quote:

From: CEO
To: Alex007
Subject: PC

Alex007,

I left my father's PC on your desk, he says he can't receive emails anymore. The last email he got was from somebody he didn't know, and when he opened the attachment he stopped receiving emails.

Alex007 posted:

Fun fact: I'm a programmer, not the IT guy. We're extra busy in our usual end-of-year rush and he brings me his father's PC.

Why doesn't he ask this to the IT guy ? We're sharing IT with our parent company, and he doesn't want the parent company to know he makes us fix the computers of everyone he ever met. Three weeks ago it was his wife's PC that he dropped by my desk.

haljordan posted:

Is that the entire email? Did he not even bother to say "thanks" at least? I mean, I know he's the CEO and all, but what a dick move.

quote:

Dear [foobat],

Can you come to room 241? There seems to be a problem with [machine A]'s backup, on the original machine via [server] in [some directory] I have 40 files but on [server] from [machine B] I can only see 10

Thanks,
Some user

quote:

Hi,

I am running [some random scientific program] and I am not getting the results I want, could you please take a look?

foobat posted:

I am not a scientist, that is your job...

Richard Noggin posted:

Just noticed that a customer's server dropped off the air. I took a drive over there (in a snowstorm) and found that they had unplugged the DSL modem to plug an analog phone in because their phone system wasn't working right.

haljordan posted:

How many times have you guys had this conversation:

Me: "Is [piece of equipment] plugged in?"
Customer: "Yes, its plugged in; I'm not an idiot."
Me: "Please physically look and make sure its plugged in."
Customer: "....It wasn't plugged in."

haljordan posted:

How many times have you guys had this conversation:

Me: "Is [piece of equipment] plugged in?"
Customer: "Yes, its plugged in; I'm not an idiot."
Me: "Please physically look and make sure its plugged in."
Customer: "....It wasn't plugged in."

haljordan posted:

How many times have you guys had this conversation:

Me: "Is [piece of equipment] plugged in?"
Customer: "Yes, its plugged in; I'm not an idiot."
Me: "Please physically look and make sure its plugged in."
Customer: "....It wasn't plugged in."

Spazz posted:

I hate the customer who refuses to work with you. A way I've gotten people to fix it is to tell them to unplug it and make sure that it is in the slot correctly. Another way is to ask them to unplug it and make sure that it is plugged in tight.

Spazz posted:

I hate the customer who refuses to work with you. A way I've gotten people to fix it is to tell them to unplug it and make sure that it is in the slot correctly. Another way is to ask them to unplug it and make sure that it is plugged in tight.

haljordan posted:

How many times have you guys had this conversation:

Me: "Is [piece of equipment] plugged in?"
Customer: "Yes, its plugged in; I'm not an idiot."
Me: "Please physically look and make sure its plugged in."
Customer: "....It wasn't plugged in."

Inverse Icarus posted:

What's the flip side to this, though? When you have an intelligent, techie on the other end of a service call? Do you guys pick up on it and just give him direct help?

I called Comcast the other day, as my internet was out for almost 12 hours, and I immediately told them that yes, I power cycled the modem three times, I tried directly connecting it to a laptop instead of my router, blah blah blah. He says he needs to bring up my account information, and shortly thereafter, asks me to power cycle my modem again, before he "did" anything.

During this conversation, my cell phone dies, so I have to call back with my girlfriend's cell. I get a new tech, and I explain to him what I explained before, and I told him that the last tech made me jump through hoops and blah blah blah. I tell him straight up that I'm a Software Engineer that works for Cisco, and I am 90% sure my modem is busted.

He then makes me go into the networking properties, hand-holding all the way, while I mindlessly drone "yes", "I know", "yes", "found it".

"Do you see a big red X on your LAN connection? Do you know which is your LAN connection?"

"No. Yes." (You goddamned idiot)

"I guess we're going to have to send out a tech."

And then, my girlfriend's phone died. I swear, I almost threw it against the wall and started muttering angrily. Borrowed my roommates phone, and had to go through THE WHOLE THING AGAIN, even though I mentioned I was on the phone with TWO TECHS, one of which I had the name of. When he told me to power cycle my modem I said, "I've done that at least a dozen times already, three of them on the phone with techs." And he asked me to do it again, "For giggles".

So, I did it, and guess what? It didn't work.

Finally, after literally an hour and a half of phone calls and frustration, they scheduled a tech to come the next day, who sure enough plugged his thing into the modem and beep boop beeboop the modem's loving broken. He got a new one from the truck and BAM INTERNET.

Inverse Icarus posted:

I'm a Software Engineer

Arsten posted:

On phone calls, you can't tell what the gently caress the person knows. And I've had people who "graduated from MIT" ask me which part of the computer is the monitor.

Just because you say "Yeah, I'm so super-stud with technology!" doesn't mean they'll listen for one of two reasons: They have been doing tech support too long to believe you or they haven't done it long enough to deviate from the script.

Basically, pull all the information you can manage while they do it and print it out or write it down. When they ask you about something give them the answer you've already processed. Everything just goes faster.

Inverse Icarus posted:

haljordan posted:

How many times have you guys had this conversation:

Me: "Is [piece of equipment] plugged in?"
Customer: "Yes, its plugged in; I'm not an idiot."
Me: "Please physically look and make sure its plugged in."
Customer: "Dammit I pay you guys a fortune in support fees, send a tech out here to fix your loving equipment!"

*2 hours later*

Me: So what was the problem?
Field Tech: "It wasn't plugged in."
Me: Solution?
Field Tech: "Plugged it in."
Me: Departure time?
Field Tech: 3:41 AM
Me: What a douche, eh?
Field Tech: Yeah, really.

Director posted:

Hi - let me know if you are not the right person to help with a Blackberry meltdown but mine has detached its memory from the email and gone into cyber space after a 60 second warning and asking for a special blackberry code that I didn't have....??

Perhaps I am not a good owner but now it is just a phone that doesn't work that well either.. Can you help??

HairyNipple! posted:

I come in this morning and find this in my inbox.


She's a nice lady though, so I guess I'll just go up and find out what the christ she's talking about.

haljordan posted:

People sometimes complain that you "treat them like a moron" because you ask them basic troubleshooting steps. Listen, I don't custom tailor my troubleshooting because you're a "computer genius". If you're calling me, you don't know what you're doing, so just let me do my thing.

Inverse Icarus posted:

What's the flip side to this, though? When you have an intelligent, techie on the other end of a service call? Do you guys pick up on it and just give him direct help?

I called Comcast the other day, as my internet was out for almost 12 hours, and I immediately told them that yes, I power cycled the modem three times, I tried directly connecting it to a laptop instead of my router, blah blah blah. He says he needs to bring up my account information, and shortly thereafter, asks me to power cycle my modem again, before he "did" anything.

During this conversation, my cell phone dies, so I have to call back with my girlfriend's cell. I get a new tech, and I explain to him what I explained before, and I told him that the last tech made me jump through hoops and blah blah blah. I tell him straight up that I'm a Software Engineer that works for Cisco, and I am 90% sure my modem is busted.

He then makes me go into the networking properties, hand-holding all the way, while I mindlessly drone "yes", "I know", "yes", "found it".

"Do you see a big red X on your LAN connection? Do you know which is your LAN connection?"

"No. Yes." (You goddamned idiot)

"I guess we're going to have to send out a tech."

And then, my girlfriend's phone died. I swear, I almost threw it against the wall and started muttering angrily. Borrowed my roommates phone, and had to go through THE WHOLE THING AGAIN, even though I mentioned I was on the phone with TWO TECHS, one of which I had the name of. When he told me to power cycle my modem I said, "I've done that at least a dozen times already, three of them on the phone with techs." And he asked me to do it again, "For giggles".

So, I did it, and guess what? It didn't work.

Finally, after literally an hour and a half of phone calls and frustration, they scheduled a tech to come the next day, who sure enough plugged his thing into the modem and beep boop beeboop the modem's loving broken. He got a new one from the truck and BAM INTERNET.

quote:

COMPUTER DOESNT CONNECT TO THE INTERNET

quote:

I CAN'T GET ONTO THE INTERNET AND MY COMPUTER DOESN'T WORK I NEED MY LAPTOP TO BE ABLE TO PROVIDE STUDENTS WITH TEACHING I'M IN ROOM 152 IM USING AN HP COMPAQ 8430 WITHOUT BEING ABLE TO GET ONTO THE INTERNET TO PROVIDE STUDENTS I DONT HAVE A LESSON PLAN FOR THE DAY AND THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT THAT SOMEONE GETS DOWN HERE IMMEDIATELY TO PROVIDE ME WITH HELP SO I CAN TEACH

quote:

My laptop won't let me view the video footage from CNN.com, it's saying I need a plugin. Room 130, I'm available all day.

Inverse Icarus posted:

What's the flip side to this, though? When you have an intelligent, techie on the other end of a service call? Do you guys pick up on it and just give him direct help?

Spazz posted:

What Arsten said, but sometimes I can pick up on how tech savvy someone is just by the way they describe the problem.

Inverse Icarus posted:

What's the flip side to this, though? When you have an intelligent, techie on the other end of a service call? Do you guys pick up on it and just give him direct help?

I called Comcast the other day, as my internet was out for almost 12 hours, and I immediately told them that yes, I power cycled the modem three times, I tried directly connecting it to a laptop instead of my router, blah blah blah. He says he needs to bring up my account information, and shortly thereafter, asks me to power cycle my modem again, before he "did" anything.

During this conversation, my cell phone dies, so I have to call back with my girlfriend's cell. I get a new tech, and I explain to him what I explained before, and I told him that the last tech made me jump through hoops and blah blah blah. I tell him straight up that I'm a Software Engineer that works for Cisco, and I am 90% sure my modem is busted.

He then makes me go into the networking properties, hand-holding all the way, while I mindlessly drone "yes", "I know", "yes", "found it".

"Do you see a big red X on your LAN connection? Do you know which is your LAN connection?"

"No. Yes." (You goddamned idiot)

"I guess we're going to have to send out a tech."

And then, my girlfriend's phone died. I swear, I almost threw it against the wall and started muttering angrily. Borrowed my roommates phone, and had to go through THE WHOLE THING AGAIN, even though I mentioned I was on the phone with TWO TECHS, one of which I had the name of. When he told me to power cycle my modem I said, "I've done that at least a dozen times already, three of them on the phone with techs." And he asked me to do it again, "For giggles".

So, I did it, and guess what? It didn't work.

Finally, after literally an hour and a half of phone calls and frustration, they scheduled a tech to come the next day, who sure enough plugged his thing into the modem and beep boop beeboop the modem's loving broken. He got a new one from the truck and BAM INTERNET.

Ryokurin posted:

When you've been on the support line for an extended period, you hear that everyone is a programmer or a engineer and if they aren't flat out telling a lie, they still don't know poo poo about computers. Not to mention that some companies write you up for not following the steps even if you are positive that the customer has already done so. Next time you have a situation like that just humor them and go along. If you've done it, then just sit back and play along, along with waiting a reasonable mount of time for a reboot, none of that "Ok, its rebooting (5 seconds later) its back" stuff. You can throw in you know computers, but still just let him get through his list so he can cover his rear end. Yes you are wasting 10 minutes of time, but its better than wasting 30 trying to prove that you know what you are doing.

Spazz posted:

This also falls into a whole other problem that could be a thread in it's own of programmers who don't understand how TCP/IP works yet still program in it and make lovely programs.

Baggins posted:

I shouldn't have to explain to a so-called sysadmin why his 10MB SDSL only gives him about 900kb/sec when downloading thanks to network overhead and contention ratios and that I'm absolutely certain that this is in no way a problem with the network adapter in his server.

Icesler posted:

Worker: "Well how am I supposed to go on the internet when the computer is on top of that cabinet?!"

Lil Bukowski posted:

That's just passive agressive. I've noticed maintenance guys do this kind of stuff all the time.

"Hey, uh, your entire site is down."
"Oh really?"
"Yeah, it looks like the gateway for your community isn't connected. Can you go into the telephone room and make sure it is hooked up and has lights on it?"
"Oh, well, the power strip for that thing started beeping this morning so I unplugged it."
"Why didn't you replace it with another one or call us?"
"Well, I'm not in IT. I didn't want to screw something up."
"I need you to replace that surge supressor with a new one and send the old one back to us."
"I don't have time today....click"
"gently caress."

Next Day:
Wanted: Maintenance Supervisor for large luxury retirement community. Must have experience maintaining 300+ unit apartment or hotel building.

haljordan posted:

I like how he doesn't think that unplugging random poo poo falls under the category of "screwing something up."

haljordan posted:

Question: When explaining a solution/problem to customers, how much technical terminology do you use? I've been in situations before where using a really simple analogy to explain the problem makes the customer resent you for thinking they're stupid, while being TOO technical annoys them and causes them to stop listening to you.

s0meb0dy0 posted:

Exactly, someone who is tech saavy will describe the problem, what they've tried to fix it, and any ideas as to what is causing it.

I'll never call tech support and say "this doesn't work". I'll say "this doesn't work, but I tried doing it in a different way and it did, so I think this is the problem...."

Spazz posted:

A way I've gotten people to fix it is to tell them to unplug it and make sure that it is in the slot correctly. Another way is to ask them to unplug it and make sure that it is plugged in tight.

haljordan posted:

People sometimes complain that you "treat them like a moron" because you ask them basic troubleshooting steps. Listen, I don't custom tailor my troubleshooting because you're a "computer genius". If you're calling me, you don't know what you're doing, so just let me do my thing.

daveslash posted:

Holy poo poo this guy was busy. 374 mb is a ridiculous amount of porn in 1995.