Top Secret Bear Weapon Tested on Islamic Militants

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TheStig: Jan 03, 2009; Resident Tamed Racing Driver

Sounds like it's time to deploy bears to the caves of Afghanistan, they seem to be pretty effective cave clearers.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/8339549.stm

BBC posted:

Bear kills militants in Kashmir

By Altaf Hussain
BBC News, Srinagar

A bear killed two militants after discovering them in its den in Indian-administered Kashmir, police say.
Two other militants escaped, one of them badly wounded, after the attack in Kulgam district, south of Srinagar.

The militants had assault rifles but were taken by surprise - police found the remains of pudding they had made to eat when the bear attacked.
It is thought to be the first such incident since Muslim separatists took up arms against Indian rule in 1989.

Bodies found
The militants had made their hideout in a cave which was actually the bear's den, said police officer Farooq Ahmed.
The dead have been identified as Mohammad Amin alias Qaiser, and Bashir Ahmed alias Saifullah.
News of the attack emerged when their injured comrade went to a nearby village for treatment.
"Word spread in the village that Qaiser had been killed by the bear," another police officer said.
A joint party of the police and army personnel went into the forest and collected the bodies of the two militants.
Police say they also recovered two Kalashnikov assault rifles and some ammunition from the hideout.

Animal attacks
Wildlife experts say the conflict in Kashmir has actually resulted in an increase in the population of bears and leopards.
Following the outbreak of the insurgency people had to hand in their weapons to police - which put a halt to poaching.
As a result, there has been a greater incidence of man-animal conflict, say experts.
There have been many reports of bears and leopards killing or mauling humans in different parts of the Kashmir valley in recent years.
Three years ago, residents of Mandora village near the southern town of Tral, beat a black bear to death which had strayed into the village.

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# ? Nov 04, 2009 03:56

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# ? Nov 21, 2009 11:42

Radd McCool: Dec 03, 2005

I still liked the gay bomb idea better.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 03:57

Archives: Nov 23, 2008

Wait, what sort of pudding was it? The article doesn't mention it. This is important.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:00

Solice Kirsk: Jun 01, 2004; One down.... one to go

Archives posted:

Wait, what sort of pudding was it? The article doesn't mention it. This is important.

Chocolate. Bears love chocolate pudding. It's probably what attracted it.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:01

Der Luftwaffle: Dec 29, 2008

Decades from now, Bin Laden's bones will be found in a cave alongside the remains of a bear.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:03

eckoelab: Apr 07, 2005; we are chaos in motion

when terror strikes the land.....there is only -one- specialist to call......

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:04

SteveVizsla: Mar 19, 2009; Sigh.

Well they were trespassing on the bear's property. If it had been the other way around, the bear would be dead.
Ugh, I hate double standards.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:04

MrPockets: Feb 01, 2006; I've seen the top of the mountain, its was good.

Allahu ak...bear?

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:05

asbo subject: Jan 22, 2009

TheStig posted:

Sounds like it's time to deploy bears to the caves of Afghanistan, they seem to be pretty effective cave clearers.

You want to start arming bears?

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:06

Cavenagh: Oct 09, 2007; Grrrrrrrrr.

Solice Kirsk posted:

Chocolate. Bears love chocolate pudding. It's probably what attracted it.

I'd guess it was hunny based.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:09

ElectricSheep: Jan 14, 2006; Paranoid Android

gently caress yeah, grab some Cossacks to steer them around and you're all set.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:11

Mephysteaux: Oct 30, 2009

Doesn't the second amendment guarantee us the right to arm bears?

Also, did these militants happen to be hockey coaches?

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:12

Roneth: Feb 04, 2009; Fuck Bears.

Who says the bears would be on OUR side?

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:14

Axeface: Feb 28, 2009

This thread will never live up to my initial belief that it was about bear-developed counter-terrorism technologies, and that makes me sad.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:14

evilcat: May 16, 2009

Good thing it was only pudding and not any pic-a-nic baskets.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:20

Infinitum: Jul 30, 2004; MANN CO
WE SELL PRODUCTS AND GET IN FIGHTS

Should have taken a page from Saxton Hale and the Saxtonettes.

Click here for the full 1279x1791 image.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:22

vas0line: Dec 23, 2005; happy endings. (i promise i'll be good this time)

MrPockets posted:

Allahu ak...bear?

Oh my.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:24

Aphrodite: Jun 27, 2006; MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH

I guess Colbert was right.

And the Smokey the Bear ads from the Tonight Show came true too.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:27

Cap. Monocle: Apr 11, 2008

I misunderstood. I thought it was a big hairy guy in leather that finally had enough of them hanging gays.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:30

Solice Kirsk: Jun 01, 2004; One down.... one to go

Roneth posted:

Who says the bears would be on OUR side?

This combined with your avatar is priceless.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:35

Ballsworthy: Apr 30, 2008; I was only joking.

Roneth posted:

Who says the bears would be on OUR side?

The bible! Bears will kill loving children if god says so, and we know god is on our side because we are a christian nation, ergo bears are on our side.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:42

Knormal: Nov 11, 2001

SteveVizsla posted:

Well they were trespassing on the bear's property. If it had been the other way around, the bear would be dead.
Ugh, I hate double standards.

If they keep settling in the bears' territory, eventually they're going to prompt the bears into starting a militant insurgency of their own. And nothing's worse than a guerrilla bear. They'll be forced to contact the Islamic insurgents in Africa and work out an arms trade for the natural enemy of the guerrilla bear, the bare gorilla.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:47

bonestructure: Sep 25, 2008; there's always a siren singing you to shipwreck

Who is eating militants? Bear is eating militants!

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:52

michigan jack: Mar 12, 2008

I believe that tiger attacks were on the rise (should I say, above the normal amount) during the Vietnam War. However, I think this was because of a high number of bodies remaining unburied, not because they decided to participate.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:54

Business Raptor: Jun 03, 2009

Seems like those injured insurgents BEARLY got away.

Hehe.

I heard somewhere that bears love puns.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:59

Kung Food: Dec 11, 2006

Radd McCool posted:

I still liked the gay bomb idea better.

How about instead we use gay bears?

# ? Nov 04, 2009 04:59

TheStig: Jan 03, 2009; Resident Tamed Racing Driver

Kung Food posted:

How about instead we use gay bears?

Google image results for gay bears was not what I was expecting.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 05:12

bonestructure: Sep 25, 2008; there's always a siren singing you to shipwreck

TheStig posted:

Google image results for gay bears was not what I was expecting.

You're new to the internet, aren't you?

# ? Nov 04, 2009 05:13

TheStig: Jan 03, 2009; Resident Tamed Racing Driver

bonestructure posted:

You're new to the internet, aren't you?

New to gay porn at least. But yeah, true enough, everything on the internet comes back to porn.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 05:24

Fanatic: Mar 09, 2006; Thanks Sir Lancelot for such a shitty birthday present.

I think Bear Grylls would be a much more effective weapon.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 05:34

Dr. Phildo: Dec 08, 2003; Except the heaven had come so near,
So seemed to choose my door,
The distance would not haunt me so

I paused at "police found the remains of pudding" and thought "what the hell did that bear do to those guys?!"

Even terrorists don't deserve to be turned into pudding at the hands (paws) of bears.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 05:41

gadZeus: Jul 31, 2008

If we were to give them actual training, we could create an entire army of Voyteks.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 05:44

TheAmbassador: Nov 21, 2005; #1 SA FORUMS SULKER!

Things that make me a sad panda:
1.) The Man
2.) World History
3.) Meany Rich People
4.) Everything Else

Fanatic posted:

I think Bear Grylls would be a much more effective weapon.

Bear Grylls riding a bear.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 06:13

Holy Cheese: Dec 06, 2006; Yeah.. what?

gadZeus posted:

If we were to give them actual training, we could create an entire army of Voyteks.

Wasn't there a thread about that bear a while back? He was awesome.

It says they went back to recover the bodies, I guess that means they shot the bear, unless it was out foraging.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 07:38

meatcookie: Jun 02, 2007

TheAmbassador posted:

Bear Grylls ~~riding a bear~~ with bears strapped to his feet; he's wielding a chainsaw in each hand and so are the bears. The bears are wearing rollerblades.

Fixed.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 08:07

Corridor: Oct 19, 2006

Infinitum posted:

Should have taken a page from Saxton Hale and the Saxtonettes.

Click here for the full 1279x1791 image.

Is this genuine? Please tell me it's genuine.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 08:13

revolther: May 27, 2008

Les Stroud would gently caress up Bear Grylls and any combination of bears, chainsaws, and roller blades.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 08:14

michigan jack: Mar 12, 2008

TheAmbassador posted:

Bear Grylls pursing his wormy, spittle-covored, bird-like lips as he chews on something disgusting (that was placed there by his producers, no doubt) while talking in a revolting accent about it's food value.

This would do it for any combat-hardened warrior, and it's not outside the realm of possibility to occur.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 08:17

Suntory BOSS: Apr 17, 2006; SUNTORY BOSS is the boss of them all since 1992

This is all a little Simpson-esque: use the Mujahideen to defeat the Soviets, then use the bears to defeat the Mujahideen. When wintertime rolls around, the bears will simply freeze to death. Problem solved!

# ? Nov 04, 2009 12:26

Kinn: Aug 30, 2004; BLIMEY!! I'M A TREMENDOUS FAGGOT

The BBC posted:

"police found the remains of pudding they had made to eat when the bear attacked"

ok, the way this is phrased made me imagine that the making and eating of the pudding occured as a response to the bear attack. It's like the terrorists have a handbook where they can look up contingency plans to deal with specific emergencies, and in this handbook, "eat pudding" is the suggested solution for "holy poo poo bears".

I would like to see more of the entries in this handbook.

# ? Nov 04, 2009 13:08

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