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I almost never post. I'm afraid you people will mock me, cause this is pretty retarded. I'm scared to go to the school health people about this, I think they might send me to Club Med or make me meet with a guy every week or something. I need some serious, anonymous help, the kind that won't change my standing at school regardless of the outcome. I am in love with this person, let's call him A. We go to a pretty small liberal arts college in the Northeast US. The school has like four women to every man, too. I am a sophomore, A is a junior. A is great in a plethora of ways. He's like a muse of mine, and I would move heaven and earth if I could get his affection at the other side. When he decides today is a day he wants to look good, it sets my blood boiling. I like his jokes, I like his Germany fetish. The sex, when we have it, is usually awesome, because I'm awesome and he's awesome. However, A doesn't love me, he likes me, or at least, likes to use me. We've been loving each other, off and on, for almost a year. (When I was a freshman.) It started when I was his gently caress-you gently caress after his girlfriend left him. A says this was a formative experience, the kind of sexual high you spend years trying to recapture. I think the episode melted my mind a little. When A's Girlfriend, call her K, decided she wanted him back, I got sent out the door with soiled panties and spoiled memories. I would see them together and feel so ill I would actually need to vomit. There were days when I felt too miserable to move. I wept in my sleep, and would wake up in tears. K abused A. He failed some classes and generally got his life managed by this crazy alkie alaskan. She tried to beat some of his likes and dislikes out of him, which never works. It got to the point where he couldn't see certain friends, mention certain subjects or do certain things (like dance) because K told him not to. I lost weight that winter because I would go to eat and were A there, old girlfriend and hickeys abound, I just couldn't eat. I didn't tell A about this, I feel like it makes me look pathetic. A had told me not to tell anyone about what had happened between us. I regret not being able to do it. I was upset, but A didn't care. Being what I was, a hook-up, there wasn't really any recourse. Relationships that need multiple iterations of being broken up and back together are rarely healthy. A&K were done for by May. Within a week he has a new (ugly) freshman girlfriend, who he never had sex with. I went home for the summer. I even got a summer boyfriend, who didn't gently caress my mind nearly as hard. When I was back here in the fall he came back to me, saying he was sorry for how cruel he had been before. I guess I'm a sucker for believing A knows what sorry means, because I took his apology and issued one of my own in kind. I even feel sorry now, though I don't know what for. He had sex with me again. And a few more times. It was as I remembered. If I could choose an earthly paradise it would be having sex with A as often as I wanted. A made it clear I was not his girlfriend. I understand the idea of friends with benefits, but I found myself offering to help A at distances I wouldn't normally extend myself to help just a friend. We both signed ourselves up for Rocky Horror. His birthday came and I spent an exorbitant amount of money on him. Last Thursday I took him shooting. Something was wrong, I could sense it. It was more obvious when he started flirting with some other, immemorable freshman girl at Rocky. We'll call her L. It burns my heart he did it while wearing MY CLOTHES. Not clothes I bought for him, I mean clothes that belong to me, that he borrowed. I tried to hold his hand and he told me coldly, "Don't touch me." Last Friday (The 30th) I got to learn from mutual friends of ours he's going exclusive with L. He didn't even feel he owed to tell me. When I called him and asked directly he told me glibly I was getting attached and he was going to "get rid of me" anyway. He wears gifts from me to impress her. I made a dumb move. I did not drunk dial A, but I drunk dialed another male friend of mine. I might have gotten some sexual traffic, and thus, perspective, out of him if I hadn't gone to see him to cry over A like Mother Mary cried over the Son of God. "Why not me, dammit," I said, "I could help you, I could love you!" My other male friend had nothing of value to offer. I will never get to touch him now. I was even more upset because the next day was our performance of Rocky Horror, and I knew I'd have to see A and L there and I'd even have to work with them. I did Rocky Horror with that son of a bitch. He was Dr. Scott, I was a tranny. I spent the whole rehearsal dressed like a sheet ghost reading "The Big Sleep". I didn't want anyone to know I couldn't force a smile on my face if I tried. I didn't want to be there at all. He didn't look or say anything to me at all. We haven't really spoken since he told me off on Friday. L was also in the performance, as a tranny, so I had to watch them together. I liked having the sheet ghost sheet- it felt like a mask I could hide behind. During the performance, A was late for some cue. L was running around backstage, and grabs me and told me, "C! You have to find A, he's late for his cue!" This was a little too much. "No, YOU go find A, I have poo poo to do." I replied. My tone must have been agressive. L gave me a look like a doe stuck in your high beams and suddenly starting gushing, "My god, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to bring that up.." I said "Look, L, this has nothing to do with you." What I meant to say was "Look, L, you're just another link in the chain. A will drive you away with his neediness or he'll get bored of you and play the same sadistic games with you he does with me." I didn't actually have poo poo to do, but I let L go find A anyway. I considered shouting at him from the audience that I loved him, in the same lines Columbia shouts to Frank she loves him. I didn't though, it seemed like a bad idea, so I compromised telling myself I'd write an e/n thread about it instead. So, mission accomplished I guess. When I wouldn't talk to A, he was tripping over himself to try and make it right. When I'm nice to him, he acts like its' his due and wouldn't afford me the slightest bit of respect. When I do something I feel is really meaningful, he always says I'm being creepy or obsessive. Yet he's leading me on- how is that my fault? I think its' telling A doesn't have many close friends from his class year - he spends most of his time with freshmen. Now that I'm finally coming out of my crisis management mode, I know I need to talk to A. I mean in person, face to face, not over the phone or facebook or any other chickenshit method cowards use to discuss serious business. However, A has his own forums account here, and I guess it's plausible he'll read this. Should that happen, I guess it would be nice for A to know this isn't a callout, and he doesn't have to respond here or at all. I'm not trying to harass him over the internet or turn him into a possession of mine. He has a right to live his own life and make his own mistakes, but I have a right to a life where I can love someone without getting robbed blind and hosed over without so much as a thank you. If anyone wants to comment on this or give me some advice I'd like that and if they want to mercilessly mock me, I mean, obviously I've put up with far worse. There is a photo of me in my avatar (which is stupid) but I'll include a few recent (yesterday) others to prove I'm not a fatty: http://fi.somethingawful.com/is/img217/...alloween09n.jpg <- I'm on the left. http://fi.somethingawful.com/is/img233/...horrorghost.jpg <- me actually at the rehearsal I was talking about tl;dr: Heartbroken college sophomore is likely sure her friendship with benefits is abusive and doesn't know if she can break the cycle. Pix included E: I don't know why the links are giving you a 404 error. Copy and Paste them into your browser if you wanna see (USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST) Kashzors fucked around with this message at Nov 02, 2009 around 03:39 |
| # ? Nov 02, 2009 03:37 |
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| # ? Nov 22, 2009 01:41 |
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You can't make someone feel differently about you by loving them. Its not going to happen and you should move on. Imageshack or whatever you are trying to use for the pictures doesn't work here also.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 03:41 |
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He doesn't seem to be that into you, I'm sorry. I think you could do better and should just get over it.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 03:45 |
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Kashzors posted:I'm afraid you people will mock me I can see why you'd think that. Also, not being into you and loving someone else isn't "abusive".
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 03:48 |
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Kashzors posted:I have a right to a life where I can love someone without getting robbed blind and hosed over without so much as a thank you. You're not going to find that with this winner. Truth is, guy likes having you on call, and you really need to GTFO. He's going to keep running hot and cold on you, because he can run hot and cold on you. Get rid of him before you waste one more minute on that loser.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 04:02 |
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Yeah, I'm not seeing so much "abuse" here. It just seems to me that A is an rear end in a top hat and you were a doormat and allowed it to happen. Look, A doesn't love you. He never has and he never will. The best thing you can do is pick up the pieces and move on. Don't talk to the guy. Don't call or text him. Unfriend him on Facebook or Myspace or whatever just so hat you're not sitting there refreshing his page and being all tortured because he's living his life and banging other chicks. Get some dignity, dammit!
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 04:03 |
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Okay, so he's a douche, but you're creepy and obsessive. I don't see any abuse here. Get over it, see a counselor if you have to. You don't need to have some big talk with him to resolve this poo poo, and I think it would be best if you just avoid him until you're able to deal with this in at least a somewhat reasonable manner. I doubt you're really "in love" with him, and I don't know why you would still describe him as great after he's been an rear end in a top hat to you. Oh, and one more thing, it's not any of your business who he dates, in the past or the future. It's his life, and hers. Don't be a douche to her for no reason. Also, jesus christ, you do NOT need to post pics so we can see you're "not a fatty." What the gently caress is wrong with you? You seem to have some bad self-esteem issues, among other things. Please seek help. Morby posted:Look, A doesn't love you. He never has and he never will.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 04:04 |
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I think the U is for 'Used,' which, in this case, you certainly were. At least you realized it. Perhaps too late, but you realized it. And because he's leading you on still, he wants to use you again. Are you going to let him? Because after all, Kashzors posted:I'm awesome and he's awesome. When I was one-and-twenty I heard a wise man say, 'Give crowns and pounds and guineas But not your heart away; Give pearls away and rubies But keep your fancy free.' But I was one-and-twenty, No use to talk to me. When I was one-and-twenty I heard him say again, 'The heart out of the bosom Was never given in vain; 'Tis paid with sighs a plenty And sold for endless rue.' And I am two-and-twenty, And oh, 'tis true, 'tis true. - A.E. Housman And you're probably not even one-and-twenty yet.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 04:04 |
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He doesn't love you, and there's nothing you can do about it. Move on, it'll do you better in the long run.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 04:13 |
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Neither of your picture links work but I guess that doesn't really matter. You may be hot as hell or a big ugly fatty but you have terrible self esteem and that is the most unattractive thing ever. This guy doesn't like you. He likes having sex with you but he doesn't want anything to do with you. He is embarrassed by you for some reason. You shouldn't care why, you just need to get away from him. He isn't abusive by the way, if you think he is you don't know what abusive means.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 04:13 |
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You can either continue to be a booty call for a guy that sounds like a real douche, or you can get some self-respect. Note that I'm not saying "you can do better," because you're not defined by who you're with. Learn to be happy with yourself or you're going to be miserable and get used by guys that could take or leave you for the rest of your life.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 04:19 |
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I don't see why you need to talk to him at all. Just leave. Don't be a doormat for once in your life. Find a nicer person to have sex with. Try not to become codependent though!
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 04:28 |
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You will always feel this pain as long as he is in your life. Just get away from him, don't answer his calls, texts, emails, etc. Don't tell him why you left. Give yourself plenty of time to heal. Do things that make you feel happy and better about yourself. You will feel good again, one day.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 04:34 |
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Kashzors posted:I am a sophomore, A is a junior. A is great in a plethora of ways. He's like a muse of mine, and I would move heaven and earth if I could get his affection at the other side. When he decides today is a day he wants to look good, it sets my blood boiling. I like his jokes, I like his Germany fetish. The sex, when we have it, is usually awesome, because I'm awesome and he's awesome. However, A doesn't love me, he likes me, or at least, likes to use me. We've been loving each other, off and on, for almost a year. (When I was a freshman.) It started when I was his gently caress-you gently caress after his girlfriend left him. A says this was a formative experience, the kind of sexual high you spend years trying to recapture. I think the episode melted my mind a little. God, are there any more melodramatic people on the face of the planet than those who attend small liberal arts colleges? Kashzors posted:He's like a muse of mine Some dickbag that uses you as a fallback? Kashzors posted:move heaven and earth  I also love how you say: Kashzors posted:The sex, when we have it, is usually awesome, because I'm awesome and he's awesome Then because your sex is just soooooo loving awesome you feel the need to repeat it: Kashzors posted:A says this was a formative experience, the kind of sexual high you spend years trying to recapture. I think the episode melted my mind a little. your entire post is horribly repetetive, and obscenely verbose for no reason, it could seriously be trimmed down to two mid-length paragraphs and be much more readable. Oh yeah, and you pretty much sound like a 15 year old with with a liberal arts college vocabulary and penchant for verbosity, dump this guy and grow up. And seriously, abusive? I mean yeah, he's a cock, and I'm sure this is a very upsetting experience, but there's at least one thread in E/N about actual abuse, quit whining.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 04:39 |
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I agree with the advice posted, but I have to wonder, you're ready to give us current pictures of yourself but you won't use real names in your stories? If you have to make up a pseudonym for everyone do it, but the initials get really grating after a while.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 04:44 |
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I changed my mind, you should probably call the police and have him arrested for abuse.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 04:46 |
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He's an rear end in a top hat. You're not in love, you're infatuated with an rear end in a top hat who happens to be good in bed. I guess you're a little young to stop confusing the two, but good luck in having the epiphany you'll need to stop acting like a desperate little lost puppydog.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 05:01 |
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If you weren't such a doormat you could clearly see this guy's a douchenozzle and uses people. You need to grow a pair of ovaries and respect yourself enough to let go. Your nonsensical fawning over some rear end in a top hat is bordering on obsessive, and it's unhealthy. Move on. Get him out of your life and look forward to a better tomorrow.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 05:06 |
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Kashzors posted:I would see them together and feel so ill I would actually need to vomit. There were days when I felt too miserable to move. I wept in my sleep, and would wake up in tears. Stop this kind of poo poo and get some psychological help. You are not 12 years old. You are not a princess in a fairy tale. You are an adult. Acting like that over someone you never even had a real relationship with is entirely insane.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 05:08 |
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I really wonder what kind of household you grew up in. I ask this because you have some seriously strange ideas about what is normal behavior in relationships. But it may be that you're just young, and loving around, and exploring poo poo and don't really know what the hell you're doing. However, if you're waking up in a puddle of tears I think its probably safe to say you're not doing the right thing!
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 05:45 |
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Kashzors posted:When I wouldn't talk to A, he was tripping over himself to try and make it right. When I'm nice to him, he acts like its' his due and wouldn't afford me the slightest bit of respect. When I do something I feel is really meaningful, he always says I'm being creepy or obsessive. Yet he's leading me on- how is that my fault? Its his fault for you being creepy and obsessive. I want you to explain that. Not what he's doing thats making you act insane, but why the things he does specifically cause you to be creepy and obsessive. Why is it his fault that you don't walk away like a normal person? Why isn't it your responsibility to recognize when you aren't wanted by a guy except as an occasional sex toy?
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 06:13 |
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Kashzors posted:However, A has his own forums account here, and I guess it's plausible he'll read this. Should that happen, I guess it would be nice for A to know this isn't a callout, and he doesn't have to respond here or at all. I'm not trying to harass him over the internet or turn him into a possession of mine. He has a right to live his own life and make his own mistakes, but I have a right to a life where I can love someone without getting robbed blind and hosed over without so much as a thank you. OP,judging from what you said about him it sounds like he isn't going to give a gently caress anyway. In fact he seems pretty up front about the fact that he's using you.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 06:23 |
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One of the best pieces of advice I've ever received: potential romantic partners can smell desperation on you like bad BO and its about as attractive as such. Not that playing aloof now will get you anywhere because once they smell it on you, you reek of it for the rest of your association with them. Cut your losses. Quit Rocky. Move on.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 06:27 |
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Does anyone else remember that old thread where the poster talked about dating a Rocky Horror cast member? I'm reminded of it because the people involved in this story are also really disfunctional. Edit: Found it! http://www.somethingawful.com/d/com...es-shocking.php Although as I recall, the people in this story are bigger gently caress ups. CPL593H fucked around with this message at Nov 02, 2009 around 06:47 |
| # ? Nov 02, 2009 06:44 |
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Yeah that is more of a rocky horror thing, though. Don't blow a gasket thinking it through, bunch of dramatic emo kids getting together and talking about perverse sexual poo poo for a few hours? Can't see that leading to any bumping uglies.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 06:47 |
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This whole situation sounds incredibly unhealthy. You are being obsessive and creepy. The way you oscillate between terrible criticism and loving admiration is ridiculous. This is the same sort of conflict I would expect from a stalker inches away from snapping and killing the object of their affection. I doubt you're that crazy, but you know you're in trouble when your self-description causes others to be reminded of an unbalanced stalker. You need to leave this man alone and remove him from your life. You're not good for him and being around him is not good for you.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 06:58 |
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You're experiencing what everyone has at some point if they didn't just marry the first person they ever hosed. You're learning what you want in a person by being around someone with traits that you like, but a whole lot of ones that're absolutely despicable to you. Unfortunately it hurts like a bitch, but it's part of your emotional growth and maturity. The idea is that you take all your experiences you've had with this douche-nozzle and apply it to your attempts at relationships in the future. Hopefully this painful experience is something that will help you spot similar traits in people you meet before you get too emotionally invested in them. It hurts like a bitch, it sucks poo poo, the only thing you can do is cry your eyes out, curse the fucker's name quietly to yourself and eventually be glad that you were able to get away from this guy before becoming even more invested in your relationship with him. As everyone is pointing out yes, you are suffering from target fixation, you end to stop focusing on this guy because of the extremely close proximity and constant contact. Find another outlet (Not just another person) for your spare thoughts and time to help de-focus from this guy who you're letting yourself become fixated on just because he's around all the time.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 07:34 |
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Chasie posted:
I was in Seattle the week before my 21st Birthday and found a beautiful ancient edition of 'A Shropshire Lad' in Twice-Sold Tales for $7. As if that alone wasn't enough to confirm that it's the best used-bookstore in the city, the crazy old lady who runs the place quoted these stanzas to me from memory when she rung me up. She can have my fancy any day.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 08:14 |
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HEY. HI. MY NAME IS A. gently caress, I am just going to assume you're a needy and retarded.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 08:26 |
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Also, Kashzors, it sounds like you need to forget this rear end in a top hat and find a more sensitive and mature sadistic prick who understands that great power comes with great responsibility and that actually WANTS both in his relationship with you.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 08:31 |
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This guy treat you like poo poo 'cause he feel he owns you, you'll do everything for him no matter what happen. So why should he act nice with you? ''poo poo, that sexy blonde don't wanna gently caress me tonite. Guess I'll call that obsessive chicks.'' You need to get a backbone and actually start to threat him like a human being rather than a God.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 08:59 |
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I wish there was a rule against using letters instead of names or pseudonyms because god drat it, its the most annoying thing ever and makes your post unnecessarily hard to read. Is it that hard to make names up? Besides that, "A" has a forums account and your icon is a picture of you and then you go on to post more pictures of yourself. Anyone in this situation who stumbles across this thread is going to know who its about anyways. If anonymity was what you were going for, well, you failed at that. Anyhow OP, you need to get to a therapist. The way you idolize this guy, considering you never even had a real relationship with him, is just creepy. Did you ever actually tell "A" how you feel about him using you or do you just assume he can tell? Quit Rocky horror and do whatever you can to stop seeing him. He never cared about you and never will. Sever and move on.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 09:27 |
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I really, really hope "A" reads E/N.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 09:39 |
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Think of it like a game of counterstrike, goons: There's a dramabomb planted in this thread and it's our responsibility as terrorists to make sure it goes off.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 09:51 |
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Yeah, a full-scale meltdown in real time on E/N with goons getting involved on both sides... Best thread ever? (as it stands this is lame)
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 09:59 |
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Pictures don't really count as identifying information if the links to the pictures don't work. But yeah, pseudonyms are much less confusing than initials. At least there were only two other people in this story, though.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 10:10 |
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Is there some way we can put out a SA APB for this guy? I WISH a bitch would step in this thread and start some crazy poo poo. (yes right now it is just another e/n thread)
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 10:18 |
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this thread might, conceivably, deliver. at some point.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 12:28 |
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Deciphered and rehosted: Click here for the full 604x453 image.  Click here for the full 604x453 image.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 12:35 |
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howthedevil posted:Deciphered and rehosted: Outstanding. OP you look exactly like I'd expected you would look. I.E. Meg from Family Guy. And clearly you've taken to acting like her as well, what with the creepy obsession and everything. Either improve your personality: take a step back, stop being clingy etc etc. Or improve your looks. Or both.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 12:51 |
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