camantor: owns - The Something Awful Forums

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Helldump Success Stories > camantor: owns

MatrixSchmatrix: Jul 1, 2006

dude's got like 50 posts and they're all in the frontpage forum

Camanator posted:

Maybe that was what turned me off from your articles from the start. When you are confronted by a paragraph that fills your entire screen, your index finger frantically stroking the scroll wheel, seeking relief from the endless wall of words, and finding none. Or maybe it was the fact that you were brought onto the Front Page Comedy Team at a time when Lowtax was writing fewer updates, causing your articles to continually be read contrasted with Lowtax's superior style.

Or maybe it was because you weren't very funny.

However, I am sure your writing has improved, as everyone's usually does. Do you have any current stuff you've written? I would be interested in reading it. Hope you don't mind me mocking your work on the internet. I'm sure in person you are on OK guy.

Camanator posted:

Greasin, I am so sorry that we can never be together. If I knew the pain my words would cause, I never would have typed them with my foolish, foolish fingers. Oh how I hate those fingers.

Also, I wrote you this song:

An angel's smile is what you sell
You promise me heaven and put me through hell.
Chains of love got a hold on me
When passion's a prison you can't break free.

Shot through the heart,
And you're to blame
You give love a bad name
I play my part, and you play your game
You give love a bad name.
You give love a bad name.

camanator posted:

hoodrow trillson posted:

maxnmona is, even beyond the world of internet humor writing, legitimately a really good writer, and he's gonna do bigger and better things. you guys are gonna see oprah pitching his book in a couple years. so cry not for maxnmona!

the guy who's replacing him is also a goddamn genius, so you've got that to look forward to.

And then we have you, the Andy Kaufman of the internet. I wish you would write a funny article for once! I mean, you wrote that gross one about your deformed genitals. I wish you would keep your private area out of my Internet Explorer. And out of my head!

camantor posted:

I awoke this morning, panting with excitement as I approached my computer screen. I desire, I need, I require the attention I draw from this forum, it is my life, my very purpose for existence. Everything else in my life is in shambles, pain, misery. Only here am I complete. And now, your words of pain have taken that from me.

Nothing is left to me. All is pain, all is gone. Vanished, vanquished, annihilated.

(Sorry, I couldn't think of another "V" word that had to do with stuff going away. Don't criticize me.)

Camanator posted:

It appears you have uncovered my devious scheme from the beginning, so I might as well just come out of the closet on this issue. LOWTAX: You need to get rid of the ZEROS you have writing for you, and hire me, a true comedy HERO. (Once I karate kicked a robot Nazi, right in the robot groin)

(Challenge: can you find the funny in this post?[HINT: it has everything to do with using bold word and putting hilarious, random comments in parenthesis!])

# ? Feb 25, 2009 19:43

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 22, 2013 09:28

madprocess: Sep 23, 2004; by Ozmaugh

is camantor a spokkerjones alt?

# ? Feb 25, 2009 19:46

NineInchRails: Dec 10, 2008; by The Finn

my index finger frantically stroking the scroll wheel, seeking relief from the endless wall of words, and finding none

# ? Feb 25, 2009 19:48

Fracturus Cactusmas: Sep 5, 2006

Wow you found a pathetic person who coincidentally reads the front page every day, what're the odds?

Just joking, he's pretty pathetic, thanks for bringing attention, my hand is convulsing with the anticipation of his next post, I cannot breath until he decides to, my locus of control is firmly in his hands.

# ? Feb 25, 2009 19:49

Petey: Nov 25, 2005; I returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but the Patriots secondary happeneth to them all.

- Ecclesiastes 9:11

madprocess posted:

is camantor a spokkerjones alt?

that's my guess

based on nothing but a certain all too familiar unfunniness

# ? Feb 25, 2009 19:51

Fiveace Attorney: Dec 12, 2006; I ain't his friend! If you were to ask me if I was his friend, I would say "NO" to you!

NineInchRails posted:

my index finger frantically stroking the scroll wheel, seeking relief from the endless wall of words, and finding none

tier zero

# ? Feb 25, 2009 19:51

Fracturus Cactusmas: Sep 5, 2006

I didn't know Spokker was obsessed with Joan Jett, doesn't he know shes a lezzy?

# ? Feb 25, 2009 19:52

MatrixSchmatrix: Jul 1, 2006

Petey posted:

that's my guess

based on nothing but a certain all too familiar unfunniness

honestly who else on earth posts on this site and thinks danny manic isn't funny

# ? Feb 25, 2009 19:53

The Arsteia: Nov 17, 2008

if hes not spokkenjones and is some rando dude then this guy owns

# ? Feb 25, 2009 22:24

MatrixSchmatrix: Jul 1, 2006

The Arsteia posted:

if hes not spokkenjones and is some rando dude then this guy owns

what if he is spokkerjones

# ? Feb 25, 2009 22:24

The Arsteia: Nov 17, 2008

MatrixSchmatrix posted:

what if he is spokkerjones

then hes Gay. sorry all

# ? Feb 25, 2009 22:25

andrew smash: Jun 26, 2006; smooth soul

theres a front page.... forum?!?!

# ? Feb 25, 2009 22:47

NineInchRails: Dec 10, 2008; by The Finn

do people actually still read somethingawful

# ? Feb 25, 2009 23:33

Epitome: Apr 14, 2003; IF ONLY THE TIGER HAD KILLED MY WORTHLESS ASS INSTEAD

I read a paragraph yesterday and then had to down half a bottle of rum

# ? Feb 25, 2009 23:43

Requested_Username: Nov 27, 2007; Fuck you, got Midas

so he is trying to get hired to write for the front page by saying how much everyone who writes on it sucks, except for lowtax, who is jesus

# ? Feb 25, 2009 23:51

Petey: Nov 25, 2005; I returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but the Patriots secondary happeneth to them all.

- Ecclesiastes 9:11

i'm not sure tbqh

# ? Feb 26, 2009 01:40

sexual Norm: Aug 23, 2007; It's like shaking hands with a professional armwrestler.

MatrixSchmatrix posted:

honestly who else on earth posts on this site and thinks danny manic isn't funny

a guy who hates andy kaufman

# ? Feb 26, 2009 01:48

nationalism: Feb 25, 2006; "not gay"

i think he is a good guy. umm if i coudl take a second to explain his humor to you guys, i guess the best term would be a term us "goons" invented: fakeposter. he was the fakeposter. of. real. life.

# ? Feb 26, 2009 01:55

a appropriate emote: Dec 24, 2008

NineInchRails posted:

do people actually still read somethingawful

p quality

# ? Feb 26, 2009 02:13

Petey: Nov 25, 2005; I returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but the Patriots secondary happeneth to them all.

- Ecclesiastes 9:11

NineInchRails posted:

do people actually still read somethingawful

if you haven't been reading roamin' dad you've been wrong

# ? Feb 26, 2009 03:16

Arnold Layne: Nov 4, 2008

roamin dad is utter poo poo barkwire is where its at

# ? Feb 26, 2009 03:21

YO MAMA HEAD: Sep 11, 2007

i only read Garbage Day by Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller & the ROM Pit.

# ? Feb 26, 2009 03:23

Petey: Nov 25, 2005; I returned and saw under the sun, that the race is not to the swift, nor the battle to the strong, neither yet bread to the wise, nor yet riches to men of understanding, nor yet favour to men of skill; but the Patriots secondary happeneth to them all.

- Ecclesiastes 9:11

Arnold Layne posted:

roamin dad is utter poo poo barkwire is where its at

*draws sword*

have at u

# ? Feb 26, 2009 03:26

Male. Bi. Unix.: Mar 2, 2007

fat mexican disneyland trains bitches

# ? Feb 26, 2009 03:28

NineInchRails: Dec 10, 2008; by The Finn

those guides were loving hilarious back in the earlier days. now that i think about it pretty much all lowtax-authored content was spot on.

# ? Feb 26, 2009 03:47

Tre Past Cool!: Jun 28, 2008

http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...0#post357177409

PROBATION 02/25/09 11:48pm Camanator

Fagging up the forums. User loses posting privileges for 1 month.

DocEvil DocEvil

# ? Feb 26, 2009 06:00

GriszledMelkaba: Sep 4, 2003

What happened to garbage day

# ? Feb 26, 2009 08:10

nationalism: Feb 25, 2006; "not gay"

finn runs everything south of ask tell

# ? Feb 26, 2009 08:11

GriszledMelkaba: Sep 4, 2003

He should appoint someone to run garbage day

# ? Feb 26, 2009 08:15

nationalism: Feb 25, 2006; "not gay"

yes.. .a garbage "man" if you will

# ? Feb 26, 2009 08:15

GriszledMelkaba: Sep 4, 2003

garbage person plz

# ? Feb 26, 2009 08:17

nationalism: Feb 25, 2006; "not gay"

hah i woul like to see a woman run garbage day. she will be tallying votes and then forget she left the meatloaf in the oven! and the gossip! talk talk talk

# ? Feb 26, 2009 08:18

GriszledMelkaba: Sep 4, 2003

FsstGrrl for helldump mod

# ? Feb 26, 2009 08:21

Jubilee: Dec 25, 2008; Heaven.

Way Past Cool! posted:

http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...0#post357177409

PROBATION 02/25/09 11:48pm Camanator

Fagging up the forums. User loses posting privileges for 1 month.

DocEvil DocEvil

jesus, there it is: the worst thread.

# ? Feb 26, 2009 12:25

Perfect Gentleman: Mar 15, 2007

he was pretty funny in that gandalf raping day video. he was samwise

# ? Feb 26, 2009 13:12

Getafix: Jan 19, 2007; by T. Couchfucker

care -> . .<-me

# ? Feb 26, 2009 22:48

Mr. Camanator: Feb 19, 2007; by mons all madden

Howdy guys, just an update on my status: I am back in the forums, and I'm more awesome than ever!

I'm glad you enjoyed the laughs I brought to the table. Although 100% of what I write here on my typer is 100% serious, I am somewhat pleased that you were able to derive some humor from it.

Also, who is this "spokkerjones" you speak of? I "guarantee" you that I know of no such person, and how could I be that person since I don't know who he is? That would be quite the conundrum!

# ? Mar 3, 2009 16:25

The Mikado: Sep 10, 2007

Be funny Spokker

# ? Mar 3, 2009 16:26

Goatstein: Dec 4, 2006

you suck spokkerjones

# ? Mar 3, 2009 16:29

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 22, 2013 09:28

MatrixSchmatrix: Jul 1, 2006

meta-inter double irony or just gay? hrm. deep questions.

# ? Mar 3, 2009 16:34

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