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This was incredible.quote:That was engineered by that lactonic motherfucker todd. Little hissy boots got his beard twisted up and I don't mean Sarah Palin. quote:Dude drives a Ford Fiesta and has like zero actual knight training, but he gave me my money back, which was cool considering I broke one of his teeth and then later I realized I didn't pay in the first place so I bought some of those Red Mist exploding 10 gauge slugs that you have to prove you're going to shoot them at terrorists chest cavities to even get the guy to take them out of the case and I shot them at low-flying planes out by the air field which Bristol was NOT happy about, but I ate the poo poo out of her pussy in the Wendy's parking lot so she shut up. Great going, Levi.
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| # ? Jul 15, 2010 18:12 |
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| # ? May 21, 2013 10:12 |
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Jesus christ, "Cuck stains out of his cable knits." You have got to be kidding me, this is the best thing.
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| # ? Jul 15, 2010 23:54 |
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quote:bunghole of amontillado style This was awesome, although I was surprised he could spell amontillado. Thanks for the Levi update.
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| # ? Jul 18, 2010 12:40 |
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The best articles on the front page right now, bar none.
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| # ? Jul 18, 2010 16:08 |
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Somehow his plans for being a father sound loving awesome! And good on him for warning the gays, and explaining its just business. It's hard to be open minded and hang with teabaggers.
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| # ? Jul 22, 2010 18:37 |
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Who honestly didn't see this one coming? http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20100803..._palin_johnston
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| # ? Aug 3, 2010 21:28 |
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Just read about that on CNN. I really hope there will be another front page article about it.
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| # ? Aug 4, 2010 17:21 |
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I hope I wasn't the only one that immediately checked for a new Levi article on the frontpage after reading that.
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| # ? Aug 4, 2010 20:27 |
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http://www.somethingawful.com/d/lev...-levi-split.php Nothing brings me to the front page faster than an alert about a Levi Johnston update. And I gotta say Zack, you have completely outdone yourself this time. This is the Finnegans Wake of Levi updates.
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| # ? Aug 5, 2010 06:33 |
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Levi Johnston posted:I'm ready to blow up Padme Almondalla's crazy pussy until it looks like somebody spilled a bucket of bearnaise on two drove-over earth worms. I'm pretty sure my laughter woke up everybody in my apartment complex when I read this. Zack, this update was a true work of art. Octagonecologyst fucked around with this message at Aug 5, 2010 around 08:50 |
| # ? Aug 5, 2010 07:03 |
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this is absolutely brilliant, but isn't Piper Palin like 9? or did you mean Willow at the very end? or am I missing the joke like a big dumb idiot?
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| # ? Aug 5, 2010 08:46 |
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Haha, fuckin awesome as always. My favorite bit: Levi posted:That girl is like the town bicycle if a bicycle actually rode you and turned around so you could see its tire and lights a bunch of scented candles and puts on jewel cds and sometimes without you knowing it the bikes roomate bike would come in and start riding on top of that bike but its cool because its a girl bike too and when you rang that little thumb bell thing it started talking about crazy poo poo like sticking its head in a bathtub full of water and doing it in a daycare parking lot (which I never did more than once so don't try to accuse me of no weird poo poo).
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| # ? Aug 5, 2010 10:53 |
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coolhockey posted:this is absolutely brilliant, but isn't Piper Palin like 9? or did you mean Willow at the very end? or am I missing the joke like a big dumb idiot? I think he did mean willow but I'm on the road and can't fix that for him.
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| # ? Aug 5, 2010 12:04 |
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no, you're all wrong. the most masterful sentence (well okay, two):Levi posted:And plus luke russert? I have partied with that dude and he is dumb as hell. and plus, you motherfucking genius.
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| # ? Aug 5, 2010 14:18 |
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Levi's descriptions of the jeep Todd drives made me lose it, specially since it was paired with such a basic everyday picture. Keep up the fine work! Spotting an Johnston article on the frontpage brightens any day.
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| # ? Aug 5, 2010 17:51 |
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Holy poo poo did this article deliver! "Nintenduendos" in the first sentence and it was all uphill from there. I noticed Todd is always "todd" and Sara is always "mrs. palin." Edit: Editor's Correction is classic. Bedevere fucked around with this message at Aug 6, 2010 around 13:38 |
| # ? Aug 6, 2010 13:36 |
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zalderach posted:I hope I wasn't the only one that immediately checked for a new Levi article on the frontpage after reading that.  He's now running for Mayor of Wasilla!
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| # ? Aug 10, 2010 16:50 |
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Jawidar posted:I check for Levi articles basically every time he's in the news haha at this quote: "It's hard to figure me out," he said. "You've got to follow me around. I'm very different. I lead a crazy life. But it will basically be both worlds, my life in Hollywood and back home, the real country boy that I am." Perfect.
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| # ? Aug 10, 2010 17:54 |
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I want to see him yank his opponent's jacket over their head during a town hall debate.
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| # ? Aug 10, 2010 18:02 |
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Oh my god, the Six or Seven point plan update is loving glorious. The bit about Katy Perry's tits had me rolling. Sir Levi Johnston (Future Mayor)
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| # ? Aug 12, 2010 12:07 |
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I love how Levi knows just enough higher-level English to truly mangle his sentences. It's fuckin great, and I am so glad that this guy continues to be a real-life trainwreck, so that we can get more articles. My favorite quote this time: Levi posted:I tried to season pass the knife show and ended up with 675 episodes of diners drive-ins and dives with that smashmouth guy. Pretty decent show if you like chicken fried steak and sunglasses and yelling and you're a dumb piece of poo poo fucker.
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| # ? Aug 12, 2010 12:31 |
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Ishamael posted:I love how Levi knows just enough higher-level English to truly mangle his sentences. It's fuckin great, and I am so glad that this guy continues to be a real-life trainwreck, so that we can get more articles. My favorite Levi misspelling from this one is "slobomites."
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| # ? Aug 12, 2010 15:36 |
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The last paragraph of todays update might be the best paragraph ever.
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| # ? Aug 12, 2010 17:15 |
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GOD IS BED posted:The last paragraph of todays update might be the best paragraph ever. Since no one linked it, this is today's, by the way: http://www.somethingawful.com/d/lev...silla-mayor.php
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| # ? Aug 12, 2010 17:40 |
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I think Levi should stop using the word ordain so much. Unless he's going to become a priest or a minister. Which would be cool, because they have a lot of ethics problems and he is just the kind of guy to turn those organizations around and put them back on the narrow path.
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| # ? Aug 12, 2010 18:07 |
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I'm still not sure what he means by "lactonic", is that his way of saying milquetoast?
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| # ? Aug 12, 2010 19:37 |
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Todd Palin was referred to as laconic in a bunch of stories about the Palin family during the election season. To Levi, Todd then became "that lactonic motherfucker."
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| # ? Aug 12, 2010 20:51 |
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coolhockey posted:Todd Palin was referred to as laconic in a bunch of stories about the Palin family during the election season. To Levi, Todd then became "that lactonic motherfucker." Ah, ok. To me it will always mean "milquetoast" though.
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| # ? Aug 12, 2010 22:41 |
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quote:I once saw Mrs. Palin so frustrated trying to put on her shoes that she screamed and threw a glass sculpture of a bear through a stained glass window of her own face. I thought this was the best until I got to "slamber." Oh sweet Jesus.
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| # ? Aug 22, 2010 23:40 |
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The latest article was awesome, except for this:
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| # ? Aug 23, 2010 12:02 |
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Ganguro King posted:The latest article was awesome, except for this: http://www.somethingawful.com/d/lev...lation-levi.php quote:Like when the bartender cuts you off from the jagermeister but you throw a 50 at him and tell him you're a paying customer and threaten to beat him with the jack in the back of your truck and then after you break a chair he tells you to go get it if you're so tough but it's a trick and when you go get the jack he locks the door but trick is on him, fucker, because you're retard drunk strong and don't feel poo poo so you just break through the door with the jack like Robocop and the only thing that stops you from turning his head into pudding is some little four foot broad cop who is a crack shot with the tazer.
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| # ? Sep 2, 2010 14:12 |
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LJ posted:...another dozen Hills Have Jesus motherfuckers. Lactonic is on page 2, but this holds down page one nicely. If you disagree you're some hessian motherfucker.
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| # ? Sep 2, 2010 14:55 |
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This quote killed:Levi posted:Yeah okay Mrs. Palin lets hear another lecture about real americans from the beauty pageant millionaire ex-governor lady married to a snow machine racer that looks like the evil parallel universe version of parker lewis. Great show, fucker. Maybe you could pray some more and have some more babies.
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| # ? Sep 2, 2010 14:58 |
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The use of language in these articles is incredible. Great work! I was also surprised to see that Discovery Channel hostage thing was a real event.
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| # ? Sep 2, 2010 16:26 |
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This most recent update was a work of art. Absolutely brilliant.
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| # ? Sep 3, 2010 21:53 |
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This update was almost too good, like he made too many good points and witty remarks to believably be Levi Johnston. loving love this series don't ever stop.
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| # ? Sep 4, 2010 01:30 |
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Hot drat, I had no idea that pollsters were such complete bitch assholes! Short but sweet. quote:How is Turg going to feel when the other giant, dangerous babies at the special school break out of their magneto rooms and start making hooting noises about when you fell in your heels?
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| # ? Sep 9, 2010 13:14 |
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I almost hope these people never go away. These updates are so great.
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| # ? Sep 9, 2010 13:22 |
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This series has been absolutely fantastic since the beginning and it keeps getting better and better. I hope Levi Johnston keeps making these articles forever.csammis posted:
I literally burst out laughing when I read this.
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| # ? Sep 9, 2010 17:30 |
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| # ? May 21, 2013 10:12 |
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I came here to post the exact same thing, I could not breathe for a minute or so laughing at that line. The Levi Johnston series has supplanted WTF D&D as my fave current running article officially now. Before it was only polling at like 63%.
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| # ? Sep 10, 2010 00:20 |
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