I'm asking you guys for any recommendations on good treasure hunter stories. Bonus points if they are of the fantasy variety, too.

HIYA BUDDIES I HAVE NEVER READ A BOOK OR EVEN A WHOLE MAGAZINE ARTICLE BUT I WAS HOPING TO FIND A NOVELIZATION OF THE NATIONAL TREASURE MOVIES UP IN HERE

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:29

Contrabassoon: Jan 29, 2002; REALLY SHITTY POSTER

reflir posted:

Someone with archives dig out the "books that CHANGED UR FUCKEN LIFE" thread because it is a goldmine

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2553525

It starts with this gem:

strangebutohwell posted:

I tend to gravitate towards books that are based more in philosophy and psychology than entertainment. Yes, i love clever wit and laughing to myself while i read, but i'd like the books i read to also try to teach me something.

I just finished all of Daniel Quinn's books (Ishmael, My Ishmael, and The Story of B). These are exactly the types of books im talking about. In each of these fictions, his plot revolves around mentors of a radical new (old?) vision of the world written from the perspective of their pupils. His message generally stays the same through each book as he goes into almost every social system in place in our culture today, explaining exactly why they aren't working for people and the type of approach we should adopt to turn things around towards something that does work. Everything from schooling to religion to methods of obtaining food and social interaction are attacked, dismantled, and rebuilt from his extremely convincing animist perspective.

After reading Quinn, all the negativity and hardships in the world are making more sense to me now: Why they exist, how our society has created them for us, and how we need to be thinking if we're to overcome them at the core level.

Ender's Game gets three mentions on the first page alone.

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:29

Michel de Nostrildame: Jun 9, 2007; by Fragmaster

Pontius Pilate posted:

For myself, I just finished Alice in Wonderland and I liked it a lot more than I was expecting. It's a very fun and short read.

okay, it was also one of the first books ever written exclusively for the entertainment of little kids learning to read.

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:29

Van Dis: Jun 19, 2004

Boniface posted:

http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...hreadid=2296468

harry potter, terry pratchett, dune, robert jordan, fantasy fantasy fantasy fantasy

welp,

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:29

cumsitter: Jan 5, 2004

this thread is the barbaric yawp

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:30

Freddie Gibbis: Jul 30, 2007; ~~ schween lyfe ~~

BOOKZ THAT FUKKEN CHANGED MY LIFE

The Notorious B.I.G. - A Biography by Holly Lang
Hey goons, I know that a lot of you think rap is all about bitches n' ho's, and let me tell you that I was once like you until I read this amazing book that details Christopher Wallace's meteoric rise from project street kid to succesful rap mogul. It really made me re-think my opinion of black people and rap music and to also start wearing baggier pants (they are way more comfortable!) Plus, it's only 136 pages in large print so you can read it super-fast between games of Smash Brothers. An instant classic!

Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? by Phillip K Dick
A lot of you probably don't know this but this is the book that the movie "BLADE RUNNER" was based on! I think it's a great book because the androids are actually a metaphor for autistic people -- I would recommend this to anybody else who suffers from autism or Asperger's since I'm sure they will be able to relate to the many robotic characters and the situations they are placed in. Just be careful because this book has been reprinted several times and some of the covers DO NOT feature buxom robotic babes. Since the buxom robotic babe cover is pretty much the only part of this book you will be able to jerk off to, make sure the book has the right cover before you order it.

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:33

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# ? May 19, 2013 09:54

Michel de Nostrildame: Jun 9, 2007; by Fragmaster

Contrabassoon posted:

http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...hreadid=2553525

Amilam posted:

Catch 22

Pushed me to drop out of the National Guard.

MFnRhino posted:

I can't even believe no one has mentioned Fight Club

# ? Apr 5, 2008 20:33

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