A ticket came in...

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > A ticket came in...

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Got a phone-call that a user was unable to check her email. The office is about 50 feet away from mine and I wasn't busy so I hopped down there. One of the secretaries told me that when she tried to read her mail in outlook it wouldn't work.

"Okay, show me what happens."

She double-clicks the outlook icon and it opens up to the inbox.

"Looks good... Is there mail missing from your inbox or...?"

"Oh no, this isn't my mail this is someone else's mail."

That threw me for a loop but I tried to stick with it.

"Who....whos mail is this?"

"Oh its Judy's mail this is her computer and I was just trying to check mine while she was in the bathroom."

:(

# ¿ Apr 6, 2011 23:50

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 00:50

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Haha, word 95; and I thought it was bad when I had users asking me to install word perfect.

http://www.amazon.com/Corel-WPX4PROENDVD-WordPerfect-Office-Professional/dp/B0017I1IS2/ref=sr_1_7?s=software&ie=UTF8&qid=1303268154&sr=1-7

Only 400 dollars!

# ¿ Apr 20, 2011 03:55

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Someone is extra thirsty this 4/20.

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# ¿ Apr 20, 2011 16:45

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

A ticket came in. A user is unable to play "The Matrix" because its from china.

Solution: email him an explanation.

quote:

"PowerDVD allows you to change your region 5 times. Its in the options menu under "region". After the 5th time you change your region it is permanently set to that region. This "feature" is part of the digital rights management that is included in DVDs by law.

Here is some more information about DVD regions http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DVD_region_code"

resolve, and call it a day. Oh wait its back open:

quote:

I understand that. Roy Orbison DVD played without any problem,
whereas later DVDs indicate wrong region. This is definitely something we
need to look into.

# ¿ May 24, 2011 18:10

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Fox_Spy posted:

Personally my solution to this problem is simple. I've turned off showing the icons on the desktop. Just apply that to everyone and you're good to go.

You mean you don't just make a shortcut to their /mydocs/desktop folder and put it on their desktop?

# ¿ May 26, 2011 16:32

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

KillHour posted:

No, it only makes you a hypocrite if you demand that I work on your computer without gloves. Everyone's computer is disgusting (yes, everyone's), and using gloves is just smart.

Wow; thats really overly sensitive. There is nothing on a computer that is going to hurt you. If you wash your hands before each meal you are essentially 100% safe unless you are 100 years old, have AIDS, or an otherwise compromised immune system.

Have you ever kissed someone? Guess how many germs you ingested.

Have you ever smelled a flower? Guess how much plant sperm is in your nose.

# ¿ Jun 28, 2011 04:21

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Lum posted:

All the stuff on your own keyboard, contact with your partner etc. etc. you're just spreading germs that are mostly harmless and that you're already colonised with anyway.

Bad news about your so called "sex" (if such a thing actually exists)
http://cid.oxfordjournals.org/content/44/3/410.full

# ¿ Jun 28, 2011 13:20

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

KillHour posted:

Do you wash your hands after you go to the bathroom? Because I can't always wash my hands after I finish working on a computer. http://www.informationweek.com/news/hardware/peripherals/207501332

What, and have to waste money seasoning my food? No thank you!

# ¿ Jun 29, 2011 01:22

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

este posted:

Did you advise them of that? That upgrade doesn't even sound worth doing.

He probably didn't know it would take so long when he started.

# ¿ Jun 30, 2011 03:16

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Farking Bastage posted:

Has anyone run into that little poo poo issue in Win7 where it's not properly refreshing network folders unless you explicitly F5 it? I.E. You can save a file and the modified timestamp won't update unless you manually refresh the folder.

I have a couple of machines doing it and I can't figure it out for the life of me. Pretty much tried every little reg hack I can find on social.technet

I just opened a txt file off a network drive, added a character and saved; the date modified timestamp automatically refreshed after a half second. Windows 7 pro SP1

This was opened by manually typing \\server.domain.tld\networkfiles\ into an explorer address bar. Its not mounted as a network drive or anything.

spog posted:

http://support.microsoft.com/kb/2570623

Thanks; just used this and got called a genius.

# ¿ Jul 6, 2011 14:01

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

We just hit ours with hammers. Nothing more depressing than hitting a 2tb hard-drive with a hammer when your home machine has an 80gig.

# ¿ Jul 7, 2011 23:34

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Ozz81 posted:

All depends on who you're dealing with - even more fun if it's an attractive single woman, you fix her problem, she insists on paying and it leads to a nerd's wet dream of "sexual favors for support"

...and then it leads to a nerd's reality of sardines and crackers while watching WWF alone.

# ¿ Jul 8, 2011 21:26

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

coyo7e posted:

Obviously she wants Harald Gormsson. Tell her he's buried in Denmark.

Such a good name for a drink. "Yeah, I'll take a Harald Gormsson".

1 part bourban
1 part rootbeer
1 drop blue food coloring

# ¿ Jul 13, 2011 20:22

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

evobatman posted:

Today a user handed in a defective laptop battery.

I gave her a new one without troubleshooting and told her in a nice way to GTFO. I put the battery in a laptop, noticed the 0% charge, let it charge, and ran some HD video to test it.

I expect to see her back in a couple of hours when the one I gave her becomes defective too.

We had a bunch of 6500s that wouldn't charge the battery but would run off the adapter. Maybe her laptop is just janked.

# ¿ Jul 14, 2011 15:21

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Someone figured out how to install Windows Security 2011 on one of these...

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# ¿ Jul 16, 2011 16:42

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

taremva posted:

Al right, I'm going to reset your password. Your new password is "password" in lower case letters. You will have to change it when you log in for the first time. Ok?
Sure! Thanks!
*click*

2 minutes...

IT here, what's the problem?
The password doesnt work?
What does it say?
It says expired!
Yes.. you have to change it when you log in.
Oh! I didnt know that! Why didnt you say so?

I've probably had 5 calls like this today. What the hell, they are usually good with this sort of thing.

Yup, your password is blank. Wait, it didn't work? Oh, no, I mean your password is null. No, I know that didn't work its not literally null its blank. No, I mean leave the field empty and hit enter. User not found? No, LISTEN TO ME....

# ¿ Jul 19, 2011 16:32

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Rohaq posted:

I'm still a fan of Request Tracker (RT), but if you want to customise it, you need to have a pretty good knowledge of Perl.

RT is great but the search functionality is the worst I've ever seen. They apparently assumed that nobody would ever want to search resolved tickets for any reason ever. You can use their "advanced search" to do it, but it has one of the most confusing and needlessly complex UIs imaginable.

# ¿ Jul 20, 2011 15:34

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

One things for sure though; if HR has two applicants with equal resumes except that one has a CCNA you can guess which one their going to pick.

# ¿ Jul 22, 2011 22:52

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Ticket Status: New
Subject: screen
Body:How can I open the screen so that the desktop background doesn't show at
the top?

# ¿ Jul 28, 2011 18:57

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Salt Fish posted:

Ticket Status: New
Subject: screen
Body:How can I open the screen so that the desktop background doesn't show at
the top?

update: this ended up being a windows7 machine. The user was seeing the desktop through a semi-transparent title bar. I explained that I would be unable to help her.

# ¿ Jul 29, 2011 17:10

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

No, you guys don't understand; she isn't bothered by the transparency itself; she wants to use that real-estate and have me disable all title bars forever.

# ¿ Jul 29, 2011 17:20

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

stubblyhead posted:

Sometimes people just need to be told no.

Yeah this; it would cause a headache everytime she got a new image/computer because it'd be added to the list of things shes expects. Its better to gently guide users towards using the default settings wherever possible.

# ¿ Jul 29, 2011 19:01

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

computer_literacy.png

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# ¿ Jul 29, 2011 21:47

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

I've been employed with no gaps for the past 10 years at 5 different jobs and I've never experienced this "paid time off".

# ¿ Aug 2, 2011 19:59

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Independence posted:

Where the hell have you worked? You get paid time off at fast food joints.

Michigan

# ¿ Aug 2, 2011 20:35

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

A ticket came in...user cannot connect to the "enternet".

# ¿ Aug 3, 2011 15:54

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

QPZIL posted:

I work helpdesk for city government, and every 6 months or so we have a "surplus sale" to sell all of our old crap to the public for next to nothing.

I told the coordinator that I had 8 desktop printers I'd like to put into the sale. She gave me a stack of tags, so I put them on the printers, and had quite a few left over, for things I didn't recognize - calculators? books? I don't have any of that crap. I returned the unused tags and told her that.

I left my office for a few hours and when I got back, lo and behold, there's a bunch of crap I've never seen before, along with the printers, sitting on my desk - and there's a message on my phone: "Hey QPZIL, the people at the Justice building said they can take the surplus stuff today if you want to take it down."

No. No, bitch, not only do I not WANT to take it, I don't have TIME to take it, nor is it my JOB. Can I e-mail it to them? Can I SSH into the Justice building and create a textfile list of what I have? Because that would pertain to my job. Not driving across town with a bunch of crap I've never seen, driving to a place I've never been.

But, me being the office bitch, if I complained to my boss, she would just tell me to play nice and do it.

Come onnnnn, Year of the Jeorb. At least I have 3 days of vacation next week. I'm not even looking forward to it because I'll have so much to do when I get back, since I'm the only helpdesk person for 100+ people spread out across 5+ buildings around town.

You should go to your boss and just say that you wanted to check in with (boss) so that they knew why you weren't doing (other thing you should be doing), and that you wanted to make sure that it was okay.

# ¿ Aug 4, 2011 21:58

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Thats when you grab his laptop and unplug the wi-fi antenna from the motherboard. "Hey look! All the wi-fi is gone!"

edit: I'm going to start telling my coworkers that I'm allergic to the portion of the electromagnetic spectrum that carries AM radio. Whenever I hear someone at their desk listening to Rush I get a huge headache.

# ¿ Aug 6, 2011 14:48

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

demonachizer posted:

I think in some cases the restart and it will work is not a fix but rather a work around. If your users are consistently having an issue and calling and each time you say restart the machine you are putting the inconvenience on them instead of solving the problem. As an example, restarting can fix a piece of software with a memory leak for example but so can an update or in the case of in house software a call to the devs.

You might be working too high of a help-desk level. I always get "Hey, my mac is running super slow; can you get me a new one?" and oops they have an uptime of 4 months and have 500+ open word docs.

# ¿ Aug 8, 2011 22:22

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Working on a ticket related to a printer; I am finishing up and I get asked "oh hey, while you're here can you get me a larger monitor? When I'm filling out forms in *terrible program* I can only see x amount of lines"

I explain that I cannot do that, and that her 19" monitor is very nice, and that having a 22" monitor wouldn't fix the problem because *terrible program* will still only display x lines at at time.

I get back to the office to find that user filed a help ticket asking for a new monitor and my boss already said okay.

So I go give her this monitor and on my way out the person one desk over goes "hey my computer is really slow. Can I get a new one?" She has an i5 with 4gig of ram and an aftermarket video card and only uses word 2010 and firefox.

Guess what happened after I told her no.

Now guess what happened when I asked for a raise last week.

:suicide:

# ¿ Aug 9, 2011 20:41

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

lazyman posted:

We do 4 years desktops, 3 years laptops. It's just a taxation issue, can't claim on old machines.

We've disposed of almost everything older than 755s. I know there are at least 2 or 3 280s still creaking along that have been setup for a specific purpose, if they were actually being used daily for any real work I'm sure they would have been long gone.

I'm impressed that you have sx280s that haven't shat themselves yet. There was some problem with their motherboards if I remember right that resulted in a no-post with fans and a blinking amber warning light.

# ¿ Aug 10, 2011 13:37

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Moey posted:

I got a laugh out of this ticket today, does it seem funny to anyone else or am I just going crazy?

The computer is telling them that there are no printers available...to print emails with. This is because printing email requires a special "email printer" that is prohibitively expensive. Have them hand-write any emails they wish to print onto normal lined paper, scan it, and then print that.

# ¿ Aug 11, 2011 21:35

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Antioch posted:

My least favorite PMO (Which is really saying something) sent in a Pri-1 ticket, which is normally reserved for things being on fire or entire sites being down.

"[Users] are suppose to be able to type 'saba' in the URL on internet explorer and the Saba Production environment should come up automatically (sabaweb.corp.prv) but it does not. It works on other people's computers such as x, y when they are at their desk

Can you please check into this and fix as we want users to not to have remember the long URL ."

Emphasis mine.
4 letter url instead of a 15 letter one.
When I suggested bookmarks, she told me she "doesn't want to have to train people on that"

*sigh*

Jesus; a bookmark is going to be either 1 or 2 clicks depending on how its set up, but she wants people to type 4 characters? I didn't know she was running a slave-labor camp.

# ¿ Aug 18, 2011 17:26

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

coyo7e posted:

I manage and delegate tickets, whip up accounts and new phone extensions, and occasionally email quick walkthroughs on how to do stuff because I'm pretty good at telling people steps in a clear manner via email, but I'ev had several times this week alone where people came into my office with the "hey, got a minute? I'm having some trouble do-" nope. I honestly don't have a minute, look at this 4 inch tall stack of purchase orders I've got in my lap, go ask the FNG, sorry.

Theres a balance to strike with office-visits I think. When you only do a few of them a day you can be cheerful and preempt unrelated problems; but when you are too busy to do an excellent job its just way better to handle poo poo as remotely as possible so your haste and frustration doesn't translate into something personal.

# ¿ Aug 19, 2011 22:16

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Jeoh posted:

IT Toolbox: Screwdriver. Network cable tester. Gloves. Glock.

Real postin' my backpack contents

SATA -> USB converter
screwdriver
network cable
DVI -> VGA converter
mouse (for lovely laptops)
macbook pro

# ¿ Aug 31, 2011 00:57

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Just do what our entire office does and just leave your garbage can outside all the time.

# ¿ Aug 31, 2011 05:12

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Potato Alley posted:

You've got it all wrong, if guns are forbidden then clearly no one will have them!

Quite simple really.

Until a gun can have windows XP installed on it:
http://forums.somethingawful.com/forumdisplay.php?forumid=132

# ¿ Sep 1, 2011 17:18

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Goon Matchmaker posted:

YOTJ... for my coworker. He got an offer Friday for a much nicer full time position with another company. He's basically the only person I'm friends with and actually like on my team. This leaves me as the sole linux administrator for close to 300 servers, sole administrator for VMWare, and sole administrator for a doomed domain.

How can I play this to my advantage? I really want more money and a different title. Somehow I've ended up responsible for all that crap and my title is still more or less helpdesk dude.

Ask for an assistant and then hire me.

# ¿ Sep 13, 2011 02:46

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Just go to his office and pretend you can't see it for a while to blow off steam.

# ¿ Sep 15, 2011 21:42

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# ¿ Apr 27, 2024 00:50

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Sniep posted:

"OK, I have re-set your password. Your new password is: H38s3S#9sSA)Q~@@f1dd7g"

I think you mean 0o0@O0OO0()oo()oo000Oɸ0O

# ¿ Sep 19, 2011 01:25

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