Stay Classy, Levi Johnston - The Something Awful Forums

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > SA's Front Page Discussion > Stay Classy, Levi Johnston

csammis: Aug 26, 2003; Mental Institution

elpintogrande posted:

Levi's articles have been migrated to his own column and he's going to be our number one political/parenting commentator from now on: http://www.somethingawful.com/d/levi-johnston/

Was it intentional not to have the first two Levi articles on that index?

# ? Jun 10, 2009 19:51

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# ? May 19, 2013 21:43

elpintogrande: Sep 3, 2000

csammis posted:

Was it intentional not to have the first two Levi articles on that index?

No, it wasn't intentional. Those had me as the author so when I sorted his articles in the CMS it didn't list them. Thanks!

# ? Jun 10, 2009 20:19

pixelbot2000: May 11, 2004

Levi and his manager, the big black guy named Tank, go shopping in L.A. Great photo gallery too...
http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-...-levi-johnston/

# ? Jun 17, 2009 22:16

Chairman Capone: Dec 17, 2008

pixelbot2000 posted:

Levi and his manager, the big black guy named Tank, go shopping in L.A. Great photo gallery too...
http://www.thedailybeast.com/blogs-...-levi-johnston/

Levi's father is Mexican...with a name like Johnston?

# ? Jun 17, 2009 22:31

Ishamael: Feb 18, 2004; You don't have to love me, but you will respect me.

Yessss, a new Levi.

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/lev...n-letterman.php

HOckey posted:

So now I am about three times as pissed, because I don't think Willow even seen a Mexican until the day she went to that Yankees game, so who could blame her for being seduced by their exotic looks?

Glad to see he will be a regular feature for a while. Awesome.

# ? Jun 18, 2009 14:25

csammis: Aug 26, 2003; Mental Institution

I can't help but start laughing like an idiot whenever Levi starts talking about Targ

quote:

Tamp ain't disabled like yall think. He is super abled, just in different skills. He maybe can't figure out how to open a door or how poo poo rolls or whatever physics and history poo poo. But he has strategy and craftiness. He can bite things furiously. Get that dude near a tendon and it's over. He's an evil little yoda fucker.

# ? Jun 18, 2009 18:59

Bedevere: Jun 24, 2005; It's me, I'm the goon who posts more in Front Page Discussion than in his fitness log.

Levi Johnston posted:

I am at the netflix of current events

You're killing me!

# ? Jun 18, 2009 19:12

Dorroile: Apr 11, 2008; Can't post for 27 hours!

I lost my poo poo at the Pokemon line. I love these updates.

# ? Jun 20, 2009 22:07

rubber cat: Jul 1, 2002

quote:

_{So this guy, Letterman, tells disgusting raper jokes I guess. Apparently he told a joke about Willow on some TV show and said she went to a Yankees game and got pregnant because of a Mexican rapist at the game.

Sick poo poo. And the dude is like almost as old as John MacDonalds or whatever. You know who I'm talking about. He had those blue signs everywhere with Mrs. Palin and he was going to be President but I guess that poo poo felt through because look at Chrysler now. David Letterman is pretty much a rapist from saying what he said and it influences girls to get raped by old dudes like him and have Mexican babies.

Yeah, okay, Willow does get with the latin heat all the time. I remember I came over to see Bristol one time and she was blowing the Palin's gardener's cousin on the roof of their house. I was like what the gently caress?? And she was like "oh, we were getting a raccoon off the roof and then I guess I just accidentally blew this dude" and I was like "oh okay blow me next" but she was like "no I am only 14 and my jaw is tired."

But as far as I know a girl can't get pregnant from blowing a dude unless she like spit the jizz out into one of those CSI tubes and then put it in a cybertron and spins out the jizz from the spit and then puts it in a needle and reinjects the jizz into her cooch. That's how they do it with pigs I read. And I don't think that dude was raping. I couldn't understand his accent so I guess it's possible, but I don't think that's what he said.

But pregnancy? I got no reason to believe Willow would do that poo poo with the cyber jizz. She's just a kid. Hand jobs and Bjs only until she's ready to settle down with some dude and take off the training wheels. WTF, Letterman. You freak.}

this is an amazing passage

# ? Jun 23, 2009 07:18

Parahexavoctal: Oct 10, 2004; I AM NOT BEING PAID TO CORRECT OTHER PEOPLE'S POSTS.

Oh look, Mrs Palin resigned. I wonder what Levi has to say about that.

Parahexavoctal fucked around with this message at Jul 3, 2009 around 20:17

# ? Jul 3, 2009 20:08

PIZZA: Jun 22, 2004

I could go for a breaking news update from Levi right about now.

# ? Jul 3, 2009 22:45

Chairman Capone: Dec 17, 2008

I'm betting that Levi blackmailed her due to having taped all the times she came onto him when that lactonic motherfucker Todd wasn't being a cock-blocker in the hot tub. I mean we heard it from the man himself that she's a swinger!

# ? Jul 4, 2009 04:10

Wollawolla: Jan 15, 2007; Are you gonna smash my skull and breathe my blood-mist?

You had the resignation article done overnight; how long does it take to get Levi's take? Unless you were already writing that apology...

# ? Jul 9, 2009 07:45

Manna Probe: Apr 27, 2008

I never, ever wanted to read the phrase "flexed her holes", so thanks for that, I'm off to bed.

Oh, and Zack? Amazon asked me to tell you I'd like to read your book on kindle.

# ? Jul 9, 2009 09:31

Parahexavoctal: Oct 10, 2004; I AM NOT BEING PAID TO CORRECT OTHER PEOPLE'S POSTS.

"The dyke farted fearfully".

Glorious.

Also, "why else did their daughter end up pregnant and in high school?" - I wouldn't have believed that the word 'and' could make a sentence that much funnier.

# ? Jul 9, 2009 12:38

SpookyTurtle: Jun 13, 2003; Top of the food chain, Ma!

"Why else did their daughter end up pregnant and in high school? Ridiculous. They need to take some responsibility for that poo poo."

I love Levi at his most oblivious.

# ? Jul 9, 2009 13:25

Bedevere: Jun 24, 2005; It's me, I'm the goon who posts more in Front Page Discussion than in his fitness log.

beyond the pregger high school daughter this:

Sarah Palin" posted:

"Oh he don't mind he like to watch my holes get plugged by a verbile young stud like you come and give it to me with the hot beef" she said and flexed her holes at me.

The beauty of it all brought a tear to my eye....

# ? Jul 9, 2009 13:57

Nate Breakman: Oct 16, 2003; ~*~dOiN' It~*~

quote:

so we did it for like an hour on the floor of the bathroom even though there was a puke right next to us and she rolled over at one point and there was a taco bell receipt stuck to her rear end.

I'm filled with anticipation for the day that the real Levi finds this stuff, it'll be one of the best things that ever happened to SA, no matter how it plays out.

# ? Jul 9, 2009 15:22

csammis: Aug 26, 2003; Mental Institution

quote:

the palins wouldn't concentrate on the family if they were doing a crossword puzzle called The Family.

Holy poo poo

# ? Jul 9, 2009 18:34

spouse: Nov 10, 2008

Levi posted:

"gently caress I gotta gently caress" she told me and started wanting to gently caress.

"I cant right now because todd is looking at me" I said and pointed to the giant windows that were like a whole half of the house and todd was right outside staring in holding some hedge clippers like they didn't have 50 gardeners.

Mrs palin looked and waved to todd and todd waved back.

"Oh he don't mind he like to watch my holes get plugged by a verbile young stud like you come and give it to me with the hot beef" she said and flexed her holes at me.

This is the most beautiful text I have ever read.

# ? Jul 10, 2009 04:47

Ishamael: Feb 18, 2004; You don't have to love me, but you will respect me.

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/lev...vanity-fair.php

Hell yeah! The end of this was pure gold, because I actually had forgotten this wasn't really him.

# ? Sep 3, 2009 13:53

Dickensian Aspect: Mar 18, 2009; This place has changed a lot.

I knew there had to be a new Johnston article coming, what with the Vanity Fair thing. These always make me smile.

# ? Sep 3, 2009 14:51

Mardragon: Mar 4, 2004; Cinderella boy... Out of nowhere...

Any chance we could have have Levi take questions from fans?

# ? Sep 3, 2009 20:53

Civic Dare: Feb 3, 2008

These are amazing. I can't believe they've been going on for a year already.

# ? Sep 3, 2009 21:20

Chairman Capone: Dec 17, 2008

Mardragon posted:

Any chance we could have have Levi take questions from fans?

I would also like to know this.

# ? Sep 3, 2009 21:55

Neko Sou: Jan 24, 2006; Scarved Wonder

The whole situation is so ridiculous I actually had to check the URL to make sure the Vanity Fair article was real. It just seemed like something straight out of the article. Excellent job as usual

# ? Sep 4, 2009 01:49

elpintogrande: Sep 3, 2000

Mardragon posted:

Any chance we could have have Levi take questions from fans?

Absolutely. Post your questions here and I'm sure Levi will see them. Or you can email him hockey.johnston@yahoo.com

# ? Sep 4, 2009 19:54

Ishamael: Feb 18, 2004; You don't have to love me, but you will respect me.

elpintogrande posted:

Absolutely. Post your questions here and I'm sure Levi will see them. Or you can email him hockey.johnston@yahoo.com

Levi, have you ever considered trying out for the NHL? You say you have the skills, so why not? That way you could travel the world and meet lots of hot chicks.

# ? Sep 5, 2009 03:02

Fascist Funk: Dec 18, 2007; Hey guys what is going on on this site

The Palins might be taken more seriously if their publicist didn't issue press releases that read like rejected '80s sitcom zingers.

# ? Sep 5, 2009 08:04

Meat Trick: Jul 4, 2009; by mons al-madeen

Levi have you ever considered kidnapping your sons?

# ? Sep 5, 2009 13:39

the jizz taxi: Nov 9, 2008; you called?

I never come here otherwise, but I wanted to let you know that I absolutely love these articles. They're among the funniest stuff I've read on SA in the past few months.

# ? Sep 5, 2009 21:57

Onomarchus: Jun 4, 2005; Can't post for 7 days!

Yeah, I have a question. WHERE'S THE BIRTH CERTIFICATE? I mean baby Trag's, of course.

# ? Sep 9, 2009 03:13

Haiduc: Oct 26, 2007; How'd you get the scar, tough guy? Eating pineapple?

My enjoyment of the actual Vanity Fair article was increased tenfold by having read these SA pieces.

Haiduc fucked around with this message at Sep 11, 2009 around 03:26

# ? Sep 11, 2009 03:14

Ishamael: Feb 18, 2004; You don't have to love me, but you will respect me.

HAND SOLO posted:

I never come here otherwise, but I wanted to let you know that I absolutely love these articles. They're among the funniest stuff I've read on SA in the past few months.

Hey, it's THAT GUY!

# ? Sep 11, 2009 21:11

Ishamael: Feb 18, 2004; You don't have to love me, but you will respect me.

Unintentional double post!

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/lev...ail-respond.php

Glad to see Levi is back again. My favorite quote this time:

quote:

Glenn beck what the gently caress is that? I turned it on one time and I think he was crying about that auto bailout thing and then like a week later he was crying about something else.

That dude is hosed, crying every night like hes a 911 eagle. Just retire from fox or whatever dude! who gives a gently caress about acorns and kenya or whatever the gently caress nonsense you are talking about. Christ dude.

# ? Sep 17, 2009 13:23

Kal: Jun 3, 2007

Are the emails from people who actually think he is writing here, or are they made up?

# ? Sep 17, 2009 13:48

Chairman Capone: Dec 17, 2008

You know, I really liked Levi in that update. He seemed reasonably on the level - you know the kind of guy I could chill with at Kitty's Gentleman's Club.

# ? Sep 17, 2009 16:02

Fascist Funk: Dec 18, 2007; Hey guys what is going on on this site

Thanks to these articles I am now a fan of Levi Johnston.

I don't mean Levi Johnston from the articles. I mean real life Levi Johnston. I hope he manages to break into TV or something. I would pay

just to see his brief cameo in a bad horror movie.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that he should hire Zack as his publicist.

# ? Sep 17, 2009 20:12

Hazo: Dec 30, 2004; SCIENCE

quote:

I am getting pussy coming at me like an obstacle course

For the past two days there has been sorority recruitment taking place at the building my office is in, and since I'd just finished reading the latest Levi Johnston article, this phrase was the first thing that came to mind. Thanks Zack!

# ? Sep 17, 2009 23:41

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# ? May 19, 2013 21:43

Zenzirouj: Jun 10, 2004; What about you, thread?
You got any tricks?

I hope Levi has other moves to use in fights. What if he needs to pound on some dude who's not wearing a shirt he can pull up around his face? What then??

# ? Sep 18, 2009 05:56

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The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > SA's Front Page Discussion > Stay Classy, Levi Johnston