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The original title of this thread was "Let's make the worst Christmas album ever", so you know what you're getting  The album is finished, and so is a second volume! Download or stream the albums: http://keepamericascared.com/xmas/ Mirrors for the zip files: http://www.sendspace.com/file/vl77qs (~75 megs) http://www.sendspace.com/file/c1gv69 (~90 megs) There are some amazing songs on here! Check it out and let us know what you think or if you were able to torture your coworkers or customers (there are curses though so don't get fired).  sample tracks: Dr. Cogwerks posted:Sleigh Ridin' jennyinstereo posted:Don't Stop Believing (In Santa Claus) Volume 2  *************************************************************** I used to work in retail and during Christmas time, they would always play the worst Christmas music ever. They wouldn't just play Bing Crosby for some reason, they would play stuff from 2 bit local musicians with the worst songs you'd ever heard. Or it would be covers of popular songs, but they would be the most self indulgent covers ever where they would add their own "twist" to the melody and try to sound like Whitney Houston with awful runs after every line and it would be terrible. And you would hear the same songs over and over every day and you'd want to kill people. So being a sadistic bastard, I would like to make my own terrible Christmas album, only the worst one ever. I need you all to make your own songs (or "songs") to fill out an entire album that will drive any who listens to it insane. Whether it be terrible covers or your own originals, try to make your own awful Christmas songs. I know there are plenty of talented and untalented people here who are up to the challenge. Here is my track. It's currently titled "Christmas" and features the vocal stylings (or more aptly, "styling") of Frank Sinatra:  I went for a more traditional sound, but if you want to do a death metal song about Santa coming down the chimney and raping the dog, I guess that would be ok too. If you don't have a music sequencer of some kind, you can just find an instrumental track to sing over or a midi file. Or you can try putting something together with this site since it's pretty simple: http://www.jamstudio.com or: madlobster posted:Songsmith would be perfect for this thread. Have fun. Somebody fucked around with this message at Dec 23, 2009 around 18:28 |
| # ? Nov 04, 2009 22:54 |
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| # ? Sep 02, 2010 15:22 |
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I recall a radio station in New York doing a countdown of the worst Christmas songs of all time. I only remember two on the commercial: a rendition of "Jingle Bells" by barking dogs, and a parody of "Feliz Navidad" called "Police Got My Car." Those two seem like winners (or losers, depending on your point of view).
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 22:57 |
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I'm so down for this. Every year, I try to make it all season without hearing Jingle Bell Rock. Last year I almost made it but had to run into a grocery store and it pissed all over my face. I'm making my goal this year to tear that song apart.
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 23:01 |
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This is a hilarious idea. I'll get started on something.
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 23:04 |
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It's not mine obviously, but The Cat Carol by Meryl Cadell deserves a spot on your album http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZMEXlHUQ0w
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 23:06 |
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Well, just played through your track, and by the end, the girlfriend was foaming at the mouth and ready to kill me. And possibly you. And definitely the computer. I have very high hopes for this project.
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 23:07 |
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Here's a classic Christmas tune! I've got 2 more slowed Alvin and The Chipmunks songs. They're fantastic when Satan makes an appearance straight from hell to say hello.
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 23:07 |
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I was honestly surprised each time you sang "Christmas," I expected at least one additional lyric.
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 23:10 |
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Schweinhund posted:If you don't have a music sequencer of some kind, you can just find an orchestral track to sing over or a midi file. Or you can try putting something together with this site since it's pretty simple: http://www.jamstudio.com Songsmith would be perfect for this thread.
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 23:10 |
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Zmobie Dick posted:I was honestly surprised each time you sang "Christmas," I expected at least one additional lyric. That's why its so GREAT! Beautiful piece. Perfect for the entire ridiculous charade.
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 23:18 |
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Zmobie Dick posted:I was honestly surprised each time you sang "Christmas," I expected at least one additional lyric. It's actually Frank Sinatra. I took it from this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W_lC7ub6slY madlobster posted:Songsmith would be perfect for this thread. good idea, will add to op Schweinhund fucked around with this message at Nov 04, 2009 around 23:25 |
| # ? Nov 04, 2009 23:22 |
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I call it "mittens from heaven". And yeah I rhymed cold with cold and warm with warm. http://dl.getdropbox.com/u/1190257/...om%20heaven.mp3 Verse 1: And so weather is gettin' cold and so I think it's gunna snow and so the hands will be gettin' cold oh yeah... Verse 2: And so when it gets real cold and so Jesus our God will know and so your fingers and hands get cold so...oh....oh.... Chorus: Go and get some mittens and make your little hands get warm Go and put em' on so that ya fingers and hands get warm and so it's Christmas eve and Jesus is born Santa, Grandma, Reindeer, Mamma, smiling from heaven... Mittens from heaven, Mittens from heaven this christmas....year. tvallier fucked around with this message at Nov 04, 2009 around 23:44 |
| # ? Nov 04, 2009 23:33 |
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Santa Claus is coming to town. By Bruce Springsteen. Last Christmas. By Wham 
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 23:43 |
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tvallier posted:I call it "mittens from heaven". I didn't know Lil Wayne did Christmas Carols.
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 23:44 |
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No bad Christmas song collection is complete without Christmas Shoes.
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 23:46 |
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The worst Christmas album has already been done I'm afraid.  White Christmas is easily the worst of the lot. edit: honorable mention goes to Even Squeaky Fromme Loves Christmas. When Jesus died for man's sins, he eved died for Manson's. Chasie fucked around with this message at Nov 04, 2009 around 23:59 |
| # ? Nov 04, 2009 23:57 |
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Cannot Find Server posted:No bad Christmas song collection is complete without Christmas Shoes. This is true. That song is awful.
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| # ? Nov 04, 2009 23:58 |
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tvallier posted:I call it "mittens from heaven". And yeah I rhymed cold with cold and warm with warm. great work
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| # ? Nov 05, 2009 00:00 |
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Zmobie Dick posted:I was honestly surprised each time you sang "Christmas," I expected at least one additional lyric. Once I realised what was happening I couldn't stop laughing at it
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| # ? Nov 05, 2009 00:38 |
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Mooch and Earl posted:This is true. That song is awful. It's probably the worst song ever. At least soccer moms only request for it to be played 3 times an hour nowadays instead of 30.
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| # ? Nov 05, 2009 00:40 |
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I wish I could record right now, I would totally get behind this... Have an idea about 'Christmas In Australia' that involves punishing heat, a barbeque on the beach and alcohol poisoning. Maybe a Peter Brock commemorative wall hanging.
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| # ? Nov 05, 2009 00:42 |
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The song in the OP is loving amazing. This is the fourth time I've played it over my work's sound system. Definitely going to record a death metal track. "Satan Claus Is Coming to Town On a Maelstrom of Tormented Souls" 
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| # ? Nov 05, 2009 01:21 |
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This is a fantastic idea, and everything so far is hilarious. Writing my contribution as we speak. Musician goons should volunteer their services for those with no musical ability. I will play a completely inapproprite harmonica solo for anyone that needs one.
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| # ? Nov 05, 2009 01:38 |
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Munky_Magic posted:I didn't know Lil Wayne did Christmas Carols. Well maybe not Lil Wayne, but Lil Jon, certainly. Sorry OP for ruining your song by dumping Yeah on top of it. "She was all up on me screaming//Christmas" 
ValleyOfWalls fucked around with this message at Nov 05, 2009 around 03:12 |
| # ? Nov 05, 2009 03:04 |
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Has anyone heard samples of Dylan's Christmas album? That poo poo will be hard to beat
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| # ? Nov 05, 2009 03:15 |
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Here are some lyrics I wrote that helped get me fired. I ain't singing or recording anything, but whoever might want to use 'em, feel free. Here comes Santa Claus Here comes Santa Claus Right down Santa Claus lane He's got a mag full of hollowpoints he's gonna cause some pain Bullets flying, children dying, O what a horrible crime You better duck and cover or run for the hills 'cause Santa's really snapped this time. Here comes Santa Claus Here comes Santa Claus Right down Santa Claus lane Elves and reindeer lying dead each one shot through the brain His barrel's glowing, blood is flowing O what a horrible sight You better lock your door, turn off the lights 'cause Santa deals death tonight!
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| # ? Nov 05, 2009 03:20 |
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I got as far as this before realizing there was no "Merry Christmas" sound in Left 4 Dead to go with Bill's laugh.
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| # ? Nov 05, 2009 03:35 |
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William Hung kind of has the title locked down.
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| # ? Nov 05, 2009 03:37 |
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Noni posted:Here's a classic Christmas tune! the satan portion of this had me rolling khazadum fucked around with this message at Nov 05, 2009 around 03:47 |
| # ? Nov 05, 2009 03:44 |
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Mooch and Earl posted:Last Christmas. By Wham I was horrified to learn that this is pretty much the iconic Christmas song in Japan. 'Last Christmas' and some Mariah Carey song that I've forgotten. For Americans, we think of Christmas when we hear Hark! the Herald Angels or Deck the Halls, but for the Japanese, it's Wham and Mariah.
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| # ? Nov 05, 2009 03:44 |
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Bob Dylan's Christmas Album
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| # ? Nov 05, 2009 03:49 |
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brylcreem posted:Bob Dylan's Christmas Album I horribly, badly want someone to run his vocals through autotune.
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| # ? Nov 05, 2009 03:51 |
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brylcreem posted:Bob Dylan's Christmas Album This is amazing.
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| # ? Nov 05, 2009 04:01 |
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That album honestly made me barf.
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| # ? Nov 05, 2009 04:13 |
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The OP's contribution is hilariously amazing, but Sir Paul McCartney himself has already made the worst christmas song ever. I don't think it's toppable. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hWuKimtUEas edit: though that Bob Dylan thing comes close edit2: quote:Santa Claus is coming to town. By Bruce Springsteen. At my work we have to listen to the Sirius XM christmas station for most of nov-dec. All three of the songs in this post are on regular, multiple times per day rotation. I think I might want to quit pretty soon. edit: the Springsteen track is by far the best of the three. its a live version so it might be a little more rockin than normal I dunno. It's still pretty drat bad though. The Walrus fucked around with this message at Nov 05, 2009 around 04:40 |
| # ? Nov 05, 2009 04:32 |
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I always thought Dominic the Italian Christmas Donkey was the worst X-mas song. Almost as bad as Christmas Shoes http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nQrdxtWgHbE Once I was at a nice Italian restaurant with a friend and a guy passed between tables singing this with his guitar. We just stared daggers at him.
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| # ? Nov 05, 2009 04:35 |
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tvallier posted:I call it "mittens from heaven". And yeah I rhymed cold with cold and warm with warm. This is PERFECT. Flawless parody of a sappy Christmas song. Only was it could have been better is if it had been a country song.
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| # ? Nov 05, 2009 04:40 |
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I couldn't let the opportunity pass to post this, and with good reason. All of you are posting these awful secularized Christmas songs. What ever happened to tradition? Reverence for that holy time of year? Jesus is the reason for the season, you know. I bet he'd be fond of this:  Or not.
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| # ? Nov 05, 2009 05:05 |
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Dogbrisket posted:I couldn't let the opportunity pass to post this, and with good reason. All of you are posting these awful secularized Christmas songs. What ever happened to tradition? Reverence for that holy time of year? Jesus is the reason for the season, you know. I bet he'd be fond of this: I feel like the first part of this song should be playing while I sleepily push a shopping cart around a grocery store at 2 AM in a David Lynch movie. And then someone dressed as Santa would stab me in slow motion as you crescendo.
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| # ? Nov 05, 2009 05:10 |
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I think this anonymous rendition of O Holy Night would be suitable: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mk4woNRD7NQ
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| # ? Nov 05, 2009 05:14 |
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