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I grew up without a father/grandfather, and no, that's no excuse for not knowing bare essentials on how to strike people as a nice/professional person, I just haven't had any experience around older men. The only substitute i had was an older uncle who would visit me once a year for a day and pretty much beat the poo poo out of me and tell me what to and not to do in life. He has long since passed away and I'd like to touch up my skills. Here's what I have so far: - A strong handshake - Look at peoples eyes while they talk - Smile - Dress accordingly. - Clean shoes Are there any other things I should be using in interviews, first meetings with partners parents? Edit: Bah, poo poo post? Blasphemy. JynxAU fucked around with this message at Nov 02, 2009 around 23:24 |
| # ? Nov 02, 2009 23:22 |
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| # ? Nov 22, 2009 10:49 |
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I know this sounds corny, but don't think about micromanaging all of your actions and thoughts when talking to someone. Just think, "dammit, I really like this person! This person is really fun to be around!" ..and go from there. Make it as genuine as possible. People pick up on that.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 23:32 |
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Be nice to everyone. That doesn't mean you have to be the creepster that is fawning all over some girl or way too in to something. Just 'like' everyone. MIRROR MIRROR MIRROR MIRROR MIRROR They are upbeat? Pick it up and match the energy a little more. They are shy and nerdy reserved? Adjust course. This is honestly the biggest thing you can do. That and like the previous poster said, stop sperging about it. Relax, be nice, adjust to the person.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 23:41 |
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Any tip about making a good first impression is worthless if you don't have confidence first. You could be dressed like an idiot, shake hinds poorly, never smile, never make eye contact, and have dirty shoes and still make a good first impression if you exude confidence.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 23:42 |
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I came in here to make a troll post: Tell them a dirty joke. But your question perfectly fits the troll! There's your answer. Brush up and memorize a good 25 dirty jokes. Break them up between dirty and dirtier, and politics/religion/race. Now you have several memorable first impressions you can make, no matter who the older gentleman is.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 23:42 |
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Quazi is right, definitely don't micromanage. The strong handshake is key. Don't go nuts with it but a firm, solid handshake with eye contact sends a strong message. Also, when first meeting people, do a lot of listening. Ask follow up questions and stay interested. People remember that poo poo. Don't run your mouth. Kind of sounds dickish but the fewer things you say the less chance of loving something up. Be yourself kid.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 23:45 |
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Don't be _too_ firm with your handshake. You get some people who stare you down while pretty much crushing your hand and it's both painful and seems forced. Maintaining eye contact while they are talking to you is good, but don't completely stare at them, it is perfectly acceptable to look away/ at other people etc, as long as it doesn't look like you're making eye contact with others to roll eyes etc or are getting bored. It is a fine line, but just do what is natural - if you find yourself concentrating too hard on where you look you're going to forget what they are saying! I guess one important thing that many people don't get (including me sometimes) thing is don't talk too much about a particular hobby/interest of yours unless other people are specifically asking about it / showing real interest. It's more acceptable when you know them a bit better, but there's nothing worse than the guy who goes on about his hobby when just getting to know people. For example, I recently started a new job with a bunch of other guys and we had 2 weeks in a hotel for induction & team building. I was the first to arrive at the hotel, shortly arrived by another. We were having dinner and the conversation was kinda the polite getting to know each other type chat - what we did at Uni, where we are from etc, and a third guy arrives. The first thing he does is ask what we drive, followed by a funny face when we tell him. He then proceeds to dominate the conversation by telling us (and showing pictures of) about his great Peugeot 106 that he has modded (seriously, this is the worst car I have ever seen, he's gone as far as to spray paint 1 spoke on each wheel gold). Neither of us were particularly interested, and this car was clearly his pride and joy. It ended up that through the induction & team building week (involving 15 or so of us), him and his car were the on-going joke, and still now, 6 months on he is the one of the group who is least respected and everyone still takes the piss out of his car. So yeah - don't be this guy. One thing I have found is quite good for your first dinner with partner's parents is making a couple of light jokes that kinda take the piss (but nothing severe or particularly embarrassing) out of said partner. It's normally something that they can joke along with too, and as long as you're not some sort of social retard (lol guess what, I came in her hair the other day and she cried!) it will probably go down well.
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 23:49 |
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I used to do a lot of interviewing and was constantly amazed at the number of simple things people did wrong during the first 5 minutes of talking to them that made a bad impression. Apologies if some of these are super-obvious. Think about your posture - if you lurch into the room and sit in a chair like you have no back-bone, you'll just look like a student playing dress-ups or a complete no-hoper. No need to be ram-rod straight either, try to strike the right balance by sitting up straight and putting your shoulders back but relaxing slightly. Try to remove slang, slacker-talk and 'um' and 'ah' from your conversation. So, if you start a conversation by saying 'dude I'm JynxAU....ah....what's up'? You're going to come off pretty badly. Again, no need to be stiff and formal but try to aim for professional, articulate and concise. If you are meeting someone who is much older than you or someone like a potential boss or parent of a partner, use their title and surname during the first meeting (so, 'nice to meet you Mr Smith', 'pleased to meet you, Ms Jones', not 'Hi John') until you are invited to call them by their first name. 9 times out of 10 you will be asked to do so straight away but it's a nice courtesy that people generally appreciate. Repeating the person's name will also help you to remember it for later. The best way to start off a conversation is to ask them person about themselves: avoid the weather or asking after their health, it's boring. People love talking about themselves so try to have a topic that they are interested in 'I hear you enjoy ________. How's that going at the moment?' whatever hobby/past-time, etc. Also make sure your finger-nails are clean and neatly trimmed! (PS, Hope you've backed a winner today!)
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| # ? Nov 02, 2009 23:50 |
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Thanks for all the feedback, from the looks of It I seem to be doing most things you guys have said (Bar Cannibal  ). Appreciate it, keep it coming!
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 00:02 |
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One thing I would add is to have CONFIDENCE! YOU are THE poo poo! You are the one they should hire, you are the one to marry that dudes daughter. You You You. Believe in what you are saying and be confident in every word. That was my approach out of college and I had 4 offers and several office visit interviews that I turned down. I believe it works. If you don't show that you believe in yourself then why would the person you are talking to?
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 02:38 |
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The key to making a good first impression is name repetition, personality mirroring and never breaking off a handshake. You've always gotta think one step ahead, like a carpenter... that makes stairs.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 10:07 |
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I don't pay attention to posture, eye contact or smiling (at least, not consciously), but if you have poor grooming/hygiene, my first impression will forever be of you as that person with a booger caught on a long nostril hair. Clean your ears, floss your teeth, don't go to work with dried toothpaste crusted around your mouth. If you have bad dandruff, don't wear a black jacket and walk around with white flakes on your shoulder. You don't have to be a perfectly manicured metrosexual, but small details in your appearance go a long way to promoting a positive or negative first impression. Also, if you have really yellow teeth, consider whitening them, either with an OTC kit or professionally.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 13:14 |
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When you meet someone for the first time, give them a gentle squeeze of the balls. This shows that you are playful, uninhibited and also asserts your dominance. You can thank me later. Oh and if it's a woman then just punch her in the tits or something.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 13:20 |
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Top hat and monocle.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 14:07 |
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JynxAU posted:Here's what I have so far: Don't obsess over handshakes. If someone gives me one of those real strong handshakes my first thought is "this guy is trying to overcompensate for something". Some people like strong lumberjack handshakes and some don't. Fortunately for you you won't know that unless you are already familiar with them.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 14:18 |
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Behave as non-goony as you can
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 14:53 |
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Namarrgon posted:Don't obsess over handshakes. If someone gives me one of those real strong handshakes my first thought is "this guy is trying to overcompensate for something". Some people like strong lumberjack handshakes and some don't. Fortunately for you you won't know that unless you are already familiar with them. this guy is right. i give really strong handshakes to compensate for the size of my penis.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 15:12 |
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Anytime someone's given me a bone-crushing handshake, I see it as a challenge. So as soon as the handshake stops, I pull back and punch them hard in the face. If they had been faking the firm handshake and were only trying to crush my hand bones as a show of pretend strength and confidence, then after the punch they will recoil in horror. But a man who had been giving his bone-crushing handshake as a matter of pride and because it matched his manly personality will do nothing but take my punch and make a casual joke about how I "got him that time" and that we might "spar in the ring sometime." Then I'm pretty sure that we are required to talk about football.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 15:26 |
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Roy Swift posted:this guy is right. i give really strong handshakes to compensate for the size of my penis. I was more thinking along the lines of low self esteem but I'm sure this happened a few times. Also the OP is probably American but just for your information handshake etiquette also depends on the handshakee's culture.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 15:37 |
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Surprise French kiss.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 15:37 |
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Go read 'How to win friends and influence people' http://www.westegg.com/unmaintained...in-friends.html
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 16:29 |
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Give more thought to choosing thread tags.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 16:42 |
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Noni posted:Any tip about making a good first impression is worthless if you don't have confidence first. You could be dressed like an idiot, shake hinds poorly, never smile, never make eye contact, and have dirty shoes and still make a good first impression if you exude confidence. you know, confidence is like courage. You get the confidence or courage to do something after you do it, not before. It's a little stupid like that. SuntoryBOSS pretty much nailed it. Oh, and if you've got a suit - cheap, expensive, I don't care, get it tailored. A well tailored $99 suit can and will look better than a $1000 off the rack suit.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 16:53 |
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phatmonky posted:MIRROR MIRROR MIRROR MIRROR MIRROR (bold mine) I was at a Halloween party recently where I knew three out of some fifty guests, and reacted rather shyly to the rooms full of strangers. Eventually, though, I found common ground with a few and, ta-da, I survived. But near the end of the night, this middle-aged guy took it upon himself to corner me and talk my ear off about "how to not be so shy" and "quit hiding your personality." His spiel involved how he was a chameleon and my heart was closed and all kinds of bullshit he picked up over his drunken night. Shy people, especially when they hit adulthood, are just shy, and are more likely to open up to someone to whom they can relate than someone who tries to force their shell open. Don't be like that rear end in a top hat. Love people for who they are.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 16:56 |
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Listen more than you speak. This goes for a million things in life.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 22:00 |
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Chiming in to agree with Visuvius (above) recall the words of the American bard, Sam Clemens: Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than to open it and remove all doubt. That doesn't mean you have to play the deaf-mute. Just remember that less is often more in the initial verbal exchange. One could, in fact, argue that as part of an approach to life, generally. One can communicate much simply through dress, bearing, manners, and so forth without saying explicitly very much at all.
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 02:28 |
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hermand posted:Listen more than you speak. Without any sarcasm or mean-spiritedness this is the best advice to ever to emerge from the bog of despair that is e/n.
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 03:31 |
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hermand posted:Listen more than you speak. Yup. I'm in a position where I meet a few new people on a daily basis. People love to talk about themselves. They also love it even more when you ask questions so they can talk more about themselves. Remember little details if you're going to see them again. They'll be so excited that you remembered their dog's name or that you asked them how their recent job interview went, etc. Don't be self-deprecating. It's better to sit in silence and go about your business then put the other person in that awkward position where have to go "ohhh, I'm sure you're not like that."
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 03:31 |
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Skandiaavity posted:you know, confidence is like courage. You get the confidence or courage to do something after you do it, not before. It's a little stupid like that. True true true true ugh I hate people who buy suits that are snug on them or wear like pajamas. I'm really lucky in that I can wear an off the rack suit in a pinch and it works but I have like a super average build. edit: Honestly WalMart sells suit separates for like $20 on clearance sometimes. There is almost no excuse for not owning at least this if you are at least in college. It will always come in handy. Or if you can afford it, a better tailored one. You never ever know when you will have a formal event to go to, a court appearance (even for traffic tickets), a judicial hearing, speech, job interview, whatever... and when in doubt, wear the tie. Thrift stores are also a great place to find designer sport coats and poo poo for like $15. I got a Christian Dior jacket for $6 in one once, and saw a few others that just would never fit me this weekend in another. xie fucked around with this message at Nov 04, 2009 around 04:15 |
| # ? Nov 04, 2009 04:12 |
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Beaters posted:Chiming in to agree with Visuvius (above) recall the words of the American bard, Sam Clemens: I tried to follow this advice at one point in my life, and what ended up happening was that, anytime I would speak, no matter how large the group, everyone would shut up entirely, listen carefully, and not interrupt me until I was entirely done speaking. So there should be a corollary to that rule, which is not to keep your mouth shut to the degree that people have inflated expectations for anything that you say.
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 12:50 |
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Namarrgon posted:Don't obsess over handshakes. If someone gives me one of those real strong handshakes my first thought is "this guy is trying to overcompensate for something". Some people like strong lumberjack handshakes and some don't. Fortunately for you you won't know that unless you are already familiar with them. Really? I've never met anyone who says, "ya know, I really don't like a good, firm handshake." I don't mean you should crush the guy's hand, but don't just let your hand wave around like a loving dead trout. I hate it when people shake my hand like that, and, yes, I will think less of you for it.
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 14:01 |
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PT6A posted:Really? I've never met anyone who says, "ya know, I really don't like a good, firm handshake." I don't mean you should crush the guy's hand, but don't just let your hand wave around like a loving dead trout. I hate it when people shake my hand like that, and, yes, I will think less of you for it. I've never judged someone on a too-weak handshake but I won't appreciate someone trying to 'prove how awesome he is at handshaking' (yes, sometimes people can tell). Hence why I come back to "don't obsess about it".
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 14:06 |
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I am specifically talking about making first impressions here. And I'm particularly focusing on meeting older people as a young person in a professional setting. In this context there are two motivations at play: your motivation to fit in with the team, and your motivation to have their respect. Don't forget or eschew either of these goals, and don't act in a way that puts those at risk. All these people saying be confident are right in that you want to appear confident, but confidence doesn't just happen. Things like handshakes, eye contact, that's all easy stuff. You seem to know the formalities of introductions, so let's move beyond that. You should be mysterious, but be earnest. Always leave as much about yourself as possible to the imagination of others, but comment on things when you have an opinion and speak as officiously as you hold your convictions on the subject at hand. Mirroring body language and tone is typically good advice, but you shouldn't let others set the tone of a conversation all of the time. It's often easier and more charming (and it appears much more confident) to act in the way you feel most comfortable rather than feeling obliged to impress others. Don't feel too obliged to act extremely social when it's not in your nature to do so. Don't feel the need to show anything about yourself off unless asked to do so. People respect humility far more than pride. As long as you do not self-promote you can even get away with degrading others. Only self-promote once they already believe you to have humility. Make them think that you have humility by asking a lot of questions of your own. People, especially older people, will sell the hell out of themselves on and to you if you just keep asking them questions about whatever they were last talking about. Appear more interested in what others have to say than what you have to say, and people will automatically come to respect you.
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 15:00 |
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If someone gives you the overly firm handshake then you come back with the double-hand handshake. Most people are not ballsy enough to follow that up with their own double-hand. Then you win.
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 19:38 |
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Namarrgon posted:I've never judged someone on a too-weak handshake but I won't appreciate someone trying to 'prove how awesome he is at handshaking' (yes, sometimes people can tell). Hence why I come back to "don't obsess about it". The only times I've judged handshakes have been when they have been a) disgustingly cold-fishy (a lot of Asian girls I know seem to do this, their hand will just fall totally limp in yours and it is such a creepy feeling) or b) bone crushing.
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 19:57 |
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I usually think people that give those ridiculous hand shakes of doom are overcompensating for their insecurity. Its really not hard to give a normal handshake.
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 23:45 |
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Baron Society posted:If someone gives you the overly firm handshake then you come back with the double-hand handshake. Most people are not ballsy enough to follow that up with their own double-hand. If they DO follow up with their own double-hand, your only recourse is to headbutt them directly in their forehead. Do not try to force them into this, but if someone is in fact silly enough to return a double-handshake with another they will appreciate an attempted headbutt. (Don't get them in the nose though, it will ruin that well-tailored suit and tie you put on and obsessed about!)
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| # ? Nov 10, 2009 01:19 |
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Ask people questions about themselves. People love to talk about their self to others.
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| # ? Nov 10, 2009 09:08 |
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Try not to talk about your personal problems on the first meeting, regardless of how important it might feel to you. This is especially true for those people who also expect some dish of advice afterwards. I just met you!
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| # ? Nov 10, 2009 12:50 |
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