The Wrestling Web: In Memory of the Undertaker 1965-2012

«‹›84 »

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium* > Punchsport Pagoda > The Wrestling Web: In Memory of the Undertaker 1965-2012

Atticus Finch: Nov 30, 2008

I've never heard of anyone show off how good their town is by showcasing their Wal-Mart before.

# ? Apr 24, 2009 21:00

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 18, 2013 16:18

JK!: May 10, 2007; I enjoy a nice White Russian.

ReinEngel posted:

Just wait until they turn Cena. If done properly, it will be on the level of Hogan’s turn in 1996. They just have to wait a couple more years for his fan base to grow some pubes, develop some teenage angst and start hating the world.

Everyone knows that there are two wigger age groups… the pre-teens who don’t understand what the gently caress they are doing or why they are doing it, and the teenagers, who think smoking a doobie behind the high school while wearing their pants down around their knees and listening to 50 Cent is off the charts cool.

Wigger 1: “Sheet, yo moms gonna give us a ride, dawg?”
Wigger 2: “Yo gently caress DAT, I ain’t gonna go nowheres tonight!”
Wigger 1: “Why? MTV awards on or somethin’?”
Wigger 2: “Yo, JOHN CENA is on Smackdown tonight! That mothafucka done turned on all those dumb rear end little kids!”
Wigger 1: “Yo sheet dawg, I remember him! He was fuckin’ dope! I gots to watch him punk them little kids out dawg.”
Wigger 2: “Sheet yeah, little kids who like gay rear end faces are faggots, yo.”
Wigger 1: “Fo’ real.”

Oh, there is just so much wrong with this. So, so much.

# ? Apr 25, 2009 16:45

icechris: Aug 26, 2008; Nothing is hotter than a chick who could kill you with her bare hands

I just got linked this from the guy I went to the show with and this recap is hilariously bad. The guy is trying to get himself over so bad and just comes off as a stinkyhole.

Pretty much everything he's written thats smarkish didn't happen. It wasn't just kids in Cena tshirts, plenty of adults were, Haas was over, Goldust was over etc. I'm actually surprise he didn't just post a photo of a pile of poo poo for the Cena match as thats what smarks like him usually think of Cena, surprised he's willing to risk ruining his smark-cred with that.

http://www.f4wonline.com/content/view/9092/

# ? Apr 25, 2009 17:04

MassRanTer: May 26, 2001; Fundamentals as sound as the WNBA

Superstars got a .88, for a drop of .02. So of course I knew I had to check 411 for reactions.

quote:

Superstars sucks. it really, really sucks

Posted By: JARROD (Guest) on April 24, 2009 at 07:26 PM

quote:

This is what Smackdown's ratings SHOULD look like. That show has been unwatchable since Guerrero kicked the bucket.

Posted By: Taker (Guest) on April 24, 2009 at 07:28 PM

quote:

What a big waste of a show!! Why not just have SNME play on WGN.

TNA>ECW>Superstars>Cena

Ha TNA>Cena! LOL

Posted By: guest1228 (Guest) on April 24, 2009 at 07:33 PM

quote:

Probably their worst show since Jakked. You kids wouldn't know anything about that.

Posted By: the douche (Guest) on April 24, 2009 at 07:35 PM

Luckily Joe Biden's brother is here to tell us the real story!

quote:

Ha! I thought WWE could do better than that. Word is their revenues are looking like poo poo. More cuts on the way!

Posted By: bo biden (Guest) on April 24, 2009 at 08:09 PM

# ? Apr 25, 2009 19:50

Atticus Finch: Nov 30, 2008

Why would you want to be so smug about the knowledge of Jakked's existance?

# ? Apr 25, 2009 20:58

Free Market Gravy: Sep 17, 2005

Yellowjacket Hawky posted:

Why would you want to be so smug about the knowledge of Jakked's existance?

It's the GBS "heh, you eat at applebee's? plebe

" mindset.

# ? Apr 25, 2009 21:04

The Berzerker: Feb 24, 2006; treat me like a dog

Ever hear of a little show called Shotgun Saturday Night? Yeah, didn't think so

# ? Apr 25, 2009 21:12

Karmine: Oct 23, 2003; If you tremble with indignation at every injustice, then you are a comrade of mine.

Free Market Gravy posted:

It's the GBS "heh, you eat at applebee's? plebe " mindset.

Hahahaha I don't even understand this but it's really funny because gently caress GBS.

# ? Apr 25, 2009 21:12

Skinty McEdger: Mar 9, 2008; The Flaming Scotsman.

Are people really comparing the ratings of a show on a network without coverage across all of the US, and a show that is aired nationally? If thats the plan why not just compare the ratings of Impact to the show that the WWE puts on the MSG network?

# ? Apr 25, 2009 21:14

Free Market Gravy: Sep 17, 2005

Karmine posted:

Hahahaha I don't even understand this but it's really funny because gently caress GBS.

Not to derail, but in GBS' eyes, if you've ever eaten at a chain restaurant, you are subhuman garbage.

# ? Apr 25, 2009 21:14

MassRanTer: May 26, 2001; Fundamentals as sound as the WNBA

Free Market Gravy posted:

Not to derail, but in GBS' eyes, if you've ever eaten at a chain restaurant, you are subhuman garbage.

Darn, I assumed the attitude was "Applebees? How pathetic, I eat at classy establishments like Ruby Tuesday."

# ? Apr 25, 2009 21:25

Karmine: Oct 23, 2003; If you tremble with indignation at every injustice, then you are a comrade of mine.

MassRayPer posted:

Darn, I assumed the attitude was "Applebees? How pathetic, I eat at classy establishments like Ruby Tuesday."

That's what I thought too but whatever GBS sucks.

I hate that I can't get superstars because it actually looks reasonably good. And God help WWE if they end up having to move Smackdown to WGN.

# ? Apr 25, 2009 21:29

KungFu Grip: Jun 18, 2008

MassRayPer posted:

Darn, I assumed the attitude was "Applebees? How pathetic, I eat at classy establishments like Golden Coral."

Where else can GBS goons get food wrapped in bacon?

# ? Apr 25, 2009 21:38

FishBulb: Mar 29, 2003; Awesome power!

Regardless of GBS hurr or whatever, Applebee's loving sucks.

# ? Apr 25, 2009 21:53

initfo: Mar 14, 2006

FishBulb posted:

Regardless of GBS hurr or whatever, Applebee's loving sucks.

Let's not say things we can't take back.

# ? Apr 25, 2009 21:53

Chop Licker: Apr 25, 2005; by mons al-madeen

lol gbs

# ? Apr 25, 2009 21:56

Karmine: Oct 23, 2003; If you tremble with indignation at every injustice, then you are a comrade of mine.

initfo posted:

Let's not say things we can't take back.

It's OK to say things you can't take back when they're completely true.

# ? Apr 25, 2009 21:56

HulkaMatt: Feb 14, 2006; MATSUYAAAAAAY

No.

We are not talking about Applebees.

# ? Apr 25, 2009 22:50

Zoltarb: Oct 27, 2007

HulkaMatt posted:

No.

We are not talking about Applebees.

But they don't even serve H-

# ? Apr 26, 2009 02:30

nyratk1: Jul 24, 2006; by Tiny Fistpump

Skinty McEdger posted:

Are people really comparing the ratings of a show on a network without coverage across all of the US, and a show that is aired nationally? If thats the plan why not just compare the ratings of Impact to the show that the WWE puts on the MSG network?

That reminded me: MSG Classics comes back on Wednesday.

# ? Apr 26, 2009 02:50

Mr. Cool Ice: Mar 4, 2007; I Terrorism

http://www.f4wonline.com/component/...,results/id,642

Thanks for this thought-provoking poll, Bryan Alvarez~~!!!

# ? Apr 26, 2009 06:16

HwoodNG: May 4, 2004; Highly Respected SAS Wrestling Poster

A PPV last night. Meltzer feedback. You know the drill.

quote:

Cena/Edge was the match of the night by far. Loads of cool spots, a hot
crowd who seemed to care, and a fantastic final 5/10 minutes. The FU
into the front row was all shades of awesome, as was the chase in the
crowd (take note, Team 3D) and the chokeslam into the spotlight.
Tremendous main event. Dare I give it 5 actual stars? Nah. ****3/4 will
do. Wouldn't want to give out all five stars when I can use them to
overrate some CM Punk indy meh-fest instead.

# ? Apr 27, 2009 13:27

initfo: Mar 14, 2006

HwoodNG posted:

A PPV last night. Meltzer feedback. You know the drill.

Now, that's the problem with him not giving HBK/UT 5 stars. He said Cena/Edge was as good as that one, and frankly it wasn't (but it was great).

# ? Apr 27, 2009 13:34

HulkaMatt: Feb 14, 2006; MATSUYAAAAAAY

That's not Big Dave.

# ? Apr 27, 2009 13:54

Hank Morgan: Jun 17, 2007; Light Along the Inverse Curve.

From a dailymotion video comment

batistabomb6 posted:

Maaan, Edge barely looks human. Just look at that guys cannines. Imagine if guys like Malcolm X or Elijah Mohammed were alive what they would have said. Edge is obvious proof of all their theories.

Could someone explain to me what Edge has to do with the Nation of Islam.

p.s. I'm expecting a Nation of Domination joke.

# ? Apr 29, 2009 09:17

Judakel: Jul 29, 2004; What's wrong? You look upset.

White man is the devil. Edge looks like a demon when he grins wildly.

# ? Apr 29, 2009 11:11

apsouthern: May 24, 2007; Chain Gang Soldier

Copy and Pasted, so spelling, grammar etc are as posted (bold emphasis is mine)

http://www.gerweck.net/news/1240807284.shtml

quote:

Keith Robinson her. Wow, I haven't given a feedback in a while, well I'm back nonetheless.

ECW Championship Match
A somewhat obvious match. Hearing about Vince not being high on Jack after his lullaby match with Finlay at NWO, this was a no brainer. Also, Vince was mad at Christian for a while, but it is better that e has the ECW Title over a young guy who desperately needs more ring training. Thank god for Christian wining.

Chris Jericho vs. Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat
Wow. The Dragon still has it. Even though I did not order the Par-Per-View, Steamboat seems to have no typr of ring rust. A true veteran of the ring he is. Jericho beating him doesn't shock me. It seems to me that they have run out of ideas for the heel Jericho. I wonder what (or who) lies on SD! as his next feud. Let's hope that it is better than this new "Legend Killer" type gimmick.

CM Punk vs. Kane
Let me first start off by saying Happy 42nd Birthday to Kane. That is not the reason he won, but this is just the beginning of a long feud which might continue after Punk wins the WHC or WWE Title again. Kane is a good wrestler in the sense of his ring work. A big athletic guy who can hit low dropkicks. He does the unexpected ometimes. Glad he came away with all the victories. I hope this feud is very good.

Jeff Hardy vs Matt Hardy- I Quit Match
Wow, this has to be WORSE than the 1st feud. I have Matt as a friend on MySpace. Now, for publicity, I think WWE should have told Matt and Jeff that they should not use their personal lifes on MySpace for a while, at least that the feud could look real. even though we already know Wrestling is more of an art of acting now than it use to be. Glad to see Jeff to pick up the win. Please let this be their last match. Jeff needs to move on to a IC title feud and then he might be gone for good.

Khali Kiss Cam w/ "Santina" Marella
...The worst....time filler session since....well ever actually. I would have rather seen a time filling Women's match. Yes with actual women. NOT SANTINO! He is very funny. But this has gotten out of hand. Vince needs to give Santino a new angle other than Glamarella. That deal is so done. Move on for Christ's sake. If he does not get a new angle. I might begin to watch SD! again.

WWE Championship 6-Man Tag Match
I dislike this very much. They make Orton the top heel. Yet....he has lackeys? NO! This is exactly what is killing the WWE. If you want a guy to be yoour top heel. Please let him be bad own his own. I understand every top heel gets his own group. But this is madness. If it was one-on-one with No DQ. It would have been so much better. I seriously consider this the 2nd worst part of the PPV.

World Heavyweight Championship Last Man Standing Match
I like the finish. Ths now sets up the actual feud between Big Show and John Cena. We saw this before and it ended with Cena taking the US Title at WM XX. But Edge taking the title back is kinda good. Sadly, they keep making Edge and Cena transition champions, such as The Rock and Mick Foley were 10 years ago. Way to repeat history. I aso like how Edge and Christian had that little talk after Christian won.

Best Match
Cena vs. Edge

Worst Match
Legacy vs. HHH, Shane, and Batista

Keith Robinson....I will be back for Judgement Day and Sacrifice.

quote:

First off I really never thought that Cena would retain.
Second I am surprised on Christian I am wondering if Vince is going to move Swagger now into a better spot on the 2 main brands
Such a shame they don't treat Christian like they should hes like the hardy boys ver under rated by management.
Also Randy winning was a toss up for me I thought they should have held it off until june or july would have been more interesting.
Kane Vs CmPunk Not much to say here didnt think there was mmuch promise here I think this would have been a better
spot to put carlito and primo vs the new hart foundation no build up needed new team challenges and wins
Santina angle is stupid and boring funny for one night old by raw the next day.
One last note about time the draft goes into motion

Thanks Danny---N.W. Indiana

http://www.gerweck.net/news/1240843148.shtml

quote:

First Off FINALLY Orton Gets The Belt. Secondly It Does Get Kinda Stale And Boring To See Edge As Champ Ad I Believe That Undertaker Should Get The Run That Has Been Due For The Past 2 Yrs But Not Executed Due To Injuries. Well Now That Christian Got The Belt That Probably Means Punishment Is Over. Glad Too See Kane Getting A Push As He Should Get A Title Run. To Conclude I See Either Batista Or HHH Turning Heel Due To What Happened Tonight As HHH Will Feel That Batista Cost Him The Belt Or Batista Will Not Like That HHH Prevented Him From Using The Chair

-Jay

# ? Apr 29, 2009 12:39

Free Market Gravy: Sep 17, 2005

Well, he's not wrong about Santina Marella being as funny as a vasectomy performed with a rusty fishing knife.

# ? Apr 29, 2009 17:09

Free Market Gravy: Sep 17, 2005

Did you guys know pro wrestling is serious business? It is and it's never going to get the respect (read: spot as a featured article on Wikipedia's front page) if the pages that discuss pro wrestling aren't up to snuff! We need order and a format for those pages to follow!

Hey, what's this? This looks good:

quote:

The main event was the Last Ride match for the WWE Championship, in which John "Bradshaw" Layfield (JBL) defended the title against The Undertaker. During the beginning of the match, the Undertaker began hitting JBL in the corner, before twisting his arm around and dropping JBL's arm on the top rope. Following this, the Undertaker chokeslammed JBL in the ring, and performed a leg drop off the ring apron. Outside the ring, the Undertaker threw JBL towards the steel ring steps. The Undertaker continued to uphold the upper hand over JBL, as he began to remove the television set from the Spanish announce table, but JBL managed to hit Undertaker upside the head with the steel ring steps. JBL tried to put the Undertaker in the hearse, but the Undertaker fought back. A frustrated JBL took the Undertaker back to the ring and hit a shoulder block from the top rope. The Undertaker managed to get the upper hand once more, as he applied a triangle choke hold on JBL, leading JBL to tap out, but submissions do not count prior in this match. The Undertaker backdropped out of a piledriver attempt on the steel ring steps and grabbed JBL, turned him upside-down and dropped into a kneeling position, driving JBL's head into the steel steps, making JBL bleed from the head. Minutes later, the Undertaker chokeslammed JBL off the announce table through the Spanish table. The Undertaker carried JBL to the hearse, and Jon Heidenreich came out of the hearse. Heidenreich began to attack the Undertaker, covered his mouth with a soaked rag filled with chloroform. Heidenreich placed the Undertaker into the hearse and drove off. Inside the hearse, a camera was inside the hearse to show the Undertaker wake up and jump out and attack Heidenreich. JBL recovered, and swung his arm forward while running towards the Undertaker, a move JBL calls Clothesline from Hell, and helped Heidenreich place the Undertaker back into the hearse to be driven away. Backstage, Paul Heyman drove the hearse to the parking lot, where Heidenreich drove his car into it at high speed, causing an inexplicable explosion. As a result, JBL won the match and retained his title.

Man, this sounds good with the broken English and the horrible sentence structure as a direct result of the pedantic blow-by-blow descriptions of such intricate moves as the clothesline.

But what if people think this is all real? And I don't mean real like the UFC, but real like actual fighting?

quote:

The buildup to the matches and the scenarios that took place before, during, and after the event were planned by WWE's creative staff. The event featured wrestlers from the Raw, SmackDown, and ECW brands: storyline expansions of the promotion where employees are assigned to wrestling brands under the WWE banner.

Well, that's a relief!

# ? Apr 29, 2009 20:07

Saints Crow: Aug 25, 2006; Johnny is the name for God on the lips and hearts of all bangers

Free Market Gravy posted:

But what if people think this is all real? And I don't mean real like the UFC, but real like actual fighting?

Not pedantic enough FMG! How will they know that wrestlers may not really be bad guys!? Or how the PPV works, or how the scripting works?!

quote:

Backlash featured professional wrestling matches that involve different wrestlers from pre-existing scripted feuds, plots, and storylines that will play out on Raw, Friday Night SmackDown, ECW on Sci Fi, and Superstars—World Wrestling Entertainment's (WWE) primary television programs. Wrestlers will portray either a villain or a hero as they follow a series of events that build tension, and culminate into a wrestling match or series of matches.[4] The event will feature wrestlers from WWE's Raw, SmackDown, and ECW brands—a storyline division in which WWE employees are assigned to the television program of the same name.

# ? Apr 30, 2009 04:08

Atticus Finch: Nov 30, 2008

quote:

It's so obvious Jethro Holliday is Trevor Murdoch

# ? May 8, 2009 16:36

Atticus Finch: Nov 30, 2008

I wish more people used this thread, stuff found on the internet is ridiculous.

quote:

Wish them two animals will stop talking like their some sort of Gangsters. When they're drag queens. All this "Cheah" or whatever they say. They need to drop the gimmick. Doesn't suit them whatsoever.

And ... I suppose Eve will win the next contest and the next and the next and the next. Just because Layla is a heel.

# ? May 9, 2009 23:36

KungFu Grip: Jun 18, 2008

Yellowjacket Hawky posted:

I wish more people used this thread, stuff found on the internet is ridiculous.

What the gently caress? The comment about Cryme Tyme being being drag queens is way out there. But that person is just terrible by calling Cryme Tyme animals.

# ? May 10, 2009 00:11

MassRanTer: May 26, 2001; Fundamentals as sound as the WNBA

Here is the dumbest review of a wrestling show I have ever skimmed.

Hustle posted:

Alright sports fans, time for another one of my illustrious reviews.

But don't get your panties in a twist yet. Surprisingly, to me because of all the people with injuries and the declining quality of RoH in the eyes of many, I enjoyed this show. Not a whole hell of a lot, but it was definitely enjoyable. Moreso than the last 2 shows I saw, in Boston and NYC respectively.

Anyways, I got some General Admission tickets (since when are they 20 bucks? I ****ing paid 20 for second row seats a couple times previously). Sat in the middle, great view of the ring, not surrounded by sweaty people.

While there was certainly a pre-show with no one I cared about, there was also a pre-show right in front of me of this enormous man trying to fit his girth into the smaller bench seating. I mean, holy crap it was amazing to see. I'm fairly certain I have a pretty firm grasp on mass and physics, but **** man, I think I saw a naked singularity occur to be able to get that flub into a ****ing seat.

Rating: 400 lbs out of 1 seat.

So, now down to the matches.

Match the First: Delirious v. Ricky Reyes.

Match was...well, it wasn't good but it got the crowd to sort of get into it. Mainly because Delirious is still loved in Boston so he was getting chanted through the roof. He did a great job running his spots to warm the crowd up.
But holy buttcheeks Batman, Ricky Reyes is a black hole of charisma. He got a couple whistles and **** in the beginning, but as soon as he wrestled NO ONE CARED. He didn't get boo'd, he didn't get cheered, he just...any time he was in control you could hear a ****ing pin drop. Like, seriously. He looked like garbage. He had one or two crisp shots, but other than that? Delirious' game. Decent opener to get people behind Delirious, I guess. Ended it with a Shadows Over Hell after a couple reversals and crap. I dunno.

Rating: 37 BAHs out of 600 silent fans wondering what the **** Ricky Reyes is doing back.

Match of the Second Variety: Kenny King and Rhett Titus v. The Super Smash Bros.

You know what? This was a goddam entertaining little match. A couple people know who they are (me) and give them some chants, crowd is into Titus and King, good set up. Smash Brothers are in control for a very good amount of time and hit their spots, run their game and basically get the people clapping and behind them. Very good intro to them as in the beginning there wasn't much chanting for them, but by the end the crowd was entirely behind them. Uno was a very good rock, crisp and his selling was great. Dos really got the fans attention with his sick high flying including his jump to the outside and his backflip double kick. Very nice stuff, no botches. Great tag team action, including the "Spear opponent into other opponent, assisted sliced bread DDT" action. King was on top and crisp as ever, and you know ****ing what? This is the first time I have seen Titus be very competent in the ring. Looks like SSB may be taking this one home when Titus and King take advantage, kick the **** out of Dos' face and hit Uno with the Power Bomb/Flipping Neckbreaker combo. Afterwards, SSB get a very very big "Please come back chant" that, amazingly enough, outshone Sonjay Dutt's later in the night. This was a fun and great match. Got the crowd hot. Dos also didn't have his mask, but was still Dos.

Rating: 2 out of 3 Dentists agree, this match was good.

Match the Third: Jay Briscoe v. Necro Butcher

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaand then we get this match. Sorry, but this match bombed hard. After both guys coming out to some really strong crowd reaction? ****ing dead almost the whole match. No one was into it at all. All the punches looked garbage, all the strikes were lame, nothing looked painful or even like a good brawl. Both guys were WAY off their game. Some people even chanted "wrestle already". Cut short when the Embassy ran in on Necro and literally, no one gave a ****. Someone made a save, I think, I don't remember. I was busy wondering how I got some gum on my shoe.

Rating: Really, where did that gum come from? I don't remember feeling it stick. And I don't think I was really outside for that long...****, now I want some gum. I wonder if the concession stand sells gum. But I ate some Skittles. I don't wanna get like, loose Skittle in my teeth and then gum it out and have like...Skittley gum. I guess I could get Skittles gum? Do they have Skittles gum?

Right about this time, Bobby Cruise announces that some dude wants to say something in the ring. Immediately, we all know it is a wedding proposal and the GA starts booing the guy hard. Yadda yadda, he asks her in and she gets in and he makes some ring comment or something and we're all chanting "DON'T DO IT!" and just generally hassling them. She says yes, I guess and we all boo and hiss. Stay classy dude, God knows this is exactly where I would propose to a girl.

Rating: 3 out of 4 marriages involved with wrestling never work out anyways.

Match of the Fourth Type: Kevin Steen v. Davey Richards in a Brawl for All. This match was sick. I'm a sucker for brawls. Started fast with Steen putting Davey through a table. Afterwards, Steen grabs the mic and asks "Davey? Davey, will you marry me? Wait. You're a bitch and I hate you!" Hilarity. Everyone cracks up. These guys stiffed each other to hell, brawled up and down the bleachers near where I was sitting and we all chanted and stuff. Dropped Davey's nuts on a rail and broke it and we hassled him and told him he had to pay for it. Awesome. They get back to the ring area and Steen pulls out a ladder, one of those huge ones. Sets up the table and they **** around and stuff. They devastate each other in the ring, Steen tossing chairs in. Some dude hands him a crutch which he beats Davey with. Power bombs Davey through another table in the corner. Stacks chairs on Davey until Davey pushes out when Steen is on top and suplexes him onto chairs. Ouch. Best part? Richards gets some chains, wraps them around his foot and proceeds to soccer ball kick Steen in the face REPEATEDLY which I am sure opened him hardway. These were hard, not held back kicks. Absolutely sick. Eventually, two more tables are set on top of each other behind the ladder, Richards climbs and Steen is with the tables to his back. Goes for superplex, Davey blocks, and headbutts the HELL out of Steen until he falls through both tables. Crowd is nuts at this point, standing the whole time. Davey pins for 2 and everyone is molten that Steen kicked out. Eventually, a table set up between the apron and rail gets Davey put through it with a Package Piledriver to the floor. Rolled back in for the 3. Match of the night, easily.

Rating: 5 out of 5 tables in this match were broken.

Intermission!

Well, a meet and greet right. May as well meet Danielson and greet him with the sign of him I have. He signs it, laughs and can't believe I actually made it after messaging him to ask if I could and holds it up for a picture.

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v...elsonDogs-1.jpg

Truly, made me happy as hell. Excited to chant "TO HUG THESE DOGS!" during his match. Someone mistakes me for Jacobs and asks why I'm not on the show. I tell him I'm injured.

Back from intermission!

Match to the Fifth Power: Danielson v. Dutt v. Edwards. Crowd is happy Dutt is there, ecstatic over Danielson and tepid for Edwards. He gets some here and there chants. Nothing big. A number of us start buzzing and he eventually hears us and starts laughing. This continues throughout the match with a ton of us buzzing and many other people looking confused. Danielson thought it was hilarious. Anyways, a standard three way "oops, this guy is taken out, now these two go and this guy is out so this guy is back in" etc. Any time Dutt and Danielson were doing stuff, crowd loved it. Edwards? Nothing. Crowd was with him at first, but god he is sooooooooooo booooooooooooring and no one cared. His attempts at heel heat were disastrous. He gave Danielson the MMA elbows and the crowd boo'd for about 5 seconds then went silent again. Danielson and him had these annoying spots in the beginning where he kept trying to get back in and Edwards kicked him to the outside. It happened three times and the crowd got frustrated because Edwards was doing nothing for them against Dutt. It was decent enough with Dutt and Danielson in there. Eventually Danielson gets Edwards in the Triangle and he taps. Danielson is cheered and in a telling manuever, Dutt is getting intermittent cheers and Danielson tries to start a "please come back" chant that catches on a little but eventually dies down. Crowd chanted much louder for SSB. No 5 count spots, so my sign remained useless. Made me sad.

Rating: BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

Also, Steve "The Turtle" Weiner was there and he liked my hair, so I thanked him.

Match that can barely be called Sixth: Embassy (Rave/Claudio/Ryan) vs. Not the Embassy (LIGHTBRITE/Stevens/Cabana)

This match bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew. Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.

How do you introduce Ryan after so many promos and hyping his coming? By sticking him with the Embassy in a 6 man where he doesn't get to show off at ****ing all. ****ING BRILLIANT! I was cheering Ryan to hell, but since he got to do ****-all in this match, no one saw what the big deal was. Great. ****ing awesome. Man I swore a lot in this paragraph.

Anyways, Cabana and Stevens get nice pops whenever they're in, before the crowd dies down. LIGHTBRITE? He literally got NO reaction to a hot tag other than that one dude in the front who totally adores him. Like...no one was popping for LIGHTBRITE at all until one spot that was admittedly good where LIGHTBRITE caught a jumping...Rave? And gave him an Emerald Frosion. It was pretty drat seemless, so it went well. Heels, specially Rave, get some good heat. But really, the crowd was not feeling this. Very little chanting or anything save for the occasional Cabana moment. Which was probably why everyone was blahzay. Cabana had like...one or two comedy spots. There was...very little Cabanaing. And Stevens did an alright job, LIGHTBRITE stunk up the joint...heels were there, I guess.

I...actually forgot how this ended. Oh yeah, Claudio with a lowblow on Stevens for the pin. Crowd showed NO REACTION. It was such an out of nowhere let down pin.

Afterwards, when the music cuts out this one guy in the audience gets into a shouting match with the one LIGHTBRITE fan who is all on top of his dick. I dunno what they were shouting, but given LIGHTBRITE fan's track record at these events (generally being a completer and utter ****-hole to whoever doesn't cheer who he does) I'm prone to say the other dude was slightly less of a cockbite.

Rating: 3 Zs out of the alphabet show my interest in this match.

MAIN EVENT (mafia): Chris Hero v. Jerry Lynn.

Hero gets some decent entrance pops and boos. Lynn actually receives a decent entrance. I, however, have remained fairly silent this whole time to save myself for this match. I boo the **** out of Lynn. A number of other people do as well. We are very vocal.

Anyways, the match starts out and WOW did it take a long time to go anywhere. People were dead and ****ing bored out of their minds. They tried chain wrestling and such, but for the love of God, I am immense Hero fan but Lynn and him had no wrestling chemisry. When did the match start to heat up? Pretty much at Hero's first elbow that waffled Lynn. From there, it turned into, and I hate to admit it, a good match. I'll say this, Lynn has stepped up his game in the title scene, but when you're a 3 and you jump to a 6, you shouldn't be treated as if you were a 10, if you get my drift. Who shined here? Hero. Never since he became the Young Knockout Kid did I get behind him. I love Hero, but his...other federation work is about 10 times better than his RoH work. But drat dude, Hero was on top of this. His elbows looked like legit finishers in RoH, finally. Dude was sick tight. As the match goes on, the crowd becomes split between Hero and Lynn and I am doing my best with my own little section in the GA to let my dislike of Lynn and love of Hero known. Lynn going to the top and all of us, seemingly psychically connected all shouting "RAMJAM!" was a nice moment. To be fair, they actually worked this match well, and some credit to Lynn to for some of the bumps and elbows he took. Specifically because there were 2 or 3 points at the end of the match where Hero got a 2.5 or 2.9 and people went ape****. Unfortunately for Lynn, it was in the "GOD DAMMIT, WHY WASN'T THAT A 3!" category. Seriously. Towards the end of the match, Hero was being favored HARD by the crowd. HARD. I did get very involved though, shouting and standing up so kudos to them both for getting my lame-rear end up for the first time in an RoH show since Claudio/Morishima. Yeah, that long. Hilariously, after yelling "KNOCK HIM THE **** OUT, HERO!" some guy behind me said "Yeah, listen to Jimmy Jacobs!" That makes two people who mistook me for Jimmy.

Hero kicking out of a normal piledriver made the crowd go crazy. Puts on the Misawa pad, and Lynn ducks and takes it off after some shenanery. Turns right around into a DISGUSTING elbow that a lot of us thought was the end for Lynn. As soon as Lynn got Hero up in the Cradle, I **** you not, half the GA started to get up to leave, myself included. A bunch of the floor seats as well, though not nearly as much as GA. The crowd cheered or boo'd however, the music was a bit loud to hear. As soon as the music stopped, it was embarassingly quiet, so they put it back on. I was out by that point.

But to be fair, that was one of the better Lynn matches I've ever seen. Hero was mad good after all the bull in the beginning. So coolbeans to both men, I was entertained by a Lynn match. Does this mean I like Lynn now or am behind his reign?

Hells ****ing no. I said it at the show and I'll say it again, "GODDAMMIT JESUS! WHY?! ****ING WHY?!"

Rating: If this match were an iHop plate special, it'd be 3 pancakes that were filling, but you've had better, some eggs that were a tad runny, but some ****ing aces bacon. Seriously, you wanted more bacon. Chris Hero is Bacon.

Overall, you know what? I liked this show. If you hem and haw on getting it on DVD, I'd suggest doing it for a number of cool matches. It was entertaining. I will give it that.

At the very least, when RoH comes back, I'll probably go. Pretty decent job with the talent they had, especially considering how great the original card looked. And me saying it was a decent show, when my FAVORITE wrestlers and reasons for going weren't on it (Generico, Black and Quack...attack) or were surprisingly absent (Jacobs and Aries, where were you?) is pretty drat impressive for those that know me.

Total Show Rating: About 6 hours of sleep, where you had stayed up partying the night before. A little bit of a hangover, but nothing a little time won't fix. Good thing you don't have to go to work for another 2 hours.

Thankyew and goodnight.

From the ROH Forum if you couldn't tell.

# ? May 10, 2009 00:45

The Berzerker: Feb 24, 2006; treat me like a dog

Full of terrible "jokes" and references? Check
Smug sense of superiority? Check "a couple people knew who they were (me)"
Doesn't even remember the finishes to matches he is reviewing? Check
I hate ROH fans. Except me and you guys

also since when does anyone call Albright "LIGHTBRITE" that's the stupidest thing ever

# ? May 10, 2009 03:02

KungFu Grip: Jun 18, 2008

The Berzerker posted:

also since when does anyone call Albright "LIGHTBRITE" that's the stupidest thing ever

Thank god you knew who that was. I was reading that pat and every time I saw the word LIGHTBRITE I had no idea who that was.

# ? May 10, 2009 03:12

MassRanTer: May 26, 2001; Fundamentals as sound as the WNBA

I am so buying the Blu Ray of 12 Rounds.

quote:

Why is their xtra feetures for blue ray disk dvd.
blue ray are 4 losers! it will never catch on! this is why noone buys them. they are also $40 dollers.

Posted By: MITCH (Guest) on May 10, 2009 at 01:52 PM

# ? May 11, 2009 06:21

Skinty McEdger: Mar 9, 2008; The Flaming Scotsman.

Reading the DOI for my daily fix of tabloid indie coverage I came across an article hyping the Billy Jack Haynes RF shoot video. For those not in the know Haynes is now suffering from severe Hepatitus C, and as such has a very slim grasp of reality. Thankfully RF video are not a company that would take advantage of his suffering.

DOI posted:

Haynes claims that Vince McMahon was the father of Daniel Benoit, which is just ridiculous. Haynes also said this off camera, so it is not just something he is stating on RF's DVD. Haynes says alot of other things that you probably won't believe. RFVideo stresses throughout the shoot that the comments are Billy Jack's opinions and not RFVideo's.

Haynes goes nuts talking about all the deaths in wrestling, seemingly blaming Vince for every one of them. Haynes also directly challenges & demands a response from Vince & WWE lawyer Jerry McDevitt after several outlandish and unorthodox opinions.

Stay classy Feinstein.

# ? Jun 1, 2009 12:27

Jerusalem: May 20, 2004; Anybody remotely interesting is mad in some way or another.

Who is Billy Jack Haynes?

# ? Jun 1, 2009 13:09

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 18, 2013 16:18

Skinty McEdger: Mar 9, 2008; The Flaming Scotsman.

Billy Jack Haynes is famous for feuding with Savage over the IC title (he lost) and destroying his career by testifying against Vince during the steroid trials (he lost).

He's the guy who wrestled against Hercules at wrestlemania 3.

He is also apparently deserving of a RF shoot video.

# ? Jun 1, 2009 13:22

«‹›84 »

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium* > Punchsport Pagoda > The Wrestling Web: In Memory of the Undertaker 1965-2012