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Major Failure
May 31, 2003

I'm in your loft, checking out your ghostbusters.

VIDEO OF THE FINAL BATTLE NOW UP

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTScOwUXonc


CLICK HERE TO SEE JUST THE FIGHT PICTURES AND TEXT: http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...29&userid=37541



----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
ZOOFIGHTS IS A THREAD ABOUT ANIMALS FIGHTING IN A NIGHTMARE WORLD




CLICK HERE IF YOU ARE NEW http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...29&userid=37541
TO ONLY SEE THE FIGHTS AND GET UP TO SPEED WITH THE TOURNAMENT



Here's the old threads:

Zoofights 1: http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...hreadid=1542862

(available for download at http://rapidshare.com/files/1093631...ghts_1.rar.html )

Zoofights 2 part 1: http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...hreadid=1919113
Zoofights 2 part 2: http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...hreadid=1927389
Zoofights 2 part 3: http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...hreadid=1938047
Zoofights 2 the end: http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...hreadid=1945611


ROUND TWO SO FAR:

Steamcrab VS Drillbjorn ----> STEAMCRAB

ZOOFIGHTS EPISODE THREE: ZOOFIGHTS BEGINS



“And God said, Let us make man in our image, after our likeness: and let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, and over the fowl of the air, and over the cattle, and over all the earth, and over every creeping thing that creepeth upon the earth.” – Genesis 1:26-27

The year is 1870, and man has a whole load of dominion over the earth. The continents are tied together with steel telegraph cables, Railways are carving themselves through every jungle, and a whole lot of awesome poo poo like steam hammers, fancy hats, manifest destiny and the theory of natural selection is kicking off all over the place.

Gorillas become rugs. 50 million bison become jerky. 100 foot long whales are hauled out of the sea like turds and rendered into the oil that makes the teeming, filthy cities visible from space. Man has totally owned Beast, and the food chain is just a big piece of loving chain that a guy with a monocle uses to beat the poo poo out of elephants.

I’m wearing my monocle, so let the beatings begin.




It's been two years since the last thread, and I've had a few people ask me if I was ever going to do another one of these, and so here it is.

(This is a good point to go and get some smelling salts for your wife, and a stiff whiskey for yourself. We’re not going anywhere, and first fight draw is incoming fast. I’ve got a stack of drawings, a pot of coffee and a head full of stupid.)

NB To a Mod: if we could get some old timey rinky dink piano midi music embedded in this thread I think we would be off to a good start.

Major Failure fucked around with this message at May 24, 2008 around 12:54

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Rocketfish
Jul 2, 2007

*pshew!*
Thanks!


So, are we killing nature dead? Or is she fighting back?

Fart Puzzle
Jul 25, 2007

compressed fart pieces


Well, this looks like it could be fun.

Flint_Paper
Jun 7, 2004

This isn't cool at all Looshkin! These are dark forces you're titting about with!

Rocketfish posted:

So, are we killing nature dead? Or is she fighting back?


Judging by the first thread; nature will be drugged, undergo heinous surgical experimentation and be brought back blinking & bewildered before being forced to fight itself to pieces in a series of increasingly horrible battles which eerily reflect our own inner torment.

Only with rollerskating lions with cannons for arses. This should be fun.

CuriousSymptoms
Jul 18, 2004

Those Goddamn Rainbows Are At It Again

Oh man..if we get tales of epic solidarity, comradeship and battle like last time, I'll be happy. Just don't bring back swanmass. The fabric of reality is too thin to cope.

Gus Hobbleton
Dec 29, 2003

Everything you think, do, and say
Is in the pill you took today


oh god not again

Rocketfish
Jul 2, 2007

*pshew!*
Thanks!


Flint_Paper posted:

Judging by the first thread; nature will be drugged, undergo heinous surgical experimentation and be brought back blinking & bewildered before being forced to fight itself to pieces in a series of increasingly horrible battles which eerily reflect our own inner torment.

Only with rollerskating lions with cannons for arses. This should be fun.

loving A. Bring on the Zoofights!

proddo
Mar 13, 2006

A++ would club again

This looks epic, when can we start voting for things

Mr. Bad Guy
Jun 27, 2006

Clown Sock to the Bat Cock.



Oh christ. yes, gently caress YES!

Welcome back Major failure! I've been waiting for this for so long!

dubdrome711
Mar 10, 2007

by angerbeet


Hell yes lets do this

Cotton B. Gross
Jun 21, 2006

by Fragmaster


Holy poo poo, yes. I was here for the second Zoofights thread and managed to find the text of the original one one some blog, they were awesome. Are either of them in the goldmine?

tallkidwithglasses
Feb 7, 2006

have you got any milk chocolate people? about three inches high?

the last one was pretty good...and if this is the same thing but filling animals with boiling hot steam instead of painless cybertronics, it should be excellent.

Arse Porn Cage
Oct 9, 2003



Was there ever a Zoofights 2?

Mr. Bad Guy
Jun 27, 2006

Clown Sock to the Bat Cock.



So how is this going to work? Steampunk? How will we get Bears with Gold Shotguns? Or Killer Whales with Cave Troll appendages? Snakes on a Brain? Come on man, you've go big shoes to fill this season!

Really, if this takes place before the other ZOOFIGHTS occured, I don't see a possibility of ANY return guests. Like the... *glances around nevously* Owlmen.. Maybe we're better off without returning guests...

Major Failure
May 31, 2003

I'm in your loft, checking out your ghostbusters.



Deep in the bowels of Victorian London, in an underground brick-vaulted arena choked by cigar smoke and the stench of money, whiskey and old moustaches, the financial, political and scientific overlords of the West are gathered to witness the first of fourteen nights of exquisite, state of the art zoological shitkicking.

Presiding over the carnage is inept ex-officer of the union Major Failure – a crooked civil war Captain who, having absconded with a boxcar full of confederate gold, added a rank to his name for the fun of it, and set himself up with an abandoned army hospital and a square mile of sewers across the Atlantic in London. Hiring a small army of animal collectors, mercenaries, ethically bankrupt surgeons, and drunken and embittered zoologists, he now arranges pit fights between mechanically “enhanced” animals for the elite of the world to place ridiculously large wagers upon. And you all get to watch and decide what happens.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the first ever symposium of the Zoofights society. Over the next two weeks you will witness the blood and grandeur of natural aggression and human engineering at its finest as sixteen biomechanical wonders from all corners of the globe battle it out for the title of KING OF BEASTS.

We’ll be holding a battle in the arena every night – the next eight days will see all 16 competitors squared up and pitted against each other to leave us with 8 winners to enter round two. Winners get fixed, and losers go to the incinerator. It’s old school, knock-out, steel on flesh Zoofights, and I promise it won’t collapse into a heaving mass of roleplaying, weird nanobot combat and psychotropic drug binges like last time.

This time round, you’ll be treated to artistic renderings of all the combatants by our state-of-the-art pneumatic robot cartoonist, H0g4rtH. We’ll come to those in a minute...
Meanwhile at ringside, the two hardest men of the nineteenth century, Bill “the butcher” Cutting and Al Swearengen will be offering their opinions of the contestants and their chances, as well as supplying expletive-peppered, blow by blow commentary on the fights themselves.





You’re in good hands.


After each fight is announced, you’ll have twenty four hours to register your prediction of the outcome. Based on your votes I will post the results of the fight in various forms for your amusement.

So settle down, gather your popcorn, and roll up your sleeves. It’s going to get pretty hosed up from here on in. I’ll update this first post with links to all new matchups, fight results, and pictures as they happen.

In a few minutes we'll be switching over to live recording from our man in the bookie's office, Jack the Ripper (channelled by Robotic T-rex), who will be introducing our Brutes for you to pit against each other.

ROBOTIC T_REX WILL GIVE YOU YOUR VOTING INSTRUCTIONS IN 15 MINUTES

Major Failure fucked around with this message at Apr 8, 2008 around 23:58

dog kisser
Mar 30, 2005


Woo, finally. No active audience participation, this time, dammit. That killed the last thread dead.

Mr. Bad Guy
Jun 27, 2006

Clown Sock to the Bat Cock.



What the hell is that a pile of?

Major Failure
May 31, 2003

I'm in your loft, checking out your ghostbusters.

dog kisser posted:

Woo, finally. No active audience participation, this time, dammit. That killed the last thread dead.

Agreed, dead right. It's going to be a good old fashioned bash 'em up this year.

Mr. Bad Guy posted:

What the hell is that a pile of?

Bison skulls, in Dakota. good to have you back, man.

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

IF U CN RD THS, SCK M FCKNG CCK NTL T SPRTS LL VR R FC

I remember the first zoofights, and it was loving awesome. Missed the second, and am now really excited for this!

Silentman0
Jul 11, 2005

I have a new neighbor. Heard he comes from far away


Oh god oh god oh god zoofights is back! My joy is overflowing like necrotic aquatic bird flesh.

Mr. Bad Guy
Jun 27, 2006

Clown Sock to the Bat Cock.



Captain Foo posted:

I remember the first zoofights, and it was loving awesome. Missed the second, and am now really excited for this!

I wasn't around for the first, but remember the first being epic. I actually missed almost the entirety of the ending, which I suppose I shouldn't be too bummed about, hearing others' opinions of it. I don't even know what happened with the whole Necro Goat / Swan Mass thing. The last thing I remember is the Audience, along with Captain Jack Sasquach and the Canadian Shotgun-Wield Bear Whose Name I Forget teaming up to fight them. Also Owlmen.

Unfortunately I lost my Plat in the last great "Everyone who posts in this thread gets Banned for no reason" thread, but I'm pretty sure you have my gmail if you need a hand for anything, Major.

Gravitas Shortfall
Jul 17, 2007

Utility is seven-eighths Proximity.



A murderous figure haunts the fog-shrouded streets of Whitechapel. Some say he's a ghost, or a demon, or worse - a foreigner. Whatever he is, he's taken time out from gutting prostitutes to bring you insider information on the mysterious Zoofights. How he's getting this stuff is anyone's guess.





( The rules for this round are simple - each one of the silhouettes represents a beast as yet UNKNOWN to both science and high society alike. Choose the shadow you think is the meanest, or the most interesting, or just looks like it needs a good whipping. Make a post with the number of the beast you've chosen in it. The voting will close four hours from NOW, or when Major Failure decides it's done, and the two top-ranked beasts will enter the pit. Later rounds will of course reveal more of the ghastly creatures that will duel to the death for our amusement. Let the games begin!)

Captain Foo
May 11, 2004

IF U CN RD THS, SCK M FCKNG CCK NTL T SPRTS LL VR R FC

I bet on 3.

Cotton B. Gross
Jun 21, 2006

by Fragmaster


Gotta go with 4

CuriousSymptoms
Jul 18, 2004

Those Goddamn Rainbows Are At It Again

Oh gently caress yes. Number 3 looks pretty brutal to me.

Mr. Bad Guy
Jun 27, 2006

Clown Sock to the Bat Cock.



Oh poo poo, definitely (Edit: changed my vote on page three) Big fan, Mr. J, looking forward to having you with us!

E: Hahaha oh god, is ten a goddamn TRAIN?!

Andother E: Ooooh, 15 looks like a distant cousin of my favorite contestant of last season, the Killer whale with Cave Troll arms and legs. I wish I could remember his name...

Mr. Bad Guy fucked around with this message at Apr 8, 2008 around 23:40

PezMaster
Nov 15, 2006

Though they won't admit it, women were much happier when all they had to do was bake shit and pump out babies.

I'm calling out number 14 - it looks like it has harpoon-fingers.

dog kisser
Mar 30, 2005


Um, I have to go with 10. It's a train.

edit: However, 15 is a firebreathing shark with crab legs...

Rogaine Yoshi
Apr 10, 2006

by Ozma


Number 10. It looks like a goddamn train.

RaptorFox
Sep 15, 2004
Some Dude

Number 10 here, cant deny the power of the train.

Gin Soaked Ape
May 4, 2004



I choose 10 because it appears to be some kind of train

Swami
Jul 14, 2003



Beast number eleven has piqued my interest, mainly because I can't fathom what it's supposed to be.

Fellwenner
Oct 21, 2005
Don't make me kill you.



I choose number 11, the mystery blob.

Knobjockey
Jul 21, 2003

Crush your enemies.
Bang! and the alien is gone.
Hear the lamentation of Dr. Vahlen.


dog kisser posted:

Um, I have to go with 10. It's a train.

edit: However, 15 is a firebreathing shark with crab legs...

15 How can a loving firebreathing shark with crab legs loving lose?

Mr. Bad Guy
Jun 27, 2006

Clown Sock to the Bat Cock.



Knobjockey posted:

15 How can a loving firebreathing shark with crab legs loving lose?

Alligators are fireproof. Look it up it's a loving FACT. And this one has goddamn WINGS goddamnit poo poo this is gonna be so awesome.

Eronarn
May 15, 2004

by Y Kant Ozma Post


3 it is a crab, crabs are tasty and also awesome. drat I love crabs. 3.

Zorak
Nov 7, 2005


Lucky number 13, thirteen is a number of luck. 13.

Major Failure
May 31, 2003

I'm in your loft, checking out your ghostbusters.



What the gently caress is all this commotion about a loving train?

Jesus Christ, you hoopleheaded cocksuckers, take heed of some of the other loving monstrosities on display - believe me, you'll be wishing they were as gentle as a goddamn train.

Koboje
Sep 20, 2005

Quack

2 looks like a Heroes 5 Gremlin with Robo arm but i'll vote for 3 because it looks just vicious.

Also does anyone here have that nice looking depiction of Swanmass from the first Zoofights thread?

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Jonked
Feb 15, 2005


Voting creature 3

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