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 EDIT: THE TOURNAMENT HAS REACHED ITS CONCLUSION. STAND BY FOR COMMEMORATIVE MONTAGE VIDEO  Condensed: Zoofights is a yearly event - a heavily illustrated story about a brutal gladiatorial tournament, fought between monsters twisted by science. This time it is set in space, on a station currently anchored in low orbit round Jupiter. There is time travel, there is wrestling, there are psychic squid and there are rhinos with artillery pieces. This link shows you my posts, and a lot of the pictures, and should catch you up to the present, where the final is about to take place. VIDEOS! Intro: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cz-z...feature=channel Round One Summary: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9Du...re=channel_page The finished tournament chart:  FIGHT ARCHIVE - LINKS TO ALL THE GOOD poo poo ROUND ONE ROUND ONE - FIGHT ONE IMPERAPTOR VS BURGERTHERIUM   THE FIGHT Outcome: Imperaptor Wins! ROUND ONE - FIGHT TWO DAKUVANGA VS RIOT YETI   THE FIGHT Outcome: Dakuvanga Wins! ROUND ONE - FIGHT THREE TUNGUSKA VS OLD BITEY   THE FIGHT Outcome: Old Bitey Wins! ROUND ONE - FIGHT FOUR HYDRAFFICUS VS INQUISIPEDE   THE FIGHT Outcome: Hydrafficus Wins! ROUND ONE - FIGHT FIVE GLACIOSAUR VS KILLOBITE   THE FIGHT Outcome - Killobite Wins! ROUND ONE - FIGHT SIX WOLFBIKE VS SLAMMONITE   THE FIGHT Outcome: Wolfbike Wins! ROUND ONE - FIGHT SEVEN KRIEGBEHEMOT VS HEART OF DARKNESS   THE FIGHT Outcome: Kriegbehemot Wins! ROUND ONE - FIGHT EIGHT THE DELEGATION VS THE WALRUS   THE FIGHT Outcome: The Delegation Wins! LOSER'S LEAGUE - Sponsored by The Atom (tm) LOSER'S LEAGUE - FIGHT ONE 'NAM YETI VS BURGER LORD   THE FIGHT Outcome: 'Nam Yeti Wins! LOSER'S LEAGUE - FIGHT TWO CENTIPOPE VS TSAR BUMBLE   THE FIGHT Outcome: Centipope Wins! LOSER'S LEAGUE - FIGHT THREE ANKYLODYTE VS RAMONINITE   VICTORY: RAMONINITE LOSER'S LEAGUE - FIGHT FOUR ONCE WERE WALRUS VERSUS HYPERFAUNA VICTORY: ONCE WERE WALRUS --- ROUND TWO ROUND TWO - FIGHT ONE BATTLEOPTERYX VS TETHYS   [url=http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3128966&userid=0&perpage=40&pagenumber=93#post361129902[FIGHT![/url] Outcome: Tethys wins! ROUND TWO - FIGHT TWO CHOMPA VS STAR TRUCK   FIGHT! Outcome: Chompa wins! ROUND TWO - FIGHT THREE WOLFBIKE VS TRILOBIKE   FIGHT! Outcome: Wolfbike wins, but chooses to forfeit his spot in the tournament to Trilobike! ROUND TWO - FIGHT FOUR PSYNOCEROS VS SEANET   FIGHT! Outcome: Psynoceros wins! ------------------ LOSER'S LEAGUE - ROYAL RUMBLE SHAOLIN MONKEY VS ELOHIM VS THE PENGUIN VS WRASSLOPOD VS RAPTORCYCLE VS ONCE WERE WALRUS       FIGHT! Outcome: Elohim wins! ------------------ SEMIFINAL SEMIFINAL - FIGHT ONE NED KILLY VS TANGALOA   FIGHT! Outcome: Ned Killy wins! SEMIFINAL - FIGHT TWO OVERLORD VS DRED ZEPPELIN   FIGHT! Outcome: Dred Zeppelin wins! ------------------- FINAL NED KILLY VS. DRED ZEPPELIN KING OF BEASTS: NED KILLY The story so far - contributed by Spoonsy: Last time... on Zoofights IV When last we saw the two beasts scheduled to fight on Sunday for the grand prize, the armoured Prussian rhino Dred Zeppelin had just reversed WW2 on the British rocket-trilobite, Overlord. Meanwhile, Post-apocalyptic war machine Ned Killy proved to be the most brutal force in the ocean, smacking the hapless Polynesian whaleborg, Tangaloa, around like a little girl. And somewhere out there, Elohim, the insectile titan that annihilated the rest of the loser's league, waits. But how did we get here? The first of May seems only a short while ago, with its rockets and revelers and fountains of whiskey all over the place. But since then we've seen sixteen fighting creatures from every corner of time smash each other to pieces again and again in the name of money, mob rule and patriotic fervour. Eight beasts emerged from the first round in one piece and were patched up to fight again, from dinosaurs in the armour of ancient China to a bunch of snakes welded to a dump truck. They proceeded to batter each other once more, until 4 remained, then 2 - Ned Killy and Dred Zeppelin. And for every victory, there was a loser. What to do with those who had failed to achieve anything, those who lost in the first round? Private contractors were brought in to fix those who had prematurely been slain: Atom Plc worked hard to rehabilitate an enigmatic crowd favorite, The Walrus, and accidentally introduce a crowd pleaser in the form of a penguin wearing sunglasses and holding a shotgun. From the ranks of these second chancers, four emerged to do battle in a royal rumble. Three were true underdogs, the steroid-ruined Wrasslopod, the peculiar Shaolin Yeti, and the Walrus. Once considered broken and nothing more than a cohort of misfit toys, they were bolstered by the entrance of crowd favorite Wolfbike, a part wolf, part motorcycle with a truly Epicurean world view. But in the end they were shattered by the near-Godly Elohim - a creature formed from the union of an Inquisition-built centipede and a newly metamorphosed Queen from a distant alien hive world. Now, the two main league finalists have one fight ahead of them before one can be proclaimed champion, and Elohim is still lurking in the wings. To make matters worse, something large and cephalopod and from the future is lurking in the Atmosphere of Jupiter, and seems unlikely to remain an observer for long. Ladies and gentlemen, there will be no Babbage machines and no zombies, no demonic priests, and probably only a few swans this time. This year, a champion will emerge through brawling, and beating, and brutality. This year, there will be only one King of Beasts. ---Original opening--- Gentlemen, it's been a while. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cz-zbsM1JGA http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cz-zbsM1JGA Welcome to zoofights IV, ladies and gentlemen. For those of you who haven't danced like this before, I recommend you check out the history of this illustrious tournament. Things started off back in 2005, but we've moved on a bit since then. Why not check out last year's bloodshed to catch yourself up: http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...hreadid=2820029 For those who are interested, here's a link to the very first zoofights back in 2005! Zoofights is an ongoing mission to determine the true king of beasts through increasingly abstract and horrific arena battles. Last year we pitted sixteen monsters of the industrial age against each other, resulting in a homicidal trainwreck of flesh, steel and raging bisons that destroyed half of London. Needless to say, our shareholders were not best pleased. We rejoin the zoofights corporation some years later, after a fortuitous series of events that have seen our funds restored, our factories rebuilt, and a massive great space station mysteriously bequeathed to us through no act of corporate fraud at all. Speaking of fortuitous events, we have also been lucky enough to force Nikola Tesla and H.G. Wells to invent time travel for us, and as a result have widened our portfolio of monsters to include savage titans from the furthest reaches of the time-space continuum. Over the next thirty days, you will see nightly battles between horrendous brutes of all descriptions, in a knock-out tournament that will challenge your mind, creed and intestinal fortitude. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And now my deputy chairman, the good ship Gravitas Shortfall, will explain the rules of the tournament, and explain how you may stick your oars into the foetid puddle of destiny: Gravitas Shortfall posted:
Major Failure fucked around with this message at Jun 16, 2009 around 20:58 |
| # ? May 02, 2009 02:28 |
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| # ? Feb 09, 2010 19:10 |
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YES
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| # ? May 02, 2009 02:33 |
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They kind of made a video game for this back in 1992. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zbbKeh40LvY Counter Punch fucked around with this message at May 02, 2009 around 02:39 |
| # ? May 02, 2009 02:35 |
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hell yes. Far too long
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| # ? May 02, 2009 02:35 |
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OOOOOOO YEAH! Lets get this show on the road! Good Sir Major, Are orphans still legal tender for the betting table?! Arkanomen fucked around with this message at May 02, 2009 around 02:45 |
| # ? May 02, 2009 02:37 |
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Oh hell to the motherfucking yes.
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| # ? May 02, 2009 02:37 |
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I...I am privileged. Did I arrive in the right time period? Please tell me I arrived in the right time period. You there, chappy, store my blue box somewhere, would you? Now, where are the betting tables. Daktar fucked around with this message at May 02, 2009 around 02:52 |
| # ? May 02, 2009 02:45 |
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holy poo poo
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| # ? May 02, 2009 02:45 |
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Oh, really? 
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| # ? May 02, 2009 02:48 |
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And I heard as it were, the noise of thunder. One of the four beast saying "come and see" And I saw.
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| # ? May 02, 2009 02:48 |
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 Father to a murdered son. Husband to a murdered wife. No matter, for this is Zoofights. To those who are about to die, we salute you. Now, where can I place my bets. Nine Votes Now fucked around with this message at May 02, 2009 around 03:03 |
| # ? May 02, 2009 02:49 |
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Can't believe I'm going to experience zoofights in real time. Hell yes. The thread hasn't even started yet and already the bar is set so high, unbelievable.
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| # ? May 02, 2009 02:50 |
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Holy Buttocks. Set up the moneychanger's tables in the temples, gentlemen.
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| # ? May 02, 2009 02:51 |
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Thank holy Jesus. aaaaand then I watched the video. I am so happy right now. Clockwork Beast! fucked around with this message at May 02, 2009 around 03:02 |
| # ? May 02, 2009 02:58 |
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The last zoofights is why I joined SA, holy poo poo I can't believe its here
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:02 |
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I dunno what's happening but that video was rad and I'm excited.
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:03 |
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Pigstomper posted:I dunno what's happening but that video was rad and I'm excited. Zoofights, A History  The Clockwork Beast demands the satisfaction only terrible deaths can bring! e: He demands this... from the future! Clockwork Beast! fucked around with this message at May 02, 2009 around 04:47 |
| # ? May 02, 2009 03:05 |
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OH HELL YES.
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:09 |
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Bring on the blood
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:11 |
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Oh! HELL! YES!!!! I have been having a crappy day. CRAPPY NO MORE ZOOFIGHTS IS BACK BITCHES!!!
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:13 |
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Yes! Seconding the "zoofights was the reason I joined SA"
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:15 |
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Oh Hell Yes! I dont know how it will top the last one but I know it will be spectacular! 
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:16 |
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I don't even know what's going on! :o
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:18 |
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I camped GBS all day waiting for this, Major. And you start things right as I step out the door to see Wolverine. gently caress.
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:18 |
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Its back! I owe my subscription to zoofights, and I think I'll be addicted to this thread for the entire weekend.
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:18 |
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whda posted:Its back! Agreed - My friend showed me number three and I signed up right after. I guess studying for finals will have to wait.
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:20 |
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Excellent. The time has come once more...
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:20 |
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If this is not being held on the Bison-Orbital Spacestation I will be severely disappointed.
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:25 |
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This is exactly what I need to forget about finals. Barkeep, a fresh round of whiskey and orphans for everyone!
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:26 |
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Oh hell yes.
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:27 |
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Fan-loving-tastic. That's really all there is to say.
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:28 |
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gently caress yes, I was not expecting a sequel to the previous awesomeness
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:29 |
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http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...8#post360178664 It's like the bat-signal in action or something.
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:31 |
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Welcome to zoofights IV, ladies and gentlemen. For those of you who haven't danced like this before, I recommend you check out the history of this illustrious tournament. Things started off back in 2005, but we've moved on a bit since then. Why not check out last year's bloodshed to catch yourself up: http://forums.somethingawful.com/sh...hreadid=2820029 Zoofights is an ongoing mission to determine the true king of beasts through increasingly abstract and horrific arena battles. Last year we pitted sixteen monsters of the industrial age against each other, resulting in a homicidal trainwreck of flesh, steel and raging bisons that destroyed half of London. Needless to say, our shareholders were not best pleased. We rejoin the zoofights corporation some years later, after a fortuitous series of events that have seen our funds restored, our factories rebuilt, and a massive great space station mysteriously bequeathed to us through no act of corporate fraud at all. Speaking of fortuitous events, we have also been lucky enough to force Nikolai Tesla and H.G. Wells to invent time travel for us, and as a result have widened our portfolio of monsters to include savage titans from the furthest reaches of the time-space continuum. Over the next thirty days, you will see nightly battles between horrendous brutes of all descriptions, in a knock-out tournament that will challenge your mind, creed and intestinal fortitude. In fifteen minutes, my deputy chairman, the good ship Gravitas Shortfall, will explain the rules of the tournament, and explain how you may stick your oars into the foetid puddle of destiny. Begin.
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:32 |
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Holy poo poo, weird. I was not thinking about this even two minutes ago, I log on, and loving BAM. ZooFights. I'm seriously amazed and considering I have psychic powers way beyond human comprehension. Echoing the collective 'hell yes' here. I lurked throughout the entire thread of the last ZF and have always wanted to participate in one since. And now that I have an SA account, I can!
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:32 |
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 This shall be epic.
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:35 |
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Oh god boner. It's been too long, Zoofights. Too long.
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:41 |
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Oh hell yes. It's been far too long, Major.
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:42 |
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Hello! I am the avatar of the Culture General Systems Vehicle Experiencing A Significant Gravitas Shortfall, and I am honored to provide assistance to this virtual tournament of... ...oh. It's not virtual? These animals are really fighting? Well.. uh. Hm. That's awkward. Oh well. I suppose I can't really pass judgement on less advanced civilisations, so let the games begin! Displayed on my main monitor screen is the lineup for this year's Zoofights tournament. Things are a little different this time, as you will be choosing the seeding for the entire first round in one go.  Take a good look at the glimpses of horror offered to you, then note down the 8 matches you wish to see in the following manner; 2 vs 10 3 vs 7 and so on. You have 12 hours in which to vote, and also to ask any questions you may have. Answers may be obtuse, unhelpful, or deliberately misleading. At the end of the 12 hours, the 8 most popular match-ups shall be scheduled, and the first fight shall be announced. More rules shall be forthcoming when the initial confrontation is revealed. Voting on the first round seed begins.... ....now.
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| # ? May 02, 2009 03:46 |
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I'm liking 9 vs. 11 1 vs. 13 12 vs. 6 8 vs. 15 5 vs. 3 16 vs. 10 2 vs. 7 4 vs. 14 Danger408 fucked around with this message at May 02, 2009 around 03:50 |
| # ? May 02, 2009 03:47 |
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