|
OK, it's not a flesh light... It's a "Lexie UR3 Pocket Pussy" and even more blatantly a place to stick your wiener than a flesh light. I had planned on EdenFantasys's discreet shipping policy to save me from any embarrassing moments with the parents or neighbors, but I think it went far worse than I could have imagined... https://wi.somethingawful.com/0b/0bffdbe686ab60b24201589a39d4b292f58831b5.jpgI'm surfin' the net one day when I stumble across a promotion for this sex toy. I've never been interested in sex toys before, but all of a sudden I got really into the idea. I'm not a lame-rear end who can't get any real sex. (I currently have a girlfriend with a REAL vagina) No, I just thought it might make for a good time for when I was bored and had no motivation. So I say, "gently caress it!" and order the drat thing. I track it online and plan it to be delivered on a day when my parents are gone... The day comes and I lay watchful of the mailbox... I am ready to snatch up the package before anyone can see! And... it never comes. I am scared all of a sudden. The online tracker says the item has been delivered! I call the post office and the woman has to take a report so I have to tell her that the contents of the package was a sex toy and that it never showed up. A couple hours later a guy from my local post office calls me and says, "So Mr. Tanaka... it says here you ordered a sex toy and it never arrived? Yeah well... The postman scans it then puts it in your mailbox, so it was definitely delivered. I don't know what to tell you. Someone must have stolen it." I'm like poo poo oh well... At least I didn't get embarrassed in person. A week goes by and I totally forget I even ordered it. And it turns out I don't even want it anymore because I started having sex with this girl I went to high school with. (Same girl as stated above. It's a very new relationship.) All is well in the Tanaka household... until... Today I wake up from a nice long sleep and open my bedroom door to find an odd package on the ground all ripped up with a note on top.  Click here for the full 852x571 image. OH GOD!!! The freakin pocket pussy is sticking out of the side of the box. And there's a note from my mom AND the neighbors!? I open it up to find that jiggly pink thing outside of the inner box so it had DEFINITELY been opened. I'm sure the neighbor probably opened it up and whacked his wife on the head with it or something before thinking of returning it.  Click here for the full 415x620 image. I mean he could have even used it! My mom was right- That's GROSS! So basically now everyone thinks I'm a perv. I'm waiting for my parents to come home from work right now... What should I tell them? ---Sorry for the delay guys I was at a baseball game--- Pocket Pussy Update: OK I decided to tell my mom that it was a gag gift for a friend's birthday and she bought it... Or at least I think she did... She laughed and said it was a funny idea. Actually she said it was a real "hoot". I couldn't believe I got off so easily on this one, so I decided to give her a little surprise when she goes to work tomorrow. I left this outside our front door:  Click here for the full 775x519 image. and  Click here for the full 519x775 image. Update 2: I woke up for work this morning with the pocket pussy and slimy banana peels next to my head. My mom is a sly one. She later told me that I can't give it to my friend now because I made it dirty with bananas. I guess I'll keep it for when I'm single then! PancakeKid fucked around with this message at 05:27 on Jul 26, 2008 |
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:09
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 24, 2024 17:49 |
|
|
You should tell them they brought up their son to break tables. That'll show 'em.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:12
|
|
|
Break them tables with your massive virgin erection.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:12
|
|
|
Holy poo poo, fix your table breakage, pervert.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:12
|
|
|
This can't be real. Break tables too
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:12
|
|
|
Gag gift for a friend. It's the only thing that can save you now.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:13
|
|
|
You're going to have a lot of trouble living this down.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:13
|
|
|
loving perv. The image of that disappointed smiley face is going to forever haunt you. After looking at the pictures multiple times, I am convinced that this is the funniest thread I have ever seen on here. Your neighbors wrote "Enjoy." That's amazing. StabMastaArson fucked around with this message at 21:17 on Jul 24, 2008 |
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:13
|
|
|
Well you probably shouldn't have bought a fake vagina dude.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:13
|
|
|
Ask your mom why she sent you a sex toy and then shake your head like you're disappointed in her.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:14
|
|
|
Tell them that your neighbors are criminals for opening up mail that wasn't addressed to them. That's a federal crime yo.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:14
|
|
|
At least your mom was cool enough to give it to you.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:14
|
|
|
Didn't your neighbors commit a federal offense by opening our mail?
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:14
|
|
|
the picture on the box looks like a dude.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:14
|
|
|
Say it's a gag gift for some friend of yours. They'll totally buy it. 
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:14
|
|
|
Hahaha This went wrong in almost every conceivable way for you man. The neighbors know, your parents know, poo poo everybody in your neighborhood probably knows you ordered a pocket pussy by now. Also you guys need to get a 24" monitor and your tables will never be broken again!
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:15
|
|
|
gently caress it, leave a big wad of jizz in there, and place it somewhere everyone will see it right when they walk in the house.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:15
|
|
|
And now to lessen your humiliation your posting it in GBS? Because you know we are all so understanding and tolerant here.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:15
|
|
|
Something Awful search results for "giant rubber vagina".
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:16
|
|
|
I think any denying you try to do will just make it worse. Just admit you were curious and bought it.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:16
|
|
|
You deserve every bit of the scorn you are going to receive from your mother.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:16
|
|
|
Report your neighbors to the feds for opening your mail. Videotape the arrest and then sell the tape to COPS. Go to local adult store and buy a new sex toy with money from videotape. Mail the new sex toy to your neighbors.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:16
|
|
|
Right now I've been embarrassed so much I might as well tell the world because it's so drat comical.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:16
|
|
|
That's too bad, Nick Tanaka.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:16
|
|
|
Blame the internet.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:16
|
|
|
^^ Also report them as said, and sue for defamation of character. It was addressed to you though, right? Why would your neighbors open it? Whenever a package of mine gets mis-delivered next door, they just bring it on over.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:16
|
|
|
I still don't get how you have a real girlfriend but still need to gently caress a plastic vagina.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:17
|
|
|
spanky69 posted:Report your neighbors to the feds for opening your mail. Videotape the arrest and then sell the tape to COPS. Seriously. What the gently caress are your neighbors doing opening up mail that's not theirs? ...and by the way, you're a perv.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:17
|
|
|
Wait wait wait. You have a girlfriend but you are sex with a girl you knew in high school? Flawed story much? Unless they are the same person of course. edit: Hahahahaha, in the "palm of your gland"
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:17
|
|
|
This makes me want to order one to my house with my neighbors name on the box and doing exactly what your neighbors did. Thanks for the great prank idea!
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:17
|
|
|
What I don't get is why a vibrating dildo is fine for a woman but a sex toy for a man makes him a pervert.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:17
|
|
|
Just put it on your hand and serve a warm try of chocolate chip cookies to your mom, saying that you thought it was an oven mitt. Also: take pictures when you do this.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:17
|
|
|
AccountSupervisor posted:Wait wait wait. yeah same person and I didn't have her when I ordered it
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:18
|
|
|
aarontxwl posted:I still don't get how you have a real girlfriend but still need to gently caress a plastic vagina. ...and if you're living at home and loving a plastic vagina you have a lot of room for improvement.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:18
|
|
|
Your neighbours broke the law, it was a gag gift, or your friend ordered it for you and you have no loving idea.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:18
|
|
|
Fire posted:What I don't get is why a vibrating dildo is fine for a woman but a sex toy for a man makes him a pervert. Word!
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:18
|
|
|
You could tell them "Mom, I'm moving out of the house because that's what adults do." Seriously, as a young adult my parents know half of the stuff and don't really approve of the small part they do know about, none of which involves mail order masturbation devices. That the beauty of adults moving out of their parents house. If you want to live under their roof don't do stuff that they wouldn't approve of.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:18
|
|
|
The little face an the note summed up the situation so nicely. Ps: Begin the countdown until the OP recants and says this was actually a fakepost.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:18
|
|
|
Your explanation to your parents should be two words: "For science." Alternately, seconding the joke gift for/from a friend. It is the only way. Interestingly enough, my old neighbor sent me a blow-up alien sex doll in the mail and my mom opened it. It didn't deter me at all from inflating the fucker and using it like a beach-ball that entire christmas. Awesome.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:19
|
|
|
|
| # ? Apr 24, 2024 17:49 |
|
|
That's hilarious, you just know everyone in the neighbourhood is talking about that "Tanaka boy" and his sex toy.
|
|
#
?
Jul 24, 2008 21:19
|
|
