|
elpintogrande posted:Absolutely. Post your questions here and I'm sure Levi will see them. Or you can email him hockey.johnston@yahoo.com If you see Levi ask him if he saw Kathy Griffin acting the fool on the Bill Maher show and what he thought of her calling him (Levi) an idiot. Also ask him if he plans on writing a book of his proverbial wisdom for future generations to follow.
|
| # ? Sep 21, 2009 22:45 |
|
|
|
| # ? May 24, 2013 00:05 |
|
|
I go away for two weeks to come back and find:Levi Johnston posted:I don't come to where you work and slap the pee out of your butthole  Feels good to be home.
|
| # ? Oct 2, 2009 13:09 |
|
|
Levi goes nuts!  I have no idea how this new low for famewhoring would fit into an update, but there it is. He and Tank do make a delightful couple.
|
| # ? Oct 5, 2009 16:58 |
|
|
redbackground posted:Levi goes nuts! I never noticed he had his own name tattooed on his arm before.
|
| # ? Oct 6, 2009 14:51 |
|
|
redbackground posted:Levi goes nuts! Jesus. That was terrible. I kinda thought he would go away, but now I realise that once you've been in the spotlight, you never HAVE to leave, as long as you are willing to continue to sink lower and lower into the depths of marketing hell.
|
| # ? Oct 6, 2009 16:05 |
|
|
Ruttiger posted:Jesus. That was terrible. I kinda thought he would go away, but now I realise that once you've been in the spotlight, you never HAVE to leave, as long as you are willing to continue to sink lower and lower into the depths of marketing hell. I think that at this point, Levi has got to realize that also, and that it's time he...oh...oh no: Levi Johnson will be posing nude for Playgirl sometime this year. 
|
| # ? Oct 8, 2009 03:01 |
|
|
redbackground posted:I think that at this point, Levi has got to realize that also, and that it's time he...oh...oh no: Hey man, get it from the source: Levi speaks! Hilarious as always. My favorite part this time: HOckey posted:These are some dark rear end times. Babies are crying and moms aren't coming, windows are broken out of houses, and wild dogs are chasing cats around a yard. Some weird airplane just flew overhead and nobody knows what it is. It is getting dark earlier and earlier. Foundations and studies and poo poo have gone through scientifically but there is no cure for this crisis that is threatening humanities.
|
| # ? Oct 8, 2009 13:09 |
|
|
Levi posted:"This is gonna rock so hard I can't loving wait I got like ten vibrators lined up in a row gonna do them like shots when I get my eyes on this hunk," said Cryssie this girl from Juno. "Goddamn I don't even know I am getting all messed up down south just thinking about it. Feels like I had my period or diaryaed or something down there and it's just filling up my pants. That's how frigging turned on I am." Levi loving owns and he just keeps getting better
|
| # ? Oct 8, 2009 14:59 |
|
|
I dunno I was under the impression this was a Tank press release.... and.. quote:...that nasty blond girl who is dumb as a turkey. I assume he means Gretchen, who looks like a turkey who had plastic surgery to look human. Bedevere fucked around with this message at Oct 8, 2009 around 16:49 |
| # ? Oct 8, 2009 16:47 |
|
|
I think "professional interviewee" pretty accurately sums up Levi Johnston at this point. Also was that Kathy Griffin that he replaced with Megan Fox? My favorite line was "Goddamn you got a TV show dude you can pay somebody to cut your onions." Who was the ginger guy who called him weak?
|
| # ? Oct 8, 2009 18:46 |
|
|
This read like an Onion article, and that's a good thing (unlike a few uncultured people who would say that's bad).Chairman Capone posted:I think "professional interviewee" pretty accurately sums up Levi Johnston at this point.
|
| # ? Oct 8, 2009 22:54 |
|
|
The cut-off news feeds on the bottom of the CNN picture were nicely double-edged.
|
| # ? Oct 9, 2009 00:59 |
|
|
I laughed pretty hard at Levi's description of Rachel Maddow, great work.
|
| # ? Oct 9, 2009 03:29 |
|
|
quote:"it's called house rules, look it up on the kenya wikipedia" I am slain
|
| # ? Nov 12, 2009 14:22 |
|
|
Another great one: http://www.somethingawful.com/d/lev...-levi-oprah.php My favorite part: H0ckey posted:Gotcha media is when inside edition edits it to look like you said you loved balls slamming your face, not when you can't name a newspaper you ever read. EVER READ. Not one. You would have been better off saying you read x-men comic books and then made a fart sound. That would have been better. Hilarious as always.
|
| # ? Nov 12, 2009 14:25 |
|
|
That quote is literally the crystallization of all arguments against her.
|
| # ? Nov 12, 2009 15:39 |
|
|
I don't really know who Levi Johnston is, but I enjoy his updates. I know even less who Turk is, and I had to GIS to see what's a paint chip but this still made my day: quote: You could feed paint chips to Turk until he is so retarded he passes out looking at numbers and he still could figure poo poo out better than you.
|
| # ? Nov 12, 2009 16:00 |
|
|
Doctor Malaver posted:I don't really know who Levi Johnston is, but I enjoy his updates. I know even less who Turk is, and I had to GIS to see what's a paint chip Have you, yourself, been eating paint chips?
|
| # ? Nov 12, 2009 16:13 |
|
|
"I am hot as hell of course dudes are gay for me and of course they love me because I am like the arch enemy of Sarah Palin who hates gay people and wants to drive tanks over them and poo poo."
|
| # ? Nov 12, 2009 16:33 |
|
|
Gerudo Rivera posted:Have you, yourself, been eating paint chips? I call troll.
|
| # ? Nov 13, 2009 16:03 |
|
|
Gerudo Rivera posted:Have you, yourself, been eating paint chips? Hah... No, I live in a distant country deprived of Levi Johnston news. I know he is somehow connected to McCain's former running mate (and I know that only because of SA), but that's all. It's for the best. 
|
| # ? Nov 13, 2009 19:22 |
|
|
I'm beginning to think these updates actually aren't that far from the truth. Some of these quotes are just ridiculous: http://marquee.blogs.cnn.com/2009/1...-big-night-out/ "That’s cool [glance down] I think I’ll be alright."
|
| # ? Nov 15, 2009 17:48 |
|
|
quote:CNN: Right, Tripp, are you going to let him see these photos of you that are going to run in Playgirl magazine? Look at that beautifully-mangled Levi-ism. The real Levi and the fictional Levi are literally indistinguishable now.
|
| # ? Nov 15, 2009 23:46 |
|
|
Levi returns! http://www.somethingawful.com/d/lev...lywood-levi.php H0ckey posted:the last time I tried to see my kid was October and Todd just stood there without a shirt on all greased up and I had to play with Tripp and Tork right there in the garage. Lactonic motherfucker didn't even blink even though he had like negative eight degree wind blowing up in his eyes. I think that I just have started believing over time that this is really him. It's just too good.
|
| # ? Nov 19, 2009 15:28 |
|
|
Ricky Hollywood posted:Everybody had to get in the basement and Todd put some tinfoil strips up and blue lights down there and we had fish suits and we had to loving sing a song to get her to realize she wasn't a cartoon. I want this to be true. I want this to have been a real event that was captured on video so badly that it physically hurts.
|
| # ? Nov 19, 2009 20:02 |
|
|
This one was by far my favorite update in a while; I love it whenever he makes those absolutely off-the-wall claims about Sarah Palin. I love that kind of bravado that goes into publishing stories about his famous mother-in-law having to get pelted with scalding water to come down off of her manic episodes. Beautiful. And I've really come to think of him as a separate entity; an alter-ego of Zack's that just happens to be finely tuned in to Levi's thoughts.
|
| # ? Nov 20, 2009 06:21 |
|
|
I firmly believe that writing for the semi-popular comedy site "Something Awful" is legitimately one of Levi Johnson's attempts to become more famous. He just doesn't really mention it in other venues. I mean, why would he? He's using it to promote - well, whatever it is he actually does - not the other way around.
|
| # ? Nov 22, 2009 20:22 |
|
|
I really enjoyed this article, it was well written and thoughtful.
|
|
| # ? Nov 23, 2009 21:05 |
|
|
http://www.somethingawful.com/d/levi-johnston/going-rogue-pranks.php Holy poo poo this was good! quote:She was like, "God works in mysterious ways" and I was like everything is loving mysterious when you don't even try to figure it out. Wow god makes gravity and god makes hockey and god is so mysterious and inscrotable. And this wasn't even the best part!
|
| # ? Dec 10, 2009 15:37 |
|
|
quote:Hustler been blowing up Tank's phone telling him they want me to lay pipe in that mrs. palin broad with the big fake boobs. I was like maybe but yall want to keep it real you get some creepy skinny guy and put him in a parka and have him be all sweaty and just staring at us while I'm doing her. That lactonic motherfucker. The way Levi is describing Todd seems incredibly true to life.
|
| # ? Dec 10, 2009 17:42 |
|
|
quote:KarryanneW: you don't have to be so nasty Holy poo poo, I love how Levi just suddenly loses it trying to prank someone.
|
| # ? Dec 10, 2009 17:48 |
|
|
oh fuckin hell this was a good one. So many great quotes to choose from. h0ckey posted:She was like, "God works in mysterious ways" and I was like everything is loving mysterious when you don't even try to figure it out.
|
| # ? Dec 10, 2009 19:01 |
|
|
quote:First of all, I'm not even sure what the gently caress an affidavid is but I know I never went in one so I don't know where usa today is making up this bullshit. What a way to end the year! I was honestly saddened this time last year to think we wouldn't be getting Levi for much longer. how wrong I was...
|
| # ? Dec 31, 2009 12:12 |
|
|
jesus christ how does every one of these turn out so goddamn awesome.
|
| # ? Dec 31, 2009 12:29 |
|
|
I felt some honest genuine emotion during this part:h0ckey posted:I would call child services on those fuckers if mrs. palin hadn't cut the budget on them so bad that they have one agent who just circles alaska in a cessna looking for children who shoot flares up into the sky. I tried throwin' some road flares I had in my truck up into the sky, but I couldn't get them high enough. The image of this idiot guy trying to save his kid actually made me feel for him. For a second. Then I went back to laughing. These updates remain superb, nice work EPG.
|
| # ? Dec 31, 2009 15:18 |
|
|
I hope levi wins all the babys.
|
| # ? Jan 1, 2010 08:32 |
|
|
These are all brilliant and I have come to like Levi so much I just know he'd appreciate it if he read it.
|
| # ? Jan 1, 2010 21:23 |
|
|
This one was excellent as always. I was cracking up when I read this:quote:She's always working like five angles. Ask her about Pie Spy. Google that poo poo. Some illuminaddy poo poo. "Ha! Pie Spy! What a silly joke name in this comedy article. Let me google it and see if there's a rumor or a gag site or something..." "Huffington Post posted:Sarah Palin is the owner of a small marketing business called "Pie Spy" that was founded during her last few months as Alaska governor, according to financial records released on Tuesday. "A Sarah Palin analysis blog posted:From Alaska's corporation database, we learn that the business was founded on April 3, 2009. It provides "Services for the Elderly and Persons with Disabilities". The business has never been mentioned anywhere before - a google search brings no results. Confusingly, in classic Sarah Palin fashion, in her financial disclosure form for 2009, the purpose of the business says "Marketing". The registered agent of the business is Sarah's "infamous" lawyer Thomas Van Flein. "Some blogger posted:She can simply donate the [Trust fund set up for expenses during her governorship] to whatever "friendly" 501C3 happens to be around...who would probably be only too willing to make donations to a business geared towards "the elderly and disabled." 501C3 donations are not public information.  Once again, Sarah Palin lives in a realm so ridiculous that it is beyond parody.EDIT: 
Stabby McDamage fucked around with this message at Jan 2, 2010 around 04:21 |
| # ? Jan 2, 2010 04:16 |
|
|
Hazo posted:Also, only happy about this because it'll keep providing Levi articles for the front page. Pretty sure I'm not alone when I say I'd watch the poo poo out of this show.
|
| # ? Jan 14, 2010 14:22 |
|
|
|
| # ? May 24, 2013 00:05 |
|
|
quote:I won't even play around like Maury though, I will just straight up yoke those dudes and be like ITS YOURS BITCH HAHAHA or if it's the girl I will blast her face with some shaving cream and drop her out a trap door secret lair style. This was funny, but when I remembered that the girl getting dropped through a trap door would also be pregnant, it got hilarious.
|
| # ? Jan 14, 2010 18:24 |
|
