Colbert Report to Sponsor US Speedskating Team

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium* > Colbert Report to Sponsor US Speedskating Team

muskratlove: Mar 22, 2004; He could throw you down a flight of stairs, but you still would love him anyway...

http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/news/story?id=4618388

quote:

NEW YORK -- Of the many countries participating at the Vancouver Olympics, add Colbert Nation to the list.

On Monday's "The Colbert Report," Stephen Colbert announced his show has become the primary sponsor of the U.S. Speedskating team. The team's largest annual cash sponsor, DSB Bank NV, left the team in the lurch after it declared bankruptcy in October.

The name "Colbert Nation" -- the catchall for the legion of ardent fans of the satirical Comedy Central program -- will be emblazoned on the team's uniforms.

"On their enormous, billboard thighs, it will say, 'Colbert Nation,"' Colbert said in an interview before Monday evening's taping. "Be looking for that logo as it comes around the final turn. It will be easy to see because it will be in first place."

Speedskating has produced some of the most iconic figures in U.S. Olympic history, from Eric Heiden to Dan Jansen and Bonnie Blair. In all, Americans have claimed 75 medals -- 32 of them gold -- on the traditional long track oval and the wild-and-wooly short track rink. In Vancouver, Shani Davis, Chad Hedrick and short track star Apolo Anton Ohno will all be vying for medals.

"I personally love Comedy Central + The Colbert Report," Ohno said in an e-mail to The Associated Press. "Any attention the sport can get is going to be beneficial. I'd like to see how creative they can get! I'm game to do a skit about it :-)"

The show isn't paying the team any money directly. Instead, Colbert is calling on his fans to donate to the team via http://www.colbertnation.com and http://www.usspeedskating.org. In the past, Colbert has had a great deal of success raising money this way. He has raised hundreds of thousands of dollars for the Yellow Ribbon Fund, a charity that assists injured service members and their families.

The Dutch bank DSB was to pay $300,000 for the sponsorship but failed to make any payments. That put U.S. Speedskating in a difficult position with little time to court new sponsors before the games begin in February.

U.S. Speedskating executive director Robert Crowley, who appeared on Monday's show along with Jansen, acknowledged it was a "definitely unconventional arrangement," but said it would generate exposure for the sport.

"We're highly optimistic that the country is going to get behind this and get behind the Colbert Nation and support this amazing team," Crowley said. "I don't have any idea if it's going to make $5 or $500,000. I couldn't tell you."

Colbert, who often leads his audience in chants of "U-S-A!," said he had been considering taking "The Report" to Vancouver for the Olympics, much as he took the show to Iraq earlier this year to perform for American troops.

"My character sees the Olympics as war, but nobody gets hurt," Colbert said. "It's a way to peacefully figure out who has got the top country."

Colbert, who plays a kind of mock conservative talk-show host on "The Report," also has a penchant for seeing his name adopted for various causes around the world. Things that have taken his name include a NASA treadmill used in the international space station (COLBERT), a bald eagle (Stephen Jr.), a Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream flavor (Americone Dream) and a junior hockey league team (mascot Steagle Colbeagle the Eagle).

An American Olympic team is clearly a step up, and Colbert can be expected to feature the team frequently on his show in the coming months.

"It still tragically involves a lot of Canadians," the comedian said. "It's kind of unseemly how many Canadians I'm going to have to be dealing with."

I don't know how many of you saw this on tonight's "Report" (I sadly missed it), but I think it's a great idea. Not only does it get the Speedskating team a much needed sponsorship, but think of all the hilarious tie-ins Stephen can do with the team.

Okay, maybe not "hilarious," but maybe "chuckle-worthy." No? Guys?

# ? Nov 03, 2009 06:52

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# ? Nov 22, 2009 01:50

oystertoadfish: Jun 17, 2003

hell, that's kinda funny

# ? Nov 03, 2009 07:21

bishnu: Sep 19, 2003; I hate you all.

Is that the first time an emoticon has appeared in an ESPN article?

# ? Nov 03, 2009 07:22

Messyass: Dec 23, 2003

Click for video

That's great news. I love the Colbert Report and I love speedskating.

# ? Nov 03, 2009 11:53

Meat Recital: Mar 26, 2009; The biggest punches.
The smallest gloves.
The worst ground game.

Long-track or short-track? Because short-track rules but long-track is hilariously unfunny.

# ? Nov 03, 2009 11:55

Messyass: Dec 23, 2003

Both, as far as I know.

long-track is not as much a hilarious clusterfuck as short-track but it's pure athleticism, much like running and swimming in the summer olympics (which are popular enough).

# ? Nov 03, 2009 12:21

SAKU FUCKING KOIVU: Nov 15, 2007; I'm floating this homing pigeon out hell's kitchen window...

I really liked the part where everyone started chanting USA USA because it finally convinced me that Stephen Colbert is a loving tool, both ironically and not.

# ? Nov 03, 2009 15:31

muskratlove: Mar 22, 2004; He could throw you down a flight of stairs, but you still would love him anyway...

That's what surprises me about the lack of popularity with speed skating - to me, it's the Winter Olympics equivalent of track, but it gets no love (at least compared to figure skating).

# ? Nov 03, 2009 15:32

Mr. Kite: Aug 28, 2004; There is a man, a certain man

Wow, I just finished watching the show and come here to see this thread.

I wanted to donate but they have no paypal option.

# ? Nov 03, 2009 15:39

Vando: Oct 26, 2007; And I shall include a provision that stateth 'no eye contact in a devil's three way'

Short track owns. Especially when you can be like the 12th best guy and still win gold when literally everyone in front of you crashes.

# ? Nov 03, 2009 15:45

EdRush: Dec 13, 2005; Reliability of projection has dropped below 45%. Remaining projection is not open to useful speculation. Variables infinite. Accuracy unknown.

SAKU loving KOIVU posted:

I really liked the part where everyone started chanting USA USA because it finally convinced me that Stephen Colbert is a loving tool, both ironically and not.

http://hij.sagepub.com/cgi/content/abstract/14/2/212

# ? Nov 03, 2009 16:37

SAKU FUCKING KOIVU: Nov 15, 2007; I'm floating this homing pigeon out hell's kitchen window...

EdRush posted:

http://hij.sagepub.com/cgi/content/abstract/14/2/212

Hahah cool abstact.

Although I would argue that one can be appalled by Nationalism independant of personal ideological affiliation, because 'Nationalism is the last refuge of the scoundrel,' and there are scoundrels of every political stripe.

# ? Nov 03, 2009 17:16

soggybagel: Aug 06, 2006; :smugfavre:

SAKU loving KOIVU posted:

I really liked the part where everyone started chanting USA USA because it finally convinced me that Stephen Colbert is a loving tool, both ironically and not.

No sir, you are the one that is a tool.

# ? Nov 03, 2009 18:25

decahedron: Aug 08, 2005; Ban me again. I dare you.

SAKU loving KOIVU posted:

I really liked the part where everyone started chanting USA USA because it finally convinced me that Stephen Colbert is a loving tool, both ironically and not.

Really glad you decided to make this already gay thread even gayer. Thanks.

# ? Nov 03, 2009 18:29

oystertoadfish: Jun 17, 2003

muskratlove posted:

That's what surprises me about the lack of popularity with speed skating - to me, it's the Winter Olympics equivalent of track, but it gets no love (at least compared to figure skating).

this whole episode shows that it really is pretty popular by winter olympic sport standards - i don't see colbert sponsoring the us nordic biathlon team, or whatever

# ? Nov 03, 2009 21:56

Bombtrack: Dec 02, 2001; sloppy seconds

Nice, he should sponsor the curling team as well. Is there still a Canadian hockey team with the "Stephen Colbert Eagles" as their mascot or something?

# ? Nov 03, 2009 22:02

Meat Recital: Mar 26, 2009; The biggest punches.
The smallest gloves.
The worst ground game.

Bombtrack posted:

Nice, he should sponsor the curling team as well. Is there still a Canadian hockey team with the "Stephen Colbert Eagles" as their mascot or something?

Yes, the Saginaw Spirit, based in Michigan but playing in the Ontario Hockey League.

# ? Nov 03, 2009 23:01

BlackJosh: Sep 25, 2007; _{I want that purple stuff}

you suck if you don't think this is awesome.

edit:

BlackJosh fucked around with this message at Nov 04, 2009 around 02:53

# ? Nov 04, 2009 02:41

KamikazeJim: Sep 15, 2006; Taking 'the' out of psychotherapist, one night at a time.

The two-bit operation I work for is currently setting up an assload of tents for tomorrow's 100-day countdown event to the 2010 Winter Olympics. If you're in NYC there's a bunch of Olympic-related events going on at Rockefeller Center all day tomorrow, and you can see some of the white leg drapes that me and another employee half-assed since we had next to no warning about having to make them, and they didn't have the foresight to rent them instead.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 03:22

seiferguy: Jun 09, 2005; Iron Knuckle would appreciate it if you'd stop downstabbing his head.

This is pretty awesome. Especially this quote:

quote:

"It still tragically involves a lot of Canadians," the comedian said. "It's kind of unseemly how many Canadians I'm going to have to be dealing with."

# ? Nov 04, 2009 06:58

soggybagel: Aug 06, 2006; :smugfavre:

They've already raised a ton of money which is great.

# ? Nov 06, 2009 04:34

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