Model Camper posted:

At 12:35 on January 20th, a user filed a ticket.

Subject: Available bandwidth issues?
Body: I'm trying to download a huge file but everything seems to be going very slowly right now.

Tech has changed the ticket status to Resolved.
Comment: Resolved. Accepted solution available at http://www.whitehouse.gov. (Try again later.)

Really now.

the littlest prince posted:

The 20th was the day of the inauguration. The internet was generally clogged because of lots of video streams and live blogging or whatever.

inveratulo posted:

I worked with a guy who had dyslexia and had rigged up his Mac to speak text in ssh terminals and the commands he typed into them.

psylent posted:

An update from my HEY FIX MY IPOD request from an ex-colleage that I haven't been in touch with in almost a year:

Not even the pretense of friendliness! Come to my office on your lunch break and fix my iPod. I was considering making her go out and buy me lunch while I work on it, but I decided to do this instead:

I'm sick of doing favours for free. I'm recently married, I've got a wedding and a mortgage to pay off, and an English wife which means we have to pay for flights back to the UK every couple of years. I have very little free time due to extra study I'm doing for work so I'm drawing a line in the sand right here.

CitizenKain posted:

Yesterday we opened a box that would contain a bunch of 6 and 12 inch power cables for a bunch of our new equipment to hopefully cut down on the huge trail o' cables. We open the box to discover a bunch of 6 and 12 foot cables. Sigh.

Gunjin posted:

They wanted 6" and 12" cables, they got 6' and 12' cables. Whomever packed the box mixed up inches and feet.

Aunt Beth posted:

Some ESL failure blasted this to our entire department one afternoon. Everybody from the CIO down to the interns saw this:

Verno5x posted:

The only editing that I did here was replace the school name with *'s.

code:

Feedback # : 187175

Subject : lost ID
Message :
---------------------------------
HI^^
Always thank you for helping me.

Q:I forgat my ID for my,*******.net
 It was my STUDENT ID NUMBER.
 HMMM...
 please email me any time

thank you
~^^ 
---------------------------------

Errr.....ok then. You're welcome?

zero87t posted:

Definitely not a silly ticket since it was made by a Japanese girl!

Un-l337-Pork posted:

I'm on vacation this week, but an intern that I work with had to field a problem that went something like:

User: [b]There's a glitch on the website and it's not working[b] can you fix it?

Turns out this woman didn't have any pictures on her computer and kept them all on her digital camera. When I designed the UI for this site, I tried to make it as simple as possible, but gently caress me, I can't fix that poo poo. Christ.

minivanmegafun posted:

and the puddin pops and the kodak film

Choadmaster posted:

Nobody else in the office wanted to deal with her hissy-fits, but my friend didn't give a gently caress and used the "women's" bathroom whenever the other one was occupied. She was extremely angry the first time she tried to use HER bathroom and found it occupied. Management wouldn't back her up on this (obviously) but also didn't have the balls to disagree with her either, they'd just shrug and ignore the situation. It escalated into literally a year-long war between this woman and my friend, to the point where she posted numerous "Men Keep Out" signs (and a full-page warning message!) and tried to change the lock on the door, while he started using that bathroom even when the other was free and intentionally pissing on the toilet seat.

brc64 posted:

CANNOT TOAST SINCE THE UPGRADE

If you're in charge of everything with a plug, I'm sure there is some way you can use this to your advantage. Start confiscating cell phones because you've detected an unauthorized device plugged into the power grid.

FISHMANPET posted:

I hope you die, and are never admitted to any grad school ever BECAUSE YOU CANNOT READ.

chutwig posted:

You are a false prophet. Why have you come to sow discord amongst us? Anguish and pain are all that the sysadmin know, and you promise a land where these do not hold? False hope brings only crushing disappointment.

BrianBoitano posted:

Might wanna edit that, buddy.

minivanmegafun posted:

One of my coworkers pads around in socks, I find it incredibly disgusting.

juggalol posted:

User submits ticket complaining that a webserver we're responsible for no longer works and is holding up their urgently important work.

Said user was trying to pass URLs that weighed in at 12K. Seriously, the ticket contained the full URL in the body. I run a
1680x1050 display at work, and with Firefox maximized I still had to scroll down in RT to see the full URL.

Heintron posted:

Someguy just called me with nw related issues for a printer. When asked about printerqueue/server/model/make etc all he could tell me was:

"it is a laserjet"

argh!

brc64 posted:

Fix: Cut out two small F's and tape them over the C's.

Dick Trauma posted:

There was also a mystery stack of five network devices that was powered up, lights blinking away. It was so old I couldn't even figure out what kind of equipment it was, all from no name companies. One day I just shut it all off and everything kept running so I poo poo-canned it all.

warning posted:

I worked on an iPad today. It seemed to like our wireless network and activesync worked okay from what I saw. A good chunk of the company already uses iPhones so I didn't expect much trouble.

Space Gopher posted:

Wipe everything that's not work related.

"I couldn't nail the issue down specifically, but I've cleaned some things out that may have contributed. Let me know if it pops up again."

sfwarlock posted:

So hypothetical question.

Let's say you come in to your usual borrowed cubicle at this site and find an envelope propped against the monitor with your name on it, containing the following note: "Delete the porn, say it was a hacker, and bury the whole thing, and you get the same again."

Oh, and a reasonably large amount of cash.

What do you do, cowboy? Hypothetically.

Dick Trauma posted:

Yaos posted:

If you read the included link to the full report they discovered some theft on December 11. Near the end of December we had a ticket come in that Chameleon (animal control software that tracks animals, adopters, and apparently charges even though I can't find this in the program) would no longer accept any new animals. I took a look on the server and found that the transaction log was full, the reason for this was that the log will only automatically clear if it's backed up. If the log is full you can't add any new information to the database I can't remember if I had to back it up or not, but either way I cleared it and I think we started backing up the log, but I've not looked at it in so long that I can't remember.

fishmech posted:

Lord Commissar posted:

Ahaha. Today is my last day at this job. I am the only IT person at this site, which is clsoing down and moving to PA (the helpdesk job is going to KS).

I just got this email:

code:

I have one more big task for you today. I was just told I have to have all spare hardware and software inventoried by the 25th. For Merrimack
I guess that means today. Below is the list of requirements. I do not think you would have to much left to inventory at your site.

Location (Site) 
Equipment description (i.e. Laptop/ PC/ Server/ Printer/ Software/ etc...) 
If Laptop or PC - what are the specs (CPU/ RAM/ HDD/ Screen size/ etc...) 
If Server - what are the specs (CPU/ RAM/ HDD/ Blade or not/ etc...) 
Brand/ Model 
S/N 
In warranty/ Out of warranty - I anticipate most if not all surplus would be out of warranty 
If equipment works or is broken in need of repair 
Anything else you believe is pertinent 

enotnert posted:

4 GB is enough for me, and I run several remote desktops, email, browsing, and what nots. . . . and was surviving on 2 gig until my wife got the switcheroo so I could get a new 13MBP (she had a DV series HP that was on its way out). . .

Of course I got a ticket tonight, in the fact my wife was drunk at a bar. . . had to go pick her up, they didn't want to come to the entrance we were at. . it's now 1:40, I need to be at work at 7:00, but I've been tending to her rear end all night. . . I'm glad she got a new job, but it's bad karma to go out and get flat wasted, then crawl all over the goddamned place because you're drunk and don't want to be anymore.

On the bright side, one of my good buddies from EMC got a contract near us, and decided to pop into town for the night, and had never seen my wife loving wasted. . . so we talked shop, while she was squirting water at us from a camelbak podium bottle (easier to give a drunk an easy to use bottle). . . and yeah. . .

It was a good night, but tomorrow is Dday at work, and I'm going to be paying for it due to the fact my wife couldn't stop at 6 drinks. . .

Knormal posted:

"Hello Twitterverse! We r now LIVE tweeting from the International Space Station -- the 1st live tweet from Space! More soon, send your ?s"

Farmer Crack-rear end posted:

One time one of my co-workers was dealing with a secretary who was complaining about a change in software. My co-worker kept her cool for about three hours as the secretary whined and moaned and yelled at her and sometimes said "well they need to change the program to how I do it!". Eventually my co-worker's patience ran out and she blew up at the secretary:

"You are the worst secretary here! If all the secretaries were as bad as you are, I would go home and blow my brains out."

Then she left the building.


Later she was called into a meeting and politely asked by the boss to please try and be more restrained in the future, and that was it.

So, yeah, depends on the workplace obviously, but sufficient provocation can be considered a mitigating circumstance by some managers.

Cryptic Edge posted:

This is when you reinstall windows 2000 and give it back with that. State that by deleting the windows folder they invalidated the license that was attached to the computer and you need to get Microsoft approval to reinstall with the included key. Inform her it takes up to 6 weeks for them to give a response, and that your request to purchase windows 7 licenses was rejected, as it's not on the deployment plan anytime in the next year.

Lum posted:

Even worse. They use Lotus Notes.

drukqs posted:

Bumping a legendary thread and...

Neurozys posted:

All the 8+ year old kids at my company Christmas party got iPads. I got a $25 gift certificate to Dunkin Donuts. My boss just keeps buying iPads for everyone except the people he employs. It's getting a little weird. No mentions of holiday bonuses so far either.

Stonefish posted:

So, this password history stuff - how does it actually work?

The md5 hash of "password1" is 7c6a180b36896a0a8c02787eeafb0e4c
The md5 hash of "password2" is 6cb75f652a9b52798eb6cf2201057c73

How can a system check your new password vs the last 25 you typed in to see if they're the same, if it hashes the passwords so they can't be retrieved?

A similar question could be asked of those systems where you can't even put in something similar to your old passwords.

less than three posted:

A ticket came in 2: 1 closed on us without resolution.