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Meursault Horny
Sep 9, 2003


I killed a baby.

submitted by Pvt Ronald Tepplin of Worthington Heights, MI

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TuxRacer69
May 6, 2007

by Fragmaster


i cry myself to sleep every night
Sgt. Paul Jackson, USMC

skaboomizzy
Nov 12, 2003

Prepare to be emancipated from your own inferior genes!


<commanding officer> told me to perform <some stupid demeaning command>. So then I <75-word description of humorous slant on command>. You should have seen his face!

Submitted by <non-commissioned gently caress-wit>

Meme Emulator
Oct 4, 2000



I wanted a sir sandwich, not a sir club sandwich!

Grand Gigas
Jul 2, 2006

True heroes always show up late.


Nothing will ever make the dreams stop. I sometimes wake up in the night, screaming, only to found out I've been beating at my wife. I constantly think I have lost my gun when out in public and get panic attacks in the grocery store. I will never be the same.

Submitted by Pvt. Jay Adams

A BIG BAG OF KEYS
Feb 17, 2007

semper gitfiscal
free fedallah
viva la revolušion


I called in a humvee from HQ, 2 clicks out from where we were and when the drat thing arrives the humdinger is outta gas! so i get the SOB inside, tell him his CO will here about this FU and all the GIs are like 'Hell yes!' when out of nowhere two bogies come in from NNW with IDEs and sure enough we put them in their place. Guess they didn't know their place was tied to the back of our hummer!'

Sgt Squires, NJ

TuxRacer69
May 6, 2007

by Fragmaster


so who else is watching generation kill

i gotta pick up the book to that this series owns

Nelson Mandingo
Mar 27, 2005



Oh god those Iraqis are THROWING ROCKS AT ME TAKE THIS YOU loving GODLESS HAJIS

*starts shooting indescriminately into the crowd*

MOTHERFUCKERRRR loving DIE!! THIS IS FOR FREEDOM!!!!!

heh. they deserved it right fellas?

Nelson Mandingo fucked around with this message at Aug 9, 2008 around 05:28

A BIG BAG OF KEYS
Feb 17, 2007

semper gitfiscal
free fedallah
viva la revolušion


I would have given my right arm to fight for my country's freedom. I didn't know they'd take up my offer!

Pvt T. S. McIntire

dundun
Oct 29, 2005
H E R B

I broke down in the toothpaste aisle at Target.
-some goon soldier

Meursault Horny
Sep 9, 2003


Mom saiys Im real strong and i have to protet my family and usa. Its hard in iraq but liek it. I mis my doggie.

Lt. Timble Buthers, Idaho, WI

gowb
Apr 14, 2005

by Pipski


Meursault Horny posted:

Mom saiys Im real strong and i have to protet my family and usa. Its hard in iraq but liek it. I mis my doggie.

Lt. Timble Buthers, Idaho, WI

1982 Subaru Brat
Feb 2, 2007


PARADOL EX FAN CLUB





*rocking, muttering*

Lance Cpl. Adam Richards, Missoula MT

A BIG BAG OF KEYS
Feb 17, 2007

semper gitfiscal
free fedallah
viva la revolušion


I was in the checkout line at the 7/11 in full uniform (was about to head back to the barracks) and some guy behind me says 'You're kidding! A real soldier! And he's not even murdering anyone!'

So I whip around and sure enough there's the smuggest looking long-haired 20-something I've ever seen in my life. If you could only have seen his face, I would have puked if it weren't for my training and experience in war zones.

'You know people like me are fighting for your right to say stupid things like that while you complain, right?' I say to him, looking straight into his beady little shiteye.

'No,' he says to me, 'the war with Iraq which I assume you're referring to is an illegal invasion based on false evidence and lies that allow Bush to get some kind of revenge on the guy his dad started a fight with twenty years ago. Over a million Iraqis are dead, four thousand American troops killed in action, all in an attempt to win a petty fight with a sad mad dictator.'

So I punched him in the face. Man, what a fag!

Cpl. Marcus Dent, NY

Clinton DYNASTY
Apr 24, 2007

by Fragmaster


ANTEATER 4 PREZ posted:

I would have given my right arm to fight for my country's freedom. I didn't know they'd take up my offer!

Pvt T. S. McIntire

My arms flew across the entire forward base and BOY WERE THEY TIRED....

Pvt. Master Chief

A BIG BAG OF KEYS
Feb 17, 2007

semper gitfiscal
free fedallah
viva la revolušion


Clinton DYNASTY posted:

My arms flew across the entire forward base and BOY WERE THEY TIRED....

Pvt. Master Chief

lmao

Meursault Horny
Sep 9, 2003


Talk about expensive, the Iraq War cost me an arm and a leg!

paranoid randroid
Mar 4, 2007


Winner #8 of the 2k14 #Gamergate Shit Show
Do not talk to me if your a SJW MRA PUA fucktarded Shitlord, (PS: GJ on ruining videogame journalism twitter drama MODS).


Sometimes I sit at the foot of the bed for hours at a time with a pistol in my mouth, wondering if I would feel any pain.

Sgt. Brian Dooley, Pasadena CA

1982 Subaru Brat
Feb 2, 2007


PARADOL EX FAN CLUB





When I was a cadet we used to sneak out of patrol duty and take a road trip to the Big Easy for some cocktails. What a hoot!

Name withheld by request, Crawford, TX

Christmas Jones
Apr 12, 2007

nuklear fizzicist

And I said, "You're drat right I ordered the code red!"

A BIG BAG OF KEYS
Feb 17, 2007

semper gitfiscal
free fedallah
viva la revolušion


Dear Penthouse,



LCpl Jackson, PA

Clinton DYNASTY
Apr 24, 2007

by Fragmaster


Christmas Jones posted:

And I said, "You're drat right I ordered the code red!"

but then I realized in the confusion of adjusting to civilian life, it was ME on the other side of that drive thru window

The Lucas
Dec 28, 2006



TuxRacer69 posted:

so who else is watching generation kill

i gotta pick up the book to that this series owns

The book was adapted very well to the show.

Christmas Jones
Apr 12, 2007

nuklear fizzicist

Clinton DYNASTY posted:

but then I realized in the confusion of adjusting to civilian life, it was ME on the other side of that drive thru window

ahaha

karphead
Apr 20, 2001



While in the Army, my daughter Jill was raped on multiple occassions. During one session, the sergeant said to her, "Before you tell on me, ask yourself, what would your mother think?"

Jill replied, "Sergeant, there's a problem with that."

"What is it?"

"If I listened to what my mother had to say, I wouldn't have joined the Army in the first place."

L.E. Cheetah
Aug 7, 2007


dear reader's digest



i am... in a world... of poo poo

Cellophane S
Nov 14, 2004

Now you're playing with power.

Meursault Horny posted:

Mom saiys Im real strong and i have to protet my family and usa. Its hard in iraq but liek it. I mis my doggie.

Lt. Timble Buthers, Idaho, WI

lol

Clinton DYNASTY
Apr 24, 2007

by Fragmaster


Cellophane S posted:

lol

that post actually depressed the poo poo out of me

Cellophane S
Nov 14, 2004

Now you're playing with power.

Clinton DYNASTY posted:

that post actually depressed the poo poo out of me

yeah but in a funny way!

Clinton DYNASTY
Apr 24, 2007

by Fragmaster


Cellophane S posted:

yeah but in a funny way!

they really are all monsters aren't they

like if they're not tom berenger in platoon they're the rapists in deliverance

Cellophane S
Nov 14, 2004

Now you're playing with power.

Clinton DYNASTY posted:

they really are all monsters aren't they

like if they're not tom berenger in platoon they're the rapists in deliverance

hahah

i don't really think they're all monsters, I find less fault with the troops themselves than I do their leaders

but they still do some heinous things

uncleTomOfFinland
May 25, 2008



TuxRacer69 posted:

so who else is watching generation kill

i gotta pick up the book to that this series owns

seconding

also reading the book nathaniel fick wrote, its amusing how their attitudes change between 9/11 and beginning of generation kill

fedallah
Feb 11, 2005

by Fragmaster


Meursault Horny posted:

Mom saiys Im real strong and i have to protet my family and usa. Its hard in iraq but liek it. I mis my doggie.

Lt. Timble Buthers, Idaho, WI

Vishass
Feb 1, 2004

Hey regular penis, guess what! PRESENTS!!!

My commander put me and some buddies on dog duty. The wild dogs are a real problem, and there's no real Iraqi animal control right now. Well we decided to have some fun by throwing cute little puppies off of cliffs and video taping it to share the laughs. Now I'm famous on the internet!

tacodaemon
Nov 27, 2006

~ september reverses and the equinoxes flip ~


After we took over the main Airport and setup we were running letting the Haitians in a few at a time to get clean water since their own water supply was so polluted. A giant line was formed just outside our wire and we had a squad rotation to pull guard on the entrance.

I was about to go outside the wire for a patrol and I saw a few of 3rd squad handing over bottles of Gatorade to the kids. I thought it was pretty nice of them to give up their gatorade that we had picked up when we traveled down on the carrier. Then I saw some of the kids drinking it and start vomiting and crying and convulsing. The loving rednecks in that squad thought it would be soooo funny to either fill the bottles with urine or spray pepper spray in the bottles and close them up and hand them out.

Dr. West
Jul 25, 2007

Of course I first had to kill the man with some ingenious plan

This Pole comes up to me the other day and starts complaining that he has this terrible gas, so I say "NOT YET YOU DON'T!!"

SS-Gefreiter Hans JŘrgs, Oświęcim, PO

QwertyAsher
Sep 21, 2004

The #1 Threat to Ba Sing Se

We got some intel on a possible terrorist hideout just outside of basra. It was my first time into combat, so I was more than a little tense. The intel suggested five people inside armed with assault rifles. We secured a perimeter silently and I had to breach the door. The door exploded off it's hinges and this high pitched squeal started sounding. Through the smoke, I squeezed of three shots at the noise, and it went quiet. A couple shots came from behind me, and I whirled around to see a woman about 60 years old holding a rifle. I shot her three times and she went down. I looked back and saw a small girl lying on the floor, bleeding out.

I had shot an 8 year old child. I killed her grandmother for trying to protect her.

I pulled the little girl into the street and shouted to a medic, but no one came. Three humvee's rolled by as I watched the life fade from the little girl. She looked scared.

I came back three months later having never been injured, but I died that day, bleeding out of the little girl and soaking into the sand.

pvt. I jacobson

Rap Guy
Oct 21, 2006

Watch yo shit fall like Rome; I'm immune to all viruses

I get that cocaine; it cleans out my sinuses



QwertyAsher posted:

We got some intel on a possible terrorist hideout just outside of basra. It was my first time into combat, so I was more than a little tense. The intel suggested five people inside armed with assault rifles. We secured a perimeter silently and I had to breach the door. The door exploded off it's hinges and this high pitched squeal started sounding. Through the smoke, I squeezed of three shots at the noise, and it went quiet. A couple shots came from behind me, and I whirled around to see a woman about 60 years old holding a rifle. I shot her three times and she went down. I looked back and saw a small girl lying on the floor, bleeding out.

I had shot an 8 year old child. I killed her grandmother for trying to protect her.

I pulled the little girl into the street and shouted to a medic, but no one came. Three humvee's rolled by as I watched the life fade from the little girl. She looked scared.

I came back three months later having never been injured, but I died that day, bleeding out of the little girl and soaking into the sand.

pvt. I jacobson

lol

Cellophane S
Nov 14, 2004

Now you're playing with power.

holy loving

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Dr. West
Jul 25, 2007

Of course I first had to kill the man with some ingenious plan

I watched a snail crawl along the edge of a straight razor. That's my dream, it's my nightmare. Crawling, slipping along the edge of a straight razor and surviving....But we must kill them, we must incinerate them, pig after pig, cow after cow, village after village, army after army, and they call me an assassin. What do you call it when the assassins accuse the assassin? They lie. They lie and we have to be merciful for those who lie, for those nabobs. I hate them. I do hate them.

Col Walter E. Kurtz, undisclosed location

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