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PancakeKid
Oct 18, 2004

Ask me about my mom finding my fake plastic vagina
OK, it's not a flesh light... It's a "Lexie UR3 Pocket Pussy" and even more blatantly a place to stick your wiener than a flesh light. I had planned on EdenFantasys's discreet shipping policy to save me from any embarrassing moments with the parents or neighbors, but I think it went far worse than I could have imagined...

:nws:https://wi.somethingawful.com/0b/0bffdbe686ab60b24201589a39d4b292f58831b5.jpg:nws:
I'm surfin' the net one day when I stumble across a promotion for this sex toy. I've never been interested in sex toys before, but all of a sudden I got really into the idea. I'm not a lame-rear end who can't get any real sex. (I currently have a girlfriend with a REAL vagina) No, I just thought it might make for a good time for when I was bored and had no motivation. So I say, "gently caress it!" and order the drat thing.

I track it online and plan it to be delivered on a day when my parents are gone...

The day comes and I lay watchful of the mailbox... I am ready to snatch up the package before anyone can see! And... it never comes.

I am scared all of a sudden. The online tracker says the item has been delivered! I call the post office and the woman has to take a report so I have to tell her that the contents of the package was a sex toy and that it never showed up. A couple hours later a guy from my local post office calls me and says, "So Mr. Tanaka... it says here you ordered a sex toy and it never arrived? Yeah well... The postman scans it then puts it in your mailbox, so it was definitely delivered. I don't know what to tell you. Someone must have stolen it."

I'm like poo poo oh well... At least I didn't get embarrassed in person.

A week goes by and I totally forget I even ordered it. And it turns out I don't even want it anymore because I started having sex with this girl I went to high school with. (Same girl as stated above. It's a very new relationship.) All is well in the Tanaka household... until...

Today I wake up from a nice long sleep and open my bedroom door to find an odd package on the ground all ripped up with a note on top.


Click here for the full 852x571 image.

OH GOD!!!

The freakin pocket pussy is sticking out of the side of the box. And there's a note from my mom AND the neighbors!?

I open it up to find that jiggly pink thing outside of the inner box so it had DEFINITELY been opened. I'm sure the neighbor probably opened it up and whacked his wife on the head with it or something before thinking of returning it.

:nws:
Click here for the full 415x620 image.
:nws:
I mean he could have even used it! My mom was right- That's GROSS!
So basically now everyone thinks I'm a perv.

I'm waiting for my parents to come home from work right now... What should I tell them?

---Sorry for the delay guys I was at a baseball game---

Pocket Pussy Update:

OK I decided to tell my mom that it was a gag gift for a friend's birthday and she bought it... Or at least I think she did... She laughed and said it was a funny idea. Actually she said it was a real "hoot".

I couldn't believe I got off so easily on this one, so I decided to give her a little surprise when she goes to work tomorrow.

I left this outside our front door:

Click here for the full 775x519 image.

and

Click here for the full 519x775 image.


Update 2:

I woke up for work this morning with the pocket pussy and slimy banana peels next to my head. My mom is a sly one. She later told me that I can't give it to my friend now because I made it dirty with bananas. I guess I'll keep it for when I'm single then!

PancakeKid fucked around with this message at 05:27 on Jul 26, 2008

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PancakeKid
Oct 18, 2004

Ask me about my mom finding my fake plastic vagina
Right now I've been embarrassed so much I might as well tell the world because it's so drat comical.

PancakeKid
Oct 18, 2004

Ask me about my mom finding my fake plastic vagina

AccountSupervisor posted:

Wait wait wait.

You have a girlfriend but you are sex with a girl you knew in high school?
Flawed story much?

Unless they are the same person of course.

yeah same person and I didn't have her when I ordered it

PancakeKid
Oct 18, 2004

Ask me about my mom finding my fake plastic vagina

Fire posted:

What I don't get is why a vibrating dildo is fine for a woman but a sex toy for a man makes him a pervert.

Word!

PancakeKid
Oct 18, 2004

Ask me about my mom finding my fake plastic vagina

James K Polk posted:

How does your girlfriend with a REAL vagina feel about you starting to have sex with a girl you went to highschool with?

SAME PERSON. VERY NEW THING.

PancakeKid
Oct 18, 2004

Ask me about my mom finding my fake plastic vagina

tato chips jones posted:

I made a custom title if someone wants to buy it for him its pretty good



That's brilliant!

PancakeKid
Oct 18, 2004

Ask me about my mom finding my fake plastic vagina

The Finn posted:

For future reference giant NWS pics (one of them leeched) of your pocket pussy aren't cool. I edited your post but will be kind because I think you being the laughingstock of your family is probably enough.

Oh shoot thanks.

PancakeKid
Oct 18, 2004

Ask me about my mom finding my fake plastic vagina

Jay_Zombie posted:

Well, those days are over.

Hope you didn't throw away your little pink buddy, cuz she's never going to gently caress you again once she finds out you're a disgusting perv.

She's reading this right now laughing out loud actually. :D

PancakeKid
Oct 18, 2004

Ask me about my mom finding my fake plastic vagina
I'm definitely going to have Part II of this post tonight at 10-11pm pacific time.

PancakeKid
Oct 18, 2004

Ask me about my mom finding my fake plastic vagina

CrimsonSaber posted:

Use some baby oil and a little red food coloring to grease the coochie-end and press the lips against a conspicuous glass window on your neighbor's house. (Preferably their front door) Then, leave a note next to it that says

Thanks for a good time. *winky smiley face*
Signed,
Your friendly neighbor.

Then... wash off the thing and then add cartoon eyes using printouts. Also, try to find some fuzzy pipe-cleaner to make into creepy-crawly legs that you can attach. Then, place the crazed vagina monster on your parents' kitchen counter with a banana in its mouth.

VAGINA HUNGRY!

Haha this is such a good idea. I wish I knew which neighbor it was... My grandparents live right next to me that would have been real bad.

PancakeKid
Oct 18, 2004

Ask me about my mom finding my fake plastic vagina
I duno I guess I was just curious. They say it's "better than real!" haha although thats hard to believe.

PancakeKid
Oct 18, 2004

Ask me about my mom finding my fake plastic vagina
Updated

PancakeKid
Oct 18, 2004

Ask me about my mom finding my fake plastic vagina
My neighbor definitely opened it if they wrote "enjoy"...
My mom definitely looked inside the ripped package because of the note...

PancakeKid
Oct 18, 2004

Ask me about my mom finding my fake plastic vagina
How about I post a picture of me hugging my mom while the pocket pussy is in my hands?

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PancakeKid
Oct 18, 2004

Ask me about my mom finding my fake plastic vagina
Yeah word. I was just surprised at how well she took it. I think she will find it really funny in the morning actually. I'm just going to leave it there.