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Gbanfalvi
Jul 23, 2007



I was invited to the funeral of a family member of a friend. I thought about skipping this because I've never talked to the guy but I'm close with the friend though. The problem is I'm 20 and I've never attended a funeral before. I've maybe seen one on TV at most. What kinds of things *do* you say at a funeral?

Is there anything like 'Te acompaņo en el sentimiento' in English? Stands metaphorically for "I know what you feel" - which in english just sounds weird.

Comedy answers welcomed, no Toxx Clause though.

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Small White Dragon
Nov 23, 2007

No relation.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

Depending on the religious scenario and cause of death, you can also add "I'm sure he's in a better place now."

Vice Zoomler Aestro
Apr 4, 2003
pray the rosary dawgs


Small White Dragon posted:

"I'm sorry for your loss."

Depending on the religious scenario and cause of death, you can also add "I'm sure he's in a better place now."

This is pretty much it.

Saying something the lines of "I know how it feels to lose a loved one" is sometimes meant to be comforting because you're relating to their pain, but sometimes comes off as insulting because it trivializes their loss.

At most funerals, you'll just stand there silently while the speakers give the eulogy. In a lot of cases, the funeral will be done at the funeral home or a church, and then a procession of cars will follow the hearse to the cemetary. Just try to catch your friend before or after the funeral, or just stick close to him/her and offer comfort when appropriate.

Gbanfalvi
Jul 23, 2007



Sounds like what everyone else would say. I realize you can't give me any personalized answers. But I'd thought there'd be more to say.

Pie Colony
Dec 8, 2006
I AM SUCH A FUCKUP THAT I CAN'T EVEN POST IN AN E/N THREAD I STARTED

"My goondolonces."

Vice Zoomler Aestro
Apr 4, 2003
pray the rosary dawgs


Gbanfalvi posted:

Sounds like what everyone else would say. I realize you can't give me any personalized answers. But I'd thought there'd be more to say.

Yeah, I mean there might be, but it really depends on the actual person that died, and how their family handles death. Some funerals are very solemn and quiet, some are kind of like big parties where everyone that knew the person tells nice stories and the like. If you never even met them then it's probably not your place to say much either way. Just be a shoulder to cry on if they need it, and someone to talk to and break tension if not.

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Veen
Oct 26, 2003

Just the tip!


Gbanfalvi posted:

Sounds like what everyone else would say. I realize you can't give me any personalized answers. But I'd thought there'd be more to say.

There's really not. If you knew the deceased, you can say something like, "I feel for your loss, I'm going to miss him." Otherwise, a simple, "I'm sorry, you have my condolences," works. There's really no hard set in stone formal way to do this. Just express that you understand their loss and feel for them, and that's really it. As long as you don't say something like, "Welp! He kicked the bucket, sucks to be you. Wanna come back to my place and get lit," you should be fine.

Honestly, giving a toast at somebody's wedding is infinitely harder than simply saying, "I'm sorry, if you need anything, I'm here for you," or something to that effect. It really depends on how well you know the bereaved, but for almost every occasion short of you personally being responsible for the death, simply saying "My condolences," should work. Not to mention most people are going to be emotionally shaken, and any social bumbling or idiocy will just be written off as the person responsible being in a state of duress.

If you WERE responsible for the death, I guess turning yourself into the authorities or breaking out a dagger and floor mat and offering to ritually take your own life as reparation might work, but I strongly doubt this is the case.


Edit: Almost every funeral I've been to was for a family member before I even hit 14, and so mostly I just had old people coming up to me and asking if I was ok, and if I needed anything. I guess this is also acceptable. The only notable exception I can think of was for my grandfather, where I spent almost the entire service as a crying shoulder for his friends and acquaintances. I don't actually remember saying much except, "there there," and "It's gonna be OK." A lot.

Veen fucked around with this message at May 27, 2008 around 11:19

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