Stay Classy, Levi Johnston - The Something Awful Forums

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > SA's Front Page Discussion > Stay Classy, Levi Johnston

Hysterical Woman: Nov 26, 2007

WHAT THE gently caress IS UP AMERICA???

Great article, though I think Levi is scared out of his mind rather than overjoyed at the news.

Liked this Freudian slip:

Hockey Hair Man posted:

I think that is bad as gently caress. Lord Levi Johnston, your table is waiting. Lord Johnston, do you mind if I model this lingerie for you? Ha ha ha just kidding I am totally 100% faithful to willow.

# ? Sep 4, 2008 13:38

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# ? May 22, 2013 17:26

Gerudo Rivera: Jan 22, 2005

This was a very necessary article. It was also, thanks to Zack, very funny. I laughed at this part a lot for some reason:

quote:

As long as I get to be a Duke or some poo poo I don't care what monster MRs. Palin is takin' a sausage from. Could be wolf man for all I care.

Articles which assume a different narrative voice are often some of the best on the site, and this is no exception. Have you given any thought to letting some of FYAD's better fakeposters contribute articles? I know there was the Tupac collaboration the other day, but I've been hoping to see some fullblown Zyborne Clock-style stuff on the front page for a while.

# ? Sep 4, 2008 13:57

cans buns and pins: Aug 18, 2006

This was a great and very funny article, even though I don't care about the issue of the American presidency.

Are all the photos in the article of the people they're supposed to be representing?

# ? Sep 4, 2008 15:45

elpintogrande: Sep 3, 2000

Thanks guys, glad you enjoyed Levi Johnston.

cans buns and pins posted:

Are all the photos in the article of the people they're supposed to be representing?

Yes, although the Sarah Palin bikini one is a photoshop of her head onto some other woman, but it's one of those pictures that people circulate thinking it's real.

# ? Sep 4, 2008 16:13

Lockback: Sep 2, 2006; Also? Amplitude.

This was one of the funnier features, really enjoyed this one.

# ? Sep 4, 2008 16:54

Fragmaster: Dec 1, 2000; nerdshoe

Yes, it was funny IMHO and very realistic.

# ? Sep 4, 2008 18:04

BuckarooBanzai: Dec 2, 2004; Wherever you go, there you are.

Just caught this. Really excellent work.

# ? Sep 4, 2008 22:30

UltraRed: Apr 9, 2005; red balloons + sunshine

That's the funniest front page you've ever written! My god it's so perfect.

# ? Sep 5, 2008 01:02

Ruttiger: Nov 3, 2004; The music itself is changing.

I hope we can hear from "Hockey" again sometime, he seems like a pretty cool guy.

# ? Sep 5, 2008 03:19

press for porn: Jan 6, 2008

That was the funniest and most timely article I've ever read on SA. Thank you good sir.

# ? Sep 5, 2008 09:16

Lobo: Jul 8, 2005; Merces Letifer

Levi is the living embodiment of Rhett Racecar from the Talking With Voters articles. Speaking of which those are awesome and we need a couple more before the elections so that we know what opinions we should hold.

# ? Sep 5, 2008 17:27

Clamknuckle: Sep 7, 2006; Greatest Survivor ever!
Deal with it bitches!!!

It still amazes me how many people think these articles are real...

# ? Sep 11, 2008 11:12

Ishamael: Feb 18, 2004; You don't have to love me, but you will respect me.

Fantastic response to what I can only assume are real email responses.

HOCKEY posted:

Bristols feeding that baby like crazy and shes gonna be feeding are new baby which I am thinking of naming Space Station to gently caress with her mom lol

Awesome.

# ? Sep 11, 2008 13:24

Gerudo Rivera: Jan 22, 2005

this

quote:

OH poo poo! look at that beautiful turtle that figured out how to fly or suck a dick or whatever guess we better forget about all the poo poo we believed for the last million years" - Liberal Pussy Retard

is one of the best things i've ever read

# ? Sep 11, 2008 16:51

BetterLekNextTime: Jul 22, 2008; It's all a matter of perspective...

I can just imagine Levi scoring weed or a car stereo off of Jim Anchower then beating the poo poo out of him.

# ? Sep 11, 2008 23:23

Ruttiger: Nov 3, 2004; The music itself is changing.

Wow Levi is so lucky to have such top quality republican pussy to impregnate! That'll show those faggots.

# ? Sep 11, 2008 23:48

stuffing: May 9, 2007; its fraiser

I also majored in gash drilling and anus holes.

Hilarious article. I want to hear more from Levi please.

# ? Sep 12, 2008 17:42

King Lou: Jun 3, 2004; They say the fittest shall survive, yet the unfit may live

Hells yes. Please more Levi Johnson. This is the first article in a long while that has made me laugh every time I read it. loving hilarious.

"Its like somebody is belt feeding me high caliber pussy. RATATATATAT friend of the family. What now?"

Seriously an awesome character!

I really wish those emails were real... or were they?

# ? Sep 16, 2008 17:22

BuckarooBanzai: Dec 2, 2004; Wherever you go, there you are.

King Lou posted:

Hells yes. Please more Levi Johnson. This is the first article in a long while that has made me laugh every time I read it. loving hilarious.

Seriously. Can we have Hockey Johnston make regular front page contributions?

# ? Sep 17, 2008 15:42

Ishamael: Feb 18, 2004; You don't have to love me, but you will respect me.

Glad to see Levi is back for another round.

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/fea...m-hijackers.php

Levi Johnston posted:

Shawn and Big C got into some gang called the iron crosses or something and they road around on ATVs all over but they drank too many redbulls with oxy and big c tried to do a stunt jump off a bad ramp and drove into a frozen lake.

Luckly big c was okay but they had to winch his four wheeler out and he hosed up his leg and had to miss meg kozlowskis party where i got hella baked and got a handburger helper from that foreign exchange girl with the big nose.

Just awesome.

# ? Sep 18, 2008 15:13

Bedevere: Jun 24, 2005; It's me, I'm the goon who posts more in Front Page Discussion than in his fitness log.

Levi Johnston posted:

Barack obamnas mom was a DUDE!!!

Beyond being hilarious I love the fact that its all misspelled and horribly written like a 14 year old wrote it (no offense to the literate 14 yr olds).

Superb!

# ? Sep 18, 2008 15:27

csammis: Aug 26, 2003; Mental Institution

Remember that movie "First Kid," where Sinbad is a Secret Service agent who is protecting the president's kid? A remake starring Levi Johnston as the VP's son-in-law would be an instant classic.

quote:

After we did it she was like "you think this baby is gonna be a retard too?" and I was like PSSSSSH dont even worry. That first one came out all crazy because it came out sideways. Im not letting that poo poo happen again. I will get all my niggers in there with pullies and poo poo and winches and we will haul that fucker out so his head isn't all crazy and she was like "that isn't how it works."

# ? Sep 18, 2008 19:19

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Hey! Want to play a game?

BetterLekNextTime posted:

I can just imagine Levi scoring weed or a car stereo off of Jim Anchower then beating the poo poo out of him.

Hahaha this is so true, I used to love Jim Anchower, but if he lived in Alaska he would definitely be getting beat up by Levi.

quote:

Elect some bad rear end poo poo like a tiger or one of those giant squids that wash up in Japan. loving giant rear end squid will gently caress some poo poo up. He would go down to Spain and be all like "yo homeslices, where the gently caress your oil?" and theyd be like "the gently caress????" and he would just loving wrap them up in those stringy arms they got and eat their asses completely. Then he would call in the army and they would start drilling that poo poo like crazy. Drilling it like I drilled bristol last night. Dont even got to worry about no jimmy hats no more because bitch is pregnant as gently caress.

Best passage!

# ? Sep 18, 2008 19:39

garbage day: Jun 13, 2008; im lollin at you're trollin

BetterLekNextTime posted:

I can just imagine Levi scoring weed or a car stereo off of Jim Anchower then beating the poo poo out of him.

At first glance, I read this as Levi pummeling Jim Hightower, who delivers folksy liberal scoldings as a syndicated personality on community radio stations. Either way, I'm sure Levi would probably be inclined to kick some rear end.

In the latest installment, I really loved this line:
"he said all kinds of crazy poo poo like 'president bush'"

# ? Sep 19, 2008 06:10

The Book I Read: Jan 15, 2008; Have to sing about it.

"yo homeslices, where the gently caress your oil?" made me completely lose it, great article.

# ? Sep 19, 2008 08:35

cans buns and pins: Aug 18, 2006

The latest update is brilliant, much improved on the last. Can't wait to hear more from my boy Levi.

# ? Sep 25, 2008 13:49

Ishamael: Feb 18, 2004; You don't have to love me, but you will respect me.

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/fea...in-pregnant.php

The new Levi adventure is just as good as the others.

favorite bit:

Levi Johnston posted:

The other thing when a bitch gets pregnant she is cool for a while like you can do her without jimmy hats and just blow loads wherever, but just wait later she starts gettin diarea and is takin craps and fartin at night and she eats like NON STOP I was like slow the gently caress down michael phelps you gonna win eight gold medals with all these frozen pretzels and fuckin ice cream you are tearin through

Love it. He has such a strange mix of knowledge and ignorance, I love it.

# ? Sep 25, 2008 15:27

Jenova Project: Aug 5, 2007; by Fistgrrl

Wait... this is a joke? It's too realistic to be a joke, I know people like this!

Well played, elpintogrande. Well... played...

# ? Sep 25, 2008 20:50

Play: Apr 25, 2006; Hey! Want to play a game?

quote:

He never rolls anywhere cool like into the kitchen to microwave me some frozen pretzels. No, dumb little enjoyable human being rolls up against the couch and his face is up against it and bristol comes in yellin and poo poo about how he prolly cant breathe SO WHAT?

Levi is a real man's man

# ? Sep 25, 2008 21:35

Garth Vader: Jul 10, 2007; by Peatpot

This is the best article I think I've ever read on SA. I keep sending the links to my friends. Congrats, elpintogrande. You've made me proud to be an American again.

# ? Sep 25, 2008 21:54

Josh: Apr 28, 2003; Give it to her Rob!

It seems like someone over at The Huffington Post reads SA: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andy-...t_b_129764.html

# ? Sep 27, 2008 21:17

elpintogrande: Sep 3, 2000

Josh posted:

It seems like someone over at The Huffington Post reads SA: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/andy-...t_b_129764.html

I doubt he ripped me off even in concept because that is so completely lovely.

# ? Sep 27, 2008 22:26

Snow Job: May 24, 2006

this series. It reminds me a little of Jeff K back when that was fresh and new.

# ? Sep 29, 2008 00:35

Ishamael: Feb 18, 2004; You don't have to love me, but you will respect me.

Guess who's back again?

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/fea...ebate-biden.php

My favorite part of this one was his strange half-knowledge of Riker from Star Trek.

Levi Johnston posted:

Anyway too bad for all of them. Mrs. palin is at some sort of debate trainin camp. Its like the same poo poo delta force goes through when they gotta debate somebody like Iran or some poo poo. I havent heard who is trainin her, but it looks like captain riker from star treck.

everbody knows that dude was rough as hell and would as soon gently caress a bitch up as look at her, but mrs. palin is tough as poo poo. I bet she not only gets on with commander riker but when he starts bustin out his trumpet solo she pulls out that flute and goes to to town on that poo poo. He'll be like "whoa those are crazy good skills" and shell be like "thanks, but you might want to look behind you" and when he turns to look behind him shell make the deabte point and win the debate.

Love it.

# ? Oct 2, 2008 13:56

Gerudo Rivera: Jan 22, 2005

quote:

"Ohhhh I look at the fuckin moon now Im an astronaut"

No retard, you look at the fuckin moon your a moon expert. She didnt say lookin at russia turned her into a russian. Like an astronomer looks at mars or some poo poo in a telescope and they send rubbers and poo poo to mars. Oh poo poo we aint been to mars guess were all dumb as gently caress about mars no point even actin like we know poo poo is there. That poo poo is why people think the world is flat and believe a human fuckin bein came out of a gorrila pussy.

I am amazed how Zack manages to encapsulate even the most trivial gaffes and oddities from the Palin campaign in these articles. Hell, he even got the Palin Porn craigslist ad in there--and attributed it to Levi. This feature just get better and better.

# ? Oct 2, 2008 15:58

Yad Rock: Mar 1, 2005

I love this part:

"His whole family died or some poo poo so hes in politics to avenge them like some sort of gayass rambo. Bro, no matter how much socialism you pass for illegal immigrants it cant bring back your enjoyable human being wife."

# ? Oct 2, 2008 21:09

coolhockey: May 3, 2005; let's party like it's 1994

I'm almost sad that we won't get much more Levi after November 4th.

# ? Oct 3, 2008 05:59

BetterLekNextTime: Jul 22, 2008; It's all a matter of perspective...

coolhockey posted:

I'm almost sad that we won't get much more Levi after November 4th.

I'm more than willing to put the good of the country above my need for Levi Johnson updates. but I see what you are saying...

# ? Oct 3, 2008 16:14

Laterite: Mar 14, 2007; It's Gutfest '89

Levi speaks! It's almost as golden as Zack's updates.

The AP posted:

He's bagged bears, sheep, elk, and caribou. Some of the antlers are scattered about his yard. Last July on a caribou hunt he lost a "promise" ring that Palin had given him. He said he decided to tattoo her name on the finger and not bother with more rings because he'd just lose them anyway.

Johnston said he wasn't forced to campaign with Palin's mother. Bristol Palin invited him and Johnston jumped at the chance. It was a whirlwind experience for Johnston, who was seated with the Palins at the Republican National Convention.

"At first, I was nervous," he said. "Then I was like, 'Whatever.'"

The AP posted:

Johnston didn't register in time to vote, according to the Mat-Su Division of Elections Office in Wasilla.

# ? Oct 13, 2008 23:47

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# ? May 22, 2013 17:26

Jack Daniels: Nov 14, 2002; i will never sleep again...
i will never even
c l o s e . m y . e y e s

All of the Levi Johnston updates are really great lmbo.

# ? Oct 15, 2008 02:07

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