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Arsten posted:Ticket Opener: lcrumb This is my favorite one so far. No negative numbers = good reports!
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# ? Dec 6, 2008 04:36 |
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# ? Mar 29, 2024 01:49 |
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quote:Ticket Opener: tr9 ahahaha I bet the user looooooved that
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# ? Dec 6, 2008 04:43 |
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m2pt5 posted:This is my favorite one so far. No negative numbers = good reports! Except that non-revenue-generating departments always had negative numbers. So no cost ever would print, not even the total, because the red was gone. Someone might think something was amiss when that got submitted to them. quote:Ticket Opener: tr9
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# ? Dec 6, 2008 05:43 |
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Oh jesus these are brilliant. They're like a script to some 'The Office'-esque comedy.
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# ? Dec 6, 2008 07:47 |
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Careful with making these public, you're just writing the script for "The IT Crowd"
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# ? Dec 6, 2008 07:58 |
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I don't know if I'm more horrified by that ticket system or that there's a "clean desk policy" that is apparently enforced by IT.
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# ? Dec 6, 2008 09:42 |
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Arsten posted:These are all amazing.
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# ? Dec 6, 2008 10:19 |
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Seriously people can't wait until they go home to download their porn?
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# ? Dec 6, 2008 10:32 |
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Strong Sauce posted:Seriously people can't wait until they go home to download their porn? man all i gots at home is this mo-dem but they got a fancy internet at work time for tits, gently caress a status meeting
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# ? Dec 6, 2008 10:48 |
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Mikey-San posted:time for tits, gently caress a status meeting
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# ? Dec 6, 2008 10:59 |
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I guess its too much to ask them to use a flashdrive? I mean if they don't take it home then when do they use it...
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# ? Dec 6, 2008 11:15 |
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Strong Sauce posted:I guess its too much to ask them to use a flashdrive? I mean if they don't take it home then when do they use it... In case the dates and the descriptions of P166's with 32MB RAM didn't clue you in, this was in the early 90's.
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# ? Dec 6, 2008 12:47 |
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Ashex posted:Careful with making these public, you're just writing the script for "The IT Crowd" KomradeVirtunov posted:I don't know if I'm more horrified by that ticket system or that there's a "clean desk policy" that is apparently enforced by IT. Strong Sauce posted:Seriously people can't wait until they go home to download their porn? Strong Sauce posted:I guess its too much to ask them to use a flashdrive? I mean if they don't take it home then when do they use it... I will pull more of these out this morning and post them a little later. But, for now, I'll leave a bit of trivia: -u00741 is me (duh, easiest to search on) -u00499 was my boss. This guy taught me a healthy hatred of all idiots, and was what molded me for my evil reign of sys/net admin later on in life. He was what I became. I need to send him a "thank you" card or something. -u00343 was the head of IT. He worked on ancient networks in the 70's, and kept working on them until the time I worked for him. He was like 60 at the time and a complete rear end in a top hat to everyone who didn't have two braincells to rub together. He told the CEO once that he couldn't find his rear end with both hands and a ballistic missle locked onto a transmitter in his colon. The CEO, for some reason, tried to have him fired at least two dozen times while I worked there. Arsten fucked around with this message at 17:09 on Dec 6, 2008 |
# ? Dec 6, 2008 17:02 |
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Here are a few more. I got called to do something at work. On the positive side, I found an export function that has CSV! Soon I'll be able to pull these out a heckuva lot faster! quote:Ticket Opener: chart
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# ? Dec 6, 2008 17:38 |
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Arsten posted:Ticket Opener: uhenae This is incredible.
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# ? Dec 6, 2008 17:49 |
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Arsten posted:Ticket Opener: shavol This is awesome.
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# ? Dec 6, 2008 17:51 |
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Arsten posted:Ticket Opener: uhenae What the gently caress is going on here?
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# ? Dec 6, 2008 17:56 |
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Wombot posted:I AM SO SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR TOTAL LACK OF CUSTOMER SERVICE!!!I AM STILL RECEIVING THE SAME F***ING ERROR AND ALL OF YOUR A**ININE SUGGESTIONS HAVE DONE ABSOLUTELY NOTIHING!!! NOTHING!!! NOTHING!!! TO RESOLVE THE F***ING ISSUE. FIX YOUR G** D***ED WEBSITE SO THAT I CAN DOWNLOAD AND INSTALL MY GAME. AT THIS POINT I AM READY TO REPORT THIS BULL**** TO THE FTC AND SEE WHAT THEY CAN DO TO FORCE YOU TO ASSIGN AN AMERICAN WHO CAN READ AND SPEAK AMERICAN TO RESOLVE THIS ISSUE AND NOT JUST SOME LOWLIFE FROM A FOREIGN COUNTRY WHO DOESN'T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT. I WANT A SOLUTION NOT STOCK ANSWERS FROM YOUR KNOWLEDGEBASE WEBSITE. I HAVE TRIED EVERY SOLUTION YOUR HELPLESS WEBSITE HAS SUGGESTED AND I CANNOT DOWNLOAD MY GAME. I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO DOWNLOAD OTHER GAMES FROM YOUR WEBSITE SO I KNOW IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE WAY YOU HAVE SET UP THE DOWNLOAD FOR THIS GAME. FIX IT G*** D*** IT. NO MORE BULL****, NO MORE STOCK ANSWERS. READ THE ERROR CODE FIGURE OUT WHY YOUR WEBSITE DOESN'T WORK AND FIX IT!!! FIX IT!!! FIX IT!!! I DON'T WNAT ANOTHER APOLOGY I WNAT A SOLUTION, YOU KNOW THAT'S WHERE YOU DO SOMETHING THAT FIXES THE ERROR. TRY THAT INSTEAD OF CONTINUING TO PRACTICE YOUR ILLETERACY ON AN UNSUSPECTING AMERICAN PUBLIC. I know this is old, but did he seriously censor "asinine"?
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# ? Dec 6, 2008 18:01 |
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Strong Sauce posted:Seriously people can't wait until they go home to download their porn? rolleyes posted:In case the dates and the descriptions of P166's with 32MB RAM didn't clue you in, this was in the early 90's. I know a guy that worked in IT Security for a Fortune 500. He said they were firing people weekly, sometimes daily during the busy months, for downloading porn on work computers. This was two years ago.
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# ? Dec 6, 2008 18:03 |
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duz posted:I know a guy that worked in IT Security for a Fortune 500. He said they were firing people weekly, sometimes daily during the busy months, for downloading porn on work computers. You would think they would install a filter.
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# ? Dec 6, 2008 18:05 |
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Arsten posted:Ticket Opener: shavol This is incredible edit: the one about the person putting the cd in on the bottom side of the tray is mind boggling Nodoze fucked around with this message at 18:11 on Dec 6, 2008 |
# ? Dec 6, 2008 18:07 |
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I work in a IT dept at huge biometrics company, so we have a little bit of everything going on. A philosophy major, business majors, EE majors, CS majors, accounting majors, tech school people, etc. Guess which ones tend to be the biggest pain to deal with? It isn't the hardware engineers or even the software engineers... It is the people who attended tech schools who now work in our call center. My only guess is that they have to deal with people over the phone everyday that don't respect them...
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# ? Dec 6, 2008 18:48 |
amerrykan posted:Technicians who insert carriage returns I'll one up that. Our webmail application automatically INSERTS returns at the border of the input field. Makes me want to stab the people that built it. Better yet, if someone responds, the auto inserted '>'s will sometimes push the line past the edge >> resulting in return mail that > looks >> something like this thing.
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# ? Dec 6, 2008 19:23 |
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Ashex posted:You would think they would install a filter. They did. For some reason they couldn't use a whitelist so there were plenty of ways around it apparently.
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# ? Dec 6, 2008 19:27 |
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At my first network job we were all on walkie talkie for dispatch. I was out smoking on my break when the receptionist for the company starts frantically looking for us... "Bob or Nico, Bob or Nico, come in please" "Go ahead, Diane" "Yes, uh, the downstairs women's restroom is out of toilet paper." <<pause while we both crack up off mic>> "Uh Diane, IT stands for 'information technology' not 'instant toilet paper'. You have to talk to Operations on 4 about that." For the rest of the time I worked there, we referred to ourselves internally as "Instant Toiletpaper".
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# ? Dec 7, 2008 18:42 |
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OK, so bad news. Apparently, "CSV" when this thing was designed is completely different than what CSV has always meant to me. Easily-exported isn't going to work because it's not going into Excel for copy/paste action. I'll pull more out the painful way and post them tonight.
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# ? Dec 7, 2008 19:00 |
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Arsten posted:Ticket Opener: skeeneey
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# ? Dec 7, 2008 19:18 |
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Superhaus posted:I pushed her keyboard drawer down, as she had it jammed up against the underside of the desk. Even better is when one of the jammed keys is causing Windows to beep frantically. I had one poor woman call me twice in an hour with the same damned beeping noise. She had the decency to be humiliated after the second time. Stuff lying on keyboards is another source of calls-that-will-get-someone-called-a-moron-eventually. I have a fantastic "bedside manner" when I'm making a desktop call, but I'm the IT manager (I'm the only full-timer in IT, and orders of magnitude better than the last guy) so I can get away with apply an icy stare while someone works out the inanity they've just committed. To improve on an already wonderful support environment, my two problem users went in the first round of layoffs. One was the "email complainer" and "personal laptop" guy. His philosophy on email was pretty much that if he's hit send, they've read it and anything slower than that is a problem. The personal laptop was his wife's actually and it was dropped on my desk first thing one morning accompanied only by the words "fix it". The other "dearly departed" was a woman I wouldn't have invited to her own going-away party. She was a whiner and a project manager although often actually competent. But that didn't stop her from interrupting my lunch once to complain that her laptop had lost network connectivity. Turns out she had caps lock on, as was clearly indicated in the authentication dialog that had stumped her. Thank loving God we don't lock accounts after repeated failures. I think we'd be ok at the new place, but my last job (major advertising office in San Francisco with an international reputation) was plagued with lockout tickets. Well, the holding company that owned us (one o the big three in advertising) was taking NO chances with Sarbannes-Oxley compliance so you needed two signatures for an ftp site and passwords were on a 90 rotation with no re-us; this lead to "lastname##" passwords. And people still forgot them regularly. To cap things off, the master directory in London was pushing stale data back to use. Stale data like account lock status and passwords... Once. A. Goddamned. Hour. (or so). Worse, there was a window when they'd actually catch the change so it'd work about half the time. And the window wasn't regular so we couldn't just only unlock accounts between 10 and 30 minutes past the hour (for example). That system drove users to profanity on a daily basis. And London didn't give a poo poo about the colonies so they took six months to do anything about it. I respect some of the guys who run that place, but it's a loving clown college. Some guys I'd turf out, a few I'd give generous severance packages so they can recover from being massively burned out.
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# ? Dec 7, 2008 19:31 |
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Summary: IE is not working Notes: IE isnot working, displays error on all internet pages. Added dns suffix same error checked proxy settings all ok Clear temp files cookies history same error spoke to lead approved escalation to tier 2 see attachment Attached: I wonder.txt -- I wonder.. I wonder if there's a reason for this. All of this. I wonder if there's a place for all of us. A place to feel needed. A place to belong. -- I looked the guy up in the address book and then found his LiveJournal on Google. He likes some gay, fit J-Pop star named Shige way too much, and writes "NC-17" fanfic accordingly.
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# ? Dec 8, 2008 01:49 |
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I love users who call in with a problem, explain it half assed and then call back to complain on how you got it wrong in the description of the ticket. user says the following: The big monitor has a blue blob on the screen that won't go away. I think it needs to be checked out. I type basically the same thing verbatim because trying to clear it up usually brings a call. But yet she calls again anyways. Clearly she wasn't paying attention as she thinks I'm someone else. user: The last guy messed my ticket up. Its not a blue blob on the screen, the entire screen is blue! And I need you to resend it all, I got to put it on my daily progress report. At least this time I actually got the name of the monitor out of her as before all she could tell me was the big one.
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# ? Dec 8, 2008 02:04 |
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Things I have to put up daily within the small company I work for (remote tech support): 1) Explaining why not applying any windows updates ever (including server updates) to our customers (over 50 small companies) is a bad idea and will ultimately end in pain. 2) Explaining that having the same admin password and username at all the companies is a bad idea. 3) Explaining that having the same password for remote access to routers (sitting on port 80 accessible to the entire internet) is a bad idea. 4) Explaining that allowing users (solicitors/accountants/property developers) to have passwords of 'password' and 'letmein' is a bad idea, especially when these users have access to VPN's and Outlook Web Access. 5) Explaining that adding "Domain Users" to "Local Administrators" is a bad idea. 6) Getting shot down by my manager and head technician when I tell them they are being incompotent by keeping all the above going. For those interested in the reason for no windows updates of any kind: "There is the potential to kill a machine" and "The machines are behind routers so they will all be OK". I poo poo you not. I hate my job.
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# ? Dec 8, 2008 04:04 |
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Trinitrotoluene posted:Things I have to put up daily within the small company I work for (remote tech support): Pretty much every small company in the world is like this though.
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# ? Dec 8, 2008 04:15 |
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Trinitrotoluene posted:5) Explaining that adding "Domain Users" to "Local Administrators" is a bad idea. My company just got acquired by a huge company that's very well known. I'm in the process of joining our networks and soon we'll be dumping our Windows domain and joining theirs. I about poo poo myself when I heard them say "every user is Local Admin on their PCs". This company has ~3000 employees and offices in many, many countries. Why on earth they would allow this to go on is beyond my comprehension... Oh well, it's not my problem to worry about. I'll be assigned to the Linux team full time soon anyway.
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# ? Dec 8, 2008 04:18 |
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It's not exactly a ticket, but a few months ago the desktops department got a hardware request form asking for a "blueberry" What's worse is this doesn't seem to be an isolated incident, according to head of desktops they've also received recent requests for a "gooseberry" Now can someone please let me know what it means when a network is "lumpy" Other than you didn't stir it enough.
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# ? Dec 8, 2008 04:34 |
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I did like it one time when I arrived to a person's desk because they were complaining of a sticky keyboard. They could have at least had the decency to throw their Dr. Pepper can away in a different trash can before lying to me and saying that they have no idea why it's sticking.
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# ? Dec 8, 2008 06:07 |
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nene posted:It's not exactly a ticket, but a few months ago the desktops department got a hardware request form asking for a "blueberry" If it's good enough for Jay-Z, it's good enough for me.
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# ? Dec 8, 2008 06:41 |
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Ratmtattat posted:I did like it one time when I arrived to a person's desk because they were complaining of a sticky keyboard. They could have at least had the decency to throw their Dr. Pepper can away in a different trash can before lying to me and saying that they have no idea why it's sticking. You WISH it was just Dr. Pepper.
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# ? Dec 8, 2008 07:03 |
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I really wish the head of the company wouldn't forward me every "LOOK OUT IT IS A NEW VIRUS THAT WILL BLOW UP YOUR COMPUTER AND KICK YOUR DOG!" emails. With the exact same message. "Better keep an eye out for this"
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# ? Dec 8, 2008 08:04 |
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I seriously just had one of the teachers ask me about a car problem.
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# ? Dec 8, 2008 14:19 |
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# ? Mar 29, 2024 01:49 |
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Turns out the last user had the wrong drivers installed on her computer. Anyways, heres my gem for the day User complaining that her new printer is giving her an error. I called HP and we need to send the printer back for repairs. The problem? She refuses to send me the printer so I can send it in. Says "This is our main printer and I need it" I told her she could put a request to have the data run to other printers and her answer was "They are too slow". I told her if she doesnt send it in I cant fix it, and wouldnt she like to print slowly than not at all? She demanded to talk to my supervisor. Its gonna be a looong day...
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# ? Dec 8, 2008 16:36 |