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Mill Town posted:gently caress you, wordperfect 5.1 You take that back or I'll gently caress you up Ese! 
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| # ? Dec 19, 2008 12:48 |
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| # ? May 20, 2013 08:51 |
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syphon posted:Oh god I hate people like you. Sure, you MAY be right in that the motherboard is broken... but in my experience, 90% of the time you don't and you're just skipping past the whole 'reporting a problem' step and demanding an (often incorrect) fix. I should claify for you and bazarre apparatus. I work in tech support for a large company, I already troubleshooted the problem. Im calling because my poo poo is under warranty and I want it fixed, not because I want you to do my job. Edit: I should also mention that we have 3 year, 4 hour tech support from dell, and I cant do it myself because the computer is at a remote site, and we paid Dell lots of money so that when poo poo happens they'll go fix it for us. Chunky Monkey fucked around with this message at Dec 19, 2008 around 13:24 |
| # ? Dec 19, 2008 13:20 |
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bazaar apparatus posted:They....don't know if you have any clue what you're talking about. If anything they should assume that you don't, since you're calling them in the first place and not just doing it yourself. Calling Dell to have them send you a replacement motherboard is not the same as calling to have them tell you your computer is unplugged. I mean, I could definitely replace a motherboard by myself, but do you know of a way to procure a free motherboard for a Dell computer without calling Dell? Having been on the other side, though: Chunky Monkey posted:
By "troubleshooting" I mean leading them in the conversation until they finally said that keyword that rings the Instant Replacement alarm, which is like pulling teeth for the "I'm a big shot IT guru genius, give me my poo poo" people. The first thing out of your mouth shouldn't be "I need a new motherboard." Let them come to that conclusion. You just need to lead them in the conversation, and the easiest way to do that is to rattle off your troubleshooting attempts to them, whether it's bullshit or not. Give them enough information to swim in. Drighton fucked around with this message at Dec 19, 2008 around 14:13 |
| # ? Dec 19, 2008 14:08 |
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"I know just enough to be dangerous!"  Translation: "I know how to log into SSH, but I had no idea that running chmod -R schmuck:schmuckgrp /* was a bad idea!" 
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| # ? Dec 19, 2008 16:33 |
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DizzyBum posted:"I know just enough to be dangerous!" I don't know why anybody would chown -R any root folder. Then again, I don't know why someone would rm -rf / either.
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| # ? Dec 19, 2008 16:42 |
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We have a customer whose name is Chown. and that's what she does with your afternoon if you have to go fix her computer.
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| # ? Dec 19, 2008 17:02 |
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I got another call yesterday from this genius. Apparently, the same reports were messed up again and he couldn't figure out why the numbers for a particular partner were inflated. This has happened before...the jackass responsible for logging these transactions is in love with copying/pasting code, which means that sometimes he copy/pastes some other partner's ID into a particular application. Obviously, someone's numbers usually go up after that happens. I went back to his office and told him what the problem probably was, and told him to go talk to the other programmer to get it fixed. "He says you patched the database on 12/2, and that's what's causing the problem!" he tells me. Really? Are you loving serious? I spent the next 20 minutes explaining to him what a service pack is, why I had to apply it to SQL Server, and--most importantly--why a service pack doesn't suddenly make operations such as 2 + 2 equal 5 instead of 4. Boogeyman fucked around with this message at Dec 19, 2008 around 21:43 |
| # ? Dec 19, 2008 20:10 |
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a long time ago before you could buy $300 Dell's and whatnot we provided about 300 computers to a school district and of course, the support. every friday they'd make their rounds, collect non-working computers and bring them to our office. one machine had a trouble ticket attached with the following "Floppy drive not working, screws too long." well, the drive worked so I wrote on the ticket "Floppy drive working, screws shrunk" God I'm so happy that contract expired and I'm never ever ever ever ever ever doing work for schools again.
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| # ? Dec 19, 2008 20:50 |
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go3 posted:God I'm so happy that contract expired and I'm never ever ever ever ever ever doing work for schools again. I dig it personally. There's job security, and with the amount of expansion there's always going to be a need for someone to be a computer jockey. There's also a lot of job growth opportunities. However, we do have some truly obnoxious users. Principals think that their school is the only one in the entire district, some teachers have massive egos and think they're the only ones in the world. Then there's other teachers who are very laid back and cool, you can joke with them. There's also a lot of hot young teachers. 
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| # ? Dec 19, 2008 21:42 |
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Chunky Monkey posted:I should claify for you and bazarre apparatus. I work in tech support for a large company, I already troubleshooted the problem. Im calling because my poo poo is under warranty and I want it fixed, not because I want you to do my job. there's a lot of incompetent tech support guys in large companies. they're just making sure that you're not a retard who's going to make a field tech waste half a day driving out to fix a non-issue. like the guys here: dispatcher: "Olivia called, asked that we schedule a service person to replace cable. Their IS personnel cannot do it." tech: "called and LVM letting Olivia know that it will cost close to 1k$ to send a tech out to the site to plug in the scanner, or that we would walk her through it over the phone for free." or the ticket last week where the remote access service on the server was stopped, local IT didn't know how to go into control panel and restart it, and it took 3 days and a conference call with 5 people to walk someone through it.
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| # ? Dec 19, 2008 22:02 |
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Spazz posted:However, we do have some truly obnoxious users.  "I have TENURE; what do you mean there's a limit on my e-mail?"
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| # ? Dec 19, 2008 22:30 |
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boo_radley posted:
Fixed for my old job.
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| # ? Dec 19, 2008 22:46 |
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Midelne posted:The head of our Accounting department was one of those people here. He periodically insists that I get to work on optimizing the mix of hopelessly archaic and cutting edge SQL databases that we use in daily operation on the grounds that it's all computer stuff and I should already know this. My response after the first couple of times when I'd been here longer than a week and wasn't afraid of him anymore was to ask him which stocks were going to be major winners tomorrow, then ask why he didn't know that since it was all money stuff anyway. That sounds like it could carry a terrible risk of the money dude shooting back with "oh yeah COCK and BALL are going to be big winners tomorrow... so why can't you do something about SQL, huh?", although if that happened there would be the hilarious possibility of going into work one day and finding out that Mister Bigshot Accounting Manager just lost everything on a margin call.
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| # ? Dec 19, 2008 23:14 |
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Spazz posted:I don't know why anybody would chown -R any root folder. Yeah. This actually happened. A client was trying to fix something they installed on their dedicated server, and thought that something changed all the files and folders to be owned by "some guy named Root". So they "fixed it"! So, so glad we don't support dedicated servers, except to reimage them and replace hardware.
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| # ? Dec 19, 2008 23:19 |
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Spazz posted:I dig it personally. There's job security, and with the amount of expansion there's always going to be a need for someone to be a computer jockey. There's also a lot of job growth opportunities. Well, schools can be great for the reasons you listed, but typically I find the users are sort of bottom of the barrel. You have kids who just have to do stupid poo poo with the computers and the network, and then there's the adults who feel like they have all rights to do loads of stupid poo poo because they're adults. In school systems, the hassle usually isn't worth the cash. Unless it's a private school, I know very few schools who aren't strapped for cash. They typically aren't going to be providing as good a salary for the amount of hassle. If you're in the early part of your career then they're a great way to get in the door. They need people. You don't have enough experience to justify a big salary, and they can afford you.
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| # ? Dec 19, 2008 23:58 |
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I think this OP has described exactly what it is like to work in the call center I was in. A lot of angry people with non-functioning technology that badly need to be replaced and the technology allotted to us employees which was also mostly non-functioning and access to numerous servers and centers all over the country which all badly needed to be replaced. None of the loving things at all worked, nothing about how to work around their limitless numbers of little character flaws were documented. I ended up having the first nervous breakdown of my life, quit and became unemployed for months, I almost became homeless, it was the best decision of my life. The company was IBM, none of their poo poo works and all of their support customers are unhappy rightfully so. Suck it you bunch of loving assholes IBM.
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| # ? Dec 20, 2008 02:56 |
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Subject: You may not believe this, and I wouldn't blame you, and I doubt anything can be done, but I flushed my keys down the toilet Oh wait, I wrote that.
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| # ? Dec 20, 2008 21:45 |
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"We need a new workstation setup for a new employee" "Okay, when does he start?" "Monday" "And you are telling us this on friday night? Thats short notice" "No, no, this monday" This is always fun, also it's fun when something breaks and no one tells us and after 2 weeks, a boss passes by and sees it and yells "WHY IS "IT" NOT HELPING YOU???" and we look like idiots. But my soul is not crushed yet
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| # ? Dec 21, 2008 00:30 |
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"This two month old issue is affecting production (best phrase ever) and preventing us from doing a hand-off today!! FIX IT URGENTLY" Why the gently caress didn't you tell me two months ago you loving bitch.
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| # ? Dec 21, 2008 00:43 |
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Cyberdud posted:"We need a new workstation setup for a new employee" I hate stuff like this, along with not getting enough information when the request does come in. "Oh, you hired a new employee? That's great, but what the gently caress will he be doing so I know what equipment he needs and what systems he'll need to be set up with." I'm slowly working on getting our managers to give us as much advance notice as possible, but the tricky thing is a lot of our positions are ones where you don't always have the luxury of advance notice. Equipment isn't a big deal; as long as we have it on hand we can get stuff set up and shipped out in a day or two tops. What causes problems is the fact that we've got a lot of external systems we deal with, since I work for a construction equipment & forklift dealer. Some of the systems technicians/parts clerks/salesmen need can take anywhere from a couple days to two weeks to get set up. It gets very annoying having to explain to people "No, it can't be done any faster/I have no idea when it'll be done. We've sent the request to their IT folks, now our hands our tied until they let us know the user has been set up." The absolute worst was the time I had a parts clerk call me himself to ask for all his logins to be set up. I don't know why the parts manager or branch manager at that location couldn't/didn't do their job and take 30 seconds to shoot us a quick email asking for him to be set up.
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| # ? Dec 21, 2008 02:19 |
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Cyberdud posted:"We need a new workstation setup for a new employee" Pretty much this is every day at our office. the guy that runs the place drops by for maybe 2 hours in a day, and just randomly carpetbombs us with arbitrary stuff that needs to be done RIGHT NOW ASAP BY THE END OF THE DAY. "Oh you have a laptop motherboard replacement and 3 spyware/virus removals on your bench? You're not busy, build this machine and switch these 2 computers from xp home to pro, I need this done by the end of tomorrow, work it in around your current workload, your morning onsite tomorrow, and whatever else comes in the door."
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| # ? Dec 21, 2008 03:13 |
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To: Technical Services Server Team From: Helpdesk Printer unable to print. Received partial ping. Customer concerned. Resolution: Destination host unreachable. Had user plug in network cord. Printers are the biggest waste of time...if it's not on the network...stop calling me. I spend hours walking other support teams through trying to configure printers with network info and other settings, and they get all pissed off when I can't always help them. Without being there, it's kind of hard, plus it's not really my job. I make a best effort in these cases, but drat. SSH IT ZOMBIE fucked around with this message at Dec 21, 2008 around 04:44 |
| # ? Dec 21, 2008 04:42 |
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DizzyBum posted:Yeah. This actually happened. A client was trying to fix something they installed on their dedicated server, and thought that something changed all the files and folders to be owned by "some guy named Root". So they "fixed it"! Background: His hard drive is full but he doesn't understand LVM. Subject: MYSQL PID file error here what i did root@**** [~]# cd /dev/mapper/ root@**** [/dev/mapper]# rm -rf * root@**** [/dev/mapper]# service mysql restart MySQL manager or server PID file could not be found! [FAILED Thankfully you can't destroy an LVM like that.
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| # ? Dec 21, 2008 05:08 |
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D13F00L posted:To: Technical Services Server Team
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| # ? Dec 21, 2008 06:41 |
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chizad posted:The absolute worst was the time I had a parts clerk call me himself to ask for all his logins to be set up. I don't know why the parts manager or branch manager at that location couldn't/didn't do their job and take 30 seconds to shoot us a quick email asking for him to be set up. I had a gig recently where'd they'd hire expensive freelancers and then just send them down to my office for a laptop and an company email/server account. Never mind that they won't buy me a spare laptop. Seriously, who works like this ? "Hi, can I have a laptop ?" gently caress no, you can't. Worse, we were under ridiculous Sarbannes-Oxley compliance policies, so a new account needed paper routed through HR at the home office, IT simply couldn't create a new employee and would have been fired if we had. We still got screamed at. Bastards.
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| # ? Dec 21, 2008 23:24 |
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Printers are my favorite too. People on site call saying their printer has a paperjam. "It says paperjam" "That means a paper is stuck somewhere, can you open the paper feeds, and look around?" "There's no paperjam, i'm telling you, send a tech" "Sir, we aren't gonna send someone to go take out a piece of paper" What we usualy do is send a replacement printer that they setup and send us the "broken" one, we find the paper(DUH) and reconfigure it for another location. It saves time instead of arguing about meta physics and how that there is no paper.
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| # ? Dec 22, 2008 00:03 |
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Cyberdud posted:Printers are my favorite too. People on site call saying their printer has a paperjam. to be fair, sometimes it really does say paperjam when it's not jammed, or thinks it's permanently out of paper, or something like that. the receipt printers on cash registers don't have displays on them, so we end up doing dispatches with reasons like "printer is beeping and not working" some of the field techs are terrible so sometimes it goes on to "tech took printer a week ago, has not returned it and is not answering phone" [manager calls register corporate support to tell them to call the local dealer to tell him to call the customer and return the printer] "tech returned printer but is still beeping and not working, and now his other printer is also beeping and not working, is requesting a different tech"
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| # ? Dec 22, 2008 00:50 |
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Griz posted:to be fair, sometimes it really does say paperjam when it's not jammed, or thinks it's permanently out of paper, or something like that. So far this has not happened, every printer that had that problem, we have found a paper in an obvious location. But poo poo, don't get me started on broken fusers.
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| # ? Dec 22, 2008 02:42 |
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Griz posted:to be fair, sometimes it really does say paperjam when it's not jammed, or thinks it's permanently out of paper, or something like that. At one job I actually did this deliberately to the person who seemed to delight in making my life miserable. Just sent the PCL code to an LJ4 to change the display so it always read "paperjam" and remotely stopped the queue for the printer on his workstation. After several failed attempts to print something another colleague demonstrated that he could print to the printer just fine. Unfortunately this sent cow-orker number one into an apoplectic fit that threatened to destroy it, and someone had to step in to power cycle the printer before bits of yellowing HP plastic started flying around the office.
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| # ? Dec 22, 2008 02:53 |
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Puck42 posted:awwww, you sound so naive. Sure there are. They just don't 1. Call helpdesk for bullshit 2. Interact with your users 3. Work in the same company as your users
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| # ? Dec 22, 2008 05:33 |
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nene posted:At one job I actually did this deliberately to the person who seemed to delight in making my life miserable. Just sent the PCL code to an LJ4 to change the display so it always read "paperjam" and remotely stopped the queue for the printer on his workstation. "PC Load Letter"? The gently caress does that mean?!
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| # ? Dec 22, 2008 05:35 |
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nene posted:The true beauty was the gentleman who called up absolutely mortified. He had a message bounced back from an organisation that used qmail, had read it through partially and started to panic. The panic culminated with the decision to call us and ask what to do. Send him here. http://www.acm.uiuc.edu/404.html
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| # ? Dec 22, 2008 05:36 |
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Intern: I..uh..flushed my cellphone down the toilet. Me and co-worker: AHAHAHAHA! That stinks. Intern: Can you do something? Me: uh...I guess I can call it, give me your number and go into the bathroom. If you hear it ringing it is still retrievable. *Calls number* *intern walks into bathroom for 30 seconds and comes back* Intern: I didn't hear anything. Co-worker: Sounds like it's too far gone. The intern leaves looking dejected. She came back one more time just to make sure we hadn't made any progress on getting her phone out of the toilet. What makes it really funny is that she runs into the bathroom to talk to her boyfriend all the time and thinks no one knows that. We also let the maintenance guy know and he said the pipes were big enough to handle it. Another one: Last Friday someone unplugged the networked printer from the wall. Their solution was to find another Ethernet cable and plug it into the printer and run it to the surge protector. No one has fessed up to this yet.
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| # ? Dec 22, 2008 14:45 |
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Delicious Sci Fi posted:Intern: I..uh..flushed my cellphone down the toilet. So what would've happened had you been able to still hear the ringer?
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| # ? Dec 22, 2008 15:14 |
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Call the maintenance guy.
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| # ? Dec 22, 2008 15:27 |
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I'd be surprised if a phone submerged in water that long would have rung anyway.
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| # ? Dec 22, 2008 16:52 |
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Commissar posted:I'd be surprised if a phone submerged in water that long would have rung anyway. Seriously. If a phone is flushed, it's gone. Calling it to try listen from the bathroom to hear if it rings is pretty stupid.
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| # ? Dec 22, 2008 17:15 |
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Accipiter posted:Seriously. If a phone is flushed, it's gone. Calling it to try listen from the bathroom to hear if it rings is pretty stupid. "I'm sorry, but as soon as it went in the toilet, it was a goner..." "But can't you DO ANYTHING?!?!?" By attempting to call it, you have a plausible "it's gone", rather than having to explain to them why dunked electronics are typically done-for the instant they splash.
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| # ? Dec 22, 2008 17:17 |
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^^^^^ that tooCommissar posted:I'd be surprised if a phone submerged in water that long would have rung anyway. That was kinda the joke.
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| # ? Dec 22, 2008 17:19 |
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| # ? May 20, 2013 08:51 |
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AlexDeGruven posted:"But can't you DO ANYTHING?!?!?" The proper answer is "No." That's where it ends, crying interns or not.
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| # ? Dec 22, 2008 17:20 |
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