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If I get another irate email from a user because the fuckups in desktop support have forgotten that it's their job to reset user account passwords and individual application support teams cannot do this and have once again said "talk to app support" I swear to god I will fly out to wherever the gently caress they are based and punch them in the mouth. It's like reverse outsourcing, all they do is make more support work for everyone else by utterly failing to know the slightest thing about anything and just bouncing emails to other teams even when it was that team that sent them the problem (and the solution: reset the loving password) in the first place. Edit: Problem: my inbox size limit gets maxed out faster than the archiver could keep up. Support solution? "You have too many folders, case closed, user has been educated" 
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Jan 19, 2010 00:33
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Today I got an email with a fairly regular issue - the user has forgotten thier password and can't login to something even though it's the same password they have for every system in the company, and the one they use to logon and lock/unlock their PC (if they ever did which half of them don't). Nothing too out of ordinary there, except the mail came from his departmental support team who'd got the user to test their account, seen the "bad password for LDAP" message returned that indicates the user is a tool, emailed two different groups before hitting on the one for the actual application being used then asked us to "resolve the error because they could logon using [olddomain]\username in the past". [olddomain] hasn't been valid for nearly two years, what do we think "bad password for LDAP" means and who's job is it to reset it? The user's departmental support group 
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Dec 1, 2010 00:46
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God loving dammit our offshore support teams piss me off. I've been trying to get some trial software removed from about 20 user PCs for nearly 3 weeks now, this is software that we packaged ourselves internally and yet nobody in helpdesk or the team thayt packaged it in the first place can manage to get it removed. So far I've had three tickets marked as closed with no action despite specifically saying that they need to confirm removal and contact me personally when it's done, after chasing people down via direct emails what do I get? Another ticket raised that lists 1 out of 20 hostnames and says "user claims software is still installed". gently caress you, I sent you a screenshot of the application on my PC complete with the handy popup saying "this has been packaged internally, contact the helpdesk for assistance". At one point they also denied it was installed in the first place. I even sent a note saying that it can't be done through SMS due to the way the PC's are built but will they use even the most basic critical faculties to find out what the problem is and fix it? No. And to top it all off you can't reopen tickets so everything has to be recreated every time. Edit: Yesterday a colleague spent about an hour trying to explain to a user why they wouldn't get an email notification from a system for a task that they hadn't actually put in the system in the first place 
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Jan 8, 2011 15:33
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Kuros posted:Anyway, recently I had to install Autonomy legal hold software on a few computers which ended up causing problems due to slowdown, plus I have to install the software individually on the computers. There's an updated version, but it isn't perfect and now the problem is that I just got a list of 50 people that they want this software installed on, which includes the President & CEO among other C-levels. Nothing like being that guy who installed the software that slows down your computer to a crawl at times! Oh God, I've been installing some of their stuff, their approach to "working in the background" is not the same as any other piece of software I've seen - a massive loving pop up is not my idea of unobtrusive background processing. Also their styling is from about 1998, gently caress guys I don't expect Aero integration but you could have at least managed Luna.
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Feb 13, 2011 02:59
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stubblyhead posted:At my last job there were no fewer than four people named Vishal Gupta. Two of whom I believe were on the same team. 4? Pfft. Try working with a large user base in Asia, when you get the mail "Mr Suzuki can't access application X", even having the first name as well can result in 20 different hits in the directory.
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Mar 17, 2011 20:58
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Rohaq posted:There's someone with my name in the US who kept signing up to job sites with my Gmail address. Originally, I deleted the emails thinking it was just a typo or something, then after some more came in, starting contacting a bunch of his applications and told them to delete the application, since I didn't want them having my email address in file and they probably didn't want to hire someone who can't get their own email address anyway. Years ago I signed up to Monster and was surprised to see that my address was already in use, I assumed I'd just set up a profile when drunk so reclaimed it and found out that I was apparently a 40 year old welder living in Florida. Turns out there's a guy with the same name as me who can't remember that his hotmail address (yes I still use hotmail what of it  ) is firstname.lastname and not firstname_lastname like mine. I get job details, invites to barbecues, pictures of family members and holidays, email chains all kind of poo poo. Even some kind of short story which I corrected, wrote "c- must try harder" on and sent back.He does it with gmail as well I mean god dammit surely the fact that he's not getting mails from people he's given his address to would tip him off?
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Mar 20, 2011 15:24
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mobn posted:My french teacher tells me that in France everyone has a legally mandated 6 weeks of vacation time, which the whole country tends to take at once. In the UK our national identiy madates that we regard the French as slackers and ourlegal minimum is something like 4 plus national holidays. I get 5 weeks and not once have I ever managed to go away without someone making GBS threads a brick because they didn't know I was going to be out and X needs doing and oh god why does nobody know anything about anything except me.
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Mar 22, 2011 23:12
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Sharrow posted:Monday I kept getting this because I submitted a request with an "admin rights end date" of 2016 because there wasn't a "permanent" option on the form. Managed to get it sorted out in the end by submitting a request complete with a long explanation of exactly why it was needed, referencing local SQL admin account reclaims (this was actually true, for some reason it installed itself with a non-default password or something and refused to give me access to manage the instance unless I was a local admin), vague "critical reporting functions" and "urgent data analysis tasks". I think they just gave up and approved in the end to shut me up. First thing I did when I got them? Install Firefox 4.
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Apr 21, 2011 11:29
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Karanth posted:This is really good advice. IBM software is garbage. I got an email from the head of a department to "check out this software please" one week after we'd already signed a contract with a vendor (and after he'd shown no interest whatsoever in any of this up to this point), turned out that some salesman had been pimping it to him and rather than just being a "install this and it all works" it was "to use this you need IBM Content manager, content processor, content molester and five other IBM applications otherwise 90% of the features are unavailable but buy this because workflow". It took all my self control not to reply with "IBM therefore will never, ever, work and will probably drain the IT budget for the whole company."
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Apr 25, 2011 14:12
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masanbol posted:A ticket came in... My "P" key has stopped working properly on my work keyboard, yesterday I nearly responded to a question with "rear end." instead of "Pass".
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May 17, 2011 16:04
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coyo7e posted:1 = true/on Our LDAP account activity flag has three states; 1, 0 and no value set. Guess which one means inactive? Wrong! It's "not set" 
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Jul 6, 2011 20:17
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Gallatin posted:an e-mail came in: You should have reported him to HR for "complaining that Marco is disabled".
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Jul 12, 2011 22:03
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Today I got a message from one of our India team of "yeah so it's raining a lot here and loads of people couldn't make it in and I have no idea how to support this app, can you advise?". Got to hand it to them, the city gets bombed and it's the loving rain that causes problems.
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Jul 14, 2011 23:47
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I came back from two weeks off (25 days holiday a year, eat it drones!) to find a pile of mails from users going batshit about an application nthat suddenly stopped working/became incredibly slow/could no longer contact Exchange etc. What happened? The Exchange guys decommissioned the server it was contacting while it was in use without telling anyone, everything got repointed to a different server and then they shut that onedown and moved it to a different location without telling anyone either. Before I left we spent hours with them nailing down the plan for moving between these two servers in about 3 weeks time
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Aug 2, 2011 20:49
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captkirk posted:If you run Exchange 2010, I think they got rid of dedup to improve performance as disk space is cheap. Ha! No wonder our exchange guys are being so helpful with our massively undermanned (it's pretty much me) project to put our legal departments mail on a separate system to stop it taking up so much space. One of the guys has 80k mails in his inbox alone, Christ only knows how badly his blackberry is nailing our servers trying to sync.
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Aug 17, 2011 22:17
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HalloKitty posted:How does this make any sense? As I understand it, Exchange stores (or not apparently) only a single copy of a given attachment so if you mailshot 1000 people with a 29Mb file because you're a dumbass it only takes up 29Mb of Exchange storage space which is probably relatively expensive as these things go (if we want replicatesd storage at work it costs us something like £8 per Gb so if not deduped that's like £230 of storage). Have they really removed that? Even from a disk I/O perspective surely it's pretty dumb to have a copy for each user as you'd never be able to supply enough memory to cache all the stupid crap people send around. Though you can enable local caching which would help I suppose.
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Aug 17, 2011 22:28
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yaoi prophet posted:So I guess it's not a 'paracetamol + alcohol = instantly dead liver' so much as 'you're more likely to gently caress over your liver'. I once took some paracetemol and codeine tablets when drunk in an attempt to stop myself from having a hangover (I couldn't actually read the instructions on the packet due to tunnel vision which is why this seemed like a good idea) and proceeded to have the worst hangover of my life the next day so I'd definitely advise against combining the two. Ibuprofen isn't metabolised by the liver though so go hog wild. Unless you have stomach ulcers that is. Edit: Of course, it could just have been the half bottle of Cachaca so to be scientific I should try doing it again with a placebo.
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Sep 1, 2011 10:58
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Lum posted:I realise this is from a few pages back, but by GF just got a bottle of apple juice with a rather impressive warning label: My girlfriend has had patients drink the home enema kits they are sometimes given as part of their medical treatment. If that isn't some kind of modern Darwinism in action I don't know what is. Edit: If it were possible to kill yourself with a computer without physically having one fall on you, 50% of the world would be dead by now.
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Sep 5, 2011 21:40
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Bob Morales posted:We just got a support ticket from a client saying that we need to change all our applications that allow a user to choose gender to something that doesn't use binary gender selections. Per company policy. Ugh. Good luck maintaining compatibility with other client LDAP instances after you change that! Edit: I think I posted this before but our LDAP team one day decided that a binary 1 or 0 for active account wasn't good enough and decided to make both 1 and 0 = active, with NULL being inactive. Did they tell anyone about this? Did they gently caress.
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Sep 7, 2011 19:48
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Volmarias posted:Jesus just host the audio files for a week in OGG format, and tell him he has a week to pick them up. Also tell him that this is why no one without a CS degree actually uses linux. I'm sorry but I won't stand for loss of quality in my recorded lectures, FLAC or .wav may be acceptable if encoded using non-proprietary software. 
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Sep 7, 2011 20:01
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Volmarias posted:Tell him that he has a week to come in and pick the lecturer himself up. Does the lecturer earn a salary? Because if so....
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Sep 7, 2011 20:04
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Sniep posted:"OK, I have re-set your password. Your new password is: H38s3S#9sSA)Q~@@f1dd7g" They'll just change it to "password1".
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Sep 18, 2011 23:18
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Xir posted:So we're a little over a week from a going live with Epic. This of course is the analysts cue to go apeshit about tasks they haven't finished yet. They're all panicking. I haven't been because my AIX LPARs have been functional, tested, retested, adjusted, retested, retested and retested repeatedly since May or so. Here in the past few weeks we've just finished up automating some of the environment refreshes, we've validated our flash copy and TSM backups for the second or third time (I forget) and we've run a simple security audit against the DB server. Sounds like a job for a scheduled powershell script to me. Edit: This is my answer to pretty much everything involving files though.
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Oct 30, 2011 16:37
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A ticket went out....Powerful Two-Hander posted:Hi infrastructure guys, all the sites on the iis farm are returning error code 500 and users are going nuts, what the hell's going on? A response came in: |
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Nov 7, 2011 20:47
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Salt Fish posted:Subject: ACCESS help I once got a phone call from a contractor asking me how to draw boxes in Visio and change the size of a page. His rate is probably higher than my salary and I had to baby him through the loving thing. I know it's not the most user friendly application but god just take an exising diagram and C&P from that.
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Nov 21, 2011 17:29
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Antioch posted:You dudes need to start drinking rum. Nothing beats a nice rum after a lovely day. Clamato sounds like a euphemism for....well, a monthly event. Use your imagination.
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Dec 13, 2011 22:15
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Dick Trauma posted:Spent an evening in the Matrix: corporate Christmas party! I didn't twig the whole weight loss thing here and assumed it was a super-harsh contest along the lines of: 
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Dec 18, 2011 14:03
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luminalflux posted:If their trading apps take sooo long to set up that logging out is a bitch, why not use a SunRay-like solution: thin clients where the session runs on a server and the display follows the smart card? I imagine there's kit out there for Citrix or vmware or whatever that does what SunRay did so well. We used to do this for some applicaitons and it worked fine, anything that was "low latency" sucked though because then they'd complain that the £5k workstation they'd got wasn't fast enough and also " We do at least have have auto lock though, however as all our apps auto sign on if the Windows session is authenticated if you do actually get in/sidle up when someone isn't looking, you've got everything!
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Dec 28, 2011 01:25
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luminalflux posted:
Oh yeah absolutely, but even for stuff that works on timelines of days/months people would throw a fit if they thought applications were being slow. The "thin client" type stuff (actually a Java GUI in a remote terminal instance with a backend in C, all written circa 1998 and with CORBA (!) as part of its messaging backbone) worked out ok because the main traders just got their desk assistants to do everything so nobody cared that it was as slow as poo poo. Edit: And pretty solid considering the age of it I should add.
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Dec 28, 2011 19:32
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Corvettefisher posted:
C'mon, he's a disembodied hand, he's always going to be slower than the other employees you ableist. 
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Dec 29, 2011 20:59
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OH BOY I LOVE HOW DESCRIPTIVE THINGS ARE
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Billy the Mountain posted:Regarding unique passwords at the hedge fund; everyone's password is their user name backwards, everyone knows this, and they refuse to let us implement a password change or expiration policy. Also the CEO demands each month to have an updated list of every single users password. Jesus Christ. What's the fund name so I can go and tell our guys to pull any trades with them?
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Dec 29, 2011 21:01
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RadicalR posted:Just say "Stealing wifi is bad. You can go to jail for that. Do you like jail?" In fairness jail would save her money.
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Feb 1, 2012 00:08
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Moey posted:
I'm in the progress of indexing 400Gb of Legal data via a crawler and it is finding all kinds of poo poo people have stashed away. Lotus files, word perfect, random executables that may or may not actually be games or possibly viruses in stasis from 1995. And this is only for about 10% of the total volume!
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Feb 28, 2012 23:17
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HalloKitty posted:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Working_Time_Directive When I joined my job we were told "opt out of this or you'll have to do timesheets" so I did and then found out we had to fill out timesheets anyway. Not that I actually ever worked more than 40 hours except maybe 4 times in the last 5 years so it's not like it made much difference. Some areas of the firm have (and I am not making this up) had camp beds deployed so that they can get people to stay in to resolve critical issues such as when our finance ledger decided to poo poo all over its DB cluster and corrupted a production SAN. So that whole 11 hours thing may not actually get followed in practice.
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Mar 3, 2012 14:04
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HalloKitty posted:But it's still law, and you can simply refuse to do it, and you will win in court, if you pursue it that far. Oh yeah I know that. Mind you, risk of turning up at work to drive a bus/pilot a plane whilst tired? Everybody dies. Risk of turning up to work in IT whilst tired, hungover and/or burning with supressed rage at the idiots around you?
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Mar 3, 2012 14:42
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Volmarias posted:Quit whining and scrub my Heh, I'm a analyst so I tell the CJ's what to do  But I have to use Remedy to do so so I still want to kill myself sometimes 
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Mar 3, 2012 14:56
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Jorath posted:Out current packaging queue is over 2 months. and no exceptions (well, I got one once, 2 months instead of 6). God I loving hate our packaging team. Every time I submit something they sit on it and do nothing for weeks until chased repeatedly, then assign to some idiot in India (hooray for offshoring) who will proceed to do one of the following: 1) nothing 2) say they're doing something then do nothing 3) usually after 1 and 2, do something but do it wrong. Last time they managed to take 3 weeks to get a package to QA when it worked, then sit on it for 2 weeks, send it to me for testing and in between break the whole loving thing, including changing the server connection settings pre loaded to be incorrect by using a host that didn't even exist. When finally fixed, the deployed version doesn't install properly and has to be manually tweaked to make it work. I loving swear I could do a better job than they do with about 10 minutes of training.
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Mar 17, 2012 16:21
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blackswordca posted:Was rebuilding an outlook profile for one of our clients today, I did the normal " Did you have any other issues or questions while im getting this setup" just to make sure there was no dead air.. and they asked me to explain steampunk to them. "Imagine five outlook profiles on the edge of a cliff, one is archived to a pst....now imagine that but all covered in brass tubing. Steampunk works the same way."
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Apr 18, 2012 23:44
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Guy Axlerod posted:There is a person who works for my company's China division named Jupiter Dong. If rear end in a top hat westerner calls in and hears: "Hello my name is Jupiter", they probably wouldn't believe it. Queeny Poon is the best one I think I've encountered.
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Apr 20, 2012 00:09
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 The production webfarm is down, all java applications are offline, we need to raise a ticket to the incident guys! Turns out we can't because the ticket system runs on the webfarm 
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Aug 23, 2012 23:00
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