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I hate Yelp. It's a lowest-common denominator website where the culinary morons of the world can gather to produce the verbal vomit that are their reviews. From the "yummos" to the complaints about beer that tastes like beer, Yelp is part of the wasteland of the internet. What culinary stupidity have you encountered lately? A few from a good brewpub around the corner from my house: quote:The Caesar salad arrives, and it's a decent size for a side salad, however, there was a distinct fish taste. Fishy taste. In a caesar salad. You don't say. In the same review she complains because her burger has grill marks. quote:Haven't had the beer here because it would be kind of messed up to drink during a working day, but I don't think it' something people would really rave about. Wait....you didn't drink the beer and yet you feel it necessary to make the assumption that it's bad? About a pho house: quote:Note: THERE IS NO VEGETARIAN OPTION. Believe me, I asked for it, and the waitress said no. Do you even know what pho is? Oh, here's one about another brewpub: quote:We asked our server if the 120 [IPA] was sold in the bottle form for personal consumption and they informed us that we just had to go to the local liquor store in the same shopping center to find it. We traveled over to the liquor and wine store and were greeted with a serious case of "bitchiness". The staff at the liquor store were all bitches and treated us like we were kids. The old woman at the shop might as well have been a parrot the way she was repeating everything we said. If anyone needed a stick surgically removed from her rear end, this was that person. The cashier's story changed from we have some 120 in the back to "I don't want to get it for you" to "I don't care what Dogfish told you, we don't have any". What a bitch. Wait, what? That's not even a review of the restaurant.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 00:36 |
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| # ? Nov 22, 2009 10:53 |
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first one I decided to readquote:The menu was exhaustive. There was literally nothing I could think of that I've ever had at another Deli/Diner joint. It took me a LONG time to figure out exactly what I wanted, but I eventually got the Corned Beef and Hash literally nothing from another deli, i'd literally never been to a diner/deli that served corn beef and hash. it literally took me a LONG time to decide on this delight edit: later in the review they go on to complain that the corn beef and hash was too salty
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 01:08 |
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For this place. It was hard picking out which part to copy...quote:And! also! it's! name! has! an! exclamation! point! which! always! makes! things! more! fun!
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 01:26 |
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Fooley posted:For this place. It was hard picking out which part to copy... Yeah, people who add random poo poo or excessive exposition for a three line review are basically why I never use yelp. quote:There is something to be said about being on the other side of the gaming spectrum. It used to be that my ex would have to literally disconnect my computer in order for me to get off, risking the loss of life and limb. Apparently "just one more quest!" doesn't work after you've used it oh...8 billion times.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 01:29 |
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Subway review:quote:Let me start by saying I'm a fan of subway, I really am, I have nothing against them and eat there often. Well i probably shouldn't say I have nothing against them, its not true because now I do have something against them, at least one of them. Subway Po Co a place I frequent during the week on my way to work. I go there because its either that a donair, pizza, or fast food burgers, and I figure I would mind enjoying a couple years of retirement before the disrespect Ive shown my body over the years gives me a massive coronary. Now I don't know what it is about this area of Po Co, maybe its the low income housing, possibly the countless drug addicted fiends and homeless that hang around, but the IQ level drops of a cliff faster than Brittney Spears off the wagon. Every time I go into this subway I have to wait, sometimes for 3-5 minutes for the nice lady to finish her conversation about god knows what (I dont speak Philippino). I know 3-5 minutes doesn't sound like a long time but when your standing directly in front of them and have ten minutes to get to work it is. So after I answer their standard questions what bread? toasted? cheese? we get to the part I dread, the vegetables. Now I can understand a bad produce day can happen just like a bad hair day can, but when your 3 doors down from a very well run farmers market I don't think you have an excuse. If the lettuce isn't brown the tomatoes are green and if they are both fine the banana peppers are all nubs if all those are fine the green peppers are not green..... well you get the point. So as I create the sandwich I'm second guessing even eating trying to dodge the poisonous combo that can put me in a six foot deep dirt bed surprises pop up , vegetables that I thought were good have rotten siblings hiding underneath them , asking the lady to remove the green and brown tomato from my sub I'm looked at like I just strangled and ate her dog, reluctantly she takes them off wraps my sandwich leaving half of it tomato less and goes to the cash register. Feeling like Ive just been put into time out I bite my tongue and pay for the sandwich then rush to work. Now if this happened just once I wouldn't be yelping but being that this has happened at least ten times and to the point where I wont set foot in the store, or even in front of it anymore I am yelping. If the vegetables weren't bad enough the rancid tuna that had my mother on the sidelines for a week is. So whoever is reading I'm begging you for your own health stay away from this particular subway. You will never eat fresh here. So for you subway Po Co edition I give you two out of ten fingers up and blatantly shoved in your face with rotten tomato rings on each one. French fry place review: quote:Wasn't what I was expecting. You thought the fries were "grody" but admitted you didn't eat them fresh. What were you expecting? When was the last time you had a tasty, crispy, day-old french fry?
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 01:40 |
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I'd never been to Yelp before, but some of the replies are mind boggling. My favorite watering hole in the city is known for two things: an extensive beer selection and nightly live jazz/blues music. I will no doubt love it forever based on those two things alone. But...College Girl at a Jazz Beer Bar posted:Yes they have lots of beers. I get that. But the music is always strange and the upstairs is always too crowded to really move. It wasnt until late senior year that we discovered the downstairs bar, sadly, but that area is great. I like the crowd, bar, and music better there. I've never had food so i can't comment on that. 1 star for the upstairs, and 4 for downstairs...averaging 3 stars. The lady had a problem with a jazz joint playing "strange" music and she poo poo on the upstairs portion where all the food is served and all the draught beer selection is. It's one of many reviews for my area that have had me going  for the past 15 minutes or so.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 01:54 |
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Came for the draggable map, could really care less about the reviews. Also their business practices vis a vis advertising and advertisers are somewhat sketchy, or so I have heard. Plus Yelp! Brooklyn is filled with reactionary yuppie fucks.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 02:02 |
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That Girl posted:Subway review: You simply must go check out http://www.dinehere.ca for your Vancouver area restaurant reviews. Half of them are the restaurant owners giving themselves five stars, and the other half are people whose rolls didn't come on time, so they're making themselves feel better by giving the place a review that's designed to shut them down immediately.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 02:03 |
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Thanks to Yelp, I know know that there is a Nepalese place in my small city. That's cool, and going on my to-do list for this weekend. Their reviewers pretty well suck, but it has been a help to me, kinda.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 02:13 |
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The people that tend to leave reviews on these sorts of services generally fall into three categories (with some overlap): Shills, attention whores, and dissatisfied customers (but not always for the reasons they state). Edit; I just logged in and here is one of the random recent reviews on the main page. Why someone would "review" a Golden Corral, I don't know: some dude posted:Golden Corral is a place you come to get your grown man on at a low price. The goal of each entree is to fill you and make you ultimately obese. Some people really take the food here serious, I witnessed a dude shouting at a manager over some ribs, and another guy packin some serious heat on his hip staring at me and my boys, I was like don't trip Don Imus I didn't vote for Obama!!! Flash Gordon Ramsay fucked around with this message at Nov 03, 2009 around 02:30 |
| # ? Nov 03, 2009 02:25 |
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Demagogue posted:Why someone would "review" a Golden Corral, I don't know: Same reason the one up top reviewed a Subway: Fine eatin', brah.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 02:36 |
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You have pretentious retards who brand themselves cupcake snobs and pho connoisseurs that consistently complain that they're from Southern California and have yet to find a place that matches their extravagant taste. Hilariously enough, these people will spend three paragraphs describing how "experienced" they are at judging food and will begin whining about every minuscule flaw regarding their experience. Cashier took too long counting out the change? Manager forgot to tell the worker on duty to give you the discount because you wouldn't stop pestering him or her over e-mail? Yes, Yelpers feel inclined to describe all of this to you instead of solely focusing on how the restaurant actually is. Also, I heard that businesses that sponsor Yelp can easily have negative reviews removed. So much for "real reviews". woz0 fucked around with this message at Nov 03, 2009 around 02:56 |
| # ? Nov 03, 2009 02:46 |
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I think we should all make fake accounts and start posting reviews. I'm working on one right now: my review of some place, first draft posted:We showed up a few minutes early for our reservation and the hostess, named Brittany, seated us quickly. Or maybe it was Bethany. It was one of those trendy names that comes around every two decades, and then falls out of popularity quickly, like cuffs on jeans or bellbottoms or those really short miniskirts. Except when those miniskirts first came out, woman had the good sense to wear underpants not like these harlots on the tv who think it’s ok to show the world something only their husband and the doctor who delivers their babies is supposed to see. Kids get all this on the internet, where apparently “free speech” means do whatever you want and take pictures of it for the whole world. It makes you wonder if the Soviets had the right idea.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 03:07 |
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Demagogue posted:I think we should all make fake accounts and start posting reviews. I thought I had too much time on my hands READING the reviews.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 03:12 |
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First let me say that we were totally NOT going to go to this place, because Candace had her heart set on Cheesecake Factory, but when we got there, they were all like, "Sorry, there's a 20 minute wait," and I was all "uh, I don't think so." So Candace is all bummed, and I'm all "whatever," so we drive around for a half hour or so then we found this place, and we were just "let's just go eat." So we get there, and there's like, a bathroom RIGHT THERE BY THE DOOR, so gross! Who wants to go to a restaurant where people go pee and uh-uh, right? So we wait, and then this hostess chick comes and gets our name, and we're just like, "just get us a table, alright?" So we finally get our seats and this waitress brings us water, and I got like, so much less ice in mine than Candace or Hillary did, and I was all, "umm, excuse me, I don't have any ice!" But she was like super nice about it, and brought me another glass. I don't think we'll go back, though, because we only went there because Cheescake Factory was making us wait, and I didn't want to go to Chili's.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 03:18 |
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I can't stand the amount of people who say things on the Boston Yelp site like "Well, there's no way Mexican food in Boston can compare to the kind I would get back at home in Austin but if you must know..." or "There's no real Japanese food here; for that you have to go to San Francisco". Shut up. True or not these statements are entirely useless in the context of Yelp. I'm going to the site to see if people like the restaurant or not, and, if not, if there's another place within a reasonable traveling distance that might be better. I'm not flying across the country for some loving sushi, and you drat well know it so just cram it
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 03:38 |
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woz0 posted:Also, I heard that businesses that sponsor Yelp can easily have negative reviews removed. So much for "real reviews". It's more like Yelp extorts businesses to buy a sponsorship to remove useless reviews.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 04:06 |
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Being a cupcake snob, I know a good cupcake when I see one. These cupcakes are good, but I am not convinced that they are worth $3-a- cupcake-good. These cupcakes are not perfectly shaped like Sprinkles'; the toppings and frosting are nothing extraordinary like Crumbs'; the taste is just not as rich and mesmerizing like Delessio's. Sigh, the search continues...........
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 04:35 |
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I will drive 20 minutes away and bypass all other car washes just to come to this one. I know that sounds crazy, but let me tell you this car wash is top notch. It's one thing to see a line of dirty cars waiting to get a car wash, but it is another to see all high-end expensive cars waiting in line to get a car wash. I have seen everything from beamers to bentleys waiting in line to get a car wash. This particular car wash also has gas pump services available while you are waiting in line, you can fill up your car. They use a pre treater to loosen up all of the bug juices that accumulate on your vehicle then secure your vehicle with a rail & belt system that locks your front driver side tire in place. You are then taken through a series of cycles to wash your vehicle and then air dried followed by hand dried. This is the time to give a tip if you are going to give one. The vacuums are on the south side of the building and this is where it can get a little crazy. There are only two and the lot is small so you have to manuver very carefully if other vehicles are around. Make sure that you come from the north side of Rainbow blvd to turn right into the car wash. If you come from the south and there is a line you will be redirected to the back of the line because you will hold up traffic from the south when you are trying to make a left hand turn in front of oncoming traffic. The only down side to this car wash is that they don't have an interior service to clean up your car, but they do a very good job on the outside of it. Also, if you want to detail your car, just walk up to one of the guys and ask them for a couple of towels and they will let you borrow them, which is pretty cool I think. Who gives a gently caress about a car wash? Why are there car wash reviews on Yelp?
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 05:05 |
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I'm paraphrasing this one, since I didn't see it myself: a friend of mine found it while looking at Yelp reviews of a new Mexican place he wanted to try. "The wait staff was extremely unhelpful. Our waiter refused to tell us the difference between the burrito and the burrito grande, he just kept saying 'It's bigger.' He was obviously just trying to bilk us out of the 2 extra dollars!"
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 09:21 |
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Wow, it took me about 8 seconds of searching near me for this gem about Zaxby's near me at work. tina r. |
| # ? Nov 03, 2009 12:38 |
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Croatoan posted:Wow, it took me about 8 seconds of searching near me for this gem about Zaxby's near me at work. Grilled cheese without the cheese? It took me a bit to parse that. Oh, it's because I called it bread. If you want to say fried bread, fine. Pretentious douche.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 13:24 |
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Oh, Kistler's. I have bittersweet memories of you. When I was just out of college, I was directionless, poor and mostly drunk...and you were my watering hole of choice. There were much better places to drink, for sure. Other bars had more to choose from than Coors and Iron City. Other bars didn't have leaky roofs. Other bars actually had bathrooms that had been cleaned after 1963. And most importantly, other bars had patrons that weren't dirty old guys. Kistler's, however, had two things going for it: it was only two blocks from my parents' house (where I was living at the time), and it was CHEAP - $0.75 cents for a draft, and $1.50 for a bottle of beer. In other words, I could get completely blotto for less than $10, then stumble home and throw up on my brother's shoes (true story). While I look back on that time of my life with some contempt for my inability to get my poo poo together, I still have a soft spot for this place, and I look back fondly on memories and stories that I won't dare repeat in a public forum. Let's just say that I'll never look at a jukebox in the same way again... FYI - the owner sold the place to his nephew, and it's now called Junior's Place. I haven't been back since the change in ownership, but I hear he's cleaning the place up
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 13:27 |
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my subway review > your subway reviewquote:EXCELLENT... CLEAN, FRIENDLY, GREAT FOOD AND GREAT PRICES. A REGULAR STOP FOR ME!! ...and I'm not sure what to do with this quote:I feel as if I may be a little unfair in my review of this establishment as I cook a lot of pasta and rarely find a dish that can compare to home made sauces. and my new BFF Nick "Nick" M. has this to say about 5 star establishment Long John Silver's quote:It's pretty good if you like some seafood Gourd of Taste fucked around with this message at Nov 03, 2009 around 14:30 |
| # ? Nov 03, 2009 13:29 |
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^^^ I don't think it's that bad - granted, the I COOK PASTA AT HOME IM SO AWESOME is a bit pretentious but paying fifty dollars for an Olive Garden meal would tick me off too.yelp posted:I went to Cincinnati last summer for a wedding b/c the bride and groom are originally from OH. These folks swear by Skyline's greatness so what better way to try it right straight from the heart of OH!! Haha, so Cincinnati chili is an acquired taste. Seriously, though, I think a fast food franchise called Wienerschnitzel has other problems aside from pushing a product that isn't a "strong selling tool like the hamburger." mediaphage fucked around with this message at Nov 03, 2009 around 13:36 |
| # ? Nov 03, 2009 13:33 |
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mediaphage posted:Grilled cheese without the cheese? It took me a bit to parse that. Oh, it's because I called it bread. If you want to say fried bread, fine. Pretentious douche. I've eaten there. All it is is buttered texas toast that's been grilled on the griddle.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 13:39 |
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Croatoan posted:I've eaten there. All it is is buttered texas toast that's been grilled on the griddle. Which frankly sounds delicious, but I would probably call it "buttered toast" or something rather than "grilled cheese without the cheese".
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 13:40 |
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Ah, Yelp. The Chicago reviews are pretty decent if you take them with a grain of salt. If nothing else, they are often hilarious. My personal pet peeve is that every other restaurant is "A Hidden Gem". Seriously, people. I swear that almost every restaurant I look up has at least 1 review that says this.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 14:23 |
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quote:This place is best for booze and singing....I would have said the food, however, by the time we got to the bottom of our "Guacamole" there was a pubic hair in it, we just happened to be with a family doctor friend that indeed confirmed it! something like that kind of ruins it for you! "Samantha F." on Trader Todd's in Chicago
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 14:55 |
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blacquethoven posted:"Samantha F." on Trader Todd's in Chicago Sounds to me like the doctor had his way with that guacamole.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 14:57 |
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Since when does it take a doctor to identify a pubic hair?
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 15:03 |
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My favorites: For a long time the number one restaurant in Austin was a theater that served food. I mean, I like the Alamo Drafthouse a lot, but it isn't our best restaurant. loving hipsters like to give good reviews to ultra lovely places. There is a Thai place about FORTY-loving-MINUTES outside of the city that was listed as the best in the city. I drive out there and experience the worst Thai food I could have ever imagined. But, hey, it was weird to have a Thair restaurant in the middle of loving nowhere in a double wide, so vote it #1 you poo poo-heel hipsters. Lord of Space posted:
Overly long, but seems like a fair enough review to me? Hiyme posted:Thanks to Yelp, I know know that there is a Nepalese place in my small city. That's cool, and going on my to-do list for this weekend. Their reviewers pretty well suck, but it has been a help to me, kinda. Ya, that is all yelp is really good for, finding new restaurants.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 16:43 |
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The thing is, you have to take all the reviews for what they are. If the guy or gal really sounds like they know what they're talking about, then I will take it to heart. As has been mentioned, I dig it for finding places I'd otherwise not have heard of.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 17:09 |
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Tai-Pan posted:loving hipsters like to give good reviews to ultra lovely places. There is a Thai place about FORTY-loving-MINUTES outside of the city that was listed as the best in the city. I drive out there and experience the worst Thai food I could have ever imagined. But, hey, it was weird to have a Thair restaurant in the middle of loving nowhere in a double wide, so vote it #1 you poo poo-heel hipsters. In my opinion, hipsters who think that a $18 organic burger that tastes of mold and flopsweat is better than something at a Red Robin are the real problem on Yelp. I can usually identify a lovely review if it's a middle class homemaker who doesn't know what Pho is. What I can't easily identify is if a thorough, well-written review is being honest or just pretentious. What you can do, however, is click on a dude's profile and type in the name of what they reviewed. If JohhnyNimble from Austin, TX only turned out to review one Thai restaurant, which he spooged all over, then he's probably full of poo poo.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 17:34 |
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Tai-Pan posted:loving hipsters like to give good reviews to ultra lovely places. There is a Thai place about FORTY-loving-MINUTES outside of the city that was listed as the best in the city. I drive out there and experience the worst Thai food I could have ever imagined. But, hey, it was weird to have a Thair restaurant in the middle of loving nowhere in a double wide, so vote it #1 you poo poo-heel hipsters. Umm.... maybe you don't know any hipsters, but if you own a car you aren't one, and therefore I don't believe that any hipster wrote a review for a Thai restaurant in the suburbs.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 17:37 |
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Maverix0r posted:Umm.... maybe you don't know any hipsters, but if you own a car you aren't one, and therefore I don't believe that any hipster wrote a review for a Thai restaurant in the suburbs. Moreover, hipsters don't visit the suburbs, even when someone else is driving.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 17:40 |
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Maverix0r posted:Umm.... maybe you don't know any hipsters, but if you own a car you aren't one mediaphage posted:hipsters don't visit the suburbs Let's not have this argument. Hipsterism is like pornography; you know it when you see it. And, like pornography, it's perfectly healthy for a twenty-something, in moderated doses. We can all agree on our hatred for Yuppies, however.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 17:41 |
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Maverix0r posted:Umm.... maybe you don't know any hipsters, but if you own a car you aren't one, and therefore I don't believe that any hipster wrote a review for a Thai restaurant in the suburbs. Que? After a "fixie" this is the vehicle of choice:  Brooklyn aside, most hipsters have cars because you cannot live in most cities without one. mediaphage posted:Moreover, hipsters don't visit the suburbs, even when someone else is driving. Suburbs? This place was in a cow pasture.  Now for some content: This is probably the best restaurant in Austin. Known for Sushi and other unusual asian influenced ingredients. Why would you go here if you were squeamish? Especially if you don't like Asian food? Some dumb chick posted:I know! I know! You're thinking, "How in the world could she give this place 2 stars? Everyone who is anyone looves this place!" True. True.
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 18:30 |
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Goddamn some of these people are bad. The reviews for my local pizza place, Settebello, were bad enough. Chicagoans voting the place down because it's a super-traditional Napoli-style pizza place is dumb. Then I made the mistake of looking up the reviews for Lotus of Siam, a place widely regarded as the best Thai food in North America.quote:Very overrated! My favorite Thai dish is mint chicken and so when I try a Thai place for the first time, I always order this dish as a benchmark for comparison. Well, the version here just wasn't up to par. The chicken was somewhat dry, and it wasn't mint chicken, but moreso a version of chicken prig khing....and not a very good version at that. The food was spicy, but not flavorful. I think a lot of times, spice is used to mask a lack of flavor... Great, now I sound like some kind of apologist. Back to terribly-written reviews. quote:Yum-o! quote:Okay the bar is set high even before you get seated. Award winning Thai food featured in Gourmet magazine and the list goes on and on in the waiting area..go ahead read. Overall prettty good Thai food but not the best I'd ever had. A word of warning I like my food spicy but the medium woke me up QUICKLY and the portions are small. 
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 18:37 |
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bartolimu
A bit overated. Enjoy!!
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bartolimu posted:Goddamn some of these people are bad. The reviews for my local pizza place, Settebello, were bad enough. Chicagoans voting the place down because it's a super-traditional Napoli-style pizza place is dumb. Then I made the mistake of looking up the reviews for Lotus of Siam, a place widely regarded as the best Thai food in North America. Don't forget Todd's quote:Ambiance probably the worsr of all time haha but that makes it fun because u will be suprised when main course arrives! Service is ok. Could be much better however owners are very close minded and arrogant about how to run a restaurant. quote:
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| # ? Nov 03, 2009 18:42 |
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they fucking better have pizza
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