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Parrots can do cooler poo poo than babies though. I used to have a macaw and he could open his cage on his own and we put an external lock on the front and he kept getting out so he opened the doors for the food bowls pushed them out and crawled out to chew on the windowsill. Then he'd climb to the top of the cage and laugh at you. I'd like to see a baby try that poo poo.
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Sep 16, 2008 00:19
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Magnus Vermagnusson posted:I was talking to a friend's little girl, and she said she wanted to have affordable, universal healthcare some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were in their house getting ready to canvass for Obama, so I asked her, 'If you were President, how would you propose we pay for this?'
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Sep 16, 2008 00:20
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PLUMP RUMP 2K4 posted:Babies: basically parrots sarah palins baby is dumber than a parrot
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Sep 16, 2008 00:21
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Someone start mass-mailing the GOP listservs already.
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Sep 16, 2008 00:22
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rocco tuna posted:sarah palins baby is dumber than a parrot Islamic extremism, terrorists who are hell bent on destroying our nation. Islamic extremism, terrorists who are hell bent on destroying our nation. Islamic extremism, terrorists who are hell bent on destroying our nation. Islamic extremism, terrorists who are hell bent on destroying our nation.
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Sep 16, 2008 00:22
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Sarah Palin couldn't get out of that cage like the macaw could, I'll put money on it.
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Sep 16, 2008 00:24
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A doctor was talking to a young boy named Jeff, and Jeff that while he was away at scout camp he and another boy had played doctor, and he had touched the other little boy's penis. When the doctor asked him how that made him feel, he seemed confused. He said "I really enjoyed it, and I think I'd like to do it again. On the other hand, I'm afraid that I will go to hell if I do." The doctor asked young Jeff whether he thought he would do it again or not, and Jeff replied, "I guess I will. Probably many times. I will hate myself for it, and I will spend my life fighting against tmy homosexual urges and against other peoples' right to follow those urges and yet I will do it over and over and over again and wallow in my own disgust with myself until I am a crippled human being, unable to have an honest adult relationship because of my overwhelming self-hatred." The doctor leaned back, smiled slightly, and said "Welcome to the republican party. Now take off your pants you filthy little pervert."
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Sep 16, 2008 00:25
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ikarti posted:Sarah Palin couldn't get out of that cage like the macaw could, I'll put money on it. she would threaten to fire you if you didnt let her out
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Sep 16, 2008 00:26
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I was babysitting for my brother one day, he and his wife are both Liberal Democrats. My nephew came up to my crying that his niece had hiden his GI Joe and wouldn't tell her where it was. "Well is there anything you could do to your sister to make her tell you where your action figure is?" I asked "Well ... I guess I could punch her and throw her down the stairs until she told me where my GI Joe is" "Then why don't you?" "Then Mommy and Daddy would get really mad at me because i'm not apposed to torture people" "Would Mommy and Daddy get mad if they didn't find out?" The boy thought about this for a second and then just lit right up "Why I could just shove Jenny's head under the water until she told me where my GI Joe is and then I can just push her into the well and tell my parents that she ran away!" "Welcome to the Republican Party kid"
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Sep 16, 2008 00:48
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glodmine tihjs!!
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Sep 16, 2008 00:49
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Democrat Death Tax posted:glodmine tihjs!! TT hasn't goldmined anything
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Sep 16, 2008 00:53
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Magnus Vermagnusson posted:TT hasn't goldmined anything No threads are sufficiently purestrain
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Sep 16, 2008 00:54
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this isn't even worthy of the lf goldmine think about that
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Sep 16, 2008 00:54
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Business Octopus posted:No threads are sufficiently purestrain you are part of the problem
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Sep 16, 2008 00:55
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And that girl was Abraham Lincoln
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Sep 16, 2008 00:55
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i didn't read this thread since it will be predictably awful but it would probably be more productive to write these for liberals. so get cracking.
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Sep 16, 2008 00:56
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Magnus Vermagnusson posted:I was talking to a friend's little girl, and she said she wanted to have affordable, universal healthcare some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were in their house getting ready to canvass for Obama, so I asked her, 'If you were President, how would you propose we pay for this?' lolled irl
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Sep 16, 2008 00:57
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The Gay Agenda posted:this isn't even worthy of the lf goldmine
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Sep 16, 2008 00:58
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Humor in Uniform was spectacular but it's sharing goldmine space with a lot of detritus
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Sep 16, 2008 01:00
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Don't goldmine it yet though, we have more work to do, and then we need to send it to LF Dads.
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Sep 16, 2008 01:01
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kylejack posted:I mean its no Atheist and Bear
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Sep 16, 2008 01:01
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A few years ago, while I was living in Washington, D.C., I worked as a waiter at a local restaurant. One night, I was feeling a little tense, so I decided to check out Craigslist to see if any potential prospects were looking. I saw an ad for a "handsome professional," late-40's, very discreet, NSA. I didn't usually do stuff like this very often, but I decided to give it a go. He decided to pick me up at my apartment and take me to a secluded area. He looked familiar, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Anyway, we got into the back seat and went at it. His dick was slightly below-average, but he wasn't the worst lay I'd ever had, and I was reasonably desperate that night. After we both came, he took me home without a word. The next day, I was watching CNN, and I saw a press conference being held by a Republican senatorial coalition that was trying to get the Federal Marriage Amendment passed. My jaw dropped when I saw the man who hosed me the previous night. What the hell was this?!? Why was he there?! He's a SENATOR? But...I thought he was...what the hell is going on?! I decided to call him and leave a very angry voicemail, demanding that he call me back and explain himself. A few hours later, a car pulls up outside my apartment complex and honks a few times. I look out the window. It's the same car from the night before. I'm feeling a little bold, and even more infuriated, so I go downstairs to confront him. "Get in," he tells me. I comply, only because I'm about ready to kick his rear end. He looks at me with a sense of maniacal glee in his eyes. "Why...who are you...what the hell was that...?" I stammer, trying to find the words to ask him who he is, and who he thinks he is for taking advantage of me like that. He leans over, caressing my hair with his hand, and puts his mouth up to my ear. Gently, he whispers, "Welcome to the Republican party."
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Sep 16, 2008 01:05
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Ask Imam should be goldmined imo
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Sep 16, 2008 01:07
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Tap tap tap went his right foot, fap fap fap went his right hand, read read read the rights to Larry Craig. Welcome to the Republican Party.
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Sep 16, 2008 01:08
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GAY EQUALS GAY posted:Gently, he whispers, "Welcome to the Republican party." That doesn't even make sense she wasn't raped or anything
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Sep 16, 2008 01:09
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Pretty sure that story is about a dude
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Sep 16, 2008 01:12
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deadkiller615 posted:That doesn't even make sense she wasn't raped or anything Now re-read story.
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Sep 16, 2008 01:13
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deadkiller615 posted:That doesn't even make sense she wasn't raped or anything get out
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Sep 16, 2008 01:14
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Sai posted:I was talking to a friend's little girl, and she said she wanted to be Vice President some day. Both of her parents were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were to be the Vice President of the United States of America, what is the first thing you would do?' This is still the best one.
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Sep 16, 2008 01:15
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kylejack posted:Its a he, not a she Oh I missed the part about the law. 
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Sep 16, 2008 01:16
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I was teaching sunday school to a friend's little girl, and she said she was inspired by the story of Jesus and wanted to do good things with her life. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I said this to her. 'Before you try to do things in God's name, you should really learn all about the bible first. I have a copy of the bible you can borrow and read. Its pretty long and complicated, but you should read all of it. Then you should read all of these history books and explainations of bible passages so that you can understand what the world was like when the bible took place and when it was written. And then finally you'll be able to really understand all of the lessons from the bible and be able to do good things.' She thought that over for a few seconds 'cause she's only 6. And while her Mom glared at me, the little girl looked me straight in the eye and asked, 'Well, why can't you just tell me what the bible says God wants instead?' And I said, "Welcome to the Republican Party, sweetheart."
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Sep 16, 2008 01:54
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Sep 16, 2008 02:15
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I was talking to a friend's little girl, and she said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were to be the President, what is the first thing you would do?' She replied, 'I'd give food and houses to all the homeless people.' 'Wow - what a worthy goal.' I told her, 'You don't have to wait until you're President to do that. You can come over to my house and mow, pull weeds, and sweep my sidewalks and driveway, and I'll pay you $50. Then I'll take you over to the grocery store where the homeless guy hangs out, and you can give him the $50 to use toward food or a new house.' She thought that over for a few seconds 'cause she's only 6. And while her Mom glared at me, the little girl looked me straight in the eye and said, "I've got a better idea: how about I give a portion of the $50 to the government, which will in turn fund and regulate programs which try to directly address the causes of poverty, or at least mitigate the restrictions it places on upward mobility. Maybe then, after being given a modest amount of financial security, he will be able to make some use of your ill-conceived charity, instead of burning through it in a week on food and basic needs, still penniless and desperate in the end. Buy a new house? Are you loving kidding me, old man?" I felt the blood drain from my face. I had heard the rumors, but didn't believe I would see it firsthand: Godless communist bastards had infiltrated the American heartland and they had raped this precious mind. Devoid of sense, the pint-sized pinko stared up at me with a bemused expression. Through clenched teeth I hissed at her parents, "Adorable, but just you wait! This affront will not go unanswered! Your brain-dead progeny will come to know the failure of your ideology, and when she does I will personally welcome her to God's party, the Republican party!" And then I fled, jogging a half a block and then, throwing my substantial bulk around the street corner to gain momentum, made a mad dash to my home, my fortress. God help us all.
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Sep 16, 2008 02:27
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Orbis Tertius posted:I was talking to a friend's little girl, and she said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were to be the President, what is the first thing you would do?' absolutely
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Sep 16, 2008 02:30
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why is your dad wasting all this team spamming e-mails when he could be making that cash? your dad is a bum.
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Sep 16, 2008 02:35
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rocco tuna posted:sarah palins baby is dumber than a parrot
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Sep 16, 2008 02:40
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the little girl kept on missing her shot at the wolf trailed by her puppies because the helicopter was swaying in the wind. When she finally put one through the mother wolf's eye, I said "Welcome to the Republican Party sweetheart. Now pretend the puppies are Iranians and do it again."
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Sep 16, 2008 03:01
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Unoriginal Name posted:progressive taxation is Christian economics, pass it on this is the only part of after school bible classes that my parents sent me to when i was 10 that i remember, realtalk
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Sep 16, 2008 03:37
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s0j posted:*bests 6-year-old in political debate, relaxes with cigarette and smug sense of self-satisfaction*
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Sep 16, 2008 03:40
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| # ? May 11, 2024 03:58 |
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quote:I was talking to a friend's little girl, and she said she wanted to be President some day. Both of her parents, liberal Democrats, were standing there, so I asked her, 'If you were to be the President, what is the first thing you would do?'
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Sep 16, 2008 03:57
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