Clowning around in SS13 - The Something Awful Forums

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LordOfTheNoobs: Sep 07, 2009

While on my misadventures as a clown in Space Station 13, I managed to steal the Captain's armor, as well as strip a few people. Slipping many by pushing them into my bananas, tossing one of my banana grenades at them, hiding them under boxes or lockers, whilst hiding in a locker and when someone slips on the bananas, I always honk my horn... At least if I still have it. Of course there were opposition too, such as people trying to steal my horn / bananas and one security officer who hated me because I slip people too much, so he tried to stun me and handcuff me. Fortunately there were people who gave me a hand by uncuffing me or giving back my tools of the trade. Oh and I forgot to tell you that I threw a few pies at people, but lost the pie. I was hoping to give a last hurrah in the end. Too bad I couldn't make it to the end, since there was a lack of oxygen, and the clown law states that clowns never remove their mask.

This day was the most joyous of my life that I will ever have on this station.

Hurray for Hak the Evil Doer as the clowniest clown of all... Besides Ivor the Angry Clown of course.

Thank you fellow admins on Space Station 13 for letting me have the most joyous day of my life.

# ? Nov 07, 2009 01:34

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# ? Nov 21, 2009 03:49

Supernorn: Jul 18, 2006; A resounding success and a very nice guy!

This might not go down so well. But at least it's a new thread! Right guys?

# ? Nov 07, 2009 01:35

Feminition: Mar 14, 2008; "Pericles, Athens is certainly, heh, 'mighty', but let me show you all of my... 'empire'."

You're welcome! Come again soon!

# ? Nov 07, 2009 01:36

Hard Clumping: Mar 19, 2008; i pooped hard it overflow

This is silly and i cannot wait for the rage over the new thread title

# ? Nov 07, 2009 01:36

Soho Joe: Aug 11, 2006; SMEEEEEEEEEE

I hope you "have" a great day! (Pun intended)

# ? Nov 07, 2009 01:36

0staf: Jun 11, 2006; ah ha

Clown news is always important enough to need it's own thread i'm pretty sure

# ? Nov 07, 2009 01:38

Lallander: Sep 11, 2001; HELMSAN!!! LAY THAT FUNKY SHIT DOWN!!!

Since we are discussing clown stories, earlier today I was able to win a round of revo almost single handedly as the clown. Ambushed the heads at the main desk of the courtroom and choked them out. As each one would rush out to try and stop me they would slip on the hidden peel and become my next victim.

# ? Nov 07, 2009 01:42

MaNiAk: Jan 01, 2005; Hi my name is Doxylamine Succinate, I will be serving you tonight

The OP needs to have more of these put in.

# ? Nov 07, 2009 01:42

SpazmasterX: Jul 13, 2006; My rig is energon cooled.

OP living up to his username itt

# ? Nov 07, 2009 01:42

Lallander: Sep 11, 2001; HELMSAN!!! LAY THAT FUNKY SHIT DOWN!!!

LordOfTheNoobs posted:

Hurray for Hak the Evil Doer as the clowniest clown of all... Besides Ivor the Angry Clown of course.

Ahem, are we forgetting someone?

# ? Nov 07, 2009 01:44

Greedish: Nov 05, 2009

Oh lordy he actually did it.

# ? Nov 07, 2009 01:45

SalmanBashi: Apr 04, 2007; Have a muskmelon.

Gotta say, clowns rule.

# ? Nov 07, 2009 01:50

d3c0y2: Sep 29, 2009

Well if we're going to post some clown stories in this thread, ill post my two from the other thread

quote:

First Round:

I the clown arrive late to the station, step out the shuttle and witness a guy looting a dead guards body within minutes. I steal the Id card and head to the security guard quarters. Once in i discover a Assistent ha beaten me in, but does not have a card. Grabbing the near by handcuffs I attempt to cuff him and discover the first "perk" to being a clown, and end up cuffing myself.

Shouting out over security that said Assistent had cuffed me and was planning to murder me, the detective, a guard and a random engineer show up. The random engineer gets stunned and I run away. Later on after running around the corridors for a period of time, I discover the same engineer, who I promise gifts too if he uncuffs me. he does and I give him the security ID. I head on my merry way and discover two people beating the griefing fag that is Lord doome, being the clown I naturally drag him away as fast as I can, and luckily do not trip up. I find the teleporter room is open and the teleporter is activated, and I duck inside with Lord Doome in tow.

Lord Doom exclaims that he "luffs me", but I soon make it clear that my only allegiance is purely to comedy, grab him and throw him through the teleporter, unaware of were it goes.

I then step out the door and the chemist throws acid in my face, burning my precious mask away. I chase after him, but stumble and he gets away. I continue running around and he comes back and splashes me again. I head to the medbay for medical assistence and manage to sneak inside, no one treats me but I steal a lab coat and pretend to be a docter.

The docters try to get me to leave so I run into Robotics, but agast! the Chemist is waiting for me in there, with buddies! they all try and inject/splash me, but I grab a flash and flash them all, repeatedly. Eventually the flash drops out of my hand, I grab a trusty toolbox, and attempt to bring it down on the chemists head. by a sheer coincidence, my head gets in the way and I knock myself out cold. I never wake up as the pissed of scientists and technicians beat mercilessly on my body.

Second Round

I arrive on the station and grab the custard pie, I throw it at a security guard shead and he drops his stun baton and riot shield. I steal both and another security guard gives chase, I manage to duck into the southern maintainance tunnels but by golly, the security guard manages to get in before the door closes. I stumble and fall at the worst moment possible! he gets his handcuffs out and begins attempting to cuff me, but I get up and dodge away, confounding his fiendish plan with jovial laughter! I make a grab for the stun baton, and he for some reason attempts to hit the baton with the cuffs. I stun him and run, I run around to the door, open it and ANOTHER SECURITY GUARD IS THERE! My gods, Im truly boned, or so I thoght. Long story short they arrest me, can't find away out and eventually both trip over my PEE AT THE SAME TIME.

Siezing my chance I run like the dickens, and bump into the hero that is Spike orange, who uncuffs me. Taunting the "police" over the radio, I run and seak shelter in the Courtroom. one of the security guards finally catches up, but I push him over and steal his baton, and attempt to attack him with the wrong end, stunning myself in a most retarded manner.

He closes in for the kill, and I consider myself well and truly boned, I pray to my clown-gods and by a minute chance, Lady Luck loves the clown for once. In this exact instant he CHANGES INTO A loving MONKEY for some reason.

The retarded fight that is "monkey versus clown" occurs, him biting at my ankles and me failing to hurt him with my hilarious antics, but stunning myself countless times in the process. Eventually I give up on weapons and push the little bastard over and choke him, but the little blighter flees; hops over a table and I never see the little bugger again.

Skipping along my way, I contract GBS. "Well gently caress" I thought to my self. honk. There's only one thing to do... I run around the station wildly making sure to stand near as many people as possible, infecting countless people (I cant count higher than 7) before eventually exploding over some guy outside the medbay.

VICTORY.

# ? Nov 07, 2009 02:04

Midelne: Jun 19, 2002; I shouldn't trust the phones. They're full of gas.

the Sun had a header reading "READ THIS MAGAZINE OR THIS CLOWN DIES"

welp, i'm out

# ? Nov 07, 2009 02:09

Rampager: Sep 15, 2007; King of Noobs

Your username and my avatar message goes perfectly hand in hand.

I'd like to think this isn't just coincedence, I thought this thread was going to be a collection of all the funny poo poo that happens in SS13 : )

# ? Nov 07, 2009 02:12

LordOfTheNoobs: Sep 07, 2009

Well, you could post your hilarious moments in as well...

Don't forget about that.

# ? Nov 07, 2009 02:30

d3c0y2: Sep 29, 2009

Which one of you guys told him to spam emotes?

are you trying to get him banned?!

# ? Nov 07, 2009 02:33

Superabound: Jul 25, 2003; I AM A STUPID PIECE OF SHIT RACIST.

d3c0y2 posted:

Which one of you guys told him to spam emotes?

are you trying to get him banned?!

Come on, hes just Clowning Around.

# ? Nov 07, 2009 08:13

Eyebrows Mulligan: Apr 29, 2009

One time on SS13 I killed someone with poop and assumed their identity, then went around killing everyone I saw with poop until the captain and HoP were able to subdue me, and I somehow feigned my own death. The HoP took off and the captain started dragging me to god knows where, maybe medbay or something to check if I was really dead. Bad idea. Despite my health being in the red, and the fact that he was holding a tazer, I popped back up and killed him as well with the poop, and ended up dying but I forget how. Eventually my body was brought into the chapel, although I don't know why they'd want to give me a proper funeral after what I did. The chaplain was just about to pull off my mask when someone RPing a suicide bomber ran up and exploded, blowing my body up into bloody chunks. They were never able to determine my true identity, and then I even posted about it in the SS13 thread, and to this day know one knows it was really me.

Oh yeah also one time as clown I stole someone's ID for sheer hilarity, but then he alerted security, and not long after I had the entire station against me. I ran away into arrivals and knocked someone out with a toolbox, and myself in the process, for the purpose of then stealing his identity to evade capture. Well, it turns out he was the traitor, and had the HoP's ID on him as well as a cryptographic sequencer. I stole both but didn't kill him, seeing as how I didn't want to make the mistake of knocking myself out again due to clumsiness. I gave the first guy his ID back, and went around abusing the crypto. Of course, it wasn't long afterwards that I was brought to the brig, and because I was being a silly clown, and I had a crypto on me, no one would believe my story about knocking out the traitor. So I was killed, and spent the rest of the round as a ghost. Right before the shuttle arrived, the traitor stabbed the eyes out of the guy who's ID I first stole, believing that to be the man who stole his crypto, and then got on the shuttle. He won the round as traitor, and then the guy who killed me and didn't believe my story got so angry that he ragequit and was never seen again. I think he committed suicide or something because he was so angry since his forums account then contained a suicide note of sorts dated that very day. Oh well.

Eyebrows Mulligan fucked around with this message at Nov 07, 2009 around 09:04

# ? Nov 07, 2009 08:54

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