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Don't normally post on D&D, but the making a fake chain letter seems like a fun project. I'm thinking....a 'God' gene that's been dying out, weakening the general US population... I've gotta say though, I'm surprised science hasn't been brought up in these chain letters. Anyway, this is my shot at a fake letter -------- The Holy Gene Dr, Edward M., PHD, Liberty University On the third autosomal chromosome, around the 13,000th ( http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/SCIENCE96/ ) base pair, lies a very special gene. This gene, according to our research, is responsible for HIGHER brain function, and its activity is most pronounced when in the act of prayer! Amplification of this gene seems to cause subjects to speak with God himself! This research has been both a secret, and a joint effort with several international HIGHER learning institutions as well, as this gene is also social in nature. We shared our gene findings with secret labs in Cuba and Russia during the Cold War ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cold_War ). We compared the gene activity between several subjects: US Soldiers (Post-Vietnam), Citizens from Russia and Cuba, DEFECTORS from Russia and Cuba, and Students from University of California - Berkley ( http://www.berkley.edu ) What we found is remarkable! US Soldiers and Communist Defectors scored OFF THE CHARTS with the ability to pray to God, as facilitated by the power of this holy gene. (If some could make and label a graph for this, and the following paragraph, that would be amazing) But in the citizens of Russia and Cuba, as well as in the California students, the gene was no where to be found! It was simply gone, and the subjects simply weren't interested in praying. There were other things they considered more important for their time. We could have gone public 20 years ago with this information, but there was something else our scientists needed to check out.... We continued observing this God gene through times of strife in our nation, most notably, through elections. In the following graph, shows the gene activity in randomly selected AMERICAN students. ((Graph)) Notice something? Every time a godly politician, such as Ronald Reagan or George Bush is elected, our citizens are closely linked to God. Remember that this is a social gene; its efficacy is dependent on the population in which it resides, in our case, this great nation, The United States of America. But when we elect someone with COMMUNIST tendencies ( http://www.whitehouse.gov/about/presidents/williamjclinton/ ).... ((Graph of 1990 - 1993 )) Our biological link to His Lord weakens. But that's not the most troubling part. ((Graph of 2007 - 2009)) Recent samples from many of our students show that the gene is completely gone! After this election ( http://www.barackobama.com/ ), the gene itself has dwindled and gone so quickly that praying is considered WEIRD by our own children! There has never been a more extreme left-wing icon in office, and his mere presence seems to be irreparably damaging our youth to their VERY CORE! Please, as an educator, it is impossible for me to understate the need for our kids to have a holy direction in their studies and in life. Bring the power of prayer, part of the very core of our American beliefs, back to our nation. Bring it back to our children. By any. Means. Necessary ________________------
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Aug 31, 2009 12:39
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Deuce posted:Don't add to the problem! Anything crazy you make up, there's some dumb fucker out there who will believe it. Someone will honestly believe that commies are genetically incapable of religion and therefore don't have souls or something. If they don't have a soul, they aren't really people right? Let the masses do what they may with it. I wonder what units of measurement prayer would use in those graphs, though
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Aug 31, 2009 17:30
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Mo_Steel posted:I didn't spot the part about you making this up and thought this was legit until after I read it a second time. This is a great and horrible thing. Suggestion though, change the wikipedia link to conservapedia. I was thinking about it at first when I put the entirely unnecessary link to information about the cold war, as if it's somehow too antiquated and esoteric that people don't know what it is now. Plus, it tips the hand a little too early that this is THAT goddamn retarded
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Aug 31, 2009 17:33
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I got this in an email and thought it was a great analogy of the economic stress our country is in today!!! I bought a bird feeder. I hung It on my back porch and filled It with seed. What a beauty of A bird feeder it was, as I filled it lovingly with seed. Within a Week we had hundreds of birds Taking advantage of the Continuous flow of free and Easily accessible food. But then the birds started Building nests in the boards Of the patio, above the table, And next to the barbecue. Then came the poop. It was Everywhere: on the patio tile, The chairs, the table .. Everywhere! Then some of the birds Turned mean. They would Dive bomb me and try to Peck me even though I had Fed them out of my own Pocket. And others birds were Boisterous and loud. They Sat on the feeder and Squawked and screamed at All hours of the day and night And demanded that I fill it When it got low on food. After a while, I couldn't even Sit on my own back porch Anymore. So I took down the Bird feeder and in three days The birds were gone. I cleaned Up their mess and took down The many nests they had built All over the patio. Soon, the back yard was like It used to be .... Quiet, serene.... And no one demanding their Rights to a free meal. Now let's see. Our government gives out Free food, subsidized housing, Free medical care and free Education, and allows anyone Born here to be an automatic Citizen. Then the illegal's came by the Tens of thousands. Suddenly Our taxes went up to pay for Free services; small apartments Are housing 5 families; you Have to wait 6 hours to be seen By an emergency room doctor; Your child's second grade class is Behind other schools because Over half the class doesn't speak English. Corn Flakes now come in a Bilingual box; I have to 'press one ' to hear my bank Talk to me in English, and People waving flags other Than 'Old Glory' are Squawking and screaming In the streets, demanding More rights and free liberties. Just my opinion, but maybe it's time for the government To take down the bird feeder. If you agree, pass it on; if not, Just continue cleaning up the poop . --------------------------------------------------------------------
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Apr 23, 2010 17:26
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THIS IS TENNESSEE VOLUNTEERS ADD NEW CHAPTER TO STORIED HISTORY by Brent High On May 1st and 2nd of 2010 a historic amount of rain, as much as 17 inches, fell on middle Tennessee and the city of Nashville in less than 48 hours. Historians are using terms like “thousand year flood” to describe what took place here. The Cumberland River, Nashville’s main waterway, crested at just over 51 feet, flooding iconic structures including the Grand Ole Opry, LP Field and Bridgestone Arena where the Tennessee Titans and Nashville Predators play, Country Music Hall of Fame and the Opryland Hotel and Convention Center. The water rose so much, so fast and in places water has never been seen that thousands had to be rescued by boat. Dozens lost their lives. Thousands of homeowners lost everything they had. Thousands more are now trying to salvage what’s left. Most had no flood insurance because before May 1st they didn’t need it where they lived. Early estimates are that the damage will top $1 billion and this storm will go down as the most devastating non-hurricane event in American history. This is Tennessee. It’s Monday, May 3rd. The rain has stopped, finally. What happens next shouldn’t come as a surprise. Almost instinctively, after a long night of restlessness, volunteers spring into action. It’s in their blood. They’ve been trained to do so by their parents and grandparents. From Waverly to Cookeville, Winchester to Cross Plains and in the capital city of Nashville the sights and sounds are the same. Without being asked, fishermen launch their boats into the muddy soup, joining the rescue efforts. Business owners and supervisors tell their employees to take the day off and jump in and help wherever they can. Neighbors, many of whom helped empty entire houses in brigade fashion the night before, transition into cleanup mode. Sump pumps and generators whirr. Drywall, carpet and ruined floors are ripped out. Elderly ladies gather at the church to make lunches for workers. Teenagers distribute bottled water. Pickup trucks, trailers and storage units are loaded with what could be salvaged. Photos and documents are spread out in the sun to dry. Wads of $20 bills are slid into pockets of those affected. Checks are written. Hugs are given. Prayers are said. Tears are shed. This is Tennessee. Almost 200 years ago Tennessee first earned the nickname “Volunteer State.” In 1812 More than 2,000 Tennesseans volunteered to fight for Andrew Jackson and were the main part of Jackson’s army that destroyed the British three years later in the Battle of New Orleans. A generation later the U. S. Secretary of War asked Tennessee for 2,800 soldiers to fight a war against Mexico. 30,000 volunteered. This is a state where faith comes first. We don’t ask why. We know there is a reason and look forward to it being revealed. We are guided by scriptures such as Philippians 2:3-5 which says: “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Your attitude should be the same as that of Jesus.” Family is a focus, not an afterthought. Don’t bother trying to do business with us the week of Christmas or July 4th. We’ll be with family. When our kids have a school play we will be there. We throw big birthday parties. We teach our kids right from wrong and aren’t afraid to give them a whippin’ when they need it. Here we say “Yes ma’am” and “No ma’am.” We try to leave a place better than we found it. We put our hand over our heart when the national anthem is played. We pull over on the side of the road when funeral processions pass on the other side. We are savvy business people. We are farmers. We are teachers. We drink Coke here. We like gravy with our biscuits and potatoes. We are serious about our sports. We keep score in little league and we still have all-star teams and MVP trophies. We are givers. You won’t hear us wailing about where the federal government and insurance companies were in all of this. We’ll get by just fine without them. Right now we have a lot to deal with here in our backyard. We will handle it with dignity and class. We will sacrifice for each other in ways that are unfathomable to most. We will stand together. We will stand tall. We will come out of this stronger than we were before it. One day in the not too distant future a hurricane, tornado, fire, flood or other unspeakable disaster will strike your community. As you struggle to put the pieces back together we will be there. We will volunteer. We are Tennesseans. This is Tennessee. Brent High, 36, is a lifelong Tennessean from Nashville. He serves as Assistant Director of Athletics for External Affairs at Lipscomb University and can be reached by email at brent@brenthigh.com.
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May 7, 2010 19:00
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I dunno. Will they? http://www.chattanoogan.com/articles/article_175011.asp Not bad, but mentioning the government in it?
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May 7, 2010 19:00
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I missed service today at the Climate Change Church. Maybe I'll get my salvation if I go to the Tabernacle of the Lower Carbon Emission.
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May 13, 2010 23:54
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RagnarokAngel posted:Haha I thought that was a photoshop. It's not in spanish. Dicks.
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Jun 10, 2010 00:49
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The Ugly Duchess posted:Preferably, the food would be provided by gay black disabled Native Americans, but you can't be too picky about your food. They use every part! 
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Jun 10, 2010 06:42
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yatagan posted:So let's just give citizenship out to anyone who wants it then? Only the ones with good aim.
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Jun 15, 2010 11:48
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gently caress CLEAN WATER!
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Jun 19, 2010 08:44
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Maybe not a chain letter, but this is neat: http://webcache.googleusercontent.c...lient=firefox-a Now look up the news story on the actual fox site.
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Jun 20, 2010 12:05
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Stoic Madman posted:Sure, they can keep the military. Since engineers and scientists tend to be more progressively-minded, and progressives favor education far more than conservatives, the progressive nation's military will continue to advance and become more effective while theirs stagnates and becomes obsolete. And they'll find out progressives don't hate war when it's necessary, they just hate fighting needless wars, especially when they're based on lies. But when the progressives share, the others will pretend like the progressives were scared of their homesy know-how and fierce stupid military. So they'll think they won and made the progressives look like pussies. Like reagan's "TEAR DOWN THIS WALL" thing
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Aug 2, 2010 18:21
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UltraPenguinX posted:While we're on the subject, one of my ultra-conservative cousins posted an Facebook app-type thing, saying "I'm the xth person to protest against the Ground Zero Mosque. Click here to join the fight" or something. I, being the person that I am, asked him why he was protesting it. He said it was insensitive. I gave him the spheal about how we're allowed to build churches near abortion clinic bombings, but he still said that it's insensitive because 'out of all the locations they chose, they HAD to choose the one closest to ground zero'. Furthermore, his intellectually stunted friend joined in and said 'we don't know anything about the guy who is building this mosque, and there is no reason they should build it so close'. I'm honestly at a loss for how to combat such wrongness. Should I just give up and spare myself the idiocy-induced headaches? I like to say "so there were no muslim office workers in the twin towers that day? It would give the muslim-american (know this isn't a term, but it works for this argument) families a place close by to pray for their mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, daughters, sons who lost their lives just going to work." It's not a debate, really, but it gets them to shut up.
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Aug 20, 2010 16:27
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Jimmy Carter wouldn't be that angry 
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Oct 4, 2010 17:07
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Should be thanking workers and technology
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Nov 11, 2010 10:01
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red19fire posted:I have several of these types of email from circa 2007-08. My uncle and I both served in the Marines, so obviously I'm also a super-conservative, white bible-thumper I e-mailed that professor once. He told me he didn't write it. I forwarded it to the people who sent it to me and told them they're liars.
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Dec 17, 2010 19:23
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. I hope these have not been posted already, I'll try to break them up into several posts.
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Dr. Arbitrary posted:One of my facebook friends just went nuts. Oh no, his mocking! A cunning tongue with a brilliant mind to match
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Dec 20, 2010 00:50
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making the rounds of facebook:
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Mar 13, 2011 17:05
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the posted:This loving guy came to open-air preach at my college a few days ago. You can imagine how it went. I could go into more detail if needed (and I'm quite sure I'm going to end up on his blog since we had some words) but at one point someone asked him, "Is there anything I could present to you that would ever cause you to doubt that God exists?" And he said, "No." I dunno why you're even talking to him, or why there's a "discussion." It's not a dialogue. It's more of an interactive performance piece. Whose soul are you saving by talking to campus preachers?
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Mar 19, 2011 03:36
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Option 3: your friends were actively looking for prostitutes and child porn, thusly seeing it wherever they go ( to find sex and naked children )
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Mar 23, 2011 12:53
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Just got sent this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QTwgPKB-xbE hahhahaha
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Mar 28, 2011 08:58
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TerminalSaint posted:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yAyCdfOXvec I'll do you one better. A little old, but makes you hate this world: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmWdExg4kic Really, all his "FTR" videos on that channel are just unbelievable pillsburysoldier fucked around with this message at 20:48 on Mar 30, 2011 |
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Mar 30, 2011 20:29
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Nenonen posted:Just leaving this here... hey that linked to something mentioned earlier in this thread http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_mQPvKXw3U&feature=relmfu
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Apr 1, 2011 07:44
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http://www.wilsoncenter.org/events/docs/A%20National%20Strategic%20Narrative.pdf I wish this could be among the chain letters posted 
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Apr 15, 2011 10:48
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negativeneil posted:i just did that. http://on.fb.me/eQa1AA A facebook note? why not a group?
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Apr 27, 2011 17:34
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jojoinnit posted:Huh. hahahahhahahahah America had NO help in our revolution no sirree!
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May 4, 2011 01:48
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Vivian Darkbloom posted:If your facebook feed doesn't have enough crazy reactionaries, I heartily recommend the US Constitution's page. Also on that page: http://www.facebook.com/pages/Jan-On-America/163238337070298 that first status is just fantastic.
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May 26, 2011 02:55
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Someone had the bright idea of making a page for all the "real outrage over Onion Articles" fb posts. http://literallyunbelievable.tumblr.com/
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May 27, 2011 08:38
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TerminalSaint posted:I was so hopeful until the last line... GUTS
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Jul 5, 2011 22:47
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Their big stink about the Bin Laden press conference was Obama's use of "I" statements.
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Jul 14, 2011 07:34
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Libertarian scoffed at people giving Jesus drinks he didn't earn.
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Aug 4, 2011 09:04
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100% tax rate in the world where examples with apples are found peppered about in academic dissertations
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Aug 29, 2011 06:33
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VideoTapir posted:How many brown people does the military have to kill under Obama's orders till he gets some credit with these weirdos?
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Oct 2, 2011 06:55
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Well, this apparently is viral http://www.kvue.com/news/local/Radio-ad-refuses-service-to-Obama-supporters-Muslims-132748178.html
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Oct 28, 2011 11:31
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Not a chain letter, but to kinda show with what regard business-people hold people who lose their homes: http://www.nytimes.com/2011/10/29/opinion/what-the-costumes-reveal.html?_r=2
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Oct 30, 2011 15:46
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 I really don't see how someone could miss the point any more
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Nov 2, 2011 23:07
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Kosmonaut posted:Oh hey, I saw that one on Facebook today. It got pretty soundly trashed actually. The only responses I've seen were "wow it really puts into perspective how easy we have it and shouldn't complain."
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Nov 2, 2011 23:41
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Dominion posted:Posted on Facebook: He got a free government job with little to no education required, where all he has to do is not be fat and/or disagreeable. He travels and everything is provided for him. It's not like he's producing the hundreds of thousands of dollars spent on him.
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Nov 9, 2011 04:16
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It's EXACTLY like a house, guys http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=326230527404985&set=a.100343843326989.618.100000541207126&type=1&ref=nf
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Dec 19, 2011 16:34
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