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 This movie is really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really bad. One of the worst films I have ever seen, and I've seen some awful films in my lifetime. I generally try to compile a list of reasons during the film, things I can write about, and I am not kidding when I say that I lost count 15 minutes into this horrible piece of poo poo. Alien vs. Hunter was most likely the brainchild of a seventh grader at a local junior high school. The kid was reading some comic books, and he decided that he wanted to write a cool story for a school assignment: Billy posted:Billy And after Billy finishes this, he shows it to his father. His father is a broken down director who is desperately trying to feed his cocaine and hooker habit. He sees dollar signs after reading Billy's assignment, and pats him on the head. "Good job, son," he says, dreaming of the drug-fueled sex binge he's going to go on after he directs this straight to video shitter. The dad asks him what the hunter is supposed to look like. Billy draws him a picture of a scuba diver in a samurai outfit.  "Thanks, son!" the father says. The father then directs the film straight from the handwritten essay, without developing it into a feature length screenplay. There are three locations in this film: Rooms in someone's house, the forest, and the sewers. The same identical sets and shots are repeatedly used. The hunter, the samurai scuba diver, is the worst shot I have ever seen. He frequently misses everyone with his laser rifle (which actually goes "pew-pew"), not to mention he appears in about five total minutes of the film. When he does, repeated stock footage of the alien is shown through his "hunter vision," he runs off, and we're taken back to the main cast of humans. And oh god, the humans. The progenitors of the most hackneyed, contradictory, and suicide-inducing prose ever spoken in modern cinema. I rarely literally cringe during a film, but this film had me clutching my stomach and desperately reaching for something to stab myself in the throat. It became more than a film-watching experience. It was like getting a cramp during the middle of a marathon. Every muscle in my body was telling me to quit, but I just had to see if I could make it through. And I did. I made it through to the anti-climatic, twist-attempting, incredibly demented ending. Had I a handgun at the ready, I would not be alive to write this review today. This film would probably make a wonderful "Awful Movie" to be reviewed for this site. 0 / 5
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Mar 5, 2009 04:48
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| # ? Apr 23, 2024 19:54 |
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