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Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


Dickeye posted:

Dear IT guys maybe you can help me?

For some reason, the quictime progress bar/controls aren't displaying in my web browsers. They just show up as a solid black bar.

How do I fix this HELP ME PLEASE (I'd use the haus but goddamn it takes forever and this is a quicky)

We have a helpdesk opening.

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Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


He acts like a LF'er in TFR

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


THe majority of our house is still on 17" 4:3 screens. Most of IT is either on a 24" or duals. All the transcriptionists and medical data people are on duals. Anyone department head and up has whatever they are willing to pay for.

We have this insurance that pays for replacement itmes like monitors, peripherals, printer kits, etc. When someone's 22+" goes out, we will replace it with some stock that we have already through insurance, then either get a warranty replacement of the broken monitor or include it on the next incoming order. We all have dual 22" because of this

Edit: pre-coffee post

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


Richard Noggin posted:

We just replaced a system for a customer. We asked what programs they need reinstalled, and they told us "just Office". We deliver the new desktop (Windows 7), and they complain that we never installed Quark Express. Version 4. They handed us the media - a few floppies, with one missing. You can guess what transpired next.

If it's my company, you slaved away for 6 hours trying to get it to work under XP mode in win7, only to have it fail, tell them they need to order a new copy of quark, then have your mobile paperweight of a director threaten you over telling customers that they have to buy something.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


Our helpdesk has gotten too lazy now to tell folks to clear out their temp files. We don't have time to go through and/or walk them through this every time Xenapp takes a poo poo. Lookie what we found.

code:
@echo off 
Echo Started %time% 
Echo Started %time% >> temps.txt 
Echo Running for XP... >> temps.txt 
Echo Running for XP... 

cd %userprofile% 
cd .. 

FOR /F "tokens=*" %%G IN ('DIR /B /AD') DO IF EXIST "%%G\Local Settings\Temp\" ( 
    RMDIR /S /Q "%%G\Local Settings\Temp\" 
    MKDIR "%%G\Local Settings\Temp\" 
    Echo Cleared %%G\Local Settings\Temp 
    Echo Cleared %%G\Local Settings\Temp >> temps.txt 
) 
FOR /F "tokens=*" %%G IN ('DIR /B /AD') DO IF EXIST "%%G\Local Settings\Temporary Internet Files\" ( 
    RMDIR /S /Q "%%G\Local Settings\Temporary Internet Files\" 
    MKDIR "%%G\Local Settings\Temporary Internet Files\" 
    Echo Cleared %%G\Local Settings\Temporary Internet Files\ 
    Echo Cleared %%G\Local Settings\Temporary Internet Files\ >> temps.txt 
) 
Echo Done. 
Echo Running for Vista >> temps.txt 
Echo Running for Vista... 
FOR /F "tokens=*" %%G IN ('DIR /B /AD') DO IF EXIST "%%G\AppData\Local\Temp\" ( 
    RMDIR /S /Q "%%G\AppData\Local\Temp\" 
    MKDIR "%%G\AppData\Local\Temp\" 
    Echo Cleared %%G\AppData\Local\Temp\ 
    Echo Cleared %%G\AppData\Local\Temp\ >> temps.txt 
) 
FOR /F "tokens=*" %%G IN ('DIR /B /AD') DO IF EXIST "%%G\AppData\Local\Microsoft\Windows\Temporary Internet Files\" ( 
    RMDIR /S /Q "%%G\AppData\Local\Microsoft\Windows\Temporary Internet Files\" 
    MKDIR "%%G\AppData\Local\Microsoft\Windows\Temporary Internet Files\" 
    Echo Cleared %%G\Local Settings\Temporary Internet Files\ 
    Echo Cleared %%G\Local Settings\Temporary Internet Files\ >> temps.txt 
) 
Echo Done. 
Echo Ended %time% 
Echo Ended %time% >> temps.txt 
Works like a charm when you drop it in their root directory and run it via PSEXEC.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


stubblyhead posted:

I think most of us here have 19" 4:3s. We all have laptops with a docking station, so there's at least the option of going dual screen; but I think I'm one of the very few who actually does that. A few people here and there have dual screens, but not many.

Duals are wonderful. RDP session on one. Tickets, command prompts, email on another.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


Dumb user, even dumber helldesk dickhead. Unfortunatley the user is a sweet old lady who is well connected so I had to be very nice.


Click here for the full 1228x625 image.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


coyo7e posted:

We've got one of those in the childcare room, it took me a year to figure out WTF the birds were coming from.

That very same clock model resulted in many a wake up at night when my father was racking the slide on a Remington 870. Some of the sounds were pretty creepy/alarming at 3 in the morning.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


wow... they're taking away our time and a half for being called in after hours. Typically we get like 20 bucks per shift to be on call then it used to be .5 hours OT for fixing an issue over the phone and 2.5 hours OT for having to drive in and fix something.

That has all been taken away by the dumbass manager from hell. We don't get any time for calling users after hours to reboot because the helpdesk is loving worthless. If we go in to fix something, we now have to leave early on another day to make up for it.

That. is. it. I'm looking for another job.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


I have just a little bit going on today.

(L to R ) My laptop, on top of a desktop getting a full cerner client install, E6400 ATG being re-imaged, SA, Virtual XP box for testing our inane GPO, ANother box on the KVM being cleaned, and an old Axim X51V I have all our projector remotes programmed into.

Click here for the full 640x480 image.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


coyo7e posted:

This is probably dumb but what is the difference between the models of E6400, anyway? It seems like they're just "ruggedized" models? I see shitloads of E6400 laptops but I've never had hands on an ATG or XMT(or whatever it is) that I know of.

Edit: VVVV That looks just like my office, except I've got a half-dozen E6400 laptops stacked on the left end instead of one piddly Latitude, and my desk is covered in paperwork, and I've got way more documentation tacked to the wall.

The ATG is the ruggedized one with a touchscreen. Doesn't help when they drop the loving things from the hood of their cars to the pavement.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


That laptop in particular is driving me nuts.

I got it in because( get this) it runs fine under a local account, but during the profile creation process of ANY domain account, it hardlocks then reboots. I have it set to NOT reboot on a STOP error, but it goes back to a POST screen and there is nothing abnormal in the event viewer. There are not any thermal events or anything out of the ordinary in the BIOS logs.

Since we run the TPM, BIOS authentication via contactless card, and drive encryption on these, I disabled all the security and popped in a new drive and ghosted it. Same problem.

Thinking my image may have been funky, I popped in an XP disk and installed it from scratch. Same issue. It also failed to boot the first time and I had to bring it up in safe mode to get it to come up at all.

Then I replaced the motherboard. Same problem. The SATA is running in ATA mode too( fucks XP otherwise )

Eventhough the diagnostics didn't spot anything with the memory, I think the next step will be replacing the RAM. I've had this bastard for over a week, and I am about ready to toss it off the seventh floor.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


Farking Bastage posted:

That laptop in particular is driving me nuts.

I got it in because( get this) it runs fine under a local account, but during the profile creation process of ANY domain account, it hardlocks then reboots. I have it set to NOT reboot on a STOP error, but it goes back to a POST screen and there is nothing abnormal in the event viewer. There are not any thermal events or anything out of the ordinary in the BIOS logs.

Since we run the TPM, BIOS authentication via contactless card, and drive encryption on these, I disabled all the security and popped in a new drive and ghosted it. Same problem.

Thinking my image may have been funky, I popped in an XP disk and installed it from scratch. Same issue. It also failed to boot the first time and I had to bring it up in safe mode to get it to come up at all.

Then I replaced the motherboard. Same problem. The SATA is running in ATA mode too( fucks XP otherwise )

Eventhough the diagnostics didn't spot anything with the memory, I think the next step will be replacing the RAM. I've had this bastard for over a week, and I am about ready to toss it off the seventh floor.

UPDATE: Wow.. I created a new local account to test with and it poo poo itself when creating the profile on login. Going to delete and recreate the default user folder.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


Grrrrrrrrrr!!! I'm going to rebuild this god drat thing one more time before I explode into an alcoholic mist. Any time this fucker creates a new profile in XP, even with rebooting disabled in the startup and recovery tab as well as the F8 preboot menu, it pops back to POST.

I pulled a default user profile from an identical machine and overwrote the one on this device. Disabled automatic restart from the F8 menu again.

UPDATE: GHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! MOTHER FUCKER WORKS NOW.

I don't think I've ever seen a default user profile get corrupted. I'm going to have a celebratory shot of scotch tonight for that one.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


For whatever reason, it didn't like that other HDD I stuffed in it, most likely because the image was made with the 120 gig that comes in it, and all I had laying around were 80's. Using ghost that should not matter, but on this one, it did.

The original problem was a reboot when someone would log on, but the local admin account would run for days without any issues. Soon as you made XP create a new profile ( by logging onto a different domain account or creating a new local account ) it would poo poo itself.

First I figured there could have been a corruption somewhere ( which I was eventually right ), but I ended up changing out the mainboard thinking that the TPM chip or the encryption, or the preboot manager was loving something up. When that didn't work, I started getting heavier handed with it then finally saying gently caress it and putting the original drive back in. When it locked up after I created a local account with no policies and logged it on, I replaced the default user profile and bam the fucker is stable again.

I've run every diagnostic possible on this amchine without any hint of an error, but at the time I didn't trust it. Oh well. I'm going to play with it another day to try to break it again, then send it back out.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


ab0z posted:

I've made this typo. What does that say about me?

I recently made the same mistake. Our information security guy is named Mahmood, so the ticket read "Submitted hard dick to mahmood" when I brought a virus ridden HDD over for him to do his forensics on.. Ok, this sentence is degrading fast.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


Our most retarded helldesk guy came in late today. Didn't take him long to start polluting my queue.

Summary
outlook issue

Description
gave permission for new colleague to access the shared group and it is not showing up on her calendar

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


Heeeeere we go again. I just got a high priority ticket. If it is not resolved or escalated within 30 minutes, I get in trouble. The helpdesk stinkyhole who did such a lovely job of documenting this gem is completely off the hook if I should fail.


Click here for the full 1213x317 image.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


Syano posted:

None of you guys are considered 'old' until you've assisted in a Netware 3 to NT4 migration You could almost taste the tears of the crusty old Netware admin as under his breath he sniffled: "please no, not my bindery"

EDIT: I thought something was fishy with my post as I was typing it so I went to look up and my gosh that was netware 3 not 4. It was so dang long ago I forgot. Screw Novell!

Our place went from 95/netware with groupwise to XP/AD/Exchange. All at one time

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


Dick Trauma posted:

I posted a thread last year of all the stupid poo poo I found in our tiny storage room. It was stuffed with hundreds of pounds of crap. Five boxes of old hard drives! Fifty pounds of documentation and training materials for the prior phone system. I found a Bigfoot drive, and a RAM expansion card the size of a Life magazine that was probably only 4 megs. As a trophy I claimed a 5.25 AST floppy of DOS 3.2.

Yeah, good thing he was keeping that. And to think they'd done an e-waste pickup the year before! Who the hell does an e-waste pickup and somehow misses five boxes of hard drives, in an 8X6 storage space?

EDIT: My boss made me keep our copy of Calendar Creator from 1990, on 5.25 disks. There are no 5.25 drives in our entire organization.

Old Hard drives are a goldmine for Big rear end rare earth magnets. Every old drive I find, I pull apart.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


NT was a pile of poo poo compared to Novell in pretty much every way, from stability to performance to security.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


Oh boy. My boss, the only remotely competent member of the management team at the hallowed halls of hell here just put in his resignation. I guess he couldn't put up with the politics around here either.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


sm8000 posted:

Might be time for you to do the same. If you're on good terms with him, you could make good references for one another.

We have acutually become pretty good friends. It's funny you should mention that, because my wife is interviewing for a really cushy job a couple thousand miles away from here. That problem just may work itself out.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


This one is about a 50/50 split between idiot helldesk and idiot user.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


^^^ I think my hotmail account gets a fake blizzard email almost every day.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


trilljester posted:

Is that CA Unicenter as your ticketing system?

Yes and it's loving horrible in every way.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


Speaking of computer crusties, I've had more than one CS professor back in college that had a PhD in Mathematics because computing degrees didn't exist.

Since we are still going down memory lane:

I manned the tape stacker and kicked off a few batch jobs here and there on one of these babies as an intern. Unisys A-series mainframe that ran on this unholy hybrid of DOS and UNIX.

All the software on it was coded in COBOL. The batch jobs were coded in WFL ( workflow language ) It literally went through about 200 tapes a day as it ran incremental backups at all hours requiring me to lug about 6 suitcases of tapes to the tape safe 1/4 a mile away on the other end of the factory.


Click here for the full 895x1187 image.



Click here for the full 1280x960 image.



Click here for the full 1273x739 image.


Oh the memories.

Farking Bastage fucked around with this message at Jan 29, 2010 around 16:23

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


Dick Trauma posted:

I know how outlandish some of my stuff sounds and it makes me a bit ill to realize that some people think I'm making it up when I've been living it five days a week for over a year now.

More gems from the storage room:

My boss made me save this, even though we have no 5.25 drives. He insists that someone uses it. I told him that person should be fired.


Laughably large Bigfoot drive. Also notice the box in the right corner labeled "DRIVE FILLERS." Yes, that's what my boss calls drive sleds.


"Trauma! We need that antivirus software from 1997 in here, NOW!"


AHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! The old Norton Anti-Virus with the geek on the front of the box is a loving CLASSIC

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


My first was a Tandy 286 with the base 640K RAM a 10 meg HDD and 2 5" Floppy drives. It came with DOS and Q-Basic.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


I love C level Execs sometimes. It's 2:30 on a Friday and she emailed the CIO demanding Office '07 on 29 machines, NOW. We don't have licenses for '07. We have '07 published on the Metaframe servers, but they of course, want the fat install.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


ab0z posted:

I frequently question the value in having our current front desk person write work orders for walk-in customers.

Send that dumbfuck down here. Even that idiot would be an improvement over our Helldesk.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


The funniest thing happened today. We got randomly surveyed to be recognized as a top place to work. I got one and my VERY disgrunteld supervisor who is leaving in a week got one. This will be interesting considering my boss's keyboard has been sounding like one of those old IBM electric typewriters for the last twenty minutes.

Come to think of it, my hands are a little sore too.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


Phuzion posted:

I'd just send a shutdown order to their PC with the message of 'Stop using Reply to All, god dammit'

I'd get escorted by security for that as much as I would love to do it.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


Midelne posted:

Should be able to hack together a quick batch script with a Quiet install flag, if nothing else. I'd paste in the batch script I use for non-MSI deployments like that (PSEXEC -c is your bestest friend), but it disappeared with everything else in my hard drive crash yesterday. Something like PSEXEC -c "adobereader93.exe /q" can work wonders.

Unless there aren't any consistent administrative credentials available for use, in which case you're definitely feeling the screwage.

psexec -c \\MACHINE_NAME c:\FILENAME.EXE /quiet /norestart /overwriteoem

If it's set up where you don't have access to that default administrative share, yeah you're in deep poo poo.

Best thing in the world for desktop admins: http://technet.microsoft.com/en-us/...s/bb896649.aspx


Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


At least you will be able to do it remotely and with psexec you won't have to kick them out of the mahcine.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


MSIEXEC has some nice command line arguments as well that you can kick off from a remote CMD session if you don't have EXE installers.. We get a big list of poo poo that didn't get SMS pushes every week and being in a hospital, we can't randomly kick people out of machines with MSTSC since they may be running a heart monitor during surgery or something.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


Trend Micro Officescan

One of my users managed to open an email from an external source that came form "service@ups.com" which of course had a .exe attachment that she subsequently clicked. Trend didn't do poo poo to stop her, eventhough she's a dumbass, then on a manual scan Trend failed to detect the 6 loving trojens on her box. I had to clean it up with Malware Bytes.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


The more I use Malwaye Bytes, the more I like it. It even cleand conflicker without having to use the Trend tool that took 4 hours to run. Trend also likes to spam us with server reports of poo poo that it cant/wont/donesn't give a gently caress about cleaning.

Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


^^^ Oh god

For the love of all that is holy that is hosed up.

We run LEAP here filtered by MAC address preconfigured in all the mobile devices with the admin tool in Intel ProSet or aeronet then lock it down so that they can't connect to any other SSID's except for ours.

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Farking Bastage
Sep 22, 2007

You fargin sneaky bastage. I'm gonna take your dwork. I'm gonna nail it to the wall. I'm gonna crush your boils in a meat grinder.


Not unless it's healthcare in the deep south.

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